God’s Plan For Our Marriage

We All Want the Perfect Marriage

God’s Plan For Our Marriage

I don’t know of anyone who does not want to believe they are doing the right thing. In all marriages we try like crazy to make it work, but often we end up tired, discouraged, and feeling like failures. The fact is, we are not equipped to do the right job when it comes to creating the best relationship with our spouse. We see there’s a big job to be done and we try to use the best relationship tools we know, but we end up getting off course.

I don’t know of anyone who does not want to believe they are doing the right thing. In all marriages we try like crazy to make it work, but often we end up tired, discouraged, and feeling like failures. The fact is, we are not equipped to do the right job when it comes to creating the best relationship with our spouse. We see there’s a big job to be done and we try to use the best relationship tools we know, but we end up getting off course.

Trying to No Avail

I don’t know of anyone who does not want to believe they are doing the right thing. In all marriages we try like crazy to make it work, but often we end up tired, discouraged, and feeling like failures. The fact is, we are not equipped to do the right job when it comes to creating the best relationship with our spouse. We see there’s a big job to be done and we try to use the best relationship tools we know, but we end up getting off course.

Often the work we try to do as Christian spouses is not the right job at all. We focus on wrong behaviors and set out to apply pressure, control behavior, and do everything in our power to change our spouse or ourselves. That’s the primary cause of exhaustion, depression and the hopeless sense of wanting to bail out of it all. When people spend their lives trying to transform our self or our spouse the natural result is exhaustion, discouragement, and the desire to quit.

Re-Focus

We need to see where we get off course in Christian marriage. We burn ourselves out doing a job we were never meant to do. We need to learn the difference between God’s job and ours. It’s God’s job to fix and change us as people. It’s not our job to fix and change each other. We get off course in so many ways and we need to be able to isolate these. The only way you can meet the need for love and acceptance of your spouse or receive the fulfillment you need is through Christ. He can and will meet the needs of others through you and make your Christian marriage meaningful! But first of all let’s examine:

God’s Original Plan for Christian Marriage

Genesis 1:26–28 NIV

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Co-Rulers, Co-Subduers

V. 27 It takes both male and female

Woman’s Responsibility

ii. Woman’s Responsibility

1.

Genesis 2:18 NIV

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Suitable – They fit together – brings strength.

iv. Helper – not subservient.

Helper – not subservient.

V. 28 Rulers together

v. V. 28 Rulers together

One flesh

Man’s Responsibility. Command to Adam

Genesis 2:15–17 NIV

The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

Genesis 2:

Adam’s response when he awoke and saw Eve.

1. Watch Adam’s response when he awoke and saw Eve. He took one look and said, “Whoa man!” He went on in verse 23 “This is bone of my bones . . . She shall be called Woman.” He didn’t say, “Great, now I have someone to go get me my stuff, do the chores I don’t feel like doing and cater to my every want.”

He took one look and said, “Whoa man!”

He says in verse 23 “This is bone of my bones . . . She shall be called Woman.”

He didn’t say, “Great, now I have someone to go get me my stuff, do the chores I don’t feel like doing and cater to my every want.”

Woman’s Responsibility

Genesis 2:18 NIV

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Suitable – the fit together – brings strength

Helper – not subservient.

2. Helper – not subservient.

Subdue the world – not each other.. God’s Plan

We live like Him

We help each other

ii. We help eachother

The world tries to rip this apart .. marriage is the greatest tool we have.

iii. The world tries to rip this apart .. marriage is the greatest tool we have.

God’s original plan for Christian marriage is a dependence upon God as we find our source of completion in Jesus Christ: two becoming one flesh, co-ruling, a relationship in the image of God.

God’s Plan For Christian Marriage Gets Sidetracked

Deception, Rebellion, Shame, Hiding

Genesis 3:1–13 NIV

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’ ” “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

)

Total dependence on God

i. Total dependence on God

They reflected his image

1. They reflected his image

The made no demands on each other (fulfillment was from their dependence on God)

2. The made no demands on eachother (fulfillment was from their dependence on God)

They were one flesh.

3. They were one flesh.

Serpent’s plan

ii. Serpent’s plan

You don’t need to be dependent on God

1. You don’t need to be dependent on God

You can meet your own needs

2. You can meet your own needs

The Curse 3:14-19

iii. The Curse 3:14-19

To the woman – your desire will be for your husband

1. To the woman – your desire will be for your husband

Your heart will try to deceive you into thinking that your life and your nurturing will come from a man who is simply not capable of filling those deep needs. – never was and never will be.

a. Your heart will try to deceive you into thinking that your life and your nurturing will come from a man who is simply not capable of filling those deep needs. – never was and never will be.

To the man – He shall rule over you.

2. To the man – He shall rule over you.

Your heart will always be seeking to aggressively or passively rule over her – keeping her quiet about his inadequacy to meet her needs. (which he secretly knows he simply is not capable of doing – no matter how hard he tries)

a. Your heart will always be seeking to aggressively or passively rule over her – keeping her quiet about his inadequacy to meet her needs. (which he secretly knows he simply is not capable of doing – no matter how hard he tries)

Love and Respect

iv. Love and Respect

Ephesians 5:33 NIV

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

1.

Your job is to do the best you can do with God’s help and you will find out 2 things

Your trying will not be sufficient

a. Your trying will not be sufficient

Your spouse’s trying will no be sufficient

b. Your spouses trying will no be sufficient

Your fulfillment was never supposed to come from your spouse. Your spouse is a tool God may use to bring some fulfillment, but in the end all you need is in Him.

What Getting Off Course Looks Like In Life

III. What Getting Off Course Looks Like In Life

What is going on in our sinful state

We take our eyes off God – our primary source of life

i. We take our eyes off God – our primary source of life

ii. We turn our eyes to our spouse as if he/she was the primary source of life

We turn our eyes to our spouse as if he/she was the primary source of life

iii. We begin to try to exercise our God given rights to rule and subdue – to make our spouse fill our needs.

We begin to try to exercise our God given rights to rule and subdue – to make our spouse fill our needs.

There is no amount of trying that works.

1. There is no amount of trying that works.

We cannot control someone who has the same drive to subdue and rule (again this was God-given)

a. We cannot control someone who has the same drive to subdue and rule (again this was God-given)

The message delivered is: “You must perform right to make me perform right”

i. The message delivers is: you must perform right to make me perform right

b. No human is capable of performing well enough.

No human is capable of performing well enough.

What it may look like.

i. Deny the presence of a problem to keep each other happy.

Deny the presence of a problem to keep each other happy.

1. Issues are left unconfronted. See

Issues are left un-confronted.

Ephesians 4:25 NIV

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

You attempt to fix the behavior

They need to behave a certain way to fill your needs

1. They need to behave a certain way to fill your needs

a. This person has become a false god.

This person has become a false god.

Two situations

b. Two situations

Your spouse lacks the traits you desire

i. Your spouse lacks the traits you desire

1. They are inadequate or deficient

They are inadequate or deficient

You exert pressure to “fix” your false god.

2. You exert pressure to “fix” your false god.

You feel the spouse’s behavior is harmful in some way.

ii. You feel the spouse’s behavior is harmful in some way.

1. Your false god is broken so you attempt to fix them by blaming, comparing, challenging, or shaming.

Your false god is broken so you attempt to fix them by blaming, comparing, challenging, or shaming.

iii. We attempt to fix ourselves

We attempt to fix ourselves

1. We tell ourselves that if I behave right, they will behave right. This is not submission it’s pretending.

We tell ourselves that if I behave right, they will behave right.

This is not submission it’s pretending.

Conclusion

No one is powerful enough to provide life and value to their spouse.

We were not created by God to fix each other.

Only Jesus was given to provide life and value, and he is the ONLY source to meet every need.

The only way you can meet the need for love and acceptance of your spouse or receive the fulfillment you need is through Christ. He can and will meet the needs of others through you and make your Christian marriage meaningful!

· The only way you can meet the need for love and acceptance of your spouse or receive the fulfillment you need is through Christ. He can and will meet the needs of others through you and make your Christian marriage meaningful!