The Biblical Wife

Biblical Wives Biblical Wives Jon Gruss / Faith Biblical Counseling Ministries / General; Women Better Together / Marriage; Family: Wives / Ephesians 5:22–33   The Wife’s Role “Surprisingly, in a time when Christians have more money and more education and certainly more resources such as books, videos, counselors, and support groups to advise them, many young couples lack the most important ingredient for the success of their Christian union - the biblical understanding of their roles” (Nancy, Leigh DeMoss, Biblical Womanhood in the Home, 118) • Understand the unique way  men  were created: “My purpose in this essay is to demonstrate from Genesis 1-3 that both male-female equality and male headship, properly defined, were instituted by God at creation and remain permanent, beneficent of human existence. Let me defined male-female equality: man and woman are equal in the sense that they bear God’s image equally. Let me also define Male headship: in the partnership of two spiritually equal human beings, man and woman, the man bears the primary responsibility to lead the partnership and a God-glorifying direction.” (Wayne Grudem, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, 95) “At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man's differing relationship.” (John Piper, What's the Difference? Manhood and Womanhood Defined According to the Bible, 22) • Understand the unique way  women  were created: “A popular view today is that woman's subordinate role is a result of the fall. Since God reversed the effects of the curse through Christ, some argue, he abolished differing male and female roles. Paul however, grounds women's subordinate role in the order of creation, not in the fall: (1 Tim 2.13). Eve was created after Adam to be his helper she was designed to follow his lead, Live on his provisions, and find safety and his strength. Such tendencies were from that point on built into all women, but with the fall came conflict.” (John MacArthur, Different by Design, 141) “At the heart of mature femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive, and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate we woman's differing relationships.” (John Piper, What's the Difference? Manhood and Womanhood Defined According to the Bible, 22) Married women can find  joy  and  satisfaction  in fulfilling their God-given role. “We don't look to our culture to find our feminine identity; we don't consult our feelings to discover our purpose. Everything that we are in everything we do must be rooted in God… we are are intentionally and purposefully created. We are planned in foreordained determination of an all-wise, all-powerful, and all-loving God.” (Nancy, Leigh DeMoss, Biblical Womanhood in the Home, 23) John 15:11 ESV These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. The Joy of Bringing Glory to God by  Completing  your Husband. Genesis 2:18 ESV 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Ephesians 5:31 ESV “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Gen. 1.26-31; 2.18-25 “It is God himself who decrees that man's solitude is not good, and it is God himself who sets out to complete one of the central designs of creation, namely, man and woman in marriage. ‘it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ Don't miss that central and all-important statement: God himself will make a being perfectly suited for him - a wife.” (John Piper, This Momentary Marriage, 21) 1. The  honorable  nature of this position: (helper suitable means ‘one who helps’) • Helper  frequently  describes God: Psalm 54:4 ESV Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life. Psalm 30:10 ESV Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me! O Lord, be my helper!” 1 Samuel 7:12 ESV Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer; for he said, “Till now the Lord has helped us.” Hebrews 13:6 ESV So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” “You display your femininity by coming alongside your husband and helping him in the task that God has given him.” (Nancy, Leigh DeMoss, Biblical Womanhood in the Home, 23) 2. The potential delight completing a person who is  not complete  without you. a. Completing him in  companionship  with each other. b. Completing him in  sexual   relationship  with each other. c. Completing him in the  responsibilities  he has to fulfill. “The man needs the help; the woman needs to help. Marriage was created by God to provide a companionship in the labor of dominion. The cultural mandate, the requirement to fill and subdue the earth, is still in force, and a husband cannot fulfill this portion of the task in isolation. He needs the companion suitable for him in the work to which God has called him. To the work and must receive help from her. She is called to the work through ministering to him. He is oriented to the task, and she is oriented to him.” (Douglas Wilson, Reforming Marriage, 19) d. Completing him in the  parenting  process. e. Completing him in  exercising  the  spiritual   gifts  within the church. f. Completing him in  reaching  out to the  community . The Joy of Bringing Glory to God by  Following  your Husband’s Leadership Ephesians 5:22 ESV Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 1. Develop a  biblical  view of  submission . • Does mean = be under the authority of; take a subordinate place (position) • Does not mean = slavery, ownership, degradation, less than 1 Peter 3:1 ESV Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, “Made in God’s image, men and women are also equal but different. Equal before God as persons, we have been given distinctly different roles. In the marriage relationship, man is to lead, and woman is to follow his lead. In the beginning, Eve rebelled against God, rejecting his Will regarding the forbidden tree, and then encouraged her husband to follow her lead. When Adam joined her, failing to lead his wife in godliness, they overturned the good order of creation. Ever since that day, there has been a war between the sexes.” (Nancy, Leigh DeMoss, Biblical Womanhood in the Home, 121) a. Submission is good because it is present in the  Godhead . “Submission isn't a matter who is smarter for most