Take One or Two Others Along (2)

matt

Matthew 18:15–20 ESV

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

The Process

General Principle: Try to keep the circle of people involved in a conflict as small as possible for as long as possible.

Step One: Overlook Minor Offenses

Evaluate how you can use the situation as an opportunity to glorify God, serve others, and grow to be like Christ (Chapters 1-3) - [p. 187]

Step Two: Talk in Private (Matthew 18:15)

If you have wronged someone else, God calls you to go to the other person to seek forgiveness (Chapters 5 and 6) - [p. 187)

If another person has committed a wrong that is too serious to overlook, it is your responsibility to go to the other person and show him his fault, making every effort to resolve personal issues and promote genuine reconciliation (Chapters 7 and 8) – [p. 187]

Throughout this effort, it is appropriate to seek counsel and encouragement from godly advisors (p. 187)

Step Three: Take One or Two Others Along ()

3 Roles in which Others Serve (pp. 187-188)

1. Intermediaries, shuttling between both sides to promote understanding

2. Mediators (in most cases), meeting with both parties simultaneously to improve communication and offer biblical counsel

3. Arbitrators (if necessary) to provide a binding decision about how to resolve the matter

2 Ways Outside People Can Become Involved (p. 188ff)

1. By Mutual Agreement

2. On Your Initiative

Reconcilers should be wise and spiritually mature Christians who are worthy of your respect and trust (p. 188).

Before you take this step, however, it is wise and often beneficial to warn your opponent what you are about to do (p. 189)

When inviting others in, make every effort not to give them unnecessary details about the conflict. Simply explain that you and the other person are at odds and need their help

(pp. 189-190)

What do Reconcilers Do? (p. 191)

1. Help you and your opponent make the decisions needed to restore peace.

2. Determine the facts

3. Give Advice

4. Encourage repentance and confession on either or both sides

5. Facilitate biblical solutions

6. Propose practical solutions to specific problems

7. Serve as “witnesses” if either party refuses to resolve or reconcile

Step Four: Tell it to the Church (Church Accountability) [)

If either party adamantly refuses to listen to the advice of his respective church, other members of the church may need to be informed in a discreet and appropriate way so that they may also hold the stubborn party accountable to his responsibility to do what is right.

(p. 193)

Instead of associating with a stubborn brother (or sister) as though nothing were wrong, Christian friends should gently but firmly remind him that he has important business to take care of before he can properly worship God and take part in fellowship (p. 193)

Step Five: Treat Him as a Nonbeliever ()

Jesus’ use of the word as is significant. Since only God can know a person’s heart, the church has no power to decide whether a person is a believer. Instead, the church is called only to make a functional decision (p. 193)

In other words, the church should not pretend that things are all right with people who claim to be Christians and yet refuse to listen to God as he speaks through the Scriptures and the church (p. 193)

What does this look like? (p. 194)

· Withdrawing various membership privileges, such as communion, church office, or teaching Sunday school, and may culminate in revoking their membership status altogether if they persist in their refusal to repent of sin (p. 194)

· Look for every opportunity to evangelize them

· Remind them again and again of the good news of salvation through Jesus Christ and urge them to receive his forgiveness by repenting of and turning from their sin.

· If they are behaving in a way that disrupts the peace of the church, it may be appropriate to exclude them from church property

· Otherwise, welcome them to Sunday worship, as we do other nonbelievers. But instead of talking to them in superficial ways, we should graciously and repeatedly remind them of the gospel and urge them to repent of their wrongs.

3 Important “Why’s” for this Step (p. 194)

1. To prevent the Lord from being dishonored if that person continues to act in blatantly sinful ways

2. To protect other believers from being led astray by a bad example or divisive behavior

3. To help the rebellious person to realize the seriousness of his or her sin, turn from it, and be restored to God

The intention in treating others as nonbelievers is not to injure or punish them, but rather to help them see the seriousness of their sin and their need for repentance (p. 194)

God views accountability and discipline as an act of love and an important means to restore his wandering sheep and protect his people from being led astray by sinful examples (p. 195)

“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in” ()

“Nothing is so cruel as the tenderness that consigns another to his sin. Nothing can be more compassionate than the severe rebuke that calls a brother back from the path of sin.” - Dietrich Bonhoeffer (p. 195)