Forgiveness Definitions Part 3
Walking Christian on Forgiveness • Sermon • Submitted • Presented • 55:22
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I. DEFINITIONS: THE MANY FACES OF FORGIVENESS
I. DEFINITIONS: THE MANY FACES OF FORGIVENESS
Two years after the war, Corrie is speaking at a church in Munich. She has come from Holland to a defeated Germany, bringing with her the message that God does indeed forgive. There in the crowd, a solemn face stares back at her. As the people file out, a balding, heavyset man moves toward her—a man in a gray overcoat, a man clutching a brown felt hat. Suddenly a scene flashes back in her mind: the blue uniform; the visored cap with its skull and crossbones; the huge room with its harsh, overhead lights; the humiliation of walking naked past this man … this man who is now standing before her.
“You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk. I was a guard there,” he says. “But since that time I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well.” He extends his hand toward her and asks, “Will you forgive me?” Corrie stares at the outstretched hand. The moment seems like hours as she wrestles with the most difficult decision she has ever had to make. Corrie knows Scripture well, but applying this passage seems to be too much …
“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”
(Luke 17:3–4)
Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
A. What Is Forgiveness?
A. What Is Forgiveness?
Assume you need to borrow one hundred dollars to help pay a medical bill. You ask a friend for a loan and promise to pay it back at the end of the month. But when the time comes for repayment, you don’t have the money. In fact, for the next three months, you still don’t have the money. Then unexpectedly, out of the kindness of his heart, your friend chooses to “forgive” the debt! This is one facet of forgiveness. The Bible says, “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another” (Romans 13:8).
• Forgiveness means dismissing a debt.
In the New Testament, the Greek noun aphesis denotes a “dismissal” or “release.”
— When you grant forgiveness, you dismiss the debt owed to you.
— When you receive forgiveness, your debt is dismissed. (You are released from any requirement for repayment.)
— When you grant forgiveness, you dismiss the debt from your thoughts.
Jesus expressed the heart of forgiveness when He said, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you”
(Luke 6:27)
“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
• Forgiveness is dismissing your demand that others owe you something, especially when they fail to meet your expectations … fail to keep a promise … fail to treat you justly.
Jesus said, “If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also”
(Matthew 5:39)
But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.
• Forgiveness is dismissing, canceling, or setting someone free from the consequence of falling short of God’s standard.
— The holy standard of God is perfection, yet we all have sinned.
— The penalty for our sins is spiritual death (separation from God).
— The penalty for our sins (our debt) was paid by Jesus through His sacrificial death on the cross. Therefore, instead of being separated from God, we can have our debt dismissed by God and experience eternal life in heaven.
“Everyone who believes in him [Jesus] receives forgiveness of sins through his name.”
(Acts 10:43)
To him all the prophets bear witness that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.”
Question: “Is it possible to sin beyond God’s ability to forgive?”
Answer: No. God promises to purify us from all unrighteousness, not just specific sins, but we need to first confess our sins. (Confess means literally “to agree”—to agree with God.) And if we agree with God about our sin, we not only admit we have sinned, but we also turn from our sins and turn to Jesus, entrusting our lives to the One who died for our sins.
“I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord’—and you forgave the guilt of my sin.”
(Psalm 32:5)
I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah
B. What Is Forgiveness Not?
B. What Is Forgiveness Not?
Misconceptions abound when the word forgiveness is mentioned. Some think forgiveness is the equivalent of excusing sin … saying that what was wrong is now right. Yet this is not the example of forgiveness that Jesus displayed. When He encountered the mob of men eager to stone a woman caught in adultery, He chose not to stone her; however, never did He excuse her. Instead, He said, “Go, and sin no more” (John 8:11 KJV). To help correct any confusion, you need to know what forgiveness is not!
“Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.”
(Proverbs 1:5)
Let the wise hear and increase in learning,
and the one who understands obtain guidance,
• Forgiveness is not circumventing God’s justice.…
— It is allowing God to execute His justice in His time and in His way.
• Forgiveness is not waiting for “time to heal all wounds.” …
— It is clear that time doesn’t heal wounds—some people will not allow healing.
• Forgiveness is not letting the guilty “off the hook.” …
— It is moving the guilty from your hook to God’s hook.
• Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation.…
— It takes two for reconciliation, only one for forgiveness.
• Forgiveness is not excusing unjust behavior.…
— It is acknowledging that unjust behavior is without excuse, while still forgiving.
• Forgiveness is not explaining away the hurt.…
— It is working through the hurt.
• Forgiveness is not based on what is fair.…
— It was not “fair” for Jesus to hang on the cross—but He did so that we could be forgiven.
• Forgiveness is not being a weak martyr.…
— It is being strong enough to be Christlike.
• Forgiveness is not stuffing your anger.…
— It is resolving your anger by releasing the offense to God.
• Forgiveness is not a natural response.…
— It is a supernatural response, empowered by God.
