Worry To Wise - Friendship

According to one survey I was reading, in 2016 the average Canadian spent 24.5 hours online and for those in the age category of 18-34 that number rose significantly to 35 hours a week or 5 hours a day

That number is sobering but believe it or not it is not that bad compared to some other countries

Another study I read stated that the average person in Briton spends more time per day on technology than they do sleeping or 8 hrs and 41 minutes per day using technology

Of course not to be outdone, the numbers in the United States are even worse according to another study which says that the average American spends 10 hours and 39 minutes a day on technology which includes an average of 4.5 hours watching or streaming T.V.

Let me read for you a quote from the published Canadian numbers, “Psychologist David Mensink said the figures concern him because the more time people spend online, the less time they're devoting to cultivating deeper real-life relationships.

Mensink, who works in student affairs at Dalhousie University in Halifax, said even if people are communicating with others on the Internet, they still need to make time for real contact because it is the essence of being human.

"It's who we are...We're meant to interact with others. We're meant to help each other. It's just the way we're made. It's very important," said Mensink

"It's called social media, but in some ways that's a misnomer because we're not always interacting with people. You're looking at news feeds and photos, but you're not talking to the person and catching up. I think relationships, because of the use of the Internet and social media, may not be as deep as they used to be."

He is of course correct in his assumption that this has had an impact upon relationships because several studies that I looked at from different universities shows a sharp decline in the number of close friends that the average person has over the past couple of decades

We have more “Facebook friends” but fewer true friends!

These numbers come from an older study

One survey done in 2004 even concludes that the number of Americans that do not have ANYONE that they would consider a close friend nearly tripled since 1985 coming in at 24.6% of the population

That’s 1 person in 4 who does not feel that they have anyone in their life that they can confide in and talk to about the important matters of life

This morning I want us to look at the subject of friendship as it is described in the book of Proverbs and hopefully realize that being and having the type of friends that Solomon describes in his book of wisdom are super important to achieving a successful life

We will look at a bunch of different scriptures today but our text is where Solomon plainly states,

Proverbs 27:17 NIV

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

It’s just like Mensink said, "It's who we are...We're meant to interact with others. We're meant to help each other. It's just the way we're made. It's very important,"

So let’s consider 3 areas that Solomon addresses in describing how to be and have the right kind of friends

The first is that a Proverbs friend has a Consistency in Constancy

Now I recognize that I’m stretching it a bit here in order to maintain the alliteration of my points but I think you can pick up on the point that I’m trying to make

To be a true friend means more than just a “fair weather friend” the kind of friend who can only be found when everything is going okay

Solomon says it pretty clear in 17:17

Proverbs 17:17 NIV

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

Perhaps you have heard that old expression that when ever such and such a thing happens, that’s when you find out who your real friends are and that’s exactly what Solomon is getting at

Real friends are not concerned about what they can get out of the friendship but about what they can add into the friendship

In the good times AND in the bad times you can count on them to be there

On the flip side Solomon said,

Proverbs 14:20 NIV

The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends.

Jesus demonstrated this concept in His parable about the prodigal son

As long as his money held out and people could get something out of him, he had lots of friends

But when the times got tough, all those “so called” friends were nowhere to be found

Solomon says that a person who only has these types of friends will end up in ruins but instead we such look for a friend ( and be the kind of friend) who sticks closer than a brother

Constantly consistent, reliable, dependable, steadfast whatever adjective you want to use, this is what it means to be a Proverbs style friend

Secondly to be a Proverbs style friend requires Candor in Counsel

Dictionary.com defines the noun “Candor” as “the state or quality of being frank, open, and sincere in speech or expression”

A true friend has to have the ability to be candid with you and likewise to be a true friend to others you must be able to be candid with them

Proverbs 27:5–6 NIV

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Proverbs

The New Living Translation words it this way,

An open rebuke is better than hidden love!

Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

To be a Proverbs type friend requires that we be able to offer wise counsel, even when it clashes with the other person’s point of view

Even when it has to come in the form of a rebuke, real friendship not only allows for it from both sides, but demands it

Proverbs

Proverbs 27:9 NIV

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.

(ESV)

The original NIV uses the phrase, “springs from his earnest counsel”

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

Proverbs friends can say what needs to be said when it needs to be said

and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

Even when the other person may not want to hear it

Proverbs 28:23 NIV

Whoever rebukes a person will in the end gain favor rather than one who has a flattering tongue.

Proverbs

The third and final quality that I want to look at today is that a Proverbs type friend must be Compassionate yet Challenging

This may seem odd as I just finished saying that a true friend can say whatever needs to be said whenever it needs to be said but our candor must always be balanced with compassion

Proverbs 20

(The Message)

Proverbs 25:20–21 NIV

Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart. If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.

Proverbs 25:

Proverbs 25:20 NIV

Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.

Singing light songs to the heavyhearted

is like pouring salt in their wounds.

I’m not sure but perhaps Solomon had his father David in mind when he was writing this

Do you remember the story of how David sinned by forcing Bathsheba to sleep with him which resulted in her being pregnant?

He then went on to try and cover it up with lies and an elaborate plan and eventually when that failed had her husband killed to protect his own reputation

Shortly after, the Prophet Nathan calls David to task over the whole thing,

2 Samuel 12:15–17 NIV

After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

2 Samuel

His friends thought they were doing the right thing in standing by his side and speaking candidly to him

“Pull yourself together man! You’re the king and king’s don’t act like this. What are people going to say?”

Their words were salt on his still open wound and in that moment what he needed more than candor was compassion, a shoulder to cry on

Or perhaps Solomon was thinking about the story of Job who’s 3 friends stood around him in his hour of despair and had the audacity to try and pin the blame on him

Even if they had been right, which they were not by the way, that was not what was needed of a friend in that moment

What they should have done was come sit with him, cry with him, offer a sympathetic ear

As a minister I have often been called to be a part of some of the most difficult moments in peoples lives

I am so thankful that I had mentors who early in my ministry taught me not to be afraid to go into those moments and not to fret over what words of comfort I was going to try and say

The reality is that nothing you have to say in those moments is going to make any kind of difference or lesson the impact of what is happening

And even if it were possible, nobody can hear you over all the noise in their head at that moment, and if they could hear you they won’t remember what you said anyway

The important thing is just to be there, even if you just stand quietly over in the corner, just be there

Paul commands us in ,

Romans 12:15 NIV

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Ever since the beginning of creation God knew that in order for man to succeed and flourish in what was going to be a tough existence as a result of the fall, he would need help, he would need friends

As Solomon put together the book of Proverbs to provide us with the wisdom that we need to be successful in life, this wise man recognized that the task would only be made possible if and when we have the right kind of friends around us

His book shows us the kind of friends that we need to be and to have;

Friends that are consistent in their constancy

Friends that are able to have candor in their counsel

Friends that are considerate in compassion

If you’re worried this morning because you don’t have one or more of those kinds of friends in your life, don’t despair, first work on BEING that kind of friend to someone else and before you realize it, you will also have those kind of people in your life