Marriage Like Christ and The Church

Intro

It has been a crazy month for Katie and me. In May alone, we have traveled to South Carolina twice, have been with my family one last time, and last weekend spent time with friends one last time. It has been a hectic and sometimes stressful time moving states and getting married all about the same time. This is also our last Sunday here at Friendship and our last week in Centralia. So, in thinking and praying about this message, I wanted to leave you with a challenge. Not just a “ho hum” message, but a challenging message and a call to step up and to act. If you haven’t figured it out just yet, talks a lot about marriage. And I want to get into that a little bit, but focuses on a more specific aspect of marriage which is the gender roles within marriage. What exactly does God expect from a man and a woman?

And I want to speak on this because I have had a lot of people approach me in the last several years, whether it be in Haiti or here, and ask me my opinion on some of this generation's problems. Usually, the person asking is older than I am, with kids typically my age or about my age. It's an interesting question that I get because people see me as a in the ministry, yet still young enough to be relevant and a part of the infamous millennial generation. And what I find is that older Christians are genuinely concerned. They ask, “how should Christians respond to this?”, or “how should the church react to that?” And those are questions asked with sincerity. Out of love of Christ and for people. Christians with an honest heart asking, “how should we see this, how should we view this.”

I have had a lot of people approach me in the last several years, whether it be in Haiti or here, and ask me my opinion on this generation's problems. Usually, the person asking is older than I am, with kids. It's an interesting question that I get because people see me as a in the ministry, yet still young enough to be relevant and a part of the infamous millennial generation. And older Christians are genuinely concerned, since anymore, a 'millennial christian' is an oxymoron.

So, I feel compelled this morning to attempt to tackle, or at least start the conversation about today’s culture in marriage, with an emphasis on marital gender roles. Because as we know, these roles of a husband and a wife have certainly changed dramatically over the last few decades. As these marital gender roles have evolved and changed from generation to generation, what is unchanging is how the Bible commands us to live. Furthermore, what the Bible tells us about marriage, what it expects of a man and a woman in marriage, and it's demands of holding strong in its truth without conforming to the world. So, what does the unchanging Bible tell us about societies ever-changing roles of a man and a woman?

If you ask an old man, he will most likely tell you, that my generation is the worst yet. That same old man probably said the same thing about my parents generation before me. Ironically, a really old man probably said the same about the first old man's generation. I am old enough now that there is a generation after me, friends I have that are sending their kids off to school. I have done a lot of substitute teaching in the last several months, being around kids of all ages. And even I am guilty of saying, "that generation is doomed."

Now, speaking about a subject like this must be done carefully and thoughtfully because it can easily be controversial. But, this is not a thought that we should shy away from. It is easy to glance at the Bible and read passages like , that say women should submit to their husbands and think, "uhhh we'll just skip that part." Or it is easy to think "that is not true or relevant today.” Because if we think the Bible is not true or relevant, we have completely new problem.

If this idea that "each following generation is the worst yet" is true, than is the world simply getting worse and worse in regards to Christian ethics? Is this a never ending trend?

Even The Massage translation of the Bible does this. says in the original Greek, “Wives, submit to your husbands”. In the The Message translation it reads, “Wives, understand and support your husbands.” It seems to communicate a totally different message in an effort to not be controversial. We should not contort scripture into what we want it to say. Likewise, we should not avoid issues in scripture that we struggle to fully understand. Instead, these things should bring us further investigation on what this really means and how it applies to us. And that is what we aim to do this morning.

Certainly, the social issues of my generation are too long a list to speak on each individually. Just like my parents generation had social issues too vast to solve, and the generation before them. This is the world, full of unending, innumerable problems. However, I feel compelled this morning to attempt to tackle, or at least start the conversation about one issue in particular: our culture's relationship roles.

As the social issues evolve and change from generation to generation, what is unchanging is how the Bible commands us to act. Furthermore, what the Bible tells us about our relationships with one another, what it expects of our relationship to others, and it's demands of holding strong in it's truth without conforming to the world. In a history of ever-changing, ever-evolving social norms, we can and should hold firm to the fact that the Word of God is never changing. So what does the unchanging, ever-consistent Bible tell us about our ever changing social relationships?

Ladies are first here staring at verse 22, 23, and 24:

This is not a thought that we should shy away from. It is easy to glance at the Bible and read passages like ____ that say women should not lead and should simply remain quiet and think, "uhhh we'll just skip that part." or "that is not true or relevant today so the Bible is no longer inerrant." We should not avoid issues in scripture that we struggle to fully understand. Instead, these things should bring us further investigation on what this really means and how it applies to us.

So this morning, our goal is discovering what the Bible teaches about social relationships in three facets: (1) husband and wife, (2) child and parent, and (3) employee and employer. And how these Biblical truths translate into our culture today. In other words, 'Biblical Relationships in the New Age'.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Romans 1:26-32

In the last several decades, women have gained more and more personal independence. For example, in 1950, just 37% of women worked. Now, over 57% of women work. And this is very substantial considering the 20% increase in the exponential growth of American population. This financial independence has actually grown to surpass men in the millennial generation. In a Bank of America survey of 18-24-year-olds, it found that 61% of young women have set aside savings versus 55% of men. 34% of women did their own taxes, only 28% of men. While 33% of women said they have a health insurance plan independent of their parents, compared to 25% of men. Finally, 38% of females paid their own rent, where only 32% of young men did.

