Overcoming Shame
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This is part 2 of a series we are calling “Ghosts of Christmas Past”. What this series deals with is painful things that tend to emerge this time of year. Last week we talked about overcoming offenses in our lives and releasing forgiveness. This week I want to talk to you about overcoming shame.
Shame is that emotion that causes you to want to tuck yourself into a tight little ball, roll into dark corner, and disappear. You are the bad little girl or boy who is unworthy, unlovable, and cast out.
Shame feels like you've done something very, very wrong — so wrong that your self-esteem withers and you see yourself as seriously flawed.
Slide
Shame is a soul crushing, identity warping emotion.
Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.
1 So the creation of the heavens and the earth and everything in them was completed. 2 On the seventh day God had finished his work of creation, so he rested from all his work. 3 And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from all his work of creation.
4 This is the account of the creation of the heavens and the earth.
When the Lord God made the earth and the heavens, 5 neither wild plants nor grains were growing on the earth. For the Lord God had not yet sent rain to water the earth, and there were no people to cultivate the soil. 6 Instead, springs came up from the ground and watered all the land. 7 Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person.
8 Then the Lord God planted a garden in Eden in the east, and there he placed the man he had made. 9 The Lord God made all sorts of trees grow up from the ground—trees that were beautiful and that produced delicious fruit. In the middle of the garden he placed the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
10 A river flowed from the land of Eden, watering the garden and then dividing into four branches. 11 The first branch, called the Pishon, flowed around the entire land of Havilah, where gold is found. 12 The gold of that land is exceptionally pure; aromatic resin and onyx stone are also found there. 13 The second branch, called the Gihon, flowed around the entire land of Cush. 14 The third branch, called the Tigris, flowed east of the land of Asshur. The fourth branch is called the Euphrates.
15 The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. 16 But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden—17 except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.”
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.
23 “At last!” the man exclaimed.
“This one is bone from my bone,
and flesh from my flesh!
She will be called ‘woman,’
because she was taken from ‘man.’ ”
24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.
1 The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?”
2 “Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,” the woman replied. 3 “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.’ ”
4 “You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. 5 “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.”
6 The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. 7 At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.
8 When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. 9 Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
10 He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”
11 “Who told you that you were naked?” the Lord God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?”
12 The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.”
13 Then the Lord God asked the woman, “What have you done?”
“The serpent deceived me,” she replied. “That’s why I ate it.”
14 Then the Lord God said to the serpent,
“Because you have done this, you are cursed
more than all animals, domestic and wild.
You will crawl on your belly,
groveling in the dust as long as you live.
15 And I will cause hostility between you and the woman,
and between your offspring and her offspring.
He will strike your head,
and you will strike his heel.”
16 Then he said to the woman,
“I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy,
and in pain you will give birth.
And you will desire to control your husband,
but he will rule over you.”
17 And to the man he said,
“Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree
whose fruit I commanded you not to eat,
the ground is cursed because of you.
All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.
18 It will grow thorns and thistles for you,
though you will eat of its grains.
19 By the sweat of your brow
will you have food to eat
until you return to the ground
from which you were made.
For you were made from dust,
and to dust you will return.”
20 Then the man—Adam—named his wife Eve, because she would be the mother of all who live. 21 And the Lord God made clothing from animal skins for Adam and his wife.
22 Then the Lord God said, “Look, the human beings have become like us, knowing both good and evil. What if they reach out, take fruit from the tree of life, and eat it? Then they will live forever!” 23 So the Lord God banished them from the Garden of Eden, and he sent Adam out to cultivate the ground from which he had been made. 24 After sending them out, the Lord God stationed mighty cherubim to the east of the Garden of Eden. And he placed a flaming sword that flashed back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.
At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.
When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”
“Who told you that you were naked?” the Lord God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?”
Slide
Example: When I was little, lived in Marlow, OK on a street full of kids. Most of us were athletic, but we had one little boy with a disability that lived just down the street from me. One day, for no reason at all, I was walking by his house and he was outside. I had a bat in my hand and for no reason at all I walked over to him and acted like I was going to hit him with my bat. I had no intention of doing so, but was trying to prove I guess that I could if I wanted. What I didn’t know is that his dad was watching from inside and came busting out the door yelling and screaming at me. I ran home and jumped under my bed and would not come out because I was so ashamed of what I had done and didn’t want my parents to find out. My mom coaxed for a long time to come out, but I wouldn’t. I was so ashamed.
Shame will cause you to hide and isolate yourself from God and others.
Example: When I was little, lived in Marlow, OK on a street full of kids. Most of us were athletic, but we had one little boy with a disability that lived just down the street from me. One day, for no reason at all, I was walking by his house and he was outside. I had a bat in my hand and for no reason at all I walked over to him and acted like I was going to hit him with my bat. I had no intention of doing so, but was trying to prove I guess that I could if I wanted. What I didn’t know is that his dad was watching from inside and came busting out the door yelling and screaming at me. I ran home and jumped under my bed and would not come out because I was so ashamed of what I had done and didn’t want my parents to find out. My mom coaxed for a long time to come out, but I wouldn’t. I was so ashamed.
