Building a Marriage on God's Word Part Two - The Role of the Husband

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Building a Marriage on God’s Word

Part II – The Role of the Husband (Headship: Loving and Leading)

 Primary Text:  Ephesians 5:22-33

Secondary Text:  1 Peter 3:1-7


Begin with the following:

Review of last week?

·         Part I – The Role of the Wife [Submission – counter cultural]

o   God fashioned the helper (and we need help)

o   Established order in creation

o   Women are agents of change

§  Powerful influence on men

o   Military term

o   Voluntary

o   Not being a doormat, strengths and independence of the proverbs 31 woman

o   To do it without fear requires understanding that God is your covering and ultimate source

o   Do it as unto the Lord

Marriage – a Type and Shadow

Mystery of Christ and the Church

·         Christ as King over the Universe

o   Take time here to emphasize HIS Majesty

o   Not frail weakling he has been described as

o   The manliest of men – inward character

o   Not the crutch, the rock, the lion of Judah,  we cannot handle the greatness of his glory without being instantly destroyed

·         It is to this King that WE are NOW betrothed as Bride, but will rule and reign as Wife and Queen

·         We have not yet entered the fullness of it

Christ’s Advance Fulfillment of Duties of Husband

·         Christ has paid the purchase price for his bride (dowry)

·         He makes rich provision for all her needs

·         He has paid all her debts

·         Protects her from her enemies

·         He allows her to assume his name (and exercise the authority within his name)

o   Allows him to share in all his wealth


READ EPH 5:22-33

Christ is Headship Exemplified

Christ’s Headship Established

·         If anyone could ever “earn” it, it would be Him

o   (we have been paid for in FULL at SUCH A PRICE)

·         However headship he did not aggressively take nor demand for himself

·         His headship has been forever established – immutably --  by God Himself

Christ is Not Savior Only


·         Not his ONLY distinction

·         Not just a one-time act of self-sacrifice for our redemption

·         Not just a divine “Get out of Jail free” card (fire insurance)

Christ IS and Forever Shall Be HEAD Over the Church

·         Everlasting authority and leadership over the Church has been given to him by GOD

·         We (the Church) has been made subject to Him!

·         Full Charge over us has been granted to HIM

Do we call him Savior but not MASTER ?

o   We cannot properly enjoy the fullness of the position of prominence we have been given until we fully subject ourselves to His authority

o   Not an option (Every knee shall bow)

o   Have we submitted our ALL to his headship?

§  Is HE in control over the direction of our lives

§  Our careers

§  Our aspirations

§  Our relationships

§  Our purpose and focus of our lives

Christ is THE Exemplification of Headship

·         His Charge over us is a responsibility of HIS

·         He perfectly executes his duties as head

·         He is our example of how Headship is to be handled


 On What Authority                      

·         EPH 5:23 Headship of Husband Equated with Headship of Christ

o   HEADSHIP in the home is  both clearly defined and established by GOD

o   Rule of Interpretation:  Established by 2-3 witnesses [in New Testiment])

§  Col 3:18-19 / 1 Peter 3:1 / 1 cor 11:3

·         JUST AS = Exactly Like!


·         NOT a right for forced servitude / LORDING OVER

o   Not what wife can do for husband

o   Not about how well she can slave over us hand and foot

·         Not SUPERIORITY  - 1 Peter 3:7

o   [Man and Woman hold EQUAL value to God]

o   Honor as Weaker Vessel

§  Honor = hold as high price (precious)

§  Football versus expensive vase

§  Weaker How? - Men don’t have the babies for a reason!

o   Heirs TOGETHER = Equality, with different authority


o   Bible does NOT say:  Husbands force your wives submit to you

o   Dangers of a control-freak husband

o   Not right to keep women “barefoot and pregnant”

o   Col 3:19 – Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter towards them

§  Comes from the word “to cut”

§  Are we harsh, do we cut, do we abuse it

·         1 Peter 3:7 - Extra covering for women = men’s prayers hindered (not hers)


·         A Divine Responsibility

o   Responsibility – a Sacred Charge, a divine duty, a high calling

o   An Assignment – NOT an entitlement.  A role to be performed!

