Reconciling unforgiveness

Introduction

Good morning church. I hope you are at home and warm this snowy morning in Rockaway Beach. Technology can be a cool took for the Gospel and this morning I know some of you have expressed the trials you are going through so I wanted to take some time to encourage you through the word since we are not able to meet this morning.

So let’s dive right in. We are preparing for the intro to Biblical counseling training This Friday night from 7-9 pm with Kerry Skinner and Saturday 9am-12pm. You don’t want to miss this great opportunity in Rockaway Beach to get some good Biblical counseling training.

So the last two weeks we have been talking about unforgiveness. I want us as a body of believers and as a community to continue to grow in our walk with the Lord.

So to this point we have been dealing with our heart and this morning I want to move a little further than just our heart.

So you have been hurt or you have hurt someone. How do you seek reconciliation for those you are striving to forgive?

The Heart of the Problem book gives us four practical steps when it comes to reconciliation.

Step 1: Walk in the spirit

The Heart of the Problem book says it is a fallacy to blame someone else’s behavior for your unforgiveness, anger, or resentment. Your spirit is between God and you.

Galatians 6:1 HCSB

Brothers, if someone is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual should restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so you also won’t be tempted.

Galatians 6:1

Step 2: There needs to be a change of behavior.

You need to go to the person and tell them how you are hurt.

Jesus says in

Matthew 18:15–17 HCSB

“If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two more with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. If he pays no attention to them, tell the church. But if he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like an unbeliever and a tax collector to you.

Matthew 18:15-

The Holy Bible: Holman Christian standard version. (2009). (). Nashville: Holman Bible Publishers.

Step 3: You need to deal with the person’s response

Step 4: Depending on the relationship you may need to reward, praise, punish, remind, train, or even fire someone.

Now let’s look at an example of this in scripture.

The Holman Christian Standard Bible Chapter 19

Saul ordered his son Jonathan and all his servants to kill David. But Saul’s son Jonathan liked David very much, 2 so he told him: “My father Saul intends to kill you. Be on your guard in the morning and hide in a secret place and stay there. 3 I’ll go out and stand beside my father in the field where you are and talk to him about you. When I see what he says, I’ll tell you.”

The Holman Christian Standard Bible Chapter 24

24 When Saul returned from pursuing the Philistines, he was told, “David is in the wilderness near En-gedi.” 2 So Saul took 3,000 of Israel’s choice men and went to look for David and his men in front of the Rocks of the Wild Goats. 3 When Saul came to the sheep pens along the road, a cave was there, and he went in to relieve himself. b David and his men were staying in the back of the cave, 4 so they said to him, “Look, this is the day the LORD told you about: ‘I will hand your enemy over to you so you can do to him whatever you desire.’ ” Then David got up and secretly cut off the corner of Saul’s robe.

5 Afterward, David’s conscience bothered e him because he had cut off the corner of Saul’s robe. 6 He said to his men, “I swear before the LORD: I would never do such a thing to my lord, the LORD’s anointed. I will never lift my hand against him, since he is the LORD’s anointed.” 7 With these words David persuaded his men, and he did not let them rise up against Saul.

Then Saul left the cave and went on his way. 8 After that, David got up, went out of the cave, and called to Saul, “My lord the king!” When Saul looked behind him, David bowed to the ground in homage. 9 David said to Saul, “Why do you listen to the words of people who say, ‘Look, David intends to harm you’? 10 You can see with your own eyes that the LORD handed you over to me today in the cave. Someone advised me to kill you, but I n took pity on you and said: I won’t lift my hand against my lord, since he is the LORD’s anointed. 11 See, my father! Look at the corner of your robe in my hand, for I cut it off, but I didn’t kill you. Look and recognize that there is no evil or rebellion in me. I haven’t sinned against you even though you are hunting me down to take my life.

