The Christian Marriage: Meeting His Needs

There are many needs a husband has.

Before I get started, I would like to say that I do not have all the answers. In my studies and observations I have found that there is room fro flexibility in the marriage relationship. I have seen marriages that did everything right fall apart, and marriages that survive the test of time that in all reality shouldn’t have.

The ones that make it seem to have a few things in common. 1. They made their vows and they meant them. 2. They recognize that they are not perfect and neither is their spouse. 3. They look to God for their fulfillment and remain obedient to Him.

That being said, there seems to be a few things that are particular to both men and women that they need. And it seems that God wants the spouse to be His tool to fulfill them.

Today we start with what the man needs. I am going to try not to say do these specific things. I am going to attempt to simply discuss the Christina heart condition and the human necessities.

Three Needs

The husband has a unique need for praise.

The husband has an innate need to be head of the home. And last, but not least

The husband has the need for marital physical intimacy.

Each of these needs is related to an area of our unique makeup as a creation in the image and likeness of God.

In creating man God created them as a spirit, with a soul and a body. The needs that each of us has is related to the way we’re created. There is one area wherein both husbands and wives needs are exactly the same. It’s in the area of the spirit. And in that area they have one identical need. But when we depart from the spirit area and move into the other areas, we’re wired differently and have different needs. So today I want to look at meeting your husband’s needs in light of the three areas of our makeup. First of all let’s look at:

Meeting Your Husband’s Need in the Area of the Spirit

This need is the same for both men and women

The need is to know Jesus Christ.

Made in His Image - to reflect all the goodness that God is.

Chapters 1-3 We see God speaking to them, walking with them

We all pass through deep waters

Isaiah 43:2 NIV

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Not “if” … When

As individuals and as a couple - life is hard. It’s only through Christ that we get through it.

Our primary responsibility in our marriages is to make sure that we know God, reflect God, walk with God.

Predictably, Doug did a super job in his preparation and now the weekend had arrived when all the lay people were converging on his church. On Friday night, the church members divided up into small groups of eight or ten people and one of the lay witnesses went with each group to a small room to tell about their relationship with Christ. Along with several other members Doug was assigned to a small group. He continues his testimony by saying, “As we were walking back to our assigned room, I began to evaluate the young man who was going to be sharing with us. He was very obviously a common, laboring man. He even had oil under his fingernails as if he might have been a mechanic. I began to think, I really should be in charge of this group. I’m quite sure that I could handle it much more effectively than he could.” They got to their room, sat down and the young man began talking. Doug said, “As he began to share about his relationship with Christ, I became intensely aware of something: That young man KNEW the Jesus that I was merely informed about.”

Meeting Your Husband’s Need in the Area of the Soul

There are two significant needs of the husband in the area of the soul. One relates to the emotions and the other relates to the mind. First let’s deal with the unique need of the male that relates to the emotional aspect of the soul.

The husband has a unique need for praise

Shanti Feldham, For Women Only. “While we women enjoy hearing our man tell us “I love you” often to reassure us of his love, men are not affected by hearing us say, “Honey, I respect you” but they do love to hear things like “I’m so proud of you” and “I trust you.” But signaling respect to our man goes far beyond those few words. In my research, I found that there are five demonstrative ways we can express our respect for the man we love such as respect his judgment and respect his abilities.”

Ephesians 5:22 NIV

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

Once he’s in high school the whole process gets more sophisticated so tree hanging is out. High school women expect something more spectacular so our young man becomes an athlete. He sweats blood on the football field and when he finally gets his letterman’s jacket he practices looking, walking and acting cool in front of the mirror. Once he masters this, he strolls down the halls of the school in his jacket basking in the admiring glances of the girls. Hey, when the camera zooms in on the guy who scored in an NFL game, what does he say? “Hi Dad! “ NO! “Hi, Mom!” We males need female praise, especially from the female we love.

Word submit is also used as the word for praise or worship with the idea that we are lifting up the other.

Wives, praise is a ministry. Sadly, many Christian women seem to fall into the practice of “piously” picking their husbands to pieces. Somehow, they’ve convinced themselves that if they point out every flaw – past, present and future – the finished product will be a flawless husband. Not so! Your husband needs to feel that you’re proud of him. He needs your praise. The Amplified version says of , “…And let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband – that she notices him, regards him, honors him, venerates and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.” We men need female praise, especially from the female we love. God created all males with a specific need for female praise. We were born with it. And wives, it’s your ministry!

Let me say this is not about them deserving it — in fact I would say its a particular weakness.

The Husband has a need to believe he is head

Husbands need to believe that they are the head of the marriage relationship. I need to believe in my mind that I’m the leader in my marriage. Now, that’s not to say the man merits the position. It’s a need they have

Big Fat Greek Wedding - He may be the heady of the household, but I’m the neck.

Shanti - Our man most likely will become hypersensitive to feeling disrespected during these kinds of circumstances because he’s having a hard time respecting himself. Whatever the difficulty, women have the incredible power to either add to his sense of inadequacy or build him up to feel respected and esteemed regardless of his situation.

And the Bible says so

Ephesians 5:23–25 NIV

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Eph 5

Christ submitted to the Father- see

The husband was created to be head of something and the wife is elected. But just because he was created by God to be the head doesn’t mean that he’s better than you are. It’s just that you were created with different roles and different needs. Husband and wife are to fit together as one and to do that you must work at meeting one another’s needs. Submission is a ministry to your husband and when you view it that way, it becomes more palatable as opposed to being obligatory. In fact, it takes the sting out of submitting when you see in Scripture that husband and wife are equal. Your relationship is the same as Jesus’ relationship is to the Father. Jesus is the Father’s equal, but He totally submits to the Father’s authority over Him. This is expressed in . They’re equal, but they each have different roles to carry out in their relationship.

Meeting Your Husband’s Need in the Area of the Body

Song of Solomon

One Flesh

Now wives, it’s quite common for women to use this area of relationship to control or manipulate. Too many have the attitude: “If you’ve been very good, I’ll reward you in the bedroom.” But if you’ve not sufficiently met my needs, I may develop a headache, complain about my back or how tired I am. That may not be you allowing Christ to live through you.

1 Corinthians 7:5 NIV

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Co 7:5

Also let me mention that wives have a responsibility to work at keeping physical attraction alive in marriage. Physically, the wife should be appealing, available, agreeable and aggressive (at times). There are some bad habits that damage good marital physical relations. A wife can damage the physical relationship by being: slovenly or lazy, undisciplined and disorganized, careless with money, careless about her physical appearance, or being a nagging, demanding, dictating woman.

One thing I might mention about husbands to you wives is: Because men and women do view this area of marriage differently there are different reasons why he may come home with the need for marital physical intimacy. He may well have see a curvy female on the way home or a coworker could have dressed seductively that day at work. Praise the Lord, he comes home! He may also come home with a passionate need because his boss chewed him out at work, or because his coworker got promoted, or because a project at work was a success as well.

Wife, what does your husband need? He needs YOU, his wife to assure him that he’s still “the greatest.” He needs to believe that you chose him out of all the men in the world to be just yours and that you think he’s very masculine – very strong, very capable and you love him more than ever.

Conclusion

Males aren’t all that complex in their needs, but their needs are very intense. I’ve only mentioned the three specific male needs that are the most significant. The bottom line is that you allow Christ to live out His life through you to meet your husbands needs.