Uncommon #4 - Uncommon Conflict
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Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Concentrate on “let God transform you”
Then on “good and pleasing and perfect”
Go back over messages: uncommon love, uncommon commitment, uncommon communication
Today is:
Uncommon Conflict
Uncommon Conflict
There WILL be conflict . . .
Marriage like a deck of cards - starts with two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
Set up message:
First part some of the causes
Four Causes of Conflict
Four Causes of Conflict
1. Poor communication.
What we say can worsen what would be a small conflict
Too loose with our tongues. Men especially.
Man to wife: “I can’t believe you can be so beautiful at the same time.” She: let me explain. He made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. He made me stupid so I would be attracted to you.”
Should be a daily prayer:
Set a guard over my mouth, Lord;
keep watch over the door of my lips.
A door has a hinge you can control
First response is not to go to the person. First response is to go to God for direction. As Him to put a guard over your mouth.
Second cause:
2. Unfulfilled expectations.
ALL anger starts here. You wanted something and you didn’t get it and the anger comes. Disappointment is the beginning of conflict.
BIBLE SPEAKS VERY DIRECTLY TO THIS:
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.
You want something - you can’t get it
I wanted a clear highway and path to work - I didn’t get it
I wanted some peace and quiet - the neighbor’s barking dog . . .
We’re expecting something from man that only God can give.
HERE’S THE 3RD ONE:
3. Despising differences.
We’ve become so polarized
Value in being different -
If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
When God transforms you, part of the transformation is the ability to give grace to what is different from you. His grace made a way for us to unite with him. What will YOUR grace do toward those who are different from you?
Speaking of grace,
HERE’S THE 4TH ONE, WE ALL HAVE A:
4. Sin nature.
We’ve all fallen. We’re all messed up.
Problem is, we want God’s grace - forgive me, etc. - and we withhold it from others.
BIBLE SAYS:
For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.
Shouldn’t expect you to always get it right
Four Ways to Deal with Conflict
Four Ways to Deal with Conflict
1. My way.
My way or the highway
2. Your way.
For sake of peace, I’ll just say ok - but you’re always mad about it
3. Half way.
I’ll let you have your way 1/2 the time, I’ll get mine 1/2 - now you’re just made 50% of the time.
4. God’s way.
God’s way - contrast with the world
I first go to Him and let him do a work in me
Uncommon Conflict
Uncommon Conflict
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-5) There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them.
Always a choice of how to deal with things - you can scatter stones and throw them or you can gather them a make an altar.
He said to his relatives, “Gather some stones.” So they took stones and piled them in a heap, and they ate there by the heap.
Set up the story - Jacob
(Go back and listen at 19:00) for setup on how we allow conflict to take over)
Conflict cannot continue without my participation.
Four Uncommon Responses
Four Uncommon Responses
FIRST:
1. I will act not react.
Take steps to RESOLVE, not inflame
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Things you should never do:
Never put it off
Never call names
Never raise your voice
Never get historical
Never say never or always
Never threaten divorce.
HERE’S THE SECOND ONE:
2. I will focus on the good things in you.
I CHOOSE to FIND the good things.
Traffice
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
WHATEVER . . .
Quote next verse . . .
Make a choice
3. I will apply God’s grace to you.
We all want it for Us - BUT PUNISH THEM
Parable of the master who forgave the servant’s debt
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
CAN’T DO IT UNLESS YOU DO THE 4TH THING ON THE LIST:
4. I will remember God’s grace to me.
When I stop and remember ALL that God has done, it gives me the power to extend grace to others
PRAY!
The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can’t know him if you don’t love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.
My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other.