Leadshp
Decisive Pastoral Leadership
Dr. Jerry Kroll
I. The Need For Leadership
A. The plan of God
God is not looking for better church programs but better leaders (II Chronicles 16:9; I Timothy 3:1) Don’t fall into the pitfall of doing vs. leading.
B. The condition of the church Matt 9:36; Mark 14:27; John 10:11-14.
(Mat 9:36 NIV) When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.
(Mark 14:27 NIV) "You will all fall away," Jesus told them, "for it is written: "'I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep
(John 10:11-14 NIV) "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. {12} The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. {13} The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. {14} "I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me--
will be scattered.'
C. The need of the world: Matt 9:37-38
(Mat 9:37-38 NIV) Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. {38} Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."
II. The Definition of Leadership
A. Negatively: what leadership is not.
Leadership is not:
1. An inherited trait.
2. Reserved for the elite.
The parable of the talents does not mean that one can have only one talent. Jesus said to the one with the five talents: Mat 25:21 "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' He also said the same ting to the one with two talents [ Mt 25:23].
3.An official position.
It is possible to be in a position of leadership without functioning as a leader. It is also possible to function in a leadership role without a position of leadership.
There is a difference between the formal structure of leadership and informal leadership.
Example of the game “Follow the Leader”: There are two reasons why
kids like to play the game:
[a] The purpose of the game is that it is fun. If the leader does something the other kids can’t do it will soon become “Watch the Performer.” Anything a leader is doing that no one else could be trained to do, he should stop doing.
[b] Kids know they will get a chance to be a leader too. Therefore in the church we must be leaders and followers, not performers and spectators.
Leadership is not status or position. It is not a title. If you can minister off the platform, you can also minister on the platform.
4. A personality trait.
God chooses different people for different needs. There are different temperments for leadership. There isn’t just one leadership tempermant that’s appropriate. There are different leaders for different jobs and different times.
5. Power or control.
There can never be any cave man Christianity: “Me leader! You do what I say.”
B. Positively: what leadership is.
Leadership is:
1. Vision.
A leader must be able to see the big picture. He must have the eyes of faith. Leadership has to be able to see what God wants to do and will do in the furture.
2. True authority.
Example of Jesus’ teaching and not the scribes and pharasees [Mark 1:22]. The purpose of authority is to build people up.
3. Influence.
Influence comes through relationships. You can impress at a distance, but you can only influence close up. This demands integrity in a leader.
4. A process.
It takes time. The follower takes a risk when they follow a leader. [1.] They risk that you know where you are going. [2.] That they want to go there too. [3.] That you know how to get them there. and [4.] That you won’t use them like other leaders have done. Leaders must show their followers that it is safe to follow them.
To paraphase the story of the Marsian landing on the earth and saying: “Take me to your leader.” We should say to leaders: “Take me to your followers.” The true value of our leadership is seen in the kind of followers we produce.
II. The Person of Leadership
A. The leader and his character (characteristics of leadership).
1. Persistence
An unwillingness to throw in the towel. A leader can never quit. Leaders must develop a hard shell to criticism. Don’t quit with criticism.
2. Resistance
You can become a significant leader if you don’t cave in to opposition.
Example of Nehemiah.
How do you respond to failure?
Does it discourage you or detenate you?
Does it destroy you or develop you?
Howard Hendricks
3. Submission
Submission is the lifestyle of the leader. The ability to follow is the prerequisite to the ability to lead. Christ has called us to serve. He set the example when he washed the disciples feet. In Matt 20:24-28 we have the example of the desire of the mother of James and John wanting her sons to sit on the right and left of Jesus and the other ten disciples becoming indignant at the request.
Jesus never berated a person for wanting to be great. He simple said the path to greatness is servanthood. If you want to be great in God’s kingdom, you have to be the servant of all.
4. Sensitivity
Phil 2:3-4 (NIV) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Phil 2:20 (NIV) I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare.