• Forgiveness is not denying the hurt.…
— It is feeling the hurt and releasing it.
• Forgiveness is not being a doormat.…
— It is seeing that, if this were so, Jesus would have been the greatest doormat of all!
• Forgiveness is not conditional.…
— It is unconditional, a mandate from God to everyone.
• Forgiveness is not forgetting.…
— It is necessary to remember before you can forgive.
• Forgiveness is not a feeling.…
— It is a choice—an act of the will.
A loose woman was caught “in the act,” and the stone throwers were ready. The penalty for adultery was clear—stone the adulterers to death! Jesus challenged the stone throwers to examine their own hearts before condemning the woman’s behavior. “The one who is without sin—you cast the first stone.” No one moved. Then, after all the stones dropped—one by one—and the stone throwers left—one by one—Jesus focused His attention on the woman. He looked beyond her fault and saw her need. She needed to know the life-changing love of God. Unexpectedly, Jesus gave her a priceless gift—His merciful favor and forgiveness.
(See John 8:3–11.)
“ ‘Neither do I condemn you,’ Jesus declared. ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.’ ”
(John 8:11)
She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”
Question: “If I don’t feel like forgiving, how can I be asked to forgive? That doesn’t seem right.”
Answer: Forgiveness is not based on a feeling, but rather on the fact that we—all of us—are called by God to forgive. Forgiveness is not an emotion, but is rather an act of the will. Therefore, what “seems right” based on feelings can easily be wrong!
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”
(Proverbs 14:12)
There is a way that seems right to a man,
but its end is the way to death.
C. What Does It Mean to Forgive Others?
C. What Does It Mean to Forgive Others?
Imagine that you are a runner and the race is an event in the Olympics. You have the right shoes, right shorts, right shirt. Yet, something is desperately wrong. Locked on your ankle is a heavy, black ball and chain! This weight is too heavy—you can’t run the distance—you can’t even qualify. If only you could figure out a way to free yourself … but you don’t have the key to unlock the chain.
Then, on the day of the qualifying run, you are told that you already possess the key to freedom. Quickly, you free yourself, and, oh, what freedom! It is as though that black ball miraculously turns into a big helium balloon. The load is lifted.… The balloon is released.… The weight is “sent away.” Previously, no one had told you that your unforgiveness was the black ball weighing you down. Now that you know that forgiveness is one of the major keys to freedom, you can run the race … and cross the finish line with freedom.
“Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
(Hebrews 12:1)
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
• To forgive means to release your resentment toward your offender.
In the New Testament, the Greek verb aphiemi primarily means “to send away”—in other words, “to forgive, send away or release the penalty when someone wrongs you.” This implies that you need …
— To release your right to hear “I’m sorry”
— To release your right to be bitter
— To release your right to get even
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.”
(Romans 12:17)
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.
• To forgive is to release your rights regarding the offense.
— To release your right to dwell on the offense
— To release your right to hold on to the offense
— To release your right to keep bringing up the offense
“He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”
(Proverbs 17:9)
Whoever covers an offense seeks love,
but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.
• To forgive is to reflect the character of Christ. Just as God is willing to forgive us, we are called to forgive others.
— To forgive is to extend mercy.
— To forgive is to give a gift of grace.
— To forgive is to set the offender free.
Jesus taught his disciples to pray,
“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
(Matthew 6:12)
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Question: “What can I do when I don’t feel like forgiving?”
Answer: Whenever you don’t feel like doing something you should do, examine your thoughts. While you can’t control what your offenders do, you can control your thinking about your offenders. God gives us much counsel about what we should sift out from our thinking. Imagine that the Bible is a “thought-sifter”—a tool that helps us sift the thoughts that should not go into our minds. Evaluate your thoughts about those who offend you. Remember: Your thoughts produce your feelings. Do your thoughts naturally flow through “the thought-sifter” in Scripture below? If not, catch them before they pass through and sift them out! When you carefully choose what you will dwell on, your emotions will begin to line up, and you will gradually even feel like forgiving.
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
(Philippians 4:8)
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
D. Is Forgiveness the Same as Reconciliation?
D. Is Forgiveness the Same as Reconciliation?
No. Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. Forgiveness focuses on the offense, whereas reconciliation focuses on the relationship. Forgiveness requires no relationship. However, reconciliation requires a relationship in which two people, in agreement, are walking together toward the same goal. The Bible says,
“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”
(Amos 3:3)
“Do two walk together,
unless they have agreed to meet?
• Forgiveness can take place with only one person.
— Reconciliation requires at least two persons.
• Forgiveness is directed one-way.
— Reconciliation is reciprocal … occurring two-ways.
• Forgiveness is a decision to release the offender.
— Reconciliation is the effort to rejoin the offender.
• Forgiveness involves a change in thinking about the offender.
— Reconciliation involves a change in behavior by the offender.
• Forgiveness is a free gift to the one who has broken trust.
