Parent Cultural Update:

Purpose: The whole goal of getting us all together as parents, is to acknowledge two things:

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We Are Fighting A Battle

each and every day to “train up a child in the way they should go” as Proverbs 22:6 says

Some of us in here are in the thick of that battle this morning

Others of us have younger kids, so maybe we don’t feel the heat of the battle at this moment, but I promise you, it has already begun

And what are we fighting?

“The spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience” as tells us

We are fighting an ever increasing apathy towards God and His Word, and this fight is coming at us from all angles, and it’s coming at your kids from all angles as well:

From t.v. commercials, cartoons, athletes, celebrities, social media, and so on....see, culture is trying it’s absolute hardest to influence (or disciple) you, and your kids, to walk away from God.....and we are sometimes, and I fear often, unaware it is even happening!

Theologian John Kavanaugh says this about culture: “It is a gospel, that quietly converts, elicits commitments, transforms, and suggests human fulfillments.”

Satan’s no dummy....

See, you have to realize you are in daily battle, and the world won’t let up, culture won’t let up, so the challenge to us as parents who want to see our kids walk with God is this: “Will you let up?”

Which brings us to our second acknowledgement,

We need help

I’m in a unique position as youth pastor here, because I get insight into your teen’s lives in a way that you probably don’t.

And I’m watching culture, and the ever increasing pull it has on teens as they get involved in life, as they become men and women, and I’m over here with God’s Word yelling, “No, I promise you, Christ is so much better than any of that!”

And my hope and prayer is that you as parents are yelling that along with me…that your focus is on Christ.

And you can ask Savannah, I go home some nights and I’m just exasperated. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to convince them that Christ really is better.

Any one in here relate with me on that?

I hope you as parents do relate with me on this, because you are the vital link

Ever feel hopeless?

Well, I promise you this, we are the farthest thing from hopeless that there is, and I know it sounds cliche sometimes amongst church people, but, “We have hope because we have this, God’s Word”.

God has not left us high and dry, nor will he ever.

The Format

Provide you a resource

Update you on trends in culture

Challenge and encourage you in your extremely challenging job of being a Godly parents to your kids

Culture

Well, let’s talk briefly about one aspect of culture that has an absolute life-grip on not just our teens, but us as well: Smartphones & Social Media

Now, Harry, don’t panic, I’m not going to have a phone burning in the parking lot after this or anything like this

How many of us have smartphones in here?

Right, almost all of us!

And they are so beneficial to how we do life aren’t they? Because they really really are, they are such a useful tool!

From online banking, to online classes, to sending money, to being able to communicate with family who doesn’t live locally (that’s a big one for me), to social media, to having a camera always with you, to music and podcasts, to having the ability to call for help if you get stranded.

They are quite correctly “life-changers”....for us

But, as with anything in life, we, being sinful people, can morph and distort a “good thing” into something vile. We’re actually certified professionals at doing this, and so there are a lot of negative things that come out of these devices as well.

You guys I’m sure are aware of the big one:

Pornography (a popular site tracks this and found that 61% of their users are on a mobile device)

But not only that, studies show that by the age of 15, 65% of children have viewed it, and were as likely to view it on accident, as on purpose

But there are other negatives, and social media is also a very large negative:

“Social media has been described as more addictive than cigarettes and alcohol, and is now so entrenched in the lives of young people”

The ability to live dual-lives

Example

Many teens are unaware though that what you do online stays online. They almost operate in this mode of I can do whatever I want.

Finding total worth in social media and how many likes you get

And you can’t sit here and tell me we all don’t do this, right? We post something on that antiquated site called Facebook and we sit and we watch and wait to see who likes it.

And if we don’t get enough, if we are completely honest with ourselves, what do we feel?

“People must not care” “I must not have looked good enough” “I wasn’t funny enough”

And we are finding our worth in these little heart shaped buttons on a computer or phone screen!

Cyberbullying

Where your teen can participate in, or be the subject of, online abuse.

In more teens lives, your life online is more important than your life in this world. Which is why so much time is spent on building the perfect online profile.

Screen Addiction

The average teen spends 11+ hours per day on their phone/computer/tablet

This is what your teens are facing, but on a massive scale, because they are living their entire lives on these things

So, if your kids have a phone, or if your contemplating getting them one, I would strongly encourage you to set boundaries for them on those devices. From time limits, to the ability to download an app, to regular checks (although your teens aren’t dumb), parent as if they are living in a world that is out to get them, because they are.

But here’s a reminder, you, as the parents, need boundaries as well.

You wouldn’t send your kid out exploring the world on their own without proper boundaries in place…so why would you send them into a very real online world without the same precautions?

But here’s a reminder, you, as the parents, need boundaries as well.