5. Spiritual
The leader must have a consistent example. Modeling is the greatest form of unconscious learning.
I Cor 4:16 Paul says: “Be followers of me.” I Cor 11:1 Paul again says: “Follow me as I follow Christ.” I Tim 3 and Titus 1
6. Disciplined
“If you only had six months to live, what would you do differently?”
The answer: “Nothing!”
Phil 3:21 (NIV) who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Heb 12:1-2 (NIV) Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Jim Elliott said: “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot loose.”
A leader must spend time alone with God. You cannot spend all your time with people and impact them. Involvement demands isolation.
7. Confident
To the believer self-confidence is Christ confidence [phil 4:13].
Example: We usually believe the Devil more than we do the Lord. -- one criticism will usually off set 100 complitments.
8. Teachable
This has nothing to do with age, but attitude. A teachable spirit is a willingness to learn from others -- both people who are older than us and those who are younger than us.
9. Positive
Enjoy your ministry. Learn to laugh at yourself.
10. Visionary
Cultivate the ability to believe God. The only thing Jesus rebuked the disciples for was their lack of faith. We need to have the ability to believe God for His speciality -- the impossible. “What are you trusting God for today that only God can do so that when He does it, you will know that He did it and not you and then you can give Him all the credit and glory.
B. The leader and his personality.
1. The Choleric Personality (Doers, Leaders)
Biblical models: Saul, Peter, Paul
Primary desire: To take authority in overcoming all obstacles to accomplish a difficult task (challenges, prestige, freedom, difficult assignments, variety, logical approaches, opportunity for advancement)
Strengths: Results oriented, questions status quo, pragmatic, utilitarian, very independent, problem solver, critical thinker, determined, persistent, confident, organized, logical, endless ideas, opinionated, decisive, manages trouble, risk taker
Weaknesses: Not sympathetic, insensitive, impatient, inflexible, difficulty in trusting God and others, outbursts of anger, will not hesitate to break rules to succeed, difficulty in apologizing or in showing approval
Ideal leadership situation: Challenge, in charge with full authority, making decisions
Least effective leadership situation: Technical projects, mundane or repetitive jobs
How to improve: Be more sensitive to people, listen more, be less authoritarian and more willing to gather the facts
2. The Sanguine Personality (Influencer, Expressor)
Biblical models: John-Mark
Primary desire: To influence others to accomplish results (opportunities to speak, social recognition, popularity, freedom from control and details, acknowledgment)
Strengths: Aggressive, persuasive, optimistic, enthusiastic, seeks out people, motivates others, child-like spirit, articulate and verbal, cheerful, loves to please, makes a good first impression, genuine love for people, life of the party, desires to help others
Weaknesses: Impulsive, too optimistic, talks too much, seen as superficial/egotistical, too emotional, not objective enough, poor time management, needs more initiative, lacks follow-through, many acquaintances, but few close friends
Ideal leadership situation: Generating excitement and motivating others, new, exciting and innovative programs; anything that requires verbal skills
Least effective leadership situation: Working alone, administration of details, discipline of others
How to improve: Slow down, be more realistic and have greater concern for details
3. The Phlegmatic Personality (Relators, Dependable)
Biblical models: Abraham, Ruth
Primary desire: To relate well with others in accomplishing a task (status quo, time to adjust, appreciation, work patterns, identification with the group, areas of specialization, limited territory)
Strengths: Accurate, calm, loyal, capable, efficient, team player, good listener, focused, warm, patient, predictable, kindhearted, dry sense of humor and natural peacemaker
Weaknesses: Slow, non-initiating, resists change, stubborn, stingy, reluctant to get involved, teases others, indecisive, avoids conflict, internalizes pressure
Ideal leadership situation: Routine tasks, jobs which require following procedures, projects that will help others
Least effective leadership situation: Projects that require quick changes, working on a variety of projects at the same time. Tasks that require major decisions and confronting others
How to improve: Be more self-confident, take more risks, initiate more and be more assertive
4. The Melancholy Personality (Thinkers, Analyst)
Biblical Models: Moses, Solomon, John
Primary Desire: To insure accuracy and quality in the accomplishment of a task (security, no sudden changes, exact job, controlled situation, status quo and personal attention)
Strengths: Detailed, factual, accurate, creative, loyal, sensitive, analytical, aesthetic and enjoys the fine arts
Weaknesses: Pessimistic, easily offended, too detailed, overly cautious, moody, dominated by feelings, arrogant, judgmental, antagonistic, suspicious, pessimistic, faithful friend, but does not make friends easily
Ideal leadership situation: Clearly defined, tasks that require precision, accuracy, critical analysis and limited time frame
Least effective leadership situation: Deadline projects, high risk projects, multiple and sudden change projects
How to improve: Be more direct, more optimistic, more dogmatic, more tolerant, less critical of others and have more confidence in their own judgment.
