Are You Hearing Me?

Welcome & Intro

Welcome. I’m glad you’re here.

Thanks to Travis Page. Connect Card.

Connect Card.

Recap last week(s) of series. Key #1, Key #2

This topic is a big, weighty undertaking. Key #3

Engage

QUESTION: Tell the person next to you how good you are at communicating. Scale of 1-10

If that person was your spouse, you might just be in store for a conversation about that later.

Honest Valentines 4 Images

None of us would ever actually give those to somebody. Because we know our words are important.

Tension

None of us would ever actually give those to somebody. Because we know our words are important. Words matter

Good communication is so hard, though!

Foundation of EVERY relationship. Especially marriage. Communicating with others is what makes relationships.

Good communication is so hard, though! It’s hard for us to do it well, and to do that consistently.

TRANSITION: Today, I want to take you to a place in Scripture that can teach us to do just that. If you have your Bible, head over to James, chapter 1.

Truth

Background & Context

James: Half-brother of Jesus. Jesus changed everything for him.

James 1:27 LEB

Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

Writing to Jewish Christians, who had been scattered all over the Roman world. Writes to a divided church. Has your marriage ever felt divided?

Writes to a divided church. Has your marriage ever felt divided?

It’s an incredibly practical letter. If you let it, James’ message has the power to transform everything about your life. Jesus wants to use this brief letter to change everything.

Especially for relationships. Most of this book will push your buttons, and it will force you to examine your life, and how it’s lived out in relationship to others.

Where we’re zoning in on today, in chapter 1, is all about how we communicate with one another. The truth is Jesus wants to transform the way we talk with each other. With everybody.

Not writing specifically about marriage. But, i

Not writing specifically about marriage. But, I certainly talk with my wife more than anybody else. The same might be true for you. If you’re not married, you don’t get a free pass. This is talking about how you communicate with other people. Everyone.

James 1:19 NLT

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

James 1:19–21 NLT

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.

James 1:19 NLT

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

James 1:19–21 NLT

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.

Side note: We should all memorize this verse! Quick, easy, just enough conviction.

We all communicate differently. (ILLUSTRATION: His/Hers Journal Entries) These three things, everyone should do.

These three things are pretty different from the way we typically communicate. We want to communicate selfishly, James says to communicate selflessly. So, let’s take them one at a time.

We all communicate differently. These three things, everyone should do.

Quick To Listen

ILLUSTRATION: Brandy says “clean up before I get home.”

ILLUSTRATION: Got the stupid quick oats.

We want to be selective when we listen.

We listen to the words. Hear the audio. Make a judgment about whether or not it’s worth our time to listen.

Different kinds of listening (Active, Passive, Selective)

James says be quick to listen

Different kinds of listening (Active, Passive, Selective)

In the Bible, listening is more than just hearing. Actions are all rolled up into it.

Different kinds of listening (Active, Passive, Selective)

Are you listening to the right thing? Elijah heard the still, small voice ()

Are you really paying attention? Burning bush was always burning, Moses was just the first to pay attention. (Rabbinic Legend)

Burning bush was always burning, Moses was just the first to pay attention.

The aim is to really understand others.

Understand First

Aim To Understand First

Understand their perspective.

When you

Really listen to what your spouse is saying to you. All of it!

Repeat it back to them. They won’t mind!

Only then aim to be understood.

Slow To Speak

Be slow to speak

ILLUSTRATION: You have two ears, and one mouth for a reason? (Almost 2,000 years old!)

ILLUSTRATION: Something about putting my foot in my mouth?

ILLUSTRATION: You have two ears, and one mouth for a reason? (Almost 2,000 years old!)

ILLUSTRATION: Bench-clearing brawl. Yadier vs. D-Backs. St. Patrick’s Day Massacre.

ILLUSTRATION: Frosty in Brazil says “We haven’t talked in 50 years.”

We want to be quick to speak.

We interrupt. Correct them. We have to get our 2-cents in.

We make silly jokes at the expense of others, only they don’t take it as a joke.

