Uncommon #3 - Uncommon Communication

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

“Behavior and customs” - especially in relationships

“Transform” - no rules and how to’s, no guidelines, but let God transform you and how you operate and things begin to work

I can’t change your life, I can only hope to bring you new ideas that will help change the way you “think”.

Changed by your thinking process

Romans 12:2 NLT

When that change takes place

“God’s will” - good, pleasing and perfect

Marriage, kids, relationships that are actually pleasing.

Going to talk about words today -

I want to be better

World’s way - vile, vulgar and vicious language

Politics

Social media

Taking the human element out

Starts with our thinking - these come from research:

Four Levels of Communication

1. Surface communication.

Cliches

No conversation intended

Digital communication may fit here

2. General information.

A bit deeper

Just passing information

Not going any deeper

Four most romantic words you can speak to your wife:

“And then what happened?”

If we’re going to get any real communication, we have to go a deeper level

The first is:

3. Deep feelings.

Feeling aren’t always right, but they’re always real

Need a safe place to express deep feelings

4. Deep needs.

Best marriages go here

More than 90% don’t go here

Research shows the 4 barriers to communication:

Four Barriers to Communication

1. Withdrawal.

Just shut it down. “That’s it” “Dont’ want to hear it”

Just don’t want to talk

Silent treatment

Story of couple in silent treatment and he needs to catch a flight at 5 a.m.

Second level:

2. Escalation.

Tempers flaring - speaking loudly

Dangerous level - words to hurt:

3. Belittling.

Trying to stay on top - can’t raise myself, so I’m going to put you below me

4. False belief.

Words can become demonic

When the proper way of communication isn’t used, you can start to believe false things

So what do we do?

Have to take an uncommon approach

Set up next section - Jesus talking about unpardonable sin - blaspheming the Holy Spirit - sin of the mouth

THEN He said you will give an account of EVERY word spoken

Uncommon Communication

Matthew 12:36–37 The Message

Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation.”

“come back to haunt” - like seed planted, they will bring a harvest

“time of reckoning” - an accounting, a paying for,

Goes on to say:

Matthew 12:36–37 The Message

“powerful” - you need to realize how powerful they really are. Take them seriously.

You (we) are the product of the words spoken over us.

If your background wasn’t so great - you can change WHO you are by changing what you speak

You can change the world around you by what you speak

An uncommon world where we speak life over people

Its not that there isn’t bad, that there aren’t “don’ts” - but if we concentrate on the “do’s” the “don’ts” take care of themselves AND our lives are so much more full and satisfying

There’s a quote by Irish playwrite:

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. ~George Bernard Shaw

We have to be INTENTIONAL

Seven types of communication that more intentional:

1. Praise.

Praise people - find and highlight your qualities

Proverbs 25:11 NKJV

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver.

Our words need to be beautiful and valuable

We need to speak beautiful words that add value to people’s lives

Its why our children’s ministry is so important - speaking life over these kids

(work on this some)

Prophesy to them, speak life

2. Thanksgiving.

Speak more thanks

Be grateful

Proverbs 18:21–22 NIV

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

Speak thanks to your wife

Tell her what is good about her

3. Affection.

Openly express affection

Let them know how you feel about them

Its not sufficient that you love them - LET THEM KNOW

Jeremiah 31:3 NLT

Long ago the Lord said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.

(say it to the church)

4. Encouragement.

Find someone and encourage them

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

“building others up” -

Speak life!

Let’s do it here, Exceleration! Let’s create a culture, and atmosphere

5. Kindness.

Safe environment

Create an environment where people feel safe around you

Proverbs 15:1 NIV

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

6. Truth in love.

Ephesians 4:15 NLT

Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.

Jesus was full of truth and grace

Truth w/o grace is mean

Grace w/o truth is meaningless

Truth and grace is medicine

7. Prayer.

Don’t hesitate to include them in prayer - bring them in

Just stop and pray

Psalm 16:8–9 NIV

I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,

Pray

Heal hearts that have been devastated by words

Repent for words said

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