Why know your Personality?
d. To better accept ourselves as God made us
e. To better understand and relate to others
f. To better understand the importance of the team and our need for others
g. To better know how to serve Him
To better know our weaknesses and commit them to the Holy Spirit’s control
C. The leader and his leadership style.
1. Authoritarian
2. Democratic
3. Consultative –
(Prov 11:14 KJV) Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.
(Prov 15:22 KJV) Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.
(Prov 15:22 NIV) Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
(Prov 24:6 KJV) For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war: and in multitude of counsellors there is safety.
D. The leader and his time.
Basic Facts on time management:
1. We all waste time.
2. We cannot change time.
3. We must accept time as the most important resource of mankind.
4. We cannot increase the quantity of time.
5. We cannot do everything.
6. We can only control time.
7. We must accept the fact that we are all procrastinators.
Keys to successful time management:
1. Set aside planning time.
Time is your most valuable resource. Set time to plan.
Planning is the single most important use of your time.
Daily - 5 minutes the preceding day or first thing in the morning.
Weekly - 15 minutes on Thursday or Friday of the previous week.
Monthly - 1 hour on the third Thursday of the previous month.
2. Make a “To Do List.”
3. Set priorities.
Parkinson’s second law: “We tend to devote time and effort to tasks in inverse relation to their importance.”
4. Plan “prime time.”
Praeto Principle: 80% of what we get done during the day is during 20% of our time -- The prime time when we are at our best. Set aside some prime time for important work that does not have to be done that day [Sunday messages, general study, major projects, creativity, long and short range planning].
Increase prime time by [a.] regular exercise, [b.] planned breaks, [c.] breaking when you are tired, and [d.] exercising on breaks. Because of the multiplying factor of prime time, a slight increase in prime time can help you get much more accomplished.
5. Plan for interruptions.
A. The Problem of Interruptions:
We cannot do as much in 15 minute segments as we can in one hour of concentrated uninterrupted time. It takes 5 to 10 minutes to bet back on schedule after an interruption.
B. The Sources of Interruptions: Colleagues, visitors, telephone, environment [cluttered desk, temperature, etc.], procrastination, poor planning, poor delegation, reading junk mail, lack of concern for good time management, and clear priorities.
C. Avoiding Interruptions:
1.) Share your prime time with your workers and people.
2.) Screen routine phone calls and set a call-back time.
3.) Thank people publicly for guarding your time and personal life.
D. Dealing with unavoidable and unnecessary interruptions:
1.) Stand up.
2.) Start walking to the door and summarize the last points of the conversation.
3.) Compliment the person.
4.) Thank the person.
