Don't Drink the Water

Outline

Introduction

·         Last week we talked about the fact that sometimes we end up in places we did not expect to go and we wonder how we got there.  The answer was that our heart is what led s there and the heart is directed by the desires that we deposit into it. 

·         This week I want to start out with maybe a similar sounding question for us.  Have you ever made a decision or known someone who made a decision, knowing that there were going to be negative consequences to the decision, but you did it anyway?  Let me go even further with it, have you made a decision that you knew was wrong, and by wrong I mean either morally, legally, or ethically, wrong and you knew there was no chance you would get away with it, so you would just be willing to receive the consequences?  You say to yourself if I do “this” then “that” is going to happen, and “that” is not good, but I am going to do it anyway.

·         I am not talking about things people do and they think there is a chance they can get away with them like speeding down the highway or robbing a bank, they both think there is at least a chance they will not get caught.  But, I am talking about a time when you know that you will get caught, the consequences will find you and yet you go ahead with it anyway. 

·         Isaac last week went down this road of thinking.  I had told him not to do something and I honestly can’t remember what then…

·         He was willing to accept the consequences.  Forgiveness is easier than permission. 

·         It’s funny when it is a two year old and the consequence is a few minutes of solitude, but it gets a little less funny when we start talking about adults and the consequences are people, relationships, and families. 

·         The passage we are going to look at this morning involves a decision that some people make and it is a decision that has definite consequences and I want us this morning to briefly look at why people make that decision. 

Scripture

Turn to Proverbs 9:13 with me this morning.  We are actually going to spend most of our time in chapter 5 of Proverbs, but I want us to look at one passage in chapter 9 as we get started. 

My title this morning is “Don’t drink the water” and it comes from verse 17.  To know what water is a metaphor for here you have to know how it has been used in the Proverbs at other places.  Flip back to chapter 5:15.  In both places water is being used as an image for the intimate love of a woman.  In chapter 5 it is referring to the blessed and sanctified love of a wife and experiencing intimacy in the confines of marriage.  In chapter 9 the writer is referring to a love that is “stolen” it does not belong to the man it is intimacy with a woman outside of the marital relationship.  So I guess this message could be entitled “Drink the right kind of water.”

Why do people make this decision?  I mean maybe it is because it is glorified in the movies, television, and music and they don’t portray all of the real life mess to it all. 

Well all except country music songs, for some reason country music songs as they search for more topics to bring them down latch on to this idea of an affair and they sometimes portray some of the real world consequences of it, like this song by Tim McGraw called “You want Fries with That”

I thought that was your voice
I thought that was my car
Now we ain't ever met before
But I know who you are
You're living in my house
And I'm living in a tent
And don't laugh, this second job of mine
Is paying both our rents
You're out here buying Happy Meals
And I'm eating rice and pintos
You so much as crack a smile at me, man
I'll come through this here window

Well you took my wife
And you took my kids
And you took that life
That I used to live
My pride, the pool, the boat, my tools, my dreams, the dog, the cat
Yeah I think that's just about everything
Oh I almost forgot
Do you want fries with that?

Transition

But, back to my original question, why would someone make a decision to do something when there are definite and tangible negative consequences that will result from that decision?  As I prepared this sermon and prayed and mediated on this passage it just seems to me that is the kind of decision a person is making in these situations.  I took a couple of minutes and I thought about every person I knew that had made a decision to cheat on his or her spouse.  I’ll bet you can do the same thing, we all know people who for one reason or another thought the water would taste better outside of marriage.  As I thought about those people and for me I could think of about 5 people who I personally knew that made this decision.  As I thought about where their families are now and the state of their life and the lives of the people they loved, and in my case all 5 were men who cheated on their wife, I couldn’t think of a single situation where life was better after the affair than before for the family or for the person who committed the affair.  You might say, “well good of course it is not.”  Which is my response as well, but that is what is driving my question this morning, that by the end of this sermon we will answer, if we all know and expect there to be negative consequences then why do people continue to as Kenny Rogers once put it,  “look for love in all the wrong places?”

A look at the consequences

Maybe it is because the consequences are not severe enough.  Maybe people like Isaac and throwing his food just weigh out the pleasures and the pain and believe that the consequences are not that bad so they go ahead with it.  The writer in chapter 5 of Proverbs lists some consequences let’s look at them for a minute:

.    

 The price you pay (5:4–14, 21–23)

·         “Her feet go down to death” (5:5) : “Her steps lead straight to the grave.”

·         The loss of one’s reputation (5:7–9): She will take your honor.

·         The loss of one’s self-respect (5:12–14): You come to the brink of utter ruin.

·         The loss of one’s wealth (5:10) : Others will enjoy the fruit of your labor.