deserving. Submission in marriage is simply another reflection of the beautiful pattern of the roles seen in the Trinity.” (Elyse Fitzpatrick, Helper by Design, 147) b. Submission is good because it is God’s divine plan for  function  and  order . “As a Christian woman, submitting to my husband is not an option; it is obediently following God’s plan for order in marriage, a plan that has existed from the beginning.” (Nancy, Leigh DeMoss, Biblical Womanhood in the Home, 122) “But God, the perfect artist, designed marriage to be beautiful, natural, and functional by giving it a single head, the husband. Thank you, Lord, that marriage is your work of art.” (Elizabeth George, A Woman After God’s Own Heart, 80) c. Submission as a way of life for  every  believer, not just the wife. Ephesians 5:21 ESV submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. d. Submission  reveals  the person's character and spiritual  maturity . i. Reveals one's  love  for God. John 14:15 ESV “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. John 14:31 ESV but I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father. Rise, let us go from here. ii. Reveals if a person is  filled  with the  Spirit . Galatians 5:22–23 ESV But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. iii. Reveals one’s view of Christ's  authority . Ephesians 5:22 ESV Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. iv. Reveals a wife's  heart  and impacts her true  beauty . 1 Peter 3:1 ESV Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 1 Peter 3:4 ESV but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. e. Submission is a picture of the  church  obeying Christ. Ephesians 5:32 ESV This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 2. Since Jesus is the example of  perfect  submission wives should seek to follow his example. John 6:38 ESV For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. 1 Peter 2:21 ESV For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. “God is not partial to males or females. Although equal in that regard, the wife should take the attitude of the Lord Jesus Christ, one of submissive servanthood, to carry out her God intended role in the marriage.” (Martha Peace, The Excellent Wife, 139) 3. We all struggle with  submission . a. A lack of submission started when Satan  rejected  God and rebelled. Isaiah 14:13–14 ESV You said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; above the stars of God I will set my throne on high; I will sit on the mount of assembly in the far reaches of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’ b. A lack of submission continued in the  garden   of   Eden . 1 Timothy 2:14 ESV and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. c. A lack of submission extended to all  mankind . Isaiah 53:6 ESV All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. d. A lack of submission will increase in the  last   days . 2 Peter 3:3 ESV knowing this first of all, that scoffers will come in the last days with scoffing, following their own sinful desires. 2 Timothy 3:1–4 ESV But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, e. The  Gospel  redeems all humanity from the challenge of submission. 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 4. Respond properly to  imperfect  leadership. a. Since Jesus is the only  perfect  leader, we all face the challenge the following  imperfect  leadership. 1 Corinthians 11:3 ESV But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Romans 13:1 ESV Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. “Am I willing for God to make me thankful for my husband’s failures so that I can learn what it means to be like Christ, a friend of sinners?” (Elyse Fitzpatrick, Helper by Design, 53) • Remember, God never gives  all  of his authority to any one specific person or institution. Acts 5:29 ESV But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men. “Scripture is clear that the wife is to be submissive to her husband in all things unless her husband asks her to sin.” (Elyse Fitzpatrick, Helper by Design, 143) b. Responding to a  believing  husband who is imperfect. Romans 7:18–20 ESV For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. “We don't live in an ideal world or with ideal men who perfectly followed the Ephesians instruction to love their wives as Christ loved the church and lay down his life for her. Like Adam, many husbands fail to lead (or sacrificially love). And like Eve, many wives rationalize about submission, inwardly mouthing Satan's condescending question, ‘surely God didn't really say that!’” (Nancy, Leigh DeMoss, Biblical Womanhood in the Home, 122) c. Responding to an  un-believing  husband who is imperfect. “Our submission to our husbands preaches a lovelier and more powerful sermon that our mouths ever could. Conduct counts!” (Elizabeth George, A Woman After God’s Own Heart, 82) 1 Corinthians 7:14 ESV For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 1 Corinthians 7:16 ESV For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? d. Responding biblically and legally to husband’s  abusive  treatment. Ephesians 5:28–29 ESV In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, Romans 13:4 ESV for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. The Joy of Bringing Glory to God by  Respecting  your Husband Ephesians 5:33 ESV However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 1.  Respect  means to value, regard, notice, honor, prefer, esteem, praise, love, admire exceedingly. a. She should respect him as a  person . b. She should respect his  position . “The wife is to respond respectfully to her husband because of his God-given position… this respect is not only an outward show, but also inward heart attitude of obedience to God.” (Martha Peace, The Excellent Wife, 109) 1 Corinthians 11:3 ESV But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. “A godly wife will not only show respect to her husband's position during the difficult times, such as his sin or his failure, but she will also show respect on a daily basis when he is just an everyday, ordinary person.” (Martha Peace, The Excellent Wife, 110) 2.  