6. Keep a time log.
7. Delegate.
a. Reasons to delegate:
1.) Physical limitations
2.) Interdependence of the body — spiritual gifts
3.) Discipleship
4.) Motivation
b. Reasons we don’t delegate:
1.) Fear of failure
2.) The thought that “I can do it better myself”
3.) The thought that “It is quicker to do it myself”
4.) We enjoy doing it ourselves
5.) We don’t want the responsibility for others mistakes
6.) The need for constant follow-up
c. The delegation process:
1.) Have a delegation attitude.
Every time you attempt a task, ask: “Who else could do this?”
Question every task, especially the ones you have been doing.
2.) Set a clear objective.
Define the specific results you want. “The purpose of this task is to ___________________________. And the end result is .”
3.) Select the “delegatee”.
How to determine the correct delegatee:
a.) A qualified person — spiritual gifts, talents, etc.
b.) Desire — who wants to do this project?
c.) Personal need — who needs a challenge to stay motivated?
d.) Teachability — who could I train to do this task from now on?
e.) Availability — who has the time to do this project?
f.) Personality — what personality trait would best suit this project?
4.) Contract the delegatee
a.) Communicate your purpose and desired results to the delegatee.
b.) Solicit input from the delegatee
c.) Assign the project and the deadlines
d.) Provide support for the delegatee — training, additional personnel, funds, equipment, information, and suggested approaches.
e.) Solicit an acknowledgment of understanding from the delegatee. Don’t say, “Do you understand this project?” It would be better to say, “I’m not sure I’ve made myself clear, would you tell me how you understand these instructions?”
f.) Solicit a commitment from the delegatee. Ask the delegatee, “Can I count on you to complete this project?”
5.) Follow-up
a.) Establish a delegation follow-up file, or put the specifics of the intermediate goals and the long range deadline on a delegation calendar.
b.) Maintain regular check-up appointments with the delegatee during the project.
c.) Handle problems as they arise.
( 1.) Ask the delegatee: What is the problem? What are the alternatives, and the advantages or disadvantages of each? What are your recommendations, and why?
( 2.) Make the decision and return the project to the delegatee.
( 3.) Teach the delegatee how to handle the problem.
( 4.) Let the delegatee correct the problem.
( 5.) Be sympathetic to the problem.
( 6.) Support the delegatee.
( 7.) Pass on the credit to the delegatee, and use it as a motivator. The Number #1 Rule of Delegation is: “Pass on 100% of the Credit and take 100% of the blame.”
6.) Evaluate
a.) Provide for feedback from the delegatee.
b.) Identify problems and their solutions.
c.) “What lessons did you learn?”
d.) “What lessons did the delegatee learn?”
7.) Reward
Rewards can be given through greater responsibility, advancement, personal growth, monetary compensation, and recognition.
d. Handle resistance to delegation
Five reasons for resistance to accept delegation:
1.) Overworked
Solution: Help the delegatee prioritize his work. Also help the delegatee simplify or eliminate other tasks.
2.) Insufficient Authority
Solution: Assure the delegatee he will have all the authority he needs. Communicate to others that you have given your authority to the delegatee.
3.) Lack of Recognition
Solution: Describe to the delegatee the end results and how these results will benefit him. The delegatee understandably does not want to do all the work while you get all the credit.
4.) Lack of Information
Solution: Be sure the delegatee understands fully your purpose and desired results. Let him know you are available should he have any questions, or run into any problems. Think through the project before delegating it, so you can give all the information right from the start.
5.) Boring Task
Solution: Think back to the excitement you had when you first accepted the task. That same excitement and challenge you felt can be true in others, if you will positively and enthusiastically present the importance, challenge and benefits of the task.
e. What to delegate:
1.) Recurring items
2.) Minor decisions
3.) Time consumming details
4.) What others are better qualified to do
f. What not to delegate:
1.) Feedback - both positive and negative
2.) Discipline
3.) Temination
4.) Sensitive matters
g. The levels of delegation:
1.) Take action without feedback: The highest level of total confidence and trust. This level is acheived only after years of working together.