Women attaining financial independence is certainly a good thing, but it has changed our culture pretty dramatically. Women are now more independent, more driven, in more leadership roles, have greater influence in government than ever before. It is even taking longer in life for women to marry. The average age now 27. All of these admirable things, but all of which is relatively new. There are people in the room that can probably remember 1950 or can remember their parents in 1950. And these people can certainly tell you that the female culture has changed. And anyone familiar with American history can tell you that the female culture has changed. It wasn’t until 1920 that women could even vote. But just because the female culture in America has changed in the last 70 years, and it has certainly changed from first century Jewish culture, it does not mean that is not relevant. And just because women today or more independent now than ever before, does not mean is not relevant.

As I began to think about and study this, it is difficult for me to conclude that the world now is dealing with a totally new set of sins. Now, one could certainly argue that we are, but the same sins that define our culture today, defined cultures in NT Scripture as well. These sins have certainly evolved and look much different now, but they are in essence, the same sins.

In Paul's letter to the Roman's he speaks on an array of sins that have defined to Roman culture in 1:26-32. "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them."

Now on the surface, this passage to a lot of women can seem demeaning. The idea that women are to yield to the authority of a man. However, there is an incredibly significant importance on how Paul writes this, specifically how he compares this relationship, between a husband and wife, to Christ and the church. For example, let’s read through this and pick up on these comparisons. "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands" is directly compared to "as you do to the Lord". Secondly, "for the husband is the head of the wife" is directly related to what follows "as Christ also is the head of the church". And lastly, "so also the wives should submit to their husbands in everything" is directly correlated to what precedes it "as the church submits to Christ." These things must be taken together, because if we read this passage without any comparison to Christ and the church, we take it totally out of context and we totally miss the significance of it. "Wives, submit to your husband. For the husband is the head of the wife, so also the wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

However, this passage becomes powerful and extremely meaningful to women when we take submitting yourself to your husband, hand in hand with the church submitting itself to Christ. Because if you see submitting yourself to your husband in the same light as the church submitting itself to Christ, then you can understand this passage in its beauty. For example, we as Friendship Church do not have a problem submitting ourselves to the authority of Christ. We are not so prideful to think, "why should we submit to Christ? He should submit Himself to us." We don't think this way. We never say that because we as the church do not view submitting ourselves to Christ as a negative thing. True churches are quick and happy to do it. Submitting ourselves to Christ is encouraged and accepted. This is why Paul puts these comparisons in here. To communicate to ladies that submitting yourself to your husband is a positive thing. The way God intended it, and in no way demeaning. Just as churches submitting themselves to Christ is a positive thing.

Sexual sin, particularly homosexuality, open rebellion, willful sinning without remorse, selfishness, a disregard for family and responsibility, encouragement of sin, and the list goes on and on. And unfortunately, the American Church is not a stranger to the things mentioned here because the American culture is eerily similar. This suggests to me that the problems in the American culture are not new problems. That our current social climate is not so unique that the Bible isn't relevant on the matter. And the same can be said of our social relationships and interactions.

Submission does not mean inferiority. So often in our culture we associate submission with inferiority, the Bible does not do that in regard to men and women.

The Three Points

Now let’s address the men and come back to some of these points. For the men starting at verse 25:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

Before we get into the scripture on husbands and wives or men and women, I want to introduce the points that I will make. I think its important to do so, to come into this passage with a clear vision and understanding. (1) First, men and women are equal in personhood and importance. I will not, because Scripture does not, suggest that men and women are of unequal importance. To say that men are of more importance than women is simply not Biblical. (2) However, there is a distinct difference in role and authority when it comes to men and women. This is our second point. While the Bible is clear that men and women are of equal importance, it is also clear that there are distinct roles for both a man and a woman. This is what we must have clear understanding of before diving into Scripture. (3) And lastly, all of these things create harmonious interpersonal relationships, and point directly to God.

Men, like women in the preceding passage, are given responsibility. That responsibility is to love your wives just as Christ loved the church. The Greek word used here for love is "agapao" which literally means seeking the highest good for another person. So, we are not simply commanded to love our wives, but to seek the highest good for her. Likewise, seek the highest good for our wives in every manner in which Christ sought the highest good for the church since Paul compared loving our wives to Christ loving the church. Paul gives some examples here of what that entails. Giving yourself up for her, sanctifying her, presenting her holy and blameless. He goes on to say that just as Christ loves the church because we are members of His body, so too must we love our wives like our own body.

Now, ladies can see that submissiveness does not mean inferiority because a man's duty is to seek the highest good for you. Our culture has got this wrong too. Men have used and abused submissiveness to control and manipulate women. Men have used submissiveness to lower women into inferiority. This is not Biblical submissiveness. The Bible commands men to seek the highest good for your wife, control and manipulation is not the highest good for your wife. Men in the room, if we read that your wife should submit to you and you think, “bow down!” you’ve got it all wrong.

men and women are equal in personhood and importance

Main Points From the Text

Ladies are first here staring at verse 22: Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

I want to make three important points here in regard to this passage. First, men and women are equal in personhood and importance. Scripture does not suggest that men and women are of unequal importance. Even after reading , to say that men are of more importance than women is simply not Biblical. Wayne Grudem, a theologian that I read a lot in research for this, writes:

"Just as the members of the Trinity are equal in their importance and in their full existence as distinct persons, so men and women have been created by God to be equal in their importance and personhood. When God created man, he created both 'male and female' in His image. Men and women are made equally in God's image, and both men and women reflect God's character in their lives. "

Here Wayne Grudem compares men and women to the three aspects of the trinity. Just as The Father, The Son, and The Spirit are distinct persons of God yet equal, so too are men and women. And just as members of The Trinity are distinct, yet dependent on each other, so too are men and women. :

Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman.

Again in at Pentecost, both men and women who believed were baptized. And this is significant since the old covenant sign of circumcision could obviously only be displayed by men, the new covenant sign of baptism can be displayed by all.

And this is