We have to get our 2-cents in.

We live in a first come, first served world.

James says be slow to speak.

Speech was important in a non-literary society. Using words in a trustworthy manner was a big deal! It still is. Words we say, how we say them: it’s important.

Words can wound or heal. Sticks and stones… We’ve all been wounded by words. We’ve all wounded with words.

The tongue is like a flame:

Do you want a surefire way to burn down your marriage? Don’t tame your tongue!

Want to burn bridges in the relationships you have with others? Be careless with your words.

Speak constructively.

You’ll be help responsible for your words:

Your speech reveals what’s inside:

Tons of Proverbs!! , , ,

Choose Your Words Carefully

The Bible calls us to use our words constructively. To bring healing.

Speak constructively.

Choose Your Words Carefully

Speak after you listen. After you understand.

Speak only for yourself. Not for them.

Use your words constructively. But, speak up!

Start with the condition of your heart.

Slow To Get Angry

Slow to anger

ILLUSTRATION: Bench-clearing brawl: Yadier vs. D-Backs.

ILLUSTRATION: Bench-clearing brawl: Yadier vs. D-Backs. St. Patrick’s Day Massacre.

We are quick to get angry.

Anger helps us feel like we’re in control. It’s addictive, and soon controls us.

If you don’t think you know someone who is controlled by anger, check your Facebook feed.

We get angry in our marriage so easily, because our spouse means so much to us.

James says be slow to get angry.

Our anger doesn’t do any good:

Choose your actions

Anger helps us feel like we’re in control. It’s addictive, and soon controls us.

Choose your actions

We get angry in our marriage so easily, because our spouse means so much to us.

Emotions lead to actions

Our anger can lead to foolish, evil, filthy actions.

It’s like a math problem (slow to speak + quick to listen = slow to anger)

Take A Pause

Application

Handle Conflict With Grace

In any relationship, conflict is coming. Especially marriage. Every textbook “conflict is not the issue, how you handle it is. You can choose to handle your conflict with anger, or with grace.

If you choose: Anger, bitterness, resentment will grow, and your relationship will fester.

If you choose: grace, hope, love will grow, and your relation ship will flourish.

It’s like a math problem (slow to speak + quick to listen = slow to anger)

It’s like a math problem (slow to speak + quick to listen = slow to anger). Let Jesus fill in the gaps.

Application

Something

Something

It’s like a math problem (slow to speak + quick to listen = slow to anger). Let Jesus fill in the gaps.

Really listen to what your spouse is saying to you. All of it!

Avoid the urge to

Speak For Yourself

Repeat it back to them. They won’t mind!

Something

Take A Pause

Something

TRANSITION: Just like James, Jesus wants to change everything about us. Our attitudes, our habits, our perspective.

Speak only for yourself. Not for them.

Use your words constructively.

Anger, bitterness will fester and grow. Eroding the foundation of your marriage.

It’s like a math problem (slow to speak + quick to listen = slow to anger)

Why even bother with any of this?

Communication affects everything else.

Because you’re honoring the other person.

The way you communicate points others to Jesus.

Because you’re living out the Gospel in your marriage.

Because the way you communicate with and treat your spouse points other people to Jesus.

Inspiration

What could your marriage look like if Jesus changed the way you communicate? What would be different? What wounds could start to heal? What mistakes could be avoided?

Something

Bottom Line: A listening, understanding ear leads to a great marriage.

Bottom Line: Let Jesus transform the way you communicate.

Bottom Line: If you want a great marriage...

Action

What area do you need work on?

Ready for your homework?

Go have a conversation with your spouse. Or somebody. Anybody. Practice makes perfect.

ILLUSTRATION: Learning to drive a stick shift

What area do you need work on? You can ask them, if you’re not sure. Because they know.

Begin with Jesus. Maybe you don’t even know where to begin. Let him begin to turn your world upside down. Let him begin to change and transform you, maybe for the first time.

Decision Song

Something

Communion

Something

Offering

Something