Nouthetic Counselling 10

WHEN COUNSELLING FAILS: A CASE STUDY FROM 3JOHN

LESSON OBJECTIVE:

3 John

1 WHEN COUNSELLING FAILS

Understand who failed

1 The counselor?

The counselor?

2 The counselee?

The counselee?

3 Both?

Both?

B How do we know there will be failure in counseling?

How do we know there will be failure in counseling?

1 We have all experienced it personally

We have all experienced it personally

2 Christ experienced it

Christ experienced it

3 The Apostles experienced it

The Apostles experienced it

C In 3 John, the counselor was a success, the counselee failed

In 3 John, the counselor was a success, the counselee failed

1 John did all the right things

John did all the right things

2 This means the

This means the counseling was a success because the goal is to please God

the counseling was a success because the goal is to please God

2 SURVEY OF 3 JOHN

Personal greeting to Gaius ()

1 John’s relationship to Gaius

John’s relationship to Gaius

2 The importance of truth

The importance of truth

3 The prosperity of Gaius

The prosperity of Gaius

Gaius walked in the truth

● Gaius walked in the truth

John was especially pleased by Gaius’ walk

● John was especially pleased by Gaius’ walk

Receiving the brethren ()

B Receiving the brethren (5-8)

Confronting the problem ()

John first confronts by mail

But his authority was not recognized by Diotrephes

C Confronting the problem (9-11)

1 John first confronts by mail

If you use the Scriptures you have God’s authority as you counsel

● But his authority was not recognized by Diotrephes

 If you use the Scriptures you have God’s authority as you counsel

Accept no substitutes!

 Accept no substitutes!

He wanted the place of preeminence for himself

● He wanted the place of preeminence for himself

When his letter was disregarded he committed himself to dealing with the matter when he came

2 When his letter was disregarded he committed himself to dealing with the matter when he came

John rehearses the problems he will handle

● John rehearses the problems he will handle

What Diotrephes did

What Diotrephes said

What Diotrephes did

His refusal to submit to authority

 What Diotrephes said

 His refusal to submit to authority

His abuse of church discipline

 His abuse of church discipline

Compare this to Jesus’ confrontation of Peter ()

● Compare this to Jesus’ confrontation of Peter ()

Gaius is urged to imitate those who do good, not Diotrephes

3 Gaius is urged to imitate those who do good, not Diotrephes

Holding up those of good repute

D Holding up those of good repute

Conclusion

E Conclusion

3 JOHN DID ALL THE RIGHT THINGS IN CONFRONTING DIOTREPHES, BUT DIOTREPHES FAILS TO CHANGE

You will have counselees who fail to change

1Often your counselee is influenced by those who do not desire the change God desires

Often your counselee is influenced by those who do not desire the change God desires

2 Gaius was not to imitate Diotrephes, but Demetrius

Gaius was not to imitate Diotrephes, but Demetrius

B Help your counselee make good choices in whom they will imitate

Help your counselee make good choices in whom they will imitate

C You must also be ready to handle being mocked

You must also be ready to handle being mocked

D Biblical counseling requires courage

Biblical counseling requires courage

SELF-ESTEEM

Your counselees will often come to you having been taught by the media, by academia, by society, and (sadly) by many churches that a contributing factor to whatever problem they present to you is their lack of a sufficient degree of self-esteem. In this lecture Dr. Adams describes this modern dogma and evaluates it in light of the Scriptures. After you have studied Dr. Adams’ lecture we strongly urge you to obtain a copy of his book entitled The Biblical View of Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and Self-Image. This book was first published in 1986 at the height of self-esteem popularity. While “self-esteemism” is now waning in popularity in secular circles,1 it remains a cardinal doctrine in most eclectic Christian circles today. We urge you to read Dr. Adams’ book in conjunction with this lecture.

LESSON OBJECTIVE:

1 A DESCRIPTION OF OF SELF-ESTEEM TEACHING

Its origin

Its adaptation by Christians

B Its adaptation by Christians

Narramore

1 Narramore

Shuler

© INSTITUTE FOR NOUTHETIC STUDIES  INTRODUCTION TO NOUTHETIC COUNSELING PAGE | 78

2 Shuler

Dobson

3 Dobson

It is essentially sanctification by worth.

C It is essentially sanctification by worth.

2 HOW SCRIPTURE IS TWISTED TO FIT SELF -ESTEEMISM

B

C

D

3 GOD’S VIEW OF MAN

God describes men as:

1 Abominable,

Abominable,

2 Dogs,

Dogs,

3 Sinners, ;

Sinners, ;

4 Fault Finders,

Fault Finders,

5 Corrupt, , ;

Corrupt, , ;

6 Useless,

Useless,

7 Evil,

Evil,

8 Stupid,

Stupid,

9 Cowards,

Cowards,

10 Nothing, ;

Nothing, ;

11 Fools, ;

Fools, ;

12 Adulteresses,

Adulteresses,

Braggarts,

Heartless,

Wicked,

13 Braggarts,

14 Heartless,

Vipers,

15 Wicked,

16 Vipers,

Vain,

17 Vain, Psalm 60:18

Enemies,

18 Enemies,

Gossips,

19 Gossips,

20 Slanderers,

Slanderers,

B Does God promote self-esteem? God . . .

Does God promote self-esteem? God . . .

1 Laughs at people ()

Laughs at people ()

2 Scoffs at people (; ; )

Scoffs at people (; ; )

3 Laughs at their calamity ()

Laughs at their calamity ()

4 Tells people they make Him sick ()

Tells people they make Him sick ()

C God commends those who . . .

God commends those who . . .

1 Fear and tremble ()

Fear and tremble ()

2 Mourn over their sin ()

Mourn over their sin ()

3 Sigh and groan ()

Sigh and groan ()

4 Loath themselves (; )

Loath themselves (; )

5 Have broken hearts and spirits ()

Have broken hearts and spirits ()

6 Tremble at God’s Word ()

Tremble at God’s Word ()

D God brought an onslaught against Job’s self-esteem ()

God brought an onslaught against Job’s self-esteem ()

4 GOD CONDEMNS SELF LOVE

B

C

, “What is man?”

D , “What is man?”

5 GOD’S ALTERNATIVE TO SLEF-LOVE

Repentance

1 shuv = to turn around

shuv = to turn around

2 metanoia = to rethink

metanoia = to rethink

B A two-fold process

A two-fold process

1 A change of mind that leads to…

A change of mind that leads to…

2 A change in living (direction)

A change in living (direction)

C God’s summary in Isaiah 55:18

God’s summary in Isaiah 55:18

1 Rethink (your thoughts are not my thoughts)

Rethink (your thoughts are not my thoughts)

2 Go a different way (your ways are not my ways)

Go a different way (your ways are not my ways)

D You must call your counselee to repentance.

You must call your counselee to repentance.

1 He must think God’s thoughts after Him.

He must think God’s thoughts after Him.

2 He must go God’s ways.

He must go God’s ways.

6 THE PROBLEM IS NOT UNBELIEF, IT IS FALSE BELIEF

B