Nouthetic Counselling 8

ASKING QUESTIONS

LESSON OBJECTIVE:

1 “WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?”

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM

The irritation level

What bothered the counselee or others enough for him to come?

1 What bothered the counselee or others enough for him to come?

This is the symptomatic or feeling level

2 This is the symptomatic or feeling level

● I don’t have any friends

I don’t have any friends

I’m tired all the time

● I’m tired all the time

● I am depressed

I am depressed

I am fearful

● I am fearful

3 Ask questions that move to the next level

Ask questions that move to the next level

● When did this begin?

When did this begin?

What was happening then?

● What was happening then?

The incident level (the event)

B The incident level (the event)

The incident level (the event)

What happened to bring about this latest problem?

1 What happened to bring about this latest problem?

Examples

2 Examples

● My son was arrested

My son was arrested

I blew up at my boss

● I blew up at my boss

I cheated on my tax form

● I cheated on my tax form

The pattern level

C The pattern level

1 Determine if this is a one-time incident or part of an ongoing pattern of living

Determine if this is a one-time incident or part of an ongoing pattern of living

2 Has this sort of thing happened before?

Has this sort of thing happened before?

D These levels were labeled differently in Competent to Counsel (page 148)

These levels were labeled differently in Competent to Counsel (page 148)

1 Presentation problems

Presentation problems

2 Performance problems

Performance problems

3 Preconditioning problems

Preconditioning problems

2 USE VOCABULARY THAT ELICITS THE RESPONSES YOU WANT

Why questions put pressure on the counselee

You will often get answers that are intended to put you off

1 You will often get answers that are intended to put you off

Jesus never asked “why” to gather information, only to pressure people

2 Jesus never asked “why” to gather information, only to pressure people

3 “Why” often generates speculation

“Why” often generates speculation

B What, Where, When, Who, How questions elicit data

What, Where, When, Who, How questions elicit data

3 LET SUBSEQUENT QUESTIONS GROWS OUT OF PREVIOUS ANSWERS

As in normal conversation

With one exception: Ask many of the questions that you would normally shelve

1 With one exception: Ask many of the questions that you would normally shelve

“Is that the way it really happened?”

2 “Is that the way it really happened?”

You must over-come your inherent “niceness.”

B You must over-come your inherent “niceness.”

4 EXTENSIVE QUESTIONING

This is the shotgun approach and ordinarily comes first

The idea is to spray questions over the counselee’s entire life (every slice of his pizza)

B The idea is to spray questions over the counselee’s entire life (every slice of his pizza)

His relationship to God

1 His relationship to God

His church

2 His church

His personal relationships

3 His personal relationships

His work

4 His work

His physical life

5 His physical life

His financial affairs

6 His financial affairs

His social life

7 His social life

His use of time

8 His use of time

9 Major events in his life

Major events in his life

You are poking him in every area of life to see if he says “ouch.”

C You are poking him in every area of life to see if he says “ouch.”

Watch for “halo” data as you ask questions

D Watch for “halo” data as you ask questions

E You are looking for areas that you will note and come back to for further questioning later.

You are looking for areas that you will note and come back to for further questioning later.

LISTENING

LESSON OBJECTIVE:

, , .

1 WHAT DO CHRISTIANS LISTEN FOR?

Facts! – this is primary

B But also

But also

Excuses

1 Excuses

Exaggeration

2 Exaggeration

Jargon

3 Jargon

Contradictions

4 Contradictions

Hesitation

5 Hesitation

Error

6 Error

Hesitation to speak

7 Hesitation to speak

8 Confusion

Confusion

9 Omissions

Omissions

10 Responses

Responses

2 GOD WANTS YOU TO LISTEN TO FACTS ()

Often, biblical counselors are too anxious to speak rather than listen

A Often, biblical counselors are too anxious to speak rather than listen

Some have a few pat answers so that they think it unnecessary

1 Some have a few pat answers so that they think it unnecessary

Cf. Charles Solomon’s “co-crucifixion”

● Cf. Charles Solomon’s “co-crucifixion”

One shoe fits all counseling is unbiblical (, , )

● One shoe fits all counseling is unbiblical (, , )

Bad doctrine and exegesis may lead to failure to recognize true diversity

2 Bad doctrine and exegesis may lead to failure to recognize true diversity

Job’s counselors failed to gather data

● Job’s counselors failed to gather data

Why bother? They believed they already knew the answer—Job had sinned!

● Why bother? They believed they already knew the answer—Job had sinned!

Since they already knew Job’s problem, they wouldn’t believe him.

● Since they already knew Job’s problem, they wouldn’t believe him.

Freudian counselors do not believe counselees

 Freudian counselors do not believe counselees

Love, however, “believes all things” ()

 Love, however, “believes all things” ()

As a result, they failed to offer real help

● As a result, they failed to offer real help

Job’s real problem was the question of how God could allow such suffering for a righteous man

 Job’s real problem was the question of how God could allow such suffering for a righteous man

They had already rejected this

They had already rejected this

Do not fail to listen for all three levels of response

B Do not fail to listen for all three levels of response

This has already been discussed

1 This has already been discussed

Irritation level

● Irritation level

Specific event

● Specific event

● Underlying pattern

Underlying pattern

2 Do not settle for the superficial level

Do not settle for the superficial level

C Not probing further often is the result of pride ()

Not probing further often is the result of pride ()

3 GOD WANTS YOU TO LISTEN ACTIVELY ()

A counselor is not a passive listener

You must go out and get the facts

1 You must go out and get the facts

2 No “stream of consciousness” listening (Freud)

No “stream of consciousness” listening (Freud)

No listening for solutions offered by the counselee (Rogers)

3 No listening for solutions offered by the counselee (Rogers)

B The listener (counselor) must be in charge of the session

The listener (counselor) must be in charge of the session

1 Guiding the discussion where he wants it to go

Guiding the discussion where he wants it to go

He sets up structure for gaining facts

2 He sets up structure for gaining facts

3 He seeks the data he needs in order to help

He seeks the data he needs in order to help

This kind of listening requires a wise counselor

C This kind of listening requires a wise counselor

1 Wisdom is the practical application of biblical truth

Wisdom is the practical application of biblical truth

Who uses his mind to discern what is going on in the counselee’s life

2 Who uses his mind to discern what is going on in the counselee’s life

Who knows what he needs to know

3 Who knows what he needs to know

Who knows how to ask the right questions to obtain it

4 Who knows how to ask the right questions to obtain it

D What he gathers is factual data

What he gathers is factual data

Knowledge

1 Knowledge

2 Information

Information

Not feelings, as Rogerians and others do

3 Not feelings, as Rogerians and others do

4 THERE ARE AT LEAST 3 SIDES TO EVERY INTERPERSONAL PROBLEMS ()

E.g. husband, wife, God

B This passage requires that all parties be present

This passage requires that all parties be present

t is foolish to separate parties to a matter for counsel

1 It is foolish to separate parties to a matter for counsel

Each should hear the other’s account so as to refute, amplify, or modify

2 Each should hear the other’s account so as to refute, amplify, or modify

C Never allow someone to speak negatively about a person who is not present (; )

Never allow someone to speak negatively about a person who is not present (; )

DIt is a great temptation to listen to gossip in the counseling room

It is a great temptation to listen to gossip in the counseling room