— Reconciliation is a restored relationship based on restored trust.
• Forgiveness is extended even if it is never, ever earned.
— Reconciliation is offered to the offender because it has been earned.
• Forgiveness is unconditional, regardless of a lack of repentance.
— Reconciliation is conditional based on repentance.
Question: “After we forgive someone, must we also try to be reconciled?”
Answer: The answer to this question is sometimes yes and sometimes no.
• Most of the time God’s desire for us is reconciliation. Second Corinthians 5:18 says, “God … reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.”
• However, sometimes encouraging the restoration of a relationship is not at all wise, as with a partner in adultery or with a rapist. First Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’ ” For instance, if a husband’s anger is out of control and he refuses to get help for his violent temper, the wife needs to take this Scripture to heart and move out of harm’s way until counseling and lasting changes are a part of his lifestyle.
“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered.”
(Proverbs 22:24)
Make no friendship with a man given to anger,
nor go with a wrathful man,
E. What Is Divine Forgiveness?
E. What Is Divine Forgiveness?
Do you sometimes struggle with forgiving others? Understand that your awareness of how much God loves you and continually forgives you can be the catalyst to compel you to forgive others. Then you can actually forgive others with the Lord’s “divine forgiveness.”
“The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.”
(Daniel 9:9)
To the Lord our God belong mercy and forgiveness, for we have rebelled against him
• Divine forgiveness is the fact that God, in His mercy, chose to release you from the penalty for your sins. (Unfortunately, some people refuse to receive this gift from God.)
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.… He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.… As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
(Psalm 103:8, 10, 12)
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
• Divine forgiveness was extended by Jesus, who paid the penalty for our sins in full—He died on the cross as payment for the sins of all people. While we owed a debt we could not pay, He paid a debt He did not owe.
One of the many Messianic prophecies states, “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him [Christ, the Messiah] the iniquity of us all”
(Isaiah 53:6).
All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
• Divine forgiveness is an extension of grace as seen in the Greek word charizomai, which is translated “forgive” and means “to bestow a favor unconditionally.” The Greek word charis means “grace.” You are an expression of God’s grace when you forgive others with divine forgiveness.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
(Ephesians 4:32)
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Biblical Example
Joseph and His Brothers
What could erupt in more resentment than friction within the family? Joseph is a prime example of someone who could have chosen to be vindictive, rather than forgiving. (See Genesis chapters 37–45.) He is the favorite son of his father, Jacob. Joseph’s ten older brothers are so bitter and jealous that they sell him into slavery. Later, he is falsely accused of attempted rape, unjustly imprisoned, and forgotten by a friend who promised to help. Joseph has every reason to sever ties with his family, vent hatred on humanity, and slam the door on God … but he doesn’t.
Later when Joseph becomes the prime minister of Egypt, severe famine plagues the land. But through God’s involvement with Joseph, Egypt is well prepared. When his brothers hear of Egypt’s abundance, they make a long journey from Canaan in order to obtain food. While in Egypt they encounter their brother Joseph, who they had thought was dead but has now become the prime minister! What an opportunity for Joseph to take revenge! But instead of settling the score, Joseph speaks kindly to them and recounts the way God used their treatment of him for his good, for their good, and for the good of the Jewish people.…
“Do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.… To preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.… He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt.”
(Genesis 45:5–8)
And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are yet five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvest. And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God. He has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt.
Even though Joseph had been tossed into the deepest of pits, he emerged with extraordinary forgiveness toward those who wronged him. What was his secret?
The Secret to Joseph’s Success
• “Do not be distressed and do not be angry.”
— When you realize that God, in His sovereignty, will bring good out of the wrongs done to you … you will have an attitude of forgiveness.
• “God sent me.”
— When you realize that God, in His sovereignty, will use your location (wherever you are placed) for good … you will have an attitude of forgiveness.
• “He made me.”
— When you realize that God, in His sovereignty, will make your every circumstance result in good … you will have an attitude of forgiveness.
• Conclusion:
— When you are able to accept God’s sovereignty over your location, your circumstances, and especially the wrongs done to you, and when you trust Him to use them one day for good … you will have success through your forgiveness!
“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
(Romans 8:28)
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Question: “How can I respond in a Christlike way when I’m being treated so unjustly?”
Answer: Realize that Christ suffered unjustly and horrendously to pay the penalty for your sins—to make possible forgiveness of your sins. Therefore, after you become a true Christian, you rely on Christ (who lives in you) to enable you to endure your unjust suffering … but even more so, to forgive those who mistreat you. Be clear about this point—every authentic Christian is “called” to suffer, but with that suffering comes a blessing.
“It is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God.… To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. ‘He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.’ When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.”
(1 Peter 2:19–23)[1]
For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
[1] Hunt, J. (2008). Biblical Counseling Keys on Forgiveness: The Freedom to Let Go (pp. 2–8). Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart.