Forgiveness: Why?

INTRODUCTION

This morning we are going to talk about another hard teaching of Jesus – forgiveness.  Last week we were reminded about the cost of following Jesus and how difficult it sometimes is to take up our cross daily and follow wherever He leads.  This week we will be reminded that Jesus teaches us to forgive others regardless of what the might have done to us.

We will use a parable as our text this morning found in Matthew 18:21-35.  But before we get started with or text let me define forgiveness.  I will do so by first defining unforgiveness.

What is unforgiveness?  Well unforgiveness is a set of delayed emotions that consists of:

·        Resentment

·        Bitterness

·        Hatred

·        Hostility

·        Anger

·        Fear

These emotions rise up in a person because of an event or action that has wounded them psychologically or physically.  Unforgiveness consumes the heart like a cancer.  The wounded person responds with hot emotions of anger and fear of being wounded again.  These emotions of anger and fear are not unforgiveness.  But when these emotions are continually replayed mentally, the resulting delayed emotions are unforgiveness.

So what is forgiveness?  Most people thing that forgiveness is what we do to get rid of unforgiveness.  But it is more than that.  True forgiveness occurs only when those cold emotions of unforgiveness are changed to warm, loving, compassionate, caring altruistic emotions resulting from a heartfelt transformation.  Forgiveness is both an act and a process.  However, it is not the same as reconciliation.  It takes two to reconcile; it takes only one to forgive.

Matthew Chapter 18 gives clear teaching about forgiveness.  Jesus described divine forgiveness and love in the parable of the lost sheep.  He encouraged reconciliation and said that forgiveness should be unlimited.  He then told the parable of the unforgiving servant, tying God’s forgiveness of us with our forgiveness of others.

So, let’s get started.

Matthew 18:21-35

21 The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"

22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

Peter’s question here was a logical one after hearing Jesus teach on how to deal with a sinning brother in verses 15-20.  Actually, Peter was being very generous in his willingness to forgive up to seven times.  The traditional limit was three times, possibly because of the words in Amos….”For three transgressions…., and for four.”

Jesus’ response probably surprised Peter.  He told him, “I do not say seven times but up to seventy times seven.”  Whether that means 77 times or 490 times really doesn’t matter.  The point is not to keep track at all, but to always be willing to forgive.

23  Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24  And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25  But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26  The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' 27  Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.

Let me say here that a parable is a comparison of one thing to another and in this parable we find God represented as the King.  We are represented as the servant in need of forgiveness. 

I want to give you an idea of just how much that servant owed his master.  Ten thousand talents was an enormous sum.  A denarius was one day’s wage for a laborer (20:2).  A talent was worth about six thousand (6,000) denarii.  Ten thousand (10,000) talents would be sixty million (60,000,000) day’s wages (approximately $10 million), a sum that would be impossible to repay.  Yet, the master, after having compassion on him, forgave him all he owed. 

How did this man respond to all that had been done for him?

28 "But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!' 29  So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'  30  And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.

This man’s response blows me away. Compare how much he was owed to how much he had owed.  A hundred denarri was worth about $12.  The man had been forgiven millions yet he refused to forgive a debt of $12.  Instead of giving mercy and compassion, he had the man thrown into jail until he could repay the debt. 

31  So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32  Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33  Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?' 34  And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.

35 "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."  

NKJV

This verse is a warning about the penalty of not forgiving others.  All of a Christian’s sins are forgiven and forgotten forever (Psalm 103:12).

Psalms 103:12

12 As far as the east is from the west,

So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

NKJV

Ephesians 4:32

32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

NKJV

We have learned that we must forgive but how do we do it.  It is so much easier said than done isn’t it? 

I ran across a the following and I’d like to share it with you:

HOW TO FORGIVE[1]

There are many ways to forgive a person who has harmed us, and any one of them can be effective.  I think it is important for a person who needs to forgive to feel empathy for the person who harmed them, humility about their own sinfulness, and gratitude over having themselves been forgiven by God and by others.

R – Recall the hurt.  To heal, you must not deny that you have been hurt or offended.  However, you should not recall the hurt in whiny victimization or as finger pointing blame.  Instead, you should recall the hurt calmly and try to remember objectively what happened.

E – Empathize with the person who hurt you.  Empathy means trying to understand what that person who hurt you might have been going through.  It helps to feel with the person who caused the hurt.

A – Give an Altruistic gift of forgiveness.  Try to remember a time when you harmed someone who later forgave you.  Remember specifically what happened and how you received the offer of forgiveness.  Then you can more easily see yourself giving that gift back to another.

C – Commit publicly to forgive.  You can truly forgive in your heart, but you might doubt that forgiveness if you recall the incident and re-experience some of the hot emotions.  By speaking aloud or writing down your forgiveness, by telling a trusted friend, or, in some cases, writing a follow-up letter to the person who harmed you, you can solidify the act of forgiveness.

H – Hold on to forgiveness.  When you doubt whether the forgiveness was real, you can hold onto the forgiveness by remember that there is a difference between remembering the event and experiencing the cold emotions.

Talking about forgiveness is often a major step on the way to reconciliation between two parties who have had a trust broken.  Those two parties must decide whether they can reconcile and if so, how to work through the process.  For reconciliation to be complete, however, both parties need to reverse the damage that was done in the relationship, decide to give each other mercy at an occasional failure, and take active steps to build love and trust in their relationship by valuing each other.

CLOSING

Do we forgive as we have been forgiven?  If God treated us for our debts the same way we treat others, we would be in a world of trouble.

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[1] Taken from “The Soul Care Bible,” “Forgiveness” by Everett L. Worthington, Jr., pages 1520-1521