1 Samuel 26 HCSB

Then the Ziphites came to Saul at Gibeah saying, “David is hiding on the hill of Hachilah opposite Jeshimon.” So Saul, accompanied by 3,000 of the choice men of Israel, went to the Wilderness of Ziph to search for David there. Saul camped beside the road at the hill of Hachilah opposite Jeshimon. David was living in the wilderness and discovered Saul had come there after him. So David sent out spies and knew for certain that Saul had come. Immediately, David went to the place where Saul had camped. He saw the place where Saul and Abner son of Ner, the general of his army, were lying down. Saul was lying inside the inner circle of the camp with the troops camped around him. Then David asked Ahimelech the Hittite and Joab’s brother Abishai son of Zeruiah, “Who will go with me into the camp to Saul?” “I’ll go with you,” answered Abishai. That night, David and Abishai came to the troops, and Saul was lying there asleep in the inner circle of the camp with his spear stuck in the ground by his head. Abner and the troops were lying around him. Then Abishai said to David, “Today God has handed your enemy over to you. Let me thrust the spear through him into the ground just once. I won’t have to strike him twice!” But David said to Abishai, “Don’t destroy him, for who can lift a hand against the Lord’s anointed and be blameless?” David added, “As the Lord lives, the Lord will certainly strike him down: either his day will come and he will die, or he will go into battle and perish. However, because of the Lord, I will never lift my hand against the Lord’s anointed. Instead, take the spear and the water jug by his head, and let’s go.” So David took the spear and the water jug by Saul’s head, and they went their way. No one saw them, no one knew, and no one woke up; they all remained asleep because a deep sleep from the Lord came over them. David crossed to the other side and stood on top of the mountain at a distance; there was a considerable space between them. Then David shouted to the troops and to Abner son of Ner: “Aren’t you going to answer, Abner?” “Who are you who calls to the king?” Abner asked. David called to Abner, “You’re a man, aren’t you? Who in Israel is your equal? So why didn’t you protect your lord the king when one of the people came to destroy him? What you have done is not good. As the Lord lives, all of you deserve to die since you didn’t protect your lord, the Lord’s anointed. Now look around; where are the king’s spear and water jug that were by his head?” Saul recognized David’s voice and asked, “Is that your voice, my son David?” “It is my voice, my lord and king,” David said. Then he continued, “Why is my lord pursuing his servant? What have I done? What evil is in my hand? Now, may my lord the king please hear the words of his servant: If it is the Lord who has incited you against me, then may He accept an offering. But if it is people, may they be cursed in the presence of the Lord, for today they have driven me away from sharing in the inheritance of the Lord saying, ‘Go and worship other gods.’ So don’t let my blood fall to the ground far from the Lord’s presence, for the king of Israel has come out to search for a flea, like one who pursues a partridge in the mountains.” Saul responded, “I have sinned. Come back, my son David, I will never harm you again because today you considered my life precious. I have been a fool! I’ve committed a grave error.” David answered, “Here is the king’s spear; have one of the young men come over and get it. May the Lord repay every man for his righteousness and his loyalty. I wasn’t willing to lift my hand against the Lord’s anointed, even though the Lord handed you over to me today. Just as I considered your life valuable today, so may the Lord consider my life valuable and rescue me from all trouble.” Saul said to him, “You are blessed, my son David. You will certainly do great things and will also prevail.” Then David went on his way, and Saul returned home.

The Holman Christian Standard Bible Chapter 1

Responses to Saul’s Death

1 After the death of Saul, David returned from defeating the Amalekites and stayed at Ziklag two days. 2 On the third day a man with torn clothes and dust on his head came from Saul’s camp. When he came to David, he fell to the ground and paid homage. 3 David asked him, “Where have you come from?”

He replied to him, “I’ve escaped from the Israelite camp.”

4 “What was the outcome? Tell me,” David asked him.

“The troops fled from the battle,” he answered. “Many of the troops have fallen and are dead. Also, Saul and his son Jonathan are dead.”

5 David asked the young man who had brought him the report, “How do you know Saul and his son Jonathan are dead?”

6 “I happened to be on Mount Gilboa,” he replied, “and there was Saul, leaning on his spear. At that very moment the chariots and the cavalry were closing in on him. 7 When he turned around and saw me, he called out to me, so I answered: I’m at your service. 8 He asked me, ‘Who are you?’ I told him: I’m an Amalekite. 9 Then he begged me, ‘Stand over me and kill me, for I’m mortally wounded, but my life still lingers.’ 10 So I stood over him and killed him because I knew that after he had fallen he couldn’t survive. I took the crown that was on his head and the armband that was on his arm, and I’ve brought them here to my lord.”

11 Then David took hold of his clothes and tore them, and all the men with him did the same. 12 They mourned, wept, and fasted until the evening for those who died by the sword—for Saul, his son Jonathan, the LORD’s people, and the house of Israel.

13 David inquired of the young man who had brought him the report, “Where are you from?”

“I’m the son of a foreigner,” he said. “I’m an Amalekite.”

14 David questioned him, “How is it that you were not afraid to lift your hand to destroy the LORD’s anointed?” 15 Then David summoned one of his servants and said, “Come here and kill him!” The servant struck him, and he died. 16 For David had said to the Amalekite, “Your blood is on your own head because your own mouth testified against you by saying, ‘I killed the LORD’s anointed.’ ”