Untitled Sermon

# True Lovers - Part IV ()

## 'Happily Ever After?'

Let me ask you a question: What's your favourite romantic story? Do you go for something historical like _Pride and Prejudice_? Maybe you perfer romantic films that are bit more off beat like _Forest Gump_ or _Meet the Parents_? What about one that s out of this world like Pixar's _Wallie_. Whatever you tastes there is a romance novel or movie out there for you. Personally, whilst I enjoy Wallie as much as the next dad, I'm not a huge fan or romantic stories myself. I won't lie to you, my favourite novel series ends with everyone thinking the man character is dead and his love interest marries his best friend. But that's just me...

But my opinion is irrelevant, because the romance genre is big business. Do you know that the top 5 most successful romantic films made over 1.7 billion dollars in US box office _ALONE_. To give you some scale, that's about the same as the total UK government spending... for the last two years! 1.7 billion dollars! That'd pay for a couple of extra GPs wouldn't it!

But that's pocket change compared to the most successful romantic film of all time. Would anyone like to guess what it is? Don't be shy, shout it out...

**Slide**

That's right it is Titanic. Released in 1997, Titanic made 2.2 billion dollars at the box office worldwide. Just so you know, that's enough to buy over 600 million McDonald's Happy Meals. Or about three hours in a hospital car park. So clearly, I'm in the minority - people are in love with romance! Despite the fact that you know how it will end, that every plot is almost exactly the same, people still part with their money to watch a the latest film or buy the next paperback.

In some ways, Song of Songs is like a romantic movie - the poetry, the language, the passion - like romantic films the Song is an idealised picture of married life. A 'happily every after' on every page. But in others ways, the Song has greater honesty about what it takes to be true lovers in a sinful and dying world, and what that love will cost them to maintain. That is especially true of our passage this morning. In fact, this morning the Song is going to show us, that **If we want to go the distance, we're going to need persistence** {Repeat}

Specifically, it is going to show us that we need...

1. Persistence in adversity (5:2-7)

2. Persistence in friendship (5:8-9,16)

3. Persistence in passion (6:1-13)

That's what it takes to go the distance. So keep your bible open to Song of Songs chapter 5 and use the outline in bulletin to guide you if it helps.

## 1. Persistence in Adversity (5:2-7) (965)

Firstly then, persistence in adversity.

begins with the words "I slept but my heart was awake." In other words, she is dreaming. Her body is aleep but her heart (her will and affections) all still active. And her dream begins with her love knocking at the door to their house. Then as if to confirm what she already knows the man speaks and so begins this interchange between the two of them.

The language is playful and passionate. he wants her to open up and she is playing hard to get. Dream or not, these two are into each other and by v4 he's practically breaking down the door whilst she's excited about where things might lead.

All of this builds poetically to the moment when the women opens the door. If it were a romantic movie this would the moment where the door swings open and they kiss. But that isn't what happens, verse five shatters the expectation as this dream turns from fantasy to nightmare! The door swings open and he has gone. Alone and rejcted her heart sinks.

Suddenly, the dream shifts scenes again and now the women is running through the dark streets of the city. She looks for him; calls for him. But she can't find him. When she had a similar dream back in chapter 3 the watchman of the city aided her in her quest. BUt now the nightmare takes on a darker more sinister character as they set upon her, beat her, and strip her.

{Pause}

What on earth are we to do with this verse? To simply step away from the text and say "well, it is only a poetry isn't it..."", that will not do. Both the Author and the Holy Spirit have included this verse in our passage for a reason. So what is happening here? Let's gently unpick the threads togathe.

First of all we simply cannot escape the relaity that the women has been attacked and to some degree sexually assaulted. Look, I'll concede that the language is poetic, but the description of what is happening is telling. They've hit her hard enough to bruise and **at the very least** leave her in some form of nakedness. At the very least.

Secondly, It is important that we notice something else here or rather the lack of something. Notice, that the poet makes no moral judgement on the women for heading out into the city, in middle of the night on her own, shouting and running around hysterically. Instead we have a frank description of the women's encounter with a group of men who exploited her when they should have protected her.

I think all of us can learn something here. To often the suffering of an abuse surviror is compounded by the thoughtless remarks from those in the church."Well, if she hadn't been on her own later at night acting like that it wouldn't have happen, would it." "The Elder? The youth worker? The highly regarded church member? Oh no dear, they'd never do a thing like that. Why are you telling lies: God hates liars you know."

If you are here this morning and you are a survivor of abuse - any kind but especially sexual violence, I want to apologise to you. If you have ever been disbelieved or shamed by those in the church, who should have championed your cause, I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. The Lord does not disbelieve you and he will ensure that those who abused you, or through inaction were complicite in abuse, will be held to account for their sin either by bringing them to repentance or by bringing them to justice.

