Strangers in the Same House

What do you think of when you think of “strangers”?

Positive? Fox News story: “Stranger pays rescue cat’s $623 vet bill...An anonymous donor has paid a more than $600 veterinarian bill for a cat rescued from a Massachusetts apartment fire.”

Negative? Stranger pushes woman onto NYC subway tracks

'Stranger danger' makes people less empathetic

📷Published January 15, 2015Facebook Twitter Email Print📷

Being around strangers can cause people stress and, in turn, make them less able to feel others' pain, new research suggests.

But giving people a drug that blocks the body's stress response can restore that sense of empathy, scientists said. What's more, the same effect shows up in both humans and mice.

"In some sense, we've figured out what to do about increasing empathy as a practical matter," said Jeffrey Mogil, a neuroscientist at McGill University in Montreal.

"We've figured out what stops it from happening and, therefore, the solution to make it happen more between strangers."

Decreasing stress by doing a shared activity could be a simple way to increase empathy between people who don't know each other, the findings suggest.

Empathy rules

Past studies had found that mice seemed to feel the pain of familiar mice but were less responsive to foreign mice. Other studies found that, in both humans and mice, stress levels tended to rise around strangers.

To see how stress and empathy are connected, Mogil and his colleagues placed two mice together in a cage, then inflicted a painful stimulus on one of them. When the mice were cage mates, the unaffected mouse showed more signs of pain than when they were strangers. But when the team gave the mice a drug called metyrapone, which blocks the formation of the stress hormone cortisol, the mice responded equally to the strangers' pain.

These findings suggest that the stress response inhibited the ability to feel the pain of unfamiliar mice.

The team then tried a similar experiment with humans. They asked pairs of college undergraduates — either strangers or friends — to sit in the same room while one person put his or her hand in a bowl of icy water. Like the mice, strangers were more stressed out, as measured by cortisol levels, and also showed less tendency to "feel the pain" of their partners in the experiment. Those who were given metyrapone, however, made more grimaces and pained facial expressions when they saw strangers put their hand in the cold water.

But the team also found that having strangers play a game together (in this case, the video game "Rock Band") helped people get to know each other, and had the same effect as the drug.

Stranger danger

The study suggests that people's default response is to be empathetic toward others but that stress inhibits their ability to feel others' pain. The findings also underscore how deeply hardwired the fear of stranger danger is, in both mice and humans.

"The mere presence of a stranger is enough to cause a measurable stress response," Mogil told Live Science.

From an evolutionary standpoint, that makes sense, as every meeting with a stranger has a higher risk of resulting in violence, Mogil said. But once people determine that another person is safe, their stress response likely subsides.

The findings may also explain the purpose of get-to-know-you mixers that corporations use with new employees: They may reduce the feeling of being with strangers, thereby making people feel more empathetic and increasing group cohesion, Mogil said.

Let’s remember that the Apostle Paul is writing this letter to the church in Corinth as a result of two things: (i) The household of Chloe had sent a report to him of things that were taking place in the church. (ii) Secondly, the church had sent him a letter with questions.

Paul opens the letter up by establishing the cross of Christ as the foundational wisdom of God. It is through the cross of Christ that we should see each other.

Among those questions, there were questions about the gathering of the church. Apparently within the gathering, there were some events taking place:

These happenings in the gathering were disorderly -

These happenings in the gathering were not out of love -

These happenings in the gathering were not edifying -

The passage before us is with regards to the use of gifts (tongues) within the assembly of the church. Here, Paul uses a few examples to make his point. He concludes this paragraph by implying that we are not to be barbarians to each other. .

The truth here is that we are NOT to be foreigners to each other. What Paul is saying is that if you minister, in tongues, in a way that the other person cannot understand then you are a foreigner to him and he is a foreigner to you. You are strange to each other.

There needs to be clarity in the communication so that the receiving individual can grow and be helped through that ministry. In essence, Paul is saying, “Don’t be a stranger to each other my ministering in ways that do not really build others up.”

We can somewhat understand where Paul is coming from too. You see, the bond that Christians have in Jesus Christ is more real and more strong than another other relationship; yet, many times we are NOT considerate of others in the body of Christ first. We are many times more considerate of ourselves and the cost that we will have to pay in ministry. As a result, we minister in ways that are NOT effective or are strange (if you will) to each other.

