Toxic Relationships

If you do a google search you will find thousands of websites centered around clearing your friends list of toxic relationships. I find that these relationships seem to multiply when added into the context of the church. Most Christians have this underlying guilt or as psychology puts it a superman complex that we must save everyone.

With that mentality we keep these soul draining toxic relationships despite our tiredness and fatigue. We find ourselves avoiding these people on a Sunday morning only to end up feeling guilty as though we aren’t spreading the gospel. Last week we talked about toxic emotions so I don’t have to get into the feeling of guilt, but toxic relationships usually thrive off of this feeling that someone must reach them and I guess…I am that someone. So what does the bible have to say about toxic relationships.

1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

1 Corinthians 1

Toxic people, although can’t make you sin, make it almost impossible to feel as though you aren’t sinning. Whether they are gossiping, bringing rain and clouds on an otherwise sun shinning day, or draining the energy right out of your morning coffee Toxic people will cause you too sin.

In fact Paul writes to Timothy:

2 Timothy 2:16–17 ESV

But avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness, and their talk will spread like gangrene. Among them are Hymenaeus and Philetus,

How many of you know what Gangrene is ? I wouldn’t suggest google searching it. I almost threw up. It’s an infectious disease that slowly creeps out into the body. The only way to get rid of it is through amputation and what Paul is saying the only way to free yourself from a toxic individual is complete removal.

There are typically three catagories of toxic people.

Critics

For these types of people the weather is too hot, too cold, to dry, to too wet. The coffee is to bitter, too sweet, too hot, or not hot enough.

We see this in Israel in

Exodus 16:2–3 ESV

And the whole congregation of the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness, and the people of Israel said to them, “Would that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.”

Exodus

Israel really preferred eating meat to being free? The grumbled in Israel over the burden of slavery. They grumbled at the Red Sea. and now they are grumbling over the manna which comes from Heaven. One would assume if it’s good enough for the angels than people shouldn’t complain.

Exodus 17:1–3 ESV

All the congregation of the people of Israel moved on from the wilderness of Sin by stages, according to the commandment of the Lord, and camped at Rephidim, but there was no water for the people to drink. Therefore the people quarreled with Moses and said, “Give us water to drink.” And Moses said to them, “Why do you quarrel with me? Why do you test the Lord?” But the people thirsted there for water, and the people grumbled against Moses and said, “Why did you bring us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?”

The Critical spirit wears down the saints with their constant demands and unhappiness. Like gangrene it slowly infects the body until the saint is worn down.

2) Controllers

Peter was a controller. When Jesus, knowing his time was growing short tried to warn his disciples that he had to die Peter steps in and states: No Lord I won’t let that happen. Most of us see this as a noble task, but Jesus responded get thee behind me Satan.

Like Peter Controlers may not even know they desire control, but they are always weighing the risks. Like Peter they may have good intentions but they are ultimately trying to stop what God is doing in your life. Their attempt to put you in a padded room limits how God can use you and may make you miss your calling all together.

3) Tempters

If you are part of an Italian family we call our tempter Grandma. The temptation could be anything from eating that cake your want but don’t need to cheating on your taxes. They could be encouraging to tell that lie, or to take the easy way out. They claim they want you to be accepted and to follow the crowd. They may not know they are tempting you, but their job is to take your eyes off the goal. Paul tells us to keep our eyes on the goal. the reason is because we won’t see the temptation as much as we look at the finish line.

The good news unlike gangrene the bible has one way of dealing with all three toxic relationships without complete severing.

Godly Fences

a fence by definition protects. It keeps what needs to be outside outside and what needs to be protected in protection. A fence also has a gate. It allows you to control who is in the fence for how long and when.

A fence can perminately remove or temporary place a barrier. Going back to Peter. Jesus had temporarily put a barrier between himself and Peter. This barrier wasn’t forever, but it did let Peter know he crossed the line.

One of the best aspects of a fence is that it lets people know the boundaries. Boundaries is a person’s best friend when it comes to toxic people. Everyone in your life will be toxic from time to time and unless you plan on living a life of isolation setting boundaries in every relationship is important.

For example. Everyone is allowed on my front porch, but only a select few make it through the door. There are some people who when they knock I will step outside to chat with. There are others however, who I simply leave the door open and they are free to enter and exit at will. There are some who you may answer the phone for every time they call and others who hear the voicemail more than the voice.

Boundaries allow you minister in a healthy manor. They allow you witness to all people without being infected by all people.

Remember a fence can be your best friend.