Failure to discipline
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The Wisdom of Discipline
The Wisdom of Discipline
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
English Standard Version Chapter 23
13 Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
14 If you strike him with the rod,
you will save his soul from Sheol
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.
The foolish selfishness of Amnon’s lust
Only wants what he can’t have
Doesn’t want it once it’s satisfied
The danger of bad friends
Failure to Discipline
Failure to Discipline
David’s sin is Going to return on his own head
English Standard Version Chapter 13
13 Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. 2 And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. 3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man. 4 And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” 5 Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’ ”
2 Samuel 13:1-
Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man. And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’ ”
Amnon was David’s firstborn son and Heir apparent
His mother was Ahinoam of Jezreel
Absalom, David’s third son and his Sister Tamar
Mother was Maacah
Amnon Followed Jonadab’s advice, When David came to visit him he asked for Tamar to make him cakes. David sent Tamar to him and she made cakes for him to eat. She put the cakes near him for him to eat but he asked her to bring them to him in his bed. When she brought them to him he grabbed to violate her. Her response is in verses 12-14
2 samuel
She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.
Tamar makes the following 4 arguments to attempt to defend herself
Such a thing is not done in Israel
Israel was to be the covenant people of God and as such were called to a holy standard
In the mosiac law both Rape and having such relations with a close relative were forbidden
“where could I carry my shame”
Tamar would be both unmarried and unmarriageable as she would no longer be a virgin
A princess would normally be married to an important ally or important king or prince from another nation for diplomatic reasons
she would no longer be acceptable for this
The culture would likely consider her somewhat responsible for what happened
She was reminding Amnon that he would be ruining her life
“as for you, you would be as on of the outrageous fools in Israel”
He would also be permanently tarnishing his own reputation
As the kings Oldest son he should be behaving in a way to show he deserves the kingship
This could undermine his leadership before it even starts
His behavior was like Esau, who scorned his birthright by selling it for some stew. Giving up the much greater reward for immediate gratification.
As the kings firstborn he should ask to have her as his wife.
The Mosaic law did not permit such a marriage
But, it certainly was much better than what he was doing
But even this, he was not willing to delay the immediate desire in order to have her in a legitimate and long term relationship
“But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her”
She verbally protested to what he was doing with strong arguments
She physically resisted himz
She did every thing she could do both to protect her own purity and Amnon from his foolish actions
Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up! Go!” But she said to him, “No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her. He called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her.” Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went.
Why is is that sin never satisfies?
Amnon wanted Tamar so badly he had made himself sick
Now that he finally got what he wanted he should be happy, Right?
Sin always promises to make us happy but it is never able to
The most it can give is a momentary pleasure
God created us to enjoy Himself
The pleasures of God are far greater than the pleasures of sin
God created pleasure
Sin twists and perverts the good pleasures that God created
God is the source of all Good and lasting pleasure only comes from Him
Amnon Sends Tamar away and she responds “No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me”
The virgin daughters of David all lived together and were provided for and protected by their father David.
Tamar, would now no longer be able to stay among the other virgin’s
She also had little hope of having a husband to provide and protect her
She would expect that Amnon would now Marry her since he had violated her
Deut 22:28
“If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are found, then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not divorce her all his days.
But Amnon had no intention to be a husband and provider for Tamar
From the beginning to the end, Amnon’s treatment of Tamar was entirely selfish
She “tore the long robe tat she wore”
the long robe was a unique and probably colorful robe worn only by David’s virgin daughters
It would have been a rough equivalent of a purity ring
it symbolized their purity
And her brother Absalom said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? Now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this to heart.” So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom’s house.
2 Samuel 13:
“hold you peace”
he is asking her not to go to the King
If not for Absalom, her only option would be to ask the King to require Amnon to marry her
Absalom brought her into his home to provide for her
he became a substitute for the protection and provision that a husband would normally provide fora woman
Unfortunately, she would never have a husband and lived “a desolate woman”
she had no children
Absalom did not want Tamar to marry Amnon, instead, he wanted to kill Amnon
David Fails to Discipline
David Fails to Discipline
When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had violated his sister Tamar.
2 Samuel 13:
“David was very angry”
did he do anything?
no
As a father, he should have disciplined his Son
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
David’s failure to discipline as a father is going to prove disastrous for his children
d. As a King he should have given Justice to his daughter Tamar
2. David fails both as a parent and a king
After two full years Absalom had sheepshearers at Baal-hazor, which is near Ephraim, and Absalom invited all the king’s sons. And Absalom came to the king and said, “Behold, your servant has sheepshearers. Please let the king and his servants go with your servant.” But the king said to Absalom, “No, my son, let us not all go, lest we be burdensome to you.” He pressed him, but he would not go but gave him his blessing. Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us.” And the king said to him, “Why should he go with you?” But Absalom pressed him until he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him. Then Absalom commanded his servants, “Mark when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon,’ then kill him. Do not fear; have I not commanded you? Be courageous and be valiant.” So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and each mounted his mule and fled.
2 Samuel 13:23-
“ After two full years”
Absalom had being quietly planning his brothers murder for two full years
Had David at any time Disciplined Amnon, Absalom may have been satisfied and given up his plot
I believe David’s lack of discipline of Amnon led to Amnon’s death
A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.
Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.
2. It is interesting that Solomon, another one of David’s sons writes this
a. David will eventually lose 3 sons. All 3 who’s deaths could have been avoided if David had disciplined them
2 Samuel 13:30-
While they were on the way, news came to David, “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons, and not one of them is left.” Then the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the earth. And all his servants who were standing by tore their garments. But Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, said, “Let not my lord suppose that they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons, for Amnon alone is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day he violated his sister Tamar. Now therefore let not my lord the king so take it to heart as to suppose that all the king’s sons are dead, for Amnon alone is dead.”
In the panic of what happened, false report comes to the King that All of his sons are killed by Absalom
David is devastated by the news
Jonadab tells David, surely not all of them are dead. It is only Amnon because Absalom has been planning this since the day Amnon violated Tamar.
If you remember, Jonadab was the friend of Amnon that gave him the idea of how to rape Tamar.
Friends that want you to do bad things are not true friends
If they really cared about you they would not want you to do evil things
This is true of Jonadab, the story tells us that he knew Absalom would want to kill Amnon
He did not warn Amnon of the danger
He certainly did not go with Amnon as a friend to Absalom’s party.
he knew better for himself
Jonadab is a very bad friend
Jonadab’s words come true and David’s remaining sons return alive
Absalom flees to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur
His Grandfather on his mothers side
In the course of time, David ceases to mourn for Amnon and longs to see his son Absalom again
Absalom’s Return
Absalom’s Return
Absalom’s Rebellion
Absalom’s Rebellion