2.) Take action but stay in touch: The delegatee makes the decisions but keeps you informed.
3.) Take action, stay in touch, but get approval before moving on to the next stage in the project.
4.) Do only what you are told: This lowest level of delegation is good for the trainee.
h. Fulfilling the Great Commision through delegation Our personal abilities, talents, and spiritual gifts are not the solution but the limiting factors. The Solution to the accomplishment of the Great Commission lies in the abilities, talents, and spiritual gifts of the members of the body of Christ for which we are accountable.
IV. The Team For Leadership
A. Characteristics for an effective team
1. A shared burden
Prov 18:20 (NIV) From the fruit of his mouth a man's stomach is filled; with the harvest from his lips he is satisfied.
Involve people in the planning. Unless a person participates in the planning process they do not own it.
2. Loyalty
Num 12 - Miriam and Aaron rebelled against Moses’ authority.
1 Sam 15:23 (NIV) For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has rejected you as king."
Num 14 - Israel murmered against Moses and God and all from 20 years up died in the wilderness.
3. Productivity
The multiplication effect: Ex 17 - Moses sends Joshua to fight the Amalikites. Aaron and Hur had to hold Moses’ hands up.
The Principle: People working together accomplish more together than they ever could working separately. the output will be in disproportinate to the mumber of people working. 1 + 1 = 3!
Eccl 4:9-10 (NIV) Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Deu 32:30 (NIV) How could one man chase a thousand, or two put ten thousand to flight, unless their Rock had sold them, unless the LORD had given them up?
4. Compatibility
Deut 31:23 Moses passing on the reigns to Joshua after 40 years of working together. Compatibility is the ability of people to work together over a long period of time in a variety of situations.
B. Basic interpersonal principles for team building
1. We need others to make us complete
Ex 3-4 -- Moses needed Aaron to speak Acts 13:2 -- Paul needed Barnabas
2. Missunderstandings are natural by-products of people working together.
We tend to look at people from our perspective. We think everyone should think, act, and be motivated just as we are.
1 Cor 12:20-21 (NIV) As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!"
3.Conflicts develop when we insist on our “rights” over the relationship.
Acts 15 -- Paul and Barnabas separate on the Second Missionary Journey because of their conflict over John Mark.
4. We must understand the principles of change.
a. You can never change a team member by direct action.
b. You can only change yourself
c. When you change, your team members will change in response to you.
C. Steps in recruiting a team
1. Pray
2. Communicate your need and the vision
3. Look for people with leadership potential.
4. Ask selected people to pray about the opportunity.
5. Determine their qualifications.
6. Train them for the task.
7. Communicate, encourage, motivate, and inspect regularly.
D. Training a team
1. Systematic formal training
2. On the job training
3. Regular evaluation
4. Reward
V. The Task Of Leadership
A. Strategic planning
1. Define your purpose
2. Determine your philosphy
3. Decide your strategy
4. Set specific goals
5. Evaluate
B. Decision making: steps in the decision making process
1. Define the decision
2. Gather the facts
Too often we decide on the basis of opinion rather than the facts.
Prov 18:13 (NIV) He who answers before listening-- that is his folly and his shame.
3. Evaluate the alternatives
4. Test the best alternative to see if it is in accordance with God’s will.
a. God’s Word
b. Wise council
c. Inner peace
5. Decide
6. Make the decision work
7. Change the decsion if necessary
C. Conflict Management
1. Confronting someone with a different opinion
a. Gather the facts.
b. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
“You are more knowledgeable in this area than I am, would you please share with me why you feel it should be this way.”
“When you approach them with the correct attitude:
1.) If they are wrong, they have the opportunity of getting the facts and changing their opinion without loosing face.
2.) If you are wrong, they can share with you the facts and reasons for their opinion so you can change your mind without loosing face.
c. If a difference of opinion persists: write down your best-case scenario and your worst-case scenario and three acceptable alternatives.