·         God Given Authority

o   Husband has the greatest ability to exercise the authority of God in the home

o   Compare to Christ’s Authority

o   God does not give responsibility without the necessary Authority to carry it out

o   Authority in the Spirit-Realm

§  Command over principalities and powers

§  God’s signet ring of authority (to operate within the boundaries he assigned)

§  What are our DECREEs over our selves, wives, children

§  Be careful what we say

o   This Authority cannot be taken, but can be laid down

§  Brow beaten men are brow beaten because they allow it

·         Not talking about forcing submission, but a lack of submission does not have to mean a reversal of roles

§  Men hand the responsibility over to women all the time

§  Women should NOT have to be THE protector, provider, shepherd, teacher, leader, visionary, giver, sustainer and guide over the entire family.

Women take heart! -- for Deborah greatly exemplified how God can use a woman to fulfill the role needed for God’s will to be done when men refuse to fulfill it – but it does not absolve them of the responsibility nor the shame from the men who shirk it

o   Single Moms – God will be with you, he will sustain you, and he will give you all the tools you need to make it through

§  Describe Deborah and her disappointment with the men around her – NEVERTHELESS the Lord destroyed his enemies, and the men were put to shame that none of them were found who would fulfill their role – a servant girl did what no man would

Men – take courage!  Anything that is laid down can also be picked up again! 

For the gifts and callings of God are without repentance 

Stand strong and take hold and use what God has given you to overcome!

·         Headship is LOVING LEADERSHIP

o   Its not about domination, its about leadership in love

o   Verse 25 – Husbands Love your wives.


o   JUST AS (again, exactly like) Christ loves the Church

§  In action, not words or emotion

§  “do I love her” IS NOT the question to ask ourselves

§  HOW WELL! – that is the real question

How is Loving Leadership Exemplified

Read Eph 5:25-26

It is Sacrificial and NOT self-serving

·         Christ gave his very life – we must be willing to do the same (JUST AS)

·         That means HER NEEDS before YOUR NEEDS – at whatever cost

·         ILLUSTRATION: Men and their Toys:

o   Describe how some men have the latest toys but wife has not had new shoes for 5+ years

·         Christ is responsible to help her development and her betterment – in every way

o   (SPIRITUALLY AS THE CHURCH ) THANK GOD that it is not our own responsibility but HIS, we only need to submit to it – not accomplish it!

§  ILLUSTRATION:  Dogs getting baths

o   Christ constantly working with her lovingly to develop to her greatest glory

§  Do we help teach, guide, encourage and help our wives in developing in her gifts, strengths, and weaknesses

§  Do we teach her all we can about spiritual things – do we take the lead in Spiritual Life? – or do we leave it to the women

§  Do we help prepare her to be presented to Christ as our Joint Heirs


It is Actively Involved!

·         Notice how it describes all the activities that Christ is constantly engaged in

·         It was not just about the cross, (not just about our saying I do either!)

·         Are we actively involved in the betterment of our marriage

·         Just as Christ exemplifies, WE MEN are responsible for the health and welfare of our marriage

o   Again this is left to the women

Our Wives Are To Be Our #1 Earthly Priority

  • The family (and specifically marriage) was created before any other institution
    • Is our marriage our primary concern and focus for development (after our relationship with God)
    • Is it Not our jobs
    • Not even ministry
      • BALANCE = sometimes the wife should submit to Gods leading, but if she is not on board then hindrance will be there


·         JUST AS = We are Christ’s #1 Concern

o   How numerous are your thoughts to me oh lord

o   Tattooed you on the palms of his hands (nail scars are the fulfillment)

·         Christ does not see his Church as his caretaker so that he may focus all his attentions on his responsibilities of governing the universe – WE ARE HIS GOAL AND PRIORITY

§  We let our jobs, ministries, goals, sports, toys, obligations, entertainment…. Consume us,  we don’t come close to giving our marriages that same level of attention!

Love Returns

·         Jesus spoke of loving our neighbor as ourselves being the fulfillment of the law

·         Men are by nature to be the givers, not just givers – implanters.  Women are producers by nature.  What are we planting…

·         As a man sows so shall he reap. 

·         By loving her we love ourselves


·         Our headship is directly compared to Christ’s – what an AWESOME responsibility.

·         What a tuff act to follow

·         Allow the word of God to perform surgery on our hearts that we may handle with great care this responsibility that he has given to us called Headship

The ONLY way to walk in true headship is to make sure that we are submitted to the Headship of Christ

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