Reducing Conflict with Others
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1 Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. 3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. 5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. 6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. 7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, 8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
One of the major causes of unhappiness in our world is strained relationships.
One of the major causes of unhappiness in our world is strained relationships.
Nothing robs us of joy like conflict does.
How we handle conflict in our lives is vital to being peacemakers in our culture the way Jesus wants us to be.
Unity is a key ingredient for success and fulfillment in life.
Unity is a key ingredient for success and fulfillment in life.
To have a successful business the employees must work together.
To have a successful football team the players must work together.
To have successful government the congress and the president must cooperate.
To have a successful family the members must work together.
To have a successful church we must work together.
Very little is accomplished by yourself. Success is not a one man show. When people work in unity, there is tremendous power and potential.
Paul was addressing two different threats in the church in Rome and Phillipi. False teachers were coming in from the outside teaching things contrary to the teaching of the disciples and they had disagreeing members fighting with each other within.
Some members were acting with a false sense of superiority over the others instead of working in harmony with others. They were causing discord with their attitudes and actions.
Paul also knew that
Unity is not uniformity.
Unity is not uniformity.
Unity comes from within and is a matter of the heart.
Uniformity is a result of outside pressure.
This is why Paul started this section ...
1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.
"Be like minded" – the same mind or attitude as Christ had. (servant, sacrifical, humble)
"Have the same love" – the same love that caused Christ to come from heaven
"Be one in the spirit" – the Holy spirit unites us, he doesn’t divide the body
"Be one in purpose" - the church’s purpose is to spread the Gospel
Five Steps to Unity
Five Steps to Unity
1. Defuse Competition.
1. Defuse Competition.
Too often we compete with people who are on our team instead of complimenting each other. We like to on up each other. illness… difficult day at work…
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
Defuse - means to reduce tension, strain and anger.
Some people have been competing with siblings, co workers, even children...
1 What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? 2 You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.
James is saying...
The 1st cause of conflict is competing desires.
The 1st cause of conflict is competing desires.
Our society is a microwave society. If my needs are not met or if they conflict with your needs, we have trouble. To have unity, we have to diffuse conflict.
2. Delete Conceit -
2. Delete Conceit -
Get rid of pride. Don’t do things so people will recognize you or to stroke your ego.
3 Don’t do anything from selfish ambition or from a cheap desire to boast, but be humble towards one another, always considering others better than yourselves.
Egotists are I specialist. They say I in conversations all the time.
10 Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.
The 2nd cause of conflict is personal pride.
The 2nd cause of conflict is personal pride.
Pride breeds conflict. We have to Delete Conceit.
3. Decrease Criticism.
3. Decrease Criticism.
3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.
Better than yourselves = worthy of respect. We don’t go around putting people down. We are always trying to improve each other and never tear ing people down.
This is radical. It’s contrary to our culture. Our culture is full of people who think they are better than everyone else. We have elevated selfishness to an art form in America.
People naturally are critical, but Paul is directing us to be different. We we are being critical, we are acting as if we are better than those we are criticizing.
Humility - not thinking less of yourself so you can raise others up. Humility is thinking of yourself less. Your focus is not on you… Your focus is on other people.
11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?
When we criticize or judge other people, we are playing God. Who am I to judge? I don’t know someone’s background or motives. The problem is that it’s fun to criticize others. We like to criticize and pick out faults of other people because it makes us feel superior. We think we build ourselves up by putting other people down. The Bible says to do the exact opposite.
The 3rd cause of conflict is failing to value other people.
The 3rd cause of conflict is failing to value other people.
We need to treat everyone with respect.
4. Demonstrate Consideration.
4. Demonstrate Consideration.
4 And look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own.
You are in fact your brothers keeper.
Look - “scopos” is where we get the word scope … like the scope on a rifle. Paul is telling us to scope in or pay close attention to the needs of others but we don’t do that and that’s another reason we have problems. We don’t pay close enough attention to the needs of others.
Pay attention to the needs of others … demonstrate consideration.
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
The way you treat your spouse impacts your prayer life. God won’t answer your prayers if you are not being considerate.
The 4th cause of conflict is being insensitive to other’s needs.
The 4th cause of conflict is being insensitive to other’s needs.
When I only see my needs, my feelings, how tired I feel, how pressured I feel, what I'd like to do on my day off it causes problems. Demonstrate consideration.
5. Develop Christ-likeness.
5. Develop Christ-likeness.
5 The attitude you should have is the one that Christ Jesus had:
Jesus was a master at relationships. He is our model and great example. If we want to know how to get along with people, even those who are hard to get along with, look at Jesus. Get the same attitude that He had.
6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.
Jesus was God and he he did not demand his rights.
7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form,
Jesus was God but he laid all that glory and power aside to become a man so he could reach us. He came as a servant.
8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
He was willing to sacrifice for others.
Listen, it’s impossible for you and I to live a life of unselfishness on our own. It’s human nature for us to be selfish. That’s why we need the mind of Christ… the same attitude of Jesus.
The 5th cause of conflict is living with out Jesus Christ.
The 5th cause of conflict is living with out Jesus Christ.
Unity is a result of the Holy Spirit’s work in us.
3 Try always to be led along together by the Holy Spirit and so be at peace with one another.
The Holy Spirit puts unity into our lives, families, church, work....
In order for us to get along with other people, we have to grow more and more like Jesus. When we can’t get along, we show the world how small our Jesus is and how weak our relationship with him is.
Every day I consciously choose to put someone else’s rights before my own, to serve another, to build people up instead of tearing them down, to sacrifice for the benefit of others… I am becoming more like Jesus Christ. And that’s the secret of lasting joy.
As long as we are focused on what makes me happy, we will never be happy. We were not created to worship ourselves, but to worship the Lord.
Review -
Diffuse competition -
Delete Conceit - get rid of pride -
Decrease Criticism
Demonstrate Consideration
Develop Christ-likeness -