Thirdly, and most importantly, I also want you to know that as a survivor of abuse (or even as an abuser) their is hope for you. For the survivor: Those feelings of anger, guilt, shame, the shattered self-image you may hold, those things do not need to define you any longer. You are not defiled. you are not dirty. You are made in the image of a God loves you and made you for himself. Not as thing to be used, and cast aside, but as a person to be valued and delighted in.

And although we have turned our back on him, he still seeks us. He comes to us in the person of Jesus to experience our life, to endure horrific phsyical and emotional abuse, and then to die that we might experience forgiveness and acceptence. Having died, he returned o life gain so that he might be rescue us from both our own sin, and the sins that others have committed against us, making us perfect in his sight, without stain or blemish.

More than that, in to make all things new. And that includes you. A remaking that begins now by trsuting in Christ, is continued in this life by the Holy Spirit, and completed in the age to come. If you are here today and are suvivor of abuse, whether sexual, physically, emotional, intellectual, or spiritual - I want you to know that their is one who knows exactly what you experienced, that he believes you, he loves you, and he is calling you to come to him so that he might set you free. I won't promise it will be easy, but you don't have to do it alone, the Lord has given you himself, you rspouse (if you are married), the church community, and the leadership here. **if you want to go the distance, and be free from your past, it is going to persitence** - but you don't do it alone - we are here to support you every step of the way.

## 2. Persistence in Friendship (5:8-9, 13-6:3) (808)

Secondly, persistence in friendship. In v8 the dream-scene changes once again and now she is in front of the chorus of her friends. The daughters of Jerusalem. She begins the similar refrain, "O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you..." But it doesn't end the way we expect it too. Instead it turns into a plee. "If you find my lover, what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love." Tell him, she says, that I am overwhelmed by my love for him and long to be with him.

With such a romantic expression of her longin for her lover you'd expect the Daughters to coo like a scene from Grease. But instead they response is cold. In essence they reply in v9 by saying "Why should we find him, what makes him so special?" Perhaps even their use of the title 'most beautiful of women' might be a bit of a dig, since this is how we first describes her back in chapter one, verse 8. As if she needs an excuse, she uses this as an opportunity to begin another extended description of his physical appeal.

Let me pasuse here and ask you a question, if you are married: "What is your relationship built upon?" If you are single: "What are you looking for in a spouse?" These are impoarnt questions to consider because if we are not careful we can enter marriage with our relationship built upon something that is good, but not lasting. And when that good things vanishes, the relationship is shaken to the very foundation.

Given the way these two talk about each other. You'd be forgiven for thinking that Song of Songs is describing sex as the thing that is foundational to a strong marriage relationship. But that is not the case.

Don't get me wrong, Sex as is a good thing, it is a great thing. It is a thing created by God to be _enjoyed_ in marriage between a man and women. But sadly for many, even many in the church, there is an assumption at the heart of the marriage is a sexual relationship.

This is a problem because it puts the cart before the horse. God's design for marriage is that it is the pinnacle and not the foundation of the marriage union. This makes sense right? Life brings sessions when sex is impratical, perhaps due to illness, pregnancy, childbirth, abuse, etc. But more than that the years bring a time when sex becomes impossible.

If sex is foundational to the marriage then when year or season of life make sex out of reach the relationship will have the rug pulled out from under it.

And it doesn't just have to be sex. Plenty make personal fulfillment, financial stabibilty, or their children foundational in the marriages. But again, when adversity comes and the next egg dries up or personal joy is illusive, or when the kids grow up and more away, or more likely let you down. Once again the marriage is left reeling.

So what is the answer? What is the foundation that we should be building our marriage upon. I am sure you are all waiting for me to say Jesus or the bible, and there is something truth in that. But plnety of godly christian marriages fail to go the distance.

The answer that the song gives us is found in verse 16. Notice what she says to the girls. having described the man to them she says, "This is my lover, this is my friend. O daugthers of Jerusalem"

It is worth taking note of this verse because it is the first time that word friend appears in the Song. And it reminds that at the heart of the marriage between these two godly people is a passionate friendship.

Yes, they delight in each other sexually. But married friendship sees sex as the ultimate expression of love and service of the other. It does bring harm or shame, but draws them closer together. We see this in Chapter six verse two and three. Here in the dream, as the two lovers are reunited sexaully, she says "I am my lover's and he is mine." Sex is an expression of their togetherness not the reason for it.

Beauty, sex, children, money, all this things are blessings that God may choose to give gives to a marriage. But all these things are given to us for God's glory and for us to enjoy for a season of our marriaed life. Beauty, sex, children, money, all things things disappear with time, but if we work it, godly friendship grows with time. And that is why Christian friendship is foundational to a healthy marriage.