6 Ahora pues, hermanos, si yo fuere á vosotros hablando lenguas, ¿qué os aprovecharé, si no os hablare, ó con revelación, ó con ciencia, ó con profecía, ó con doctrina?

7 Ciertamente las cosas inanimadas que hacen sonidos, como la flauta ó la vihuela, si no dieren distinción de voces, ¿comó se sabrá lo que se tañe con la flauta, ó con la vihuela?

8 Y si la trompeta diere sonido incierto, ¿quién se apercibirá á la batalla?

9 Así también vosotros, si por la lengua no diereis palabra bien significante, ¿cómo se entenderá lo que se dice? porque hablaréis al aire.

10 Tantos géneros de voces, por ejemplo, hay en el mundo, y nada hay mudo;

11 Mas si yo ignorare el valor de la voz, seré bárbaro al que habla, y el que habla será bárbaro para mí.

12Así también vosotros; pues que anheláis espirituales dones, procurad ser excelentes para la edificación de la iglesia.

If this is what I did week in and week out, I would be a stranger to you. You would be a stranger to me. I submit to you that there are others ways that we are foreigners to each other, and the same exhortation of Paul should be taken personally today...

Proposition: Don’t be a stranger to each other in the way that you minister.

(v. 6 - 9) Speak for the Understanding of the church body

(v. 6 - 9) Speak for the Understanding of the church body

This is the primary exhortation of Paul in these verses. What Paul seems to be implying in these verses is multi-facted and very applicable to us. First...

There is an unawareness or a lack of logic (v. 6 - 9)

Whether it comes from a “living” person or a “lifeless” object, whatever is done should be distinct. (v. 6 - 7)

Paul is merely using common logic here. It makes sense that if someone will be edified, there must be understanding. Notice the words Paul uses:

(v. 7) Distinction (difference)

(v. 8) Uncertain sound (clarity)

(v. 9) Easy to be understood (intelligible)

(v. 10) Without signification (without meaning)

App:

The same can be the case today. There are some who have become strangers to the body of Christ, but it is because they are unaware or they are not really thinking about how what they do should be benefiting the body of Christ. This can happen

There is a limitation on who we think our work should profit (v. 6 - 7)

The apostle Paul is showing that the benefit of the people in the assembly is the priority. Often he uses this word “you” and it is used in the plural sense. The body should be edified.

One of the reasons that our ministry is often unloving is because we are limited in who we think should receive the “profit”. We are more concerned:

- With our own Sunday schools

- With our close friends

- With people who have the same economic status

- With people who have the same life stage experience

We don’t apply the principle as thoroughly as we should (v. 6 - 7)

The clear original context is that of speaking in the church.

A clear secondary application is that of the playing of instruments.

The principle is that whatever is done should be for the profit of others.

So, could the principle apply to cliques within the church?

clique - a small group of people, with shared interests or other features in common, who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them.

There is no real urgency or concern for the importance of gospel unity (v. 8)

Paul is merely using an analogy to show the importance of clear speech. This analogy clearly presents one of urgency. There should be a conviction in your heart that causes you to pro-actively seek gospel unity.

There are many signs that show we lack urgency:

(i) When people enter into the assembly and sit away from others, you know they lack urgency

(ii) When people enter into the assembly and they do not sense the need to approach others, you know you lack urgency

(iii) When people enter into the assembly and quickly leave right after, you know they lack urgency

(iv) When people enter the assembly and make excuses like, “that just not in my comfort zone”, you know they lack urgency.

(v) When people are territorial about their own seating, you know they lack urgency

(vi) When teens are playing busy building walls on games rather than building others in the assembly up, you know there is a lack of urgency.

We like to hear ourselves (v. 9)

The point in all of this is that the ministry that takes place in the assembly of the church should be for the edification of others. AGAIN, DON’T BE A STRANGER TO EACH OTHER!

Living in the Same House While Newly Separated

��By Jackie Pilossoph

When people decide to separate, one person doesn’t just move out the next day. That would be ideal, wouldn’t it? Because most people who decide to separate feel like they need space and desperately need to be away from their spouse (hence the term, separation). But the reality is, because of all the uncertainty, as well as financial issues, there is a period of time when a couple is living in the same house while newly separated, and it is beyond difficult.

Fortunately for some, it’s only a few weeks before one person gets their own place. For others, it can take months or years before they begin living apart. I have a friend who lived in the same house with her ex while separated for 4 years!! I can’t even imagine.