One of the best tools you can download as of today, and I tested it out myself, is something called “Qustodio”

Promo Qustodio

Free or paid for subscription

Monitor all devices

Set time limits

See searches

See how much time is spent on any app

Two of the Biggest

Two cultural looks we are going to take today both dwell in the world of social media, and they, well, at least one will be familiar to you.....Snapchat & Instagram

And again, I’m not saying these things are necessarily inherently evil, although maybe for one of these I would say it’s definitely engrained in there…but don’t come out of this saying, “I’m deleting both apps off of my kids phones”. That’s not the goal here. If that’s where you end up together, then great, but don’t just delete the app and move on.

That’s what talks about. Sweeping the house without truly dealing with the problem

What we need to do as parents is take a look at culture, at apps, and create dialogue with our teens, influenced by God’s Word, and come to decisions that way.

Snapchat

But let’s talk about Snapchat. In full disclosure, I have a snapchat, and I’m honestly always back and forth on whether I should. But the truth of the matter is, almost all of your teens in here have it, and it is the number one way they communicate.

Literally, if I text and snap one of your students the same question, they’ll respond 9/10 to the snap first

So what is it?

A communication app that allows users to exchange pictures and videos that disappear after the amount of time prescribed by the sender OR after the receiver closes it, depending on settings chosen by the sender.

Users can also exchange private chat messages that can be saved.

A communication app that allows users to exchange pictures and videos that disappear after the amount of time prescribed by the sender OR after the receiver closes it, depending on settings chosen by the sender. Users can also exchange private chat messages that can be saved.

Though pictures/videos disappear, they can be saved by the receiver via screenshot (the sender will be notified if this happens—unless, of course, a user knows how to get around the notification— but they cannot stop the receiver from doing so).

Why do they love it?

It’s “private”

It’s quick and easy

It’s vague, you don’t have to disclose anymore than you want to

Their social standing amongst friends is greatly impacted by their “snapscore”

A high snap score = popularity

Illustration - streaks / centrifuge trip

Is it safe?

Sort of…there is no way to hide all objectionable content, trust me, I’ve tried.

And so you as a parent have a decision to make there

No one can see your teens snaps without being added as a friend, so that is a good thing, unless your teen just adds everybody that requests.

Snap Maps can be a concern for parents. If left on “All My Friends”, everybody that is a friend can see your exact location. “Select Friends” is another option. “Ghost mode” means no one can see their location

Show real time example

Any dangers?

Sexting, obviously....

The highly sexual content that is unable to be hid can just fuel a teens desire to be like what they see, or to look for what they see!

One’s worth based on their score

Instagram

Now, here is one that we are all more familiar with…Instagram…how many of us have an instagram

What is it?

So we know more about this one…photo/video uploading site

800 million people use this app

Adding 100 million users every couple of months

Half of users use it daily, and that number gets higher the younger the person

Those under 25 on average use the app 32 minutes a day

52% of teens say this is their favorite app

Why do they love it?

Simply, self-promotion and self-validation

But this makes sense from even a human perspective, it’s just online now

At the root of our sinfulness are these very ideas, aren’t they?

They love it because they can quantify how popular, how self-validated they are, by the number of followers, likes, and views they get on their posts.

It’s at it’s simplest, a self-glorifying app that is rooted in them finding their worth and their substance in their identity

As a teen, we were all there though weren’t we?

Trying to figure out who we are, what makes us unique, what makes us special

The problem is, they’re looking to their online profiles to determine what the answer to those questions are…and instagram is one of the biggest ways they find that answer

Is it safe?

Every user has a profile, and that profile can be set to “private or public”

Public meaning any user on instagram can find and follow your account without your approval

So if your teens have one, I’d strongly encourage a private account.

We’ve found some teens in this youth group who had a public account and they had some seriously questionable people following their account

Explore Tab - Inappropriate Images

Your teen, or you, can search anything on instagram, and using a hashtag, can find almost anything

Instagram has tried to combat that by implement “hard bans” and “soft bans”

Hard ban = no return of any results

Soft ban = certain images won’t be returned in a search

Instagram also has a pretty strict nudity guideline

So instagram tries, in a sense, to make it at least difficult to find and view content that is inappropriate…obviously remembering that the world’s view of inappropriate and ours should be vastly different

Any dangers?

Predators

Self-Image Issues

Identity

Wrap

See, for your teen, they’ve never known life without one of these....they are “digital natives”

Think about it, since they were born, it’s completely normal to be out to dinner and see families with their heads buried in devices; it’s completely normal to only communicate with people via this device; it’s completely normal to spend 6,7,8 hours a day on one of these…because it’s what they’ve seen happening around them.

This is their normal. This is their life.

Their “remember whens” will always involve this alternate reality

And unfortunately, studies are continually proving, that this is leading to massive issues amongst teens physical, social, mental, and for us as believers, their spiritual states

And here’s one of the main reasons why: we, and teens especially, have lost the ability to relate on a personal level with one another

Here’s a real life example from youth a couple of months ago: Savannah calling it out, after several teens telling her in the previous few weeks that they didn’t have any friends, especially in youth group, and then all of those teens had their nose in their phone hiding behind them, not attempting to talk to other teens.