·         The loss of one’s health (5:11) : Disease consumes your body.

·         The loss of one’s very soul (5:21–23)

In addition to these there are a couple of others that I would add. 

• The loss of friends in your life is a very real price.  Your friends thought you were one person and now you are forcing them to pick between being friends with a person who was hurt and deceived in the spouse and the person who deceived and hurt him or her. 
• If there are kids involved this changes the offenders relationship with them forever.  If the marriage cannot be salvaged then the family dynamic will certainly be changed forever for the children.  Depending on the age and how much they understand this can get very messy.

Who's That Man

Turn left at the old hotel
I know this boulevard much too well
It hasn't changed since I've been gone
Oh, this use to be my way home.

They paved the road thru the neighborhood
I guess the county finally fixed it good
It was gettin’ rough
Someone finally complained enough

Fight the tears back with a smile
Stop and look for a little while
Oh it's plain to see
The only thing missin’ is me

That's my house & that's my car
That's my dog in my back yard
There's the window to the room
Where she lays her pretty head
I planted that tree out by the fence
Not long after we moved in
That's my kids and that's my wife
Whose that man, runnin’ my life

If I pulled in would it cause a scene? (misspelled plus ?)

They're not really expectin’ me

Those kids have been through hell (kids not kida)

I hear they've adusted well

Turn around in the nieghbor's drive
I'd be hard to recognize
In this pick-up truck
It's just an old fixerup (fixerup one word)

Drive away one more time

Lots of things go thru my mind (thru is known as a Tribune abbrev. s/b through)

I guess the less things change
The more they never semm the same (seem, not semm)

That's my house & that's my car
That's my dog in my back yard
There's the window to the room
Where she lays her pretty head
I planted that tree out by the fence
Not long after we moved in
That's my kids and that's my wife

Whose that man, runnin' my life

• Finally, and one of the largest consequences of an affair is the affect on a person’s relationship with God.  Have you ever stopped to wonder why God hates adultery so much?  I mean sure it involves lying, deceit, and pain to other people, but I think there is a more fundamental reason why God hates the act of a sex outside of the marriage covenant.  For that turn with me to a book called Hosea. 

Let’s read Hosea 1:2,3.  Hosea was a prophet who God called to marry a prostitute as an object lesson to the people.

I believe that a major reason that God hates the sin of adultery is because it is an affront on the character of God.  A few weeks ago I talked about the image of God that is in all of us.  Follower of Christ or not as a part of the creation of God I believe that every person that walks this earth has the image of God stamped on them.  Part of God’s image, part of who God is and who he has revealed himself to be at his very core is the covenant keeping God.  From the very beginning of when God reveled himself to Abraham and Moses the terminology used was covenant language, language of promise and commitment.  God is at the very core of who he is faithful and a covenant keeper.

Remember Jesus when he was sitting down to that Passover meal with his disciples and he began to pass the cup his words were this cup is the “new covenant” of my blood.  He was saying I am the covenant keeping God and in the past people violated the covenant again and again, but this is the new covenant and it is one that I will seal with my own blood. 

When a person Christian or not has an affair that is an affront to the image of God that resides in that person.  When a Christian has an affair it is also a huge mark against the testimony of someone who claims to serve the covenant keeping God. 

Jesus also recognized and pointed out the consequences to a person committing adultery. 

Turn to Matthew chapter 5:27 with me. 

Jesus recognized that the sin of adultery was an affront on who God is and would lead a person down a path to an eternity in hell apart from God.

I don’t know why, but country music lyrics seem to have lot to say about topics like this and Clay Walker sang a song a while back that and the lyrics fit with the question we are trying to answer today. 

So back to our question, “why?”  Why would a person knowing all of these consequences still make a decision to violate a marriage covenant and have an affair with a person?

I think the answer can be found back in Proverbs at the end of chapter 5.  Verse 23 says that, “he dies for lack of discipline.”  Could it be that simple?  Is that putting too much pressure on the person and not on the God that lives in that person? 

Conclusion

Well I got a good friend who's got a good life
He's got two pretty children and a real nice wife
But he never seems quite satisfied
I said I know what's on your mind
But you better think about it before you cross that line
The grass aint always greener on the other side

Then what, what you gonna do
When the new wears off and the old shines through
And it aint really love and it aint really lust
You aint anybody anyone's gonna trust
Then what, where you gonna turn
When you cant turn back for the bridges you burn
And fate can't wait to kick you in the butt
Then what