Usually during this time, one of the people is sleeping in a different room, there are no conversations between the couple, things seem almost creepy, like you are living with a stranger, and everyone is walking on eggshells. It’s a very stressful, uncomfortable environment. And think of what a toll that probably takes on the kids!

I hate to say this to people living in the same house while newly separated, but here it is. It is what it is (for right now.) It’s really, really hard. I get it. But, the good news is, it isn’t forever, and both you and your ex are taking steps to each get to a better place in life.

A couple pieces of advice:

During this time, many people become disapproving regarding how their newly separated ex is behaving. Maybe she’s going out every night. Maybe she’s neglecting your child. Maybe he’s never around. Or, maybe he’s acting rude to you in front of your kids.

Unfortunately, when you get separated, you don’t get a say in how your ex chooses to behave. It’s a crazy time, and people don’t behave as they normally would. I know it can be frustrating and infuriating, but that’s just reality. My advice is to focus on your own behavior, as well as raising your children the best you can. That is what you can control. What your soon-to-be ex chooses to do is his or her own business.

The other thing that happens is that the two people living in the same house, basically as strangers, tend to just go up to their room (or the guest room), close the door and watch TV for the night, not wanting to be around their ex.

I think that can be unhealthy, and that both people should consider going out a little bit, seeing friends and having a good time. I’m not saying go out every night and get drunk. I’m suggesting that you enjoy being social and leaning on your friends. That to me is a lot more appealing than being isolated in the guest room. This is a good time for the two of you to come up with a parenting schedule (just while living in the same house).

In closing, living in the same house while separated really can be torturous. Just be polite to your ex as best you can, not just for your kids’ sake, but for YOUR sake. People always feel better about themselves when they take the high road. Remember that. And, remember that it will end. I promise!

Jackie Pilossoph is the author of her blog, Divorced Girl Smiling, and the comedic divorce novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase. She also writes feature stories, along with the weekly dating and relationships column, “Love Essentially” for Sun-Times Media local publications. Pilossoph lives in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.

(v. 10 - 12) Seek the Edifying of the church body

While there are many languages in the world, they all have some kind of significance. There is meaning and clarity (v. 10) Yet, there are more reasons why Paul seems to be saying that people don’t minister (in the assembly) for the benefit of others.

We have become comfortable with walls that make us foreign to each other (v. 11)

Here Paul refers to a speech barrier. Onomatopoeia

The word βάρβαρος (barbaros) is an onomatopoetic term in Greek because foreign speech sounded to the Greek ear like “bar, bar, bar.” - Garland, David E

Paul’s critique of tongues implies that it does more than simply create frustration; it erects barriers of alienation— the sick feeling that one does not belong....What is worse, these feelings are awakened in a place where one is...supposed to feel at home: the community of believers. Unintelligible tongues also foster cliques. - Garland

Garland, David E

Paul’s critique of tongues implies that it does more than simply create frustration; it erects barriers of alienation— the sick feeling that one does not belong....What is worse, these feelings are awakened in a place where one is...supposed to feel at home: the community of believers. Unintelligible tongues also foster cliques.

Considering how this is completely against Jesus Christ:

(1) Remember that Christ came in the likeness of sinful flesh ().

(2) Remember that we have not an high priest that cannot be touched with our infirmities, but was in all points tempted like as we are ()

(3) Remember that in His Cross, Jesus has reconciled us to God () To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself...

(4) Remember that Christ, by his Cross, has broken down the middle wall of partition between the Jews and the Gentiles ().

(5) Remember that Christ, through his Cross, has brought about a new body (the Church)

So, if the way we are at the assembly is cliquish, irrelevant, unhelpful, stand-off-ish - we are building walls that make us to be foreigners to each other.

We don't see that inactivity is wrong activity (v. 11)

Paul tells them to TRY to abound for the building up of the church. Make an effort in this!

Concluding Thoughts:

(1) Some of you have a very real wall between you and the Lord. You must believe upon the Lord Jesus Christ. You are a stranger to the Lord.

(2) Some of you have walls between each other. You are not actively seeking to be a benefit to others. Possibly, what you are doing is for your own benefit and not the benefit of others. You have become foreigners to each other.

We need Christians today who see what God has done in his communication to us.

We need Christians today who believe that the way Christ has communicated to us has provided us the ability and opportunity to communicate to others.

If we are strangers in the same house, it is not because of Jesus, and it is not the other person standing in the need of prayer. It’s me! It’s me, O Lord!