Their whole relational lives are being formed and maintained online

They’re finding their identities, their worth, here (phones), and not from here (God)

So how do we parent in this increasingly complex alternate reality world that we are living in?

Have a Relationship w/ Your Kid

And what I mean by this is a real, authentic, personal, daily relationship with your kids that is centered around God’s Word....where you can model, and talk about, God and His Word and how it applies to their lives

A time when phones, tablets, t.v., books, music, etc....a time when it’s all put away and real relationship can actually happen free of distractions, as good as some of them may be.

A time that’s not centered around sports, or extra curricular activities....or even church

Seems impossible right? And I’ll be honest with you, I fail at this more often than I succeed....but the absolute truth is, you as the parent will have the greatest impact on your child’s spiritual walk…and we are failing our kids because we aren’t taking the time to really get to know them, to really have a strong relationship with them.

Listen to these statistics:

85% of Christian parents stated that they were not personally engaging in any, none, activities that would guide their children in their spiritual walk! 85%!!!

And I’ve polled some of my students in here....1 out of ten of them claim that their families spend any time around God and His Word, any time talking about the things of God, any time focused on a Christ-centered life

, we get our marching orders.... “5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Do you see the picture of a relationship? As you sit in your house, as you walk together, as you and your kids go to bed, when you wake up.....

Bringing them to church, while good and encouraged, is not having a God-centered relationship with your kids....you have to intentionally relate to your kids

It’s a picture of a daily, purposeful relationship

Bringing them to church, while good, is not having a God-centered relationship with your kids....we have to intentionally relate to our kids

Bringing them to church, while good and encouraged, is not having a God-centered relationship with your kids....you have to intentionally relate to your kids

Every year, you as the parent have 8,736 waking hours available to you and your family

Every year, the church, me, youth group....we have 104, on average

You have the prime real estate......

Dad’s - in today’s culture you are not the norm. Have a purposeful, God-centered relationship with your kid. It is God-designed

Mom’s -

Not only that, but in a world of online profiles and social media addiction, your kids need to see what a real relationship is.

They need to know there is so much more God has designed them for than achieving a high snap score!

Model a Relationship w/ Your God

But here is the second part, and it is vital you have this in place as a parent…but you need to model a relationship with your God

And in order to model a relationship with your God, you need to have an active, growing one.

Your kids, your teens, they aren’t dumb, they are actually very intelligent…and even more so today than ever before, they will challenge the social norms, and they will challenge what you say with what you do!

Your kids need to see you finding your identity in God as well.

You can’t talk about what you aren’t familiar with

I had this revelation when Jaxton was 3 or 4.....I could take Jaxton to church his entire life, I could encourage him to memorize verses in cubbies and awana, I could even discipline him when he steps out of line of how we are to live according to the Bible

But if I wasn’t actively pursuing God on my own, a day would come when he would notice the disconnect between what I say, and what I do

Don’t preach what you don’t practice

says this, “ 1  Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.”

Unless God is building your house, and parents, you are the heads of your house, unless He is building into your life, you’re building in vain.

, “and these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.”

We need to understand that our role as parents is more involved than raising socially acceptable, well-trained, good kids

That same Psalm goes on to say “children are a heritage from the Lord, like arrows in the hands of a warrior”

We are to take this gift from God, and raise them to be world-changers for Him

But it starts with your relationship God....

And I know that’s not easy, there are days where I struggle to find the time to allow God to personally work on and influence my life by spending adequate time with Him in Word and prayer

But there is nothing more vital to the spiritual state of your kids than to have a strong active walk with God yourself.

Teach Your Kids God’s Word

But lastly, and this is the outcome of a relationship with your kids, and an active walk with your God…parents, please teach your kids God’s Word

We should be more interested in raising our kids to know God’s Word, to allow God’s Word to shape their worldview, than how good of a baseball swing they have, or how many points in basketball they average, or how many plays and recitals they get in.

Don’t lose sight, don’t allow the world to blind you to what is really important, God’s Word

Again, ....”you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them”

How are you doing with this?

And it doesn’t have to be some big daily production…but logically, if we think this through....you can simply take what God is teaching you daily, and then teach that to your kids.

Culture is telling your teens that they are of utmost importance, that their worth is found in everything and everyone but God.....your teens need to be reminded daily that their worth is found in who they are in Christ, and no app can or will accomplish that.

What will accomplish that is a purposeful, God-saturated relationship with your teens, and your family.

What will accomplish that is a purposeful, God-honoring daily individual walk between you and your God.

What will accomplish that is the ownership of your role as parents in your teens lives....God has given you your kid, make sure your kid is taught about God!