Choosing Your Words

Text: Ephesians 4:14-32

Place Preached - (Mississauga International Baptist Church)

Date Preached - (11/25/01)

Introduction:   

ILLUS: A desperate situation has engulfed you; anger boils in your heart.  How do you prepare to choose the right words?

1. Confess your need to God  - These situations reveal your own need.

2. Acknowledge God’s grace to you – Real change is not impossible!

3. Say “NO” – Rom. 6:1

We no longer live under sin’s control.

4. Say “THANK-YOU!”  - In His strength I can do what He is calling me to.

When we talk about choosing your words this does not mean writing a script for every occasion.  It does mean being prepared in our purpose (Which, is Redemptive).

What are the words we must choose?

I. Words of Truth  Eph 4:14-15

We must be more zealous to communicate biblical truth than our own perspectives and opinions.

We must ask ourselves…

A. What truths of Scripture interpret and explain this situation?

EG. Doctrines/Themes/Commands/Principles etc.

B. What does God want to show this person about Himself, His love and Grace, His will and His truth?

God is never absent or inactive, we tend to be blind to His presence and work.

SEE II Kings 6:8-23

We need to be aware of our own blindness and then we need to help others see the Lord and their situation with Biblical eyes.

C. What does God want to show this person about Himself?

Situations reveal the Lord and much about us also and our relationship to the Lord.

If people would see God and themselves clearly, we must hold up the mirror of Scripture before them.

D. What does God want to show this person about others?

E. What is God calling this person to do?

F. How can I best help this person to understand these things?

Not by a finger-pointing lecture!

Not “If I were you” talk.  It is counterproductive!!

We want people to see Christ, not us!!

Colossians 3:12-14  Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;

13  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

14  And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

Choose words of truth – It means more than being honest, it means being distinctively and thoroughly Biblical in the way we respond to others.

II. Words of Love – I Cor 13:4-7

Truth that is not spoken in Love ceases to be truth because it becomes distorted by human impatience, bitterness and anger.

Jesus final words to His disciples – A New Command

John 13:34-35  A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

35  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

Stop and listen to the talk in your home.  See how far from this standard we are.

Confess that we have not known the way of love.  Our words have actually hindered more than they have helped the cause of Christ.

III. Words of Restraint  - Eph. 4:25-27

Our words betray our lack of internal self-control.

Now every Christian has a built-in restraint system in the form of the indwelling presence of God’s Holy Spirit. (Romans 8:9)

The problems occur because we are not yielded to Him.

What will speaking under restraint look like?

A. Words of Restraint are Honest vs.25

“Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour”

When I trim or shade the truth, I am loving myself more than God or others.

We are willing to sacrifice personal truth for personal comfort.

B. Words of Restraint are not controlled by anger vs.26

“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath”

We lean towards “fight” or “flight”.  We blow up or we clam up.

We can control our anger.

Don’t replay the wrongs over and over.

When we allow the negative emotions to grow and grow we give the devil an opportunity to do his work.

IV. Words of Grace  - Eph 4:29-30

Paul emphasizes 5 elements of “Grace-Full” talk.

A. Be unshakably Committed to wholesome talk.

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth”

Unwholesome talk is “ME-centred”.  Therefore wholesome talk must be OTHER-oriented.

Speech rooted in the existence, love, mercy, grace and calling of the Lord.

Wholesome talk submits both to the call of God and the need of our neighbour.

B. Consider the person to whom you are talking.

“but that which is good to the use of edifying”

To whom are we speaking? – A Child, adult, long-time friend, complete stranger, neighbour, saved or lost?

What is his/her knowledge of Scriptural truth?

Are they receptive?

HOW should I speak in light of what I know about this person?

C. Consider the problem you are being called to address

“edifying”

What is the need of the moment?  What particular grace is needed?

Is there sin to be confronted?  Reconciliation of some disunity or division?  Do discouragement and doubt prevail?

ILLUS: With what agenda do you enter the room of your child?  An agenda of ministry or retribution?

ASK: What does God want to do through me in the life of my child/mate/other person?

D. Consider the Process

“minister grace unto the hearers”

Colossians 4:6  Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

ILLUS: When the parent enters the child’s room as above in Lecture Mode, the child is….

A.    Silently defending or excusing himself.

B.     Anxiously awaiting the end of the conversation.  “Are you done yet”. – Not exactly words of repentance!!

Is there a better way for me as a parent to accomplish God’s goal of grace?

E. Don’t let your speech Hinder the Holy Spirit’s Work.

“And grieve not the holy Spirit of God”

Don’t get in the way of the Holy Spirit’s work!!

V. Words of Forgiveness  - Eph 4:32 & 5:2

Words of forgiveness include several things…

A. Greet the sin of others with Judicial forgiveness.

It is preparation of the heart.

I covenant with God to “LET GO” of the offense the other person has committed against me.

CHRIST’S EXAMPLE:

1 Peter 2:23  Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

B. Greet the sin of others with Relational forgiveness.

Cannot be offered until the person asks for it.

There will seldom be a day when we are not sinned against in some way.

Our tendency is to respond sinfully when being sinned against.

Our MODEL for forgiveness is the Lord.  Forgiveness is a gift you give to the other person, it is a release from the bondage of guilt.

C. Greet the sin of others with Words of Blessing.

Forgiveness is active.  When the Lord forgives He does not merely tolerate our return to fellowship.

Genuine forgiveness is always followed by genuine blessing

 I John 1:9.

When we respond to the sin of others with irritation, impatience, accusations and threats (Etc.) we give the enemy an opportunity in our lives  (SEE Romans 12:18-21).

Conclusion:     (Review)

Battles of the tongue are battles of the Heart.  (Matt 12:34; Prov. 18:21)

The tongue can be a fount of truth or a polluted stream of falsehood.   The tongue will serve the master to which the heart is already committed.

• What have you learned about the thoughts and motives of your heart?
• What have you learned about your communication struggles?
• In what areas is God calling you to repentance? (Put off/Put on)
• What specific opportunities is God giving you to be a part of what He is doing in the lives of others?
• What promises of Scripture encourage you as you respond to God’s call to change and ministry?