Ideas

• Focus on the faithfulness and covenant
• Adultery is an assault on the covenant God it is against the very nature of who God is and who God wants us to be
• Those who are not married focus on the importance of keeping the covenant with God and with the person you may one day be married to.
• Older people who probably will never marry again still be a covenant keeper
• There are various reasons why people have sex outside of marriage: financial reasons, passion, don’t see the point of waiting, everyone else is doing it, don’t see any consequences, things always look greener on the other side, dissatisfaction with current marriage.
• Dissatisfaction with current marriage.  Been married for a while could be a few years, but quite honestly it could be a few months, gotten into a routine in life and you thought there would be more.  Marriage is not what you expected it to be or though it would be.  You see other people and they seem to have such fun, joy, passion and they don’t seem to fight or be dissatisfied.  And you don’t really think about it seriously, but you begin to wonder if it could be, should be, even would be better with someone else.  Suddenly you start spending more time at work, a few more hours at the end of the day.  Or those company get togethers that never really interested you, you now find yourself wanting to be at rather than going home.  Or you spend a little more time talking with that girl or that guy because they seem to take an interest in you or things you like more than your spouse. 
• All of the sudden some of the things that are the most valuable are not that exciting, things like faithfulness, acceptance, raising kids, providing for family, sacrifice; these are the most valuable and yet they are outweighed by passion, lust, excitement.  Our eyes become blinded to what is really important. 
• Country song “Then what?...” It is a great question and it points to the fact that these things are not thought through from the beginning. “That’s my house and that’s my car…”  “You want fries with that.”   
• What are the results of violating the covenant?  Broken families, children hurt, bitterness, etc. 
• Everyone knows that Christians believe that adultery is wrong, even non Christians think that, so what different should be said?  There is very solid, practical, relational, and theological reasons why it is wrong.  People know that it is wrong and yet still do it, why? 
• There is a great amount of rationalization that takes place in a Christian convincing themselves that this is the best thing to do.
•  

Commentary

5:3. adultery in the ancient Near East. Having sexual relations with another man’s wife was punishable by death in both the biblical and the ancient Near Eastern codes. The Egyptian Tale of Two Brothers calls it a “great crime” that is not to be considered by an honest man or woman. This was an attack on a man’s household, stealing his rights to procreate and endangering the orderly transmission of his estate to his heirs (see comment on Ex 20:14). The act itself defiles both participants (Lev 18:20). Since it is not only an attack on the sanctity of the household but also a source of general contamination, adultery serves as a reason for God to expel the people from the land (Lev 18:24–25). The Egyptian Instruction of Any (mid-second millennium) has a paragraph that advises to beware of the strange woman away from her husband who is seeking to ensnare.[1]

The Woman in the Street: Depart from Her (5:1–14, 21–23).

A.     The pleasure she offers (5:3)

1.     Her lips are as sweet as honey (5:3) .

2.     Her mouth is smoother than oil (5:3) .

B.     The price you pay (5:4–14, 21–23)

1.     “The result is as bitter as poison” (5:4) : It is “sharp as a double-edged sword.”

2.     “Her feet go down to death” (5:5) : “Her steps lead straight to the grave.”

3.     “She does not care about the path to life” (5:6) : “She staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t even realize where it leads.”

4.     The loss of one’s reputation (5:7–9): She will take your honor.

5.     The loss of one’s self-respect (5:12–14): You come to the brink of utter ruin.

6.     The loss of one’s wealth (5:10) : Others will enjoy the fruit of your labor.

7.     The loss of one’s health (5:11) : Disease consumes your body.

8.     The loss of one’s very soul (5:21–23)

II.     The Wife in the Home: Delight in Her (5:15–20).

A.     The rule: Remain faithful to her (5:15–18).

B.     The reward: Her love will satisfy you (5:19–20).[2]

 The smooth talk (2:16; 5:3; 6:24; 7:5, 21) of the Woman Stranger is exemplified in 9:17 by the clever symbolism of “stolen water” (notable in that the youth is told to drink of his own water, 5:15; cf. Cant 4:15). The “bread eaten in secret” is a symbol of the sexual seduction she proposes. The honeyed words of the “stranger” are the opposite of the “honey” that wisdom provides in Prov 24:13–14. A certain strategy is at work here: both Women speak partly along the same lines. But the honeyed words of the Woman Stranger are warned against. Hence Woman Wisdom must boast of the noble purposes and truths which she will speak forth (8:6–7, to be contrasted with 5:3). Indeed, death and life are in the power of the tongue (Prov 18:21)! Chap. 9 suggests a symbolic identification of Woman Stranger with Woman Folly, and this figure is opposed to Wisdom. The previous chapters have prepared the ground for this. Wisdom is the Daughter of YHWH (יהוה, 8:22–25), and she represents all the virtues that the youth can assimilate. [3]

5:1–14 “Don’t even pass by her door!” No matter how seductive the immoral woman may appear, the wise young man should avoid her at all costs, not even going near her door (5:8). If he gives in to her, she will destroy everything he has worked for in life (5:9–14; see 22:14).[4]

The admonition gathers strength in vv 15–20 by urging the delights of fidelity to one’s own wife; true intoxication lies with her, not with a זרה. The instruction ends with the reminder that the Lord sees all and the sinner will receive his comeuppance. [5]

Scriptures

Illustrations

In the vicinity of Richmond, Vermont, you'll find the Huntington River Gorge. It's a beautiful spot—but it's also quite deadly. In the last 40 years, 20 persons (mostly young adults in their 20s and 30s) have lost their lives in the gorge. Those injured while swimming have numbered in the hundreds.

