Sermon Tone Analysis

Just by looking around this room we can see how the branches of the Wesley and Blakely family tree has grown and just blossomed.

Starting in Hattie MS and spreading to places like St.Louis, Chicago, Batesville MS, Detroit, Toledo, Minneapolis, the Virginia Island and to places all over this country and world; the Blakely and Wesley descendents has grown to be numerous and mighty; in many ways we mirror the promise that God gave to Abraham and Sarah in where God promises Abram, I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you.”

Family look around and see how we have been blessed.

You know as has been our tradition, we have always held our family reunions on Father’s Day weekend.

Which in many ways is reflective of God’s desire for men to be the head of their households just as Christ is the head of us.

If you were to watch many of the TV shows featuring families in the last couple of decades, you would be forgiven for believing that family life was a piece of cake.

Yes it was true that families had problems, but no matter what arose, the problem was solved within half an hour or an hour if it was really serious.

Well, how many of y’all remember when the Cosby tv show was the gold standard by which black families tried to be be like.

You had the ultra successful Dr. Huxtable

But in real life, the lives of some of the key characters showed that family life wasn’t always what it was cracked up to be.

EXAMPLES

In real life, family life is often not the kiss and make up stuff that these TV shows were made of.

For so many families, behind closed doors there is painful conflict.

It shouldn’t really be surprising, because every family is comprised of mere mortals — imperfect people.

And imperfect people regularly have conflicts.

Every family needs to deal with conflict at some time and at some level.

Married couples fight as they try to merge two individuals into one couple.

Parents disagree about how they should raise their children.

Children fight with each other and their parents because they don’t get their own way.

Every family needs to be equipped to resolve conflict when they arise.

The Book of Ephesians is a book about all sorts of relationships.

It deals with how an individual can function as a part of a church, a marriage, a family, a workplace and even in society.

The Book of Ephesians covers just about every kind of relationship one can imagine and there is one section which specifically deals with resolving conflict.

Though it is written specifically for people in the church, it is practical advice that can be related to any relationship – even family relationships.

So this evening, I want to spend some time looking at this passage to find some practical help in maintaining family unity.

Read if needed

Paul is here speaking to Christians who are having problems with disunity and he says (vs22) You were taught to do 3 things.

1) To PUT OFF your old self.

That is the old way of life, your old way of doing things, your old attitudes, etc.

The image is like an old set of clothes.

You take them off and put them to one side with the aim of putting on something different.

Paul says the old self which we put off is continuously being corrupted.

If left to ourselves, our attitudes of selfishness quickly begin to dominate in our lives.

It is all about us winning and so we keep a ledger of those people that owe us things.

But Paul says that we are to firstly put off this old selfish self.

2) Then Paul says, that having put off the things that are corrupting us, we are to be MADE NEW in the attitude of your minds.

This step in the equation is a renewing step.

It is a renewal of our mind – our attitudes, our thoughts, our interests.

The word “renew” is a word which means to renovate, to reform, to renew.

It is not just speaking about restoring our grey matter and somehow recovering our ability to think, remember and process.

But it is the attitude of our minds which is being restored - the attitude which shapes our thinking, our thoughts and our motives.

3) The last thing that Paul tells us to do then is to get dressed again.

To PUT ON the new self, which aims to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

There are a lot of Renovation shows around these days.

What happens during a renovation is very similar to what Paul is talking about here.

You begin by getting rid of the old – the rubbish in the back yard, the rotten floor boards, the old run down kitchen.

You must pull it right out and dump it in the skip.

Then you need to renew your mind – you need to change your thoughts about what is acceptable and what is not.

Once it was acceptable to have a back yard full of rubbish.

Now it is not.

So you change the attitude of your mind.

Lastly you make the changes.

You put on the new and put in a new garden, a new floorboard or a new kitchen.

But just like any renovation, the new takes maintenance.

It would be so easy for the new to become neglected, rundown and worn out.

The New Self needs to be constantly being renewed.

Step 2 of the process – the Renewing of our minds is an ongoing process which will never end until we get to heaven.

But how does this help us in relationships and particularly in conflicts?

Paul goes on to give us some very practical tips which are centred around this little 3 step process.

Tip #1 for building unity in families - Speak the truth.

- Vs 25 – He says, this means that you must “put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body”.

The pattern is to put off the old – telling lies, stretching the truth, taking things out of context – and put on the new – speaking the truth.

Note that Paul says that in conflict, we need to SPEAK with one another.

At times we may feel it is less painful if we just say nothing or run and hide.

However, avoidance never solves any problems – it usually just increases the intensity of the conflict and the pain.

The parents who smile at their unruly son and say, "He’s a typical little boy," are not helping their child—they are hurting him.

The wife or husband who simply attributes a spouse’s chronic complaining to a heavy work schedule is doing the spouse no favor.

Speaking is the key, but when we speak, it must be the TRUTH.

There was a brother and sister who were very close, and always honest with each other.

One evening as the brother prepared for a date, he remarked, "I’m fat."

"No, you’re not," she scolded.

"My hair is awful," he said.

"It’s lovely," she encouraged.

"I’ve never looked worse," he whined.

And she said, "Yes, you have."

This isn’t easy to do.

While in the midst of conflict it is very easy for us to distort the truth without even trying.

A husband comes home late from work a couple of days in a row and he is accused by his wife of not loving her anymore.

A parent sets an early curfew and is accused by her child of trying to crush his social life.

A brother borrows a toy and his sibling accuses him of theft.

Every single one of us are guilty of blowing a situation out of proportion.

Every one of us is also guilty of being over general and also being pedantically correct.

You know what I mean … You are in an argument and one person says “You never listen to me.”

It is an over generalisation – not true, but is said to try to emphasis the frustration.

What’s the immediate answer that is fired back?

You all know it “I do listen to you, I sat down and listened to you for half an hour yesterday.”

Yes that is technically true, but the general thrust of the argument may still valid.

To be too general or to hung up on specifics is dangerous.

To avoid all this we must speak the truth about the matter from our point of view.

Rather than pointing the accusing finger, it is better to approach the other person simply explaining how we feel.

It sounds like this: "When you don’t come home from work I feel like you are avoiding me." "When you give me an early curfew I feel like I’m missing out on fun with my friends."

While our accusations make others defensive, explaining our feelings opens doors to conversation and resolution.

Tip 1 therefore is to speak the truth – to communicate as accurately as we can how we are feeling.

Tip #2 for building unity in families – To Control your anger.

Vs 26-27 says .

“In your anger do not sin” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

The verse here doesn’t say, that all anger is sin.

No.

It says, in you being angry, be careful that you do not sin.

It is important to note here that not all anger is sinful.