Ask the person with whom you have a difference of opinion to do the same. You will find there will probably be several alternatives acceptable to both of you.
2. Confronting someone who has made a mistake
a. Use the “+ - +” technique.
b. Discuss the mistake and the contributing factors.
c. Let the person who made the mistake correct the mistake.
d. Don’t correct the mistake yourself.
f. Never reprimand in public.
3. Confronting someone who has fallen into sin
a. The pre-requisites (II Sam 12)
1. Absolute truth
2. Right timing
3. Wise wording
4. Fearless courage
The procedure
1. Pray
2. Prepare
3. Present
4. Pursue
c. The characteristics of genuine repentance
1. An open, complete admission — Psalm 51:1-4
(Psa 51:1-4 NIV) For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba. Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. {2} Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. {3} For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. {4} Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
2. A desire to make a total break with the sin — Psalm 51:10
(Psa 51:10 NIV) Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
3. A broken and humble spirit — Psalm 51:17
(Psa 51:17 NIV) The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
4. A willingness to claim God’s forgiveness along with the consequences — Psalm 51:11-12; II Samuel 12:10-24, 24
(Psa 51:11-12 NIV) Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. {12} Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
(2 Sam 12:10-14 NIV) Now,(1st consequence) therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.' {11} "This is what the LORD says: (2nd consequence)'Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. {12} You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in (3rd consequence) broad daylight before all Israel.'" {13} Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD." Nathan replied, "The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. {14} But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt, (4th consequence) the son born to you will die."
(2 Sam 12:24 NIV) Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and lay with her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The LORD loved him;
d. Genuine Forgiveness
Three ways people forgive
1. “I forgive you.” — but they don’t mean it.
2. “I can’t forgive you.”
2. “I forgive you.”— and mean it with true forgiveness.
Characteristics of true forgiveness
1. Divine perspective — Matt 18:21-35; Eph 4:31-32
(Mat 18:21-35 NIV) Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" {22} Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. {23} "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. {24} As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. {25} Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. {26} "The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' {27} The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. {28} "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. {29} "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' {30} "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. {31} When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. {32} "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. {33} Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' {34} In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. {35} "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
(Eph 4:31-32 NIV) Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. {32} Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
2. Divine commitment — Psalm 103:10-12; Micah 7:19
(Psa 103:10-12 NIV) he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. {11} For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; {12} as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
(Micah 7:19 NIV) You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.
Distinguish between The attitude and the action
Attitude - Ephesians 4:31-32; Mark 11:23
(Mark 1:23 NIV) Just then a man in their synagogue who was possessed by an evil spirit cried out,
(Eph 4:32 NIV) Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Action - Luke 17:3-4
(Luke 17:3-4 NIV) So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. {4} If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him."
4. Confronting someone who has offended you — Matt 18:15-35
1. The sequential steps — Matt 18:15-17
(Mat 18:15-17 NIV) "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. {16} But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' {17} If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
a. Go
b. Take
c. Tell
d. Treat
2. The pre-requisite — Forgiveness — Matt 18:21-22
(Mat 18:21-22 NIV) Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" {22} Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
3. The results — Matt 18:19
(Mat 18:19 NIV) "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.
4. The consequences of failure — Matt 18:32-34
(Mat 18:32-34 NIV) "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. {33} Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' {34} In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
5. Dealing with an unrepentant - 1 Cor. 5:5, 9-11; 2 Thess. 3:6; 1 Tim. 5:1, 19-20
(1 Cor 5:5 NIV) hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.
(1 Cor 5:9-11 NIV) I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— {10} not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. {11} But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.
(2 Th 3:6 NIV) In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers, to keep away from every brother who is idle and does not live according to the teaching you received from us.
(1 Tim 1:20 NIV) Among them are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan to be taught not to blaspheme.
(1 Tim 5:1 NIV) Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers,
(1 Tim 5:19-20 NIV) Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. {20} Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the others may take warning.