Premarital Counseling (3) - Enjoying the Love and Romance

Introduction

Review Questionnaires with Couple

The World’s View of Sex

A distort view of sex follows a distorted view of mankind’s original design and purpose.

A person’s morality is the fruit of his theology, his/her concept of God.

An evolutionist sees a person’s sexuality as how a person behaviors, much like an animal—that a person’s sexuality is not an aspect of what a person is.

The relativist says “You choose your own sexuality that your birth gender does not define who you are. Who you love is who you want to love. You decide.”

With the wrong theology, it’s leads one to even more depraved views.

The only person I am accountable for my sexuality is me. Atheism

Seeing sex as the highest satisfaction and pleasure possible in life. [Hollywood portrays this!] Hedonism

Others will tell you that sex has no moral implications or any real meaning. Nihilism

​ KJV 1900Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:

In man’s pursuit for satisfaction outside God’s intended design, he only finds destruction.

A distorted view of sex leads to destructive behavior.

The Bible is quite open about sexual sins in the lives of people. The Bible tells of bigamy, polygamy, sodomy, rape, incest, prostitution, adultery, bestiality, transvestism, and other perversions.

One would think this behavior would not be included, but God did not hide this behavior because He wanted you and me to know its destructive behavior.

In a time where every man did that which was right in their own eyes, gives us an account that causes us to be unease to say the least.

Judges 19:22–27 KJV 1900

Now as they were making their hearts merry, behold, the men of the city, certain sons of Belial, beset the house round about, and beat at the door, and spake to the master of the house, the old man, saying, Bring forth the man that came into thine house, that we may know him. And the man, the master of the house, went out unto them, and said unto them, Nay, my brethren, nay, I pray you, do not so wickedly; seeing that this man is come into mine house, do not this folly. Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing. But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go. Then came the woman in the dawning of the day, and fell down at the door of the man’s house where her lord was, till it was light. And her lord rose up in the morning, and opened the doors of the house, and went out to go his way: and, behold, the woman his concubine was fallen down at the door of the house, and her hands were upon the threshold.

​ KJV 1900Now as they were making their hearts merry, behold, the men of the city, certain sons of Belial, beset the house round about, and beat at the door, and spake to the master of the house, the old man, saying, Bring forth the man that came into thine house, that we may know him. And the man, the master of the house, went out unto them, and said unto them, Nay, my brethren, nay, I pray you, do not so wickedly; seeing that this man is come into mine house, do not this folly. Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing. But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go. Then came the woman in the dawning of the day, and fell down at the door of the man’s house where her lord was, till it was light. And her lord rose up in the morning, and opened the doors of the house, and went out to go his way: and, behold, the woman his concubine was fallen down at the door of the house, and her hands were upon the threshold.

KJV 1900Now as they were making their hearts merry, behold, the men of the city, certain sons of Belial, beset the house round about, and beat at the door, and spake to the master of the house, the old man, saying, Bring forth the man that came into thine house, that we may know him. And the man, the master of the house, went out unto them, and said unto them, Nay, my brethren, nay, I pray you, do not so wickedly; seeing that this man is come into mine house, do not this folly. Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing. But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go. Then came the woman in the dawning of the day, and fell down at the door of the man’s house where her lord was, till it was light. And her lord rose up in the morning, and opened the doors of the house, and went out to go his way: and, behold, the woman his concubine was fallen down at the door of the house, and her hands were upon the threshold.

In this account, we see violence, homosexuality, rape, and murder—this is one messed up town. What are some observations we can draw from this account?

In this account, we see violence, homosexuality, rape, and murder—this is one messed up town. What are some observations we can draw from this account?

Sexual sin spreads everywhere.

Sexual sin destroys individuals, relationships, family and societal structures. (the virgin daughter)

Sexual sin is connected to other sins and will eventually lead to breaking all the commandments.

God is not keeping us from sexual immorality and promiscuity because He is trying to keep us from what is enjoyable. He knows that sexual activity out His intended design is destructive.

Bottom line— whenever you depart from God’s intended design, life gets messy.

TRANSITION: An understanding of God’s intended design for sex is of paramount importance for every person. What then is God’s intended design for sex?

God’s Design for Sex

Believing God created all things including sex, it follows that if God created sex, then sex is good so long as one follows God’s intended designed and responsibility for sex.

Sexuality is one of God’s good gifts.

God created mankind a sexual being. Sexuality is not simply what man does, but who man is.

​ KJV 1900So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

Genesis 1:27 KJV 1900

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

That intimate relationship between a husband and wife is one of God’s good gifts. He designed, established, and blessed it.

Thus, God intends sex to be within a marital relationship.

God designed sex to be within the bounds of a martial relationship.

Genesis 2:24 KJV 1900

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

​ KJV 1900Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

The writer in Hebrews says...

Hebrews 13:4 KJV 1900

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

​ KJV 1900Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

When God’s plan is not followed, trouble always follows.

God intends that procreation happens within the marital relationship.

God intends that procreation happens within the marital relationship.

Psalm 128:3 KJV 1900

Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine By the sides of thine house: Thy children like olive plants Round about thy table.

​ KJV 19003 Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine By the sides of thine house: Thy children like olive plants Round about thy table.

The sexual promiscuity of the day escalates the number of children born outside marriage. It breaks away from God’s design and leads to many messy situations.

Paul’s honesty is refreshing. Too often the church neglects the honest teaching about sex. It allows Hollywood, governments, and the like to dictate what sex is. We know the God who created it and how it is designed.

​ KJV 19007 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

There is nothing wrong with being single. It is wrong for any individual to put pressure on a single adult to get married. God endows many men and women with this gift. If you are single today, you are not broken, weird, or otherwise. If you know that God has called you to serve Him as a single, follow His calling for you!

Bottom line— whenever you follow God’s intended design, life is satisfying.

God’s Way of Love and Romance

1 Corinthians 7:1–5 KJV 1900

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

Every couple must renew their love and romance in order to cultivate a happy, healthy marriage.

1. The starting points for a happy, healthy marriage.

Your love for your spouse is a settled fact, not based on feeling, circumstances, or your spouse’s actions (husband — , wife — ).

Your romance (love making) is the constant symbol of the depth of your love (; ).

2. God’s Biblical principles for love making.

2.

Principle of Need — God created humans with sexual needs and established marriage as the place for those needs to be met (, , ).

Remember, someone else can cook for him, wash his clothes, even raise his children, or be his friend, but God ordained that only his wife can fulfill this need.

Remember, someone else could be her provider or protector, etc., but God has ordained that only her husband can fulfill this need.

Principle of Authority — when you marry, you turn the authority of our own bodies over to our mate — utmost trust ()

Principle of Habit — should not defraud (cheat) spouse except by mutual consent for a brief period of time like prayer/fasting, sickness, etc. ()

3. The Wife and Romance — she will create an atmosphere conducive to romance or one against romance.

She will create an atmosphere conducive to romance or one against romance.

Keep yourself appealing () — the husband is prepared for romance by what he sees.

Praise your husband () — the husband wants to he his wife’s champion and hero.

4. The Husband and Romance — he will create an atmosphere conducive to romance or one against romance.

Cherish your wife () — praise her publicly, privately, and physically

Touch your wife () — the wife is prepared for romance by touch

MARRIAGE SECRET: Love always and when you struggle think of ways to express thankfulness for your spouse.