On the surface, the water looks calm and placid, but beneath this attractive scene are strong currents that run swiftly over treacherous waterfalls and whirlpools. Public safety officials have designated the gorge "the singlemost deadly place in the state." Warning signs have been posted by a concerned individual on a side of the gorge, reading: "When the water is high due to rain or snowmelt, especially powerful currents can easily sweep you over the falls and trap you underneath the water."

A debate rages as to what to do with this dangerous place. Some argue for more public information that can properly educate people of its risks. Others are pushing to ban anyone and everyone from visitation. All the while, swimmers continue to be attracted to the scene. One college student attending the University of Vermont—just 14 miles away from the gorge—said she had heard about the beauty of the location and had the desire to see it herself. She commented that people know about the dangers and try their best to be careful.

"We just go swimming in the shallow part," she said. "You can't change the water, and you can't stop people from going in."

Katie Zezima, "An Enticing Gorge Poses a Deadly Problem," The New York Times (7-16-06);

Thomas Costain's book The Three Edwards describes the life of Raynald III, a 14th-century duke in what is now Belgium. Grossly overweight, Raynald was commonly called by his Latin nickname, Crassus, which means fat.

After a violent quarrel, Raynald's younger brother Edward led a successful revolt against him. Edward captured Raynald, but did not kill him. Instead, he built a room around Raynald in the Nieuwkerk castle and promised him he could regain his title and property as soon as he was able to leave the room. This would not have been difficult for most people, since the room had several windows and a door of near-normal size—none of which were locked or barred. The problem was Raynald's size. To regain his freedom, he needed to lose weight.

But Edward knew his older brother. Each day he sent a variety of delicious foods into the room. Instead of dieting his way out of prison, Raynald grew fatter. When Duke Edward was accused of cruelty, he had a ready answer: "My brother is not a prisoner. He may leave when he so wills." Raynald stayed in that room for 10 years and wasn't released until after Edward died in battle. By then his health was so ruined that he died within a year—a prisoner of his own appetite.

Rich Doebler, from his sermon series titled "Grace with Its Sleeves Rolled Up," PreachingToday.com

In the midst of marital disagreement, it is not uncommon for a spouse to wonder if there isn't somebody with whom they would be more compatible. Suleyman Guresci, of Izmir, Turkey, divorced his wife of 21 years after a bitter six-year court battle. In an effort to find the ideal woman, Guresci turned to a computer dating service—the kind that evaluates your written profile and suggests matches for you. From a list of 2,000 prospective brides, the computer selected his former wife, who (unbeknownst to Guresci) had signed up for the same service. Guresci's response? He decided to remarry his wife just nine months after their divorce.

He said, "I did not know that my ex-wife had been the ideal counterpart for a marriage. I decided to give it another try by being more tolerant toward her."

Many people who report being in happy marriages commit adultery. Those who assume that only bad people in bad marriages cheat can blind themselves to their own risk. They're unprepared for the risky times in their own lives.

Beth Allen, "The Roots of Temptation," L.A. Times (10-20-2003);

"No steam or gas drives anything until it is confined. No life ever grows great until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined."

Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878-1969)

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[1]Matthews, Victor Harold ; Chavalas, Mark W. ; Walton, John H.: The IVP Bible Background Commentary : Old Testament. electronic ed. Downers Grove, IL : InterVarsity Press, 2000, S. Pr 5:3

[2]Willmington, H. L.: The Outline Bible. Wheaton, Ill. : Tyndale House Publishers, 1999, S. Pr 5:1-20

[3]Murphy, Rowland E.: Word Biblical Commentary : Proverbs. Dallas : Word, Incorporated, 2002 (Word Biblical Commentary 22), S. 282

[4]Willmington, H. L.: Willmington's Bible Handbook. Wheaton, Ill. : Tyndale House Publishers, 1997, S. 334

[5]Murphy, Rowland E.: Word Biblical Commentary : Proverbs. Dallas : Word, Incorporated, 2002 (Word Biblical Commentary 22), S. 31