What happens to us is that we often confuse shame with guilt and there is a difference.
Slide
Guilt: I did bad
Shame: I am bad
We connect what we did with who we are. I did bad therefore I am bad. Or, “after what I did, I am worthless”
Example: Steph black mailing me when I had cussed and ridden the motorcycle without mom and dad knowing.
Example: lying about my GPA, in Bible College, to part of this thing that was happening.
You might be carrying a secret addiction no one knows about and you might be thinking “I’m a bad person”
Maybe you told a lie about someone or something and you’re carrying that lie, which causes you to think “I’m a bad person”
Maybe you’re engaged in a secret world of lust because of porn sites and other things and it causes you to feel like “I’m a bad person”
Maybe it’s your past. You think “man if they knew the things I did, they would never let me serve on the Dream Team.”
You’re consumed with the idea of shame
You’re connecting the “what” with the “who”. When you do this, you begin to put different words on it. Things like:
I am:
defective, damaged, broken, flawed, dirty, ugly, impure, disgusting, unlovable, weak, pitiful, insignificant, worthless, unwanted
How do I overcome shame?
How do I overcome shame?
Slide
We have to re-program our minds to begin to see ourselves the way God sees us.
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
Receive this as God speaking to you.
But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
If you are in Christ, the old is gone. God separates you sin from you as far as the east is form the west. You are free. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. God forgives your sins and remembers them no more.
If God is that good and forgiveness that real, then why do we continue to live in shame? It’s because it becomes part of our identity.
Example:
God’s people were slaves for 430 years. You were a slave, your parents, grand parents were all slaves, week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decade, century after century. Your identity was I am worthless, I am not important, I’m not valuable, I am a slave.
God’s people were slaves for 430 years. You were a slave, your parents, grand parents were all slaves, week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decade, century after century. Your identity was I am worthless, I am not important, I’m not valuable, i am a slave.
Moses went to Pharaoh and through God’s help got them free. But though they were free on the outside they were still slaves on the inside. They were slaves of the shame to their identity of the past.
Though they were out of slavery, slavery was not out of them. Though they were out of Egypt, Egypt was not out of them.
This is the problem with so many of us, though we may intellectually know Jesus has forgiven my sins, Jesus has made me new. But in our hearts because our identity is not grounded in Christ we are still polluted by the past shame that holds us hostage and keeps us from living the life that God really wants us to live.
You’re still believing you are something that God says you are not.
Slide
The only way to move from shame, is to move the focus from what “I’m not” to who Jesus is.
The only way to move from shame is to move the focus from what I’m not to who Christ is.
I am not bad, because of Jesus I am forgiven
I am not bad, because of Christ I am forgiven
I’m not sick, because of Jesus I am healed
I’m not broken, because of Jesus I am whole
I’m not disgusting, because of Jesus I am loved
I’m not inadequate, because of Jesus I am more than enough
We move the focus off of ourselves and onto Christ and that’s when we find healing.
I am not _______________________________
Because of Jesus I am ___________________________
Then the Lord said to Joshua, “Today I have rolled away the shame of your slavery in Egypt.” So that place has been called Gilgal to this day.
God has rolled shame off of you.
I’m not sick, because of Christ I am healed
I’m not broken, because of Christ I am whole
I’m not disgusting, because of Christ I am loved
I’m not inadequate, because of Christ I am more than enough
We move the focus off of ourselves and onto Christ and that’s when we find healing.
Oh, what joy for those
whose disobedience is forgiven,
whose sin is put out of sight!
Yes, what joy for those
whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt,
whose lives are lived in complete honesty!
When I refused to confess my sin,
my body wasted away,
and I groaned all day long.
Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.
My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
Interlude
Finally, I confessed all my sins to you
and stopped trying to hide my guilt.
I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”
And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
Interlude
God has rolled shame off of you.
Slide
You are not what you did in the past, you’re not what others say about you. You are who Jesus says you are.
Your free, forgiven, changed, healed, chosen, child of God in Christ
“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!
The tongue can bring death or life;
those who love to talk will reap the consequences.
“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.
Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.
You will no longer remember the shame of your youth
and the sorrows of widowhood.
Oh, what joy for those
whose disobedience is forgiven,
whose sin is put out of sight!
Yes, what joy for those
whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt,
whose lives are lived in complete honesty!
When I refused to confess my sin,
my body wasted away,
and I groaned all day long.
Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.
My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
Interlude
Finally, I confessed all my sins to you
and stopped trying to hide my guilt.
I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”
And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
Interlude
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