Household Codes 101

Introduction

Last Week’s Passage

Paul addressed foundational issues to living life in Christ.

How to walk in the way of love, being light in a dark world full of sexual immorality, impurity and greed.

Paul’s answer to this was learning to watch how you live, to be filed with the Spirit, and be thankful for everything.

This Week’s passage.

Paul is taking the principle of being filled with the Spirit and applying the character this brings to how Christian households should function.

Practical advice that has sadly been used in a sinful way in the church.

Ephesians 5:21–6:4 NIV

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

The Verse that Links it all Together

Ephesians 5:21 NIV

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Mutual Submission

This is the key linking verse to life in the Spirit and how Christian households differ from that of Greco-Roman standard.

You can’t read this verses above or below without verse 21 as the context.

These verses have been misused and misinterpreted for years in the Christian church by some.

The reason, not using the context of verse 21 of mutual submission. And misunderstanding what Paul is actually doing in this teaching.

Paul is calling on believers to honour Christ by honouring, loving, and helping one another.

What Paul is Not Teaching

Paul is not endorsing men to be better women, this is not a gender defining passage.

In no way does this passage define men and a superior gender with more authority then women in our world or our households.

Paul is not saying that men are the one’s in charge and so women should do whatever the man of the house says.

If this is how you read the passage you have forgotten verse 21 about mutually submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

In order to understand this passage one must understand what Paul is doing in this passage.

Paul is Using Greco-Roman Household Standards and Changing How They Are Applied.

In Greco-Roman culture this patriarchal structure of a household was normal.

It was common in Greco-Roman culture to have codes for living. These codes were often defined by the teaching of Greek philosophy.

In Greek philosophy they used a patriarchal model of household leadership. This was common in Paul’s time.

Men were the one’s in charge of a household, they called the shots and everyone did as they said.

Wives were subject to their husbands. Husbands were often older then their wives, and the women were seen as inferior. Often the women were teenagers and the men were in their 30’s.

Paul is using the structure most of their culture would be accustom to, and changing how it is applied. He does this because it would be troublesome if Christian households completely changed standard cultural structure.

He uses their structure but changes how if functions.

Ephesians 5:22–23 NIV

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

Headship is not eliminated, it is redefined

Wives are to submit as they do to the Lord, not as they do in the current culture.

Paul’s model is based on mutual love and respect.

In the culture at the time marriage was arranged, and no codes called for love being part of a husband and wife’s relationship.

But in a Christian home love is the centerpiece.

Christ is the Head of the Church.

Paul uses the relationship between Christ and the Church as an analogy for the relationship between husband and wife.

The wife’s submission which was expected by Graeco-Roman values, is placed in the context of spiritual submission to Christ.

Paul is contextualizing Graeco-Roman values within the larger perspective of Christ’s self-sacrificial love.

Jesus sacrificed himself for his church, just like wives are supposed to show this same love and sacrifice to their husbands. But this is not a one way street!

Paul uses headship as his model but changes how the head approaches things. It is redefined by removing the authority and structuring headship with the calling of sacrifice and love. The calling of being a servant, just like Christ to His church.

The focus of this passage is not actually on the women submitting, it’s actually on how the man is to approach being the head of the household.

Husbands Love Your Wives, Just As Christ Loves the Church

Ephesians 5:25 NIV

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Husbands are called to sacrifice themselves for their wives, to serve them sacrificially.

This is a huge change in culture, the husband doesn’t Lord over their wife and call the shots, they actually serve them with humility and love, just as Christ does the church.

Paul gives us a beautiful picture of what the results of this looks like, using the imagery of the church and cleansing with water through the word.

When husband and wife function as servants to one another, and they mutually submit through their reverence for Christ. This creates a bond that can’t be broken.

The husband and wife relationship is not about who is in charge, it’s about serving Christ through each other. Giving us an amazing picture of oneness. Two people becoming one through Christ Jesus. This is the purity that Paul speaks of through not having spot or wrinkle, and being holy and blameless. Two becoming one because they mutually respect and serve one another.

Being the head of a Christian household means you serve, you love and you make sacrifices. It doesn’t mean you are the one in charge and everyone must do what you say. That is a Graeco-Roman household.

Two Becoming One Flesh

Oneness is the key to a healthy marriage.

It is this oneness of flesh that shows the mutual submission of a married couple. Their oneness means that they serve one another equally, no one is over the other.

If you truly become one how can one be over one. 1x1=1

This mutual respect comes from ones reverence for Christ, that is the changing factor in the Christian household.

Paul continues this theme into how families function, how parents and their children function.

Children Obey Your Parents in the Lord

Ephesians 6:1–2 NIV

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—

Paul goes on to define the child parent relationship.

doing the same thing Paul uses the culture and redefines the headship role.

Calling on children to obey their parents, but actually giving a higher charge to the head.

Fathers Don’t Provoke Your Kids to Anger

Ephesians 6:4 NIV

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Instead of forcing your kids to do as you say, teach them the ways of the Lord.

If we train our kids to love Jesus, to know the scriptures they will naturally obey their loving parents.

Closing

Our culture is stuck in the mindset that we must hold authority in order to lead a family.

Paul says you must submit yourself to God, by serving your family.

Husbands love and serve their wives, wives love and serve their husbands, children love and serve their parents, parents love and serve their children. Just like Christ loves and serves His church which He gave his life for.

This entire teaching builds on the concept of mutual submission taught in verse 21. We submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Paul’s definition of headship is a beautiful relationship bathed in humility and love. As Christians we don’t look for a way to hold authority, we look for a way to serve and sacrifice our lives for another.

Can you imagine if we loved one another that way! If our household loved this way, the world would see the light in the darkness.

Big Idea: Christ gave his life for the Church as a sacrifice of love. In our relationships we are to give up our lives for others, and love them how Christ loves us. Christian headship means self-sacrifice bathed in deep love.