**If you want to go the distance in marriage, it is going to take persistence.** Persistence to maintain, sunstain, forgive, and puruse your spouse, not simply as you lover, but as your friend. A friendship that stakes its cue from the God who gave everything to restore our friendship with him.

## 3. Persistence in Passion (926)

Finally, persitence in passion. We are studyin Song of Songs in my small group at the moment. And it seems to be going really well... at least I think it is. they might be wishing for it to be over for all I know!

Buet seriously, it has raised started some great conversations. Just last last week, we spend some time talking about what the man and the woman might have looked like. I don't mean how they are described, if you draw a picture based on how they're described they be freakish creations with sheep for teeth and doves for eyes!

But have you ever thought about it before? What they might have a looked. It is an interesting question isn't it? On the one hand she describes herself in chapter one as not meeting the standard of beauty of the day. Yet the first time he speaks back in chapter one verse 8, he calls her the 'most beautiful of women'.

In chapter five, verse ten she calls him "fit and strong, notbale among ten thousand". But earily in verse nine, her friends couldn't understand what she sees in him.

What do you think? Quick show of hands! Hands up if you think they are a-list couple, beautiful and elegant?

Ok. Hands up if you think they're probably a bit ordinary looking?

Hands up if you think it doesn't matter one way or the other?

It is hard to tell, but I think the poet is purposefully leaving it ambitious. Partly because it creates an air of poetic mystery around the couple, but I also think it is ambitious to try and teach us something. You see I don't think it matters in the song whether we think the women is beauty or the man is notbale among ten thouasand.

The point of the language is that she think he is. The punchline of chapter five ten to sixteen is that _she thinks_ 'fit and strong' (v10), and _she think_ she thinks he is 'altotgether lovely' (v16).

In the same way, in chapter six verse 4, he says that her beauty and lovliness equals the best cities Israel can offer. A beauty that overwhelms him like the sight of an army with banners. And in v9, he says that just as she is unique as the only daughter of her mother, so she is unique to him. For him there is no other who comes close. Queens might offer influence, concubines pleasure, and young women fertility, but none are like her.

You see it doesn't matter to them how we see them, because they are each others standard of beauty. In her eyes, no one comes close to him, and in his eyes she is unique. They have a singleminded love for one another that makes them beautiful in each other sight.

Sadly many men and women enter marriage with an external standard of beuaty which they either knowingly or unknowingly hold over their spouse. For some men and women, that comes external standard comes from years of porn consumption. Others it might simply be a celebrity crush or finctional character.

But the truth is, that if you hold anyone other than you spouse as your standard of beuaty it will only breed discontentment for you as your standard remains unchanged as the years change your spouse. And it will only bring shame and bitterness to your partner as they fail to measure up in your eyes.

So what is the answer, what is the secret that these two have discovered. How can we hold our partner as 'most beautiful' in our eyes. How can we be persistent in a passion that only has eyes for the other. The secret I think, is to discover a passion for a being even more perfect and even more beautiful than we could ever imagine.

Marriage exists we told in as metaphor. A living word picture of the relationship between Jesus and his people. Marriage is to be a picture of the promise-keeping faithfulness of God. A God who loves us us with a death defying singlness of mind. A God who delights in us not because we are lovable or delightful in and of ourselves but because he has chosen to see us that way by sending the Lord Jesus to die for us and rise again for us. A God so pefectly satisfying that the more spend time in his word and in prayer getting to know the more he becomes lovely in our eyes.

When we begin to see our Lord and our God in that way through his word and through the eyes of faith. Not only does sin of all kind become less valuable, less desirable to us. But so also our spouses become more beautiful and precious to us as we act the gospel in our homes, before our children, and to a watching word. In this way, as they become each others standard of beauty, the relationship not only becomes more satisfying but also glorifies God a prophetic display of Chist singleminded love for his people, and his people's single minded love for him.

**In marriage as in relationship with God... if we want to go the distance it is going to take persitence** Persistence to find in the one we love a standard of beauty that changes how we live and love. A standard of beauty that finds its source in our creator and savior, and finds expression in our love for him and for our spouse.

## Conclusion 'Unil death do us part?'

Today this strange, dream-like passage of Song of Songs has shown us that, whether single of married, life is hard.

It takes **persisence to go the distance**. Persistence to find the strength in Christ and the support of those who love us to overcome even the worst that this sinful and dying world can through at us.

It takes persistence to build our marriages on the strong and stable foundation of Christian friendship. It takes even more for it flourish as years or seasons of life, see children or money leaves us and sexual passion fade.

And it takes persistence to only have eyes for one. A single-minded, gospel proclaiming marriage that where a husband and wife delight in the changing beauty of each other as they each delight in the unchanging beuaty of their saviour.

**If we want to go the distance, we need grace to be persistent** A lasting persistence like that can be found and sustained in the grace of God. Let's look for it in him, today. Let's pray.

{Pray}