Practical  ways to show respect to your husband: a. Remember that respect begins in the  heart . • Develop a godly attitude towards your husband. • For men too. Proverbs 23:7 ESV for he is like one who is inwardly calculating. “Eat and drink!” he says to you, but his heart is not with you. Matthew 12:34 ESV You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. b. Practice godly  communication . • Good practices for all of us! Ephesians 4:25 ESV Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. i. By asking  questions  instead of making  accusations  or bottom-line statements. Example: “Can you help me understand why you made that statement?” vs. “I can't believe you said that to me!” ii. By practicing  humility . James 4:6 ESV But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” • I deserve a husband who does  fill in this blank . Describe why you deserve this. How does this attitude reflect Christ? › Deserve / Desire? iii. By showing grace in your  words  and  tone  of  voice . Colossians 4:6 ESV Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. iv. By using words and tones that  edify  him: To build him up when he fails and to commend him when he succeeds. (Eph. 4.29; Rom. 13.7 = give honor where due) v. By expressing  gratitude  (even in difficult circumstances). 1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. vi. By avoiding  gossip  or being  critical  of your husband in public or privately to others who are not part of the problem or the solution. Proverbs 20:19 ESV Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler. c. Choosing to believe the  best  about him. (1 Cor. 13.7 = …‘believes all things’) d. Deal with your problems  first  before trying to help him to please God. • How does God want me to use my husbands imperfections to help me grow to become more like Christ? “It's easy to believe that we would be better at our calling if he were better at his. If he was being the kind of husband he was called to be, then it would be easy for me to be what I'm called to be, we think. We have to wrestle with the reality that in thinking in this way we are expecting for husbands to be something that we aren’t - sinless - and we're making our faithful obedience contingent on something other than Jesus Christ.” (Elyse Fitzpatrick, Helper by Design, 53) e.  Pray  for him daily. ** Luke 11:1 ESV Now Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he finished, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples.” Matthew 21:22 ESV And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” 3. Potential  results  if a wife respects her husband: John 13:17 ESV If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. a. In your  personal  life b. In the life of your  husband  c. In the life of your  children  “When I hear women whining about their husbands faults to friends, and I catch myself speaking to my husband in tones that don't sound honoring, I want to shout, ’Stop! Stop yourself, Barbara! Think of the consequences!’ Our attitudes and words are teaching the next generation.” (Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Biblical Womanhood in the Home, 128) The Joy of Bringing Glory to God by  Impacting  your Husband Proverbs 31:10–12 ESV An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. “In God's sight, a trusting heart is precious, a word that means ‘of the highest value’ or ‘extremely expensive.’ What makes this attitude so valuable? First, its rarity, and second, the price that was paid to obtain it. Only a heart that's drenched in the precious blood of Christ finds its peace and rest in him. You can rest in him, lovingly speaking and living the truth before your husband, knowing that God holds you gently in the palm of his hand. Your faith is precious to him, and he'll sustain you in peaceful trust.” (Elyse Fitzpatrick, Helper by Design, 191) 1. Focus on being a  good   example . • A  godly  wife is an “instrument in the Redeemer's hands” a. Remember you made a  vow  before God. Ecclesiastes 5:5 ESV It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. b.  Deny  yourself, take up your  cross  daily, and  follow  Christ. Luke 9:23 ESV And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 2. Focus on being a Proverbs  31  kind of woman. Proverbs 31:10 ESV An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. Proverbs 31:28 ESV Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 3. Focus on the  judgment seat  of  Christ . 2 Corinthians 5:10 ESV For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil. Conclusion 1. Let your challenge with submission  draw   you   closer  to your Savior. John 15:5 ESV I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 2. Your relationship with your husband will be  determined  by your relationship with your Savior. • Strong  Christians  = strong  marriages  = strong  families  = strong  churches  3. It's not what you  know , it's what you  do  with what you know. James 1:22–25 ESV But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. “Sisters in Christ, we must discipline ourselves to submit to God's will for marriage relationships - to live as our husband's helpers, submitting to and respecting their position, gracefully developing a gentle and quiet spirit. This is God's will in the Gospel.” (Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Biblical Womanhood in the Home, 129) 4. The  result  of obedience in fulfilling your role as wife can bring God's  blessings , while disobedience can bring God's  discipline . Galatians 6:8–9 ESV 8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. Resources • Piper, John. This Momentary Marriage. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2009. • DeMoss, Nancy Leigh ed. Biblical Womanhood in the Home. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2002. • Peace, Martha. An Excellent Wife. Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 1999. • Piper, John. What’s The Difference? (Manhood and Womanhood Defined According to the Bible). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2009. • Fitzpatrick, Elyse. Helper By Design. Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2003. • Mack, Wayne. Strengthening Your Marriage. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 1999. Page 12. Exported from Logos Bible Software, 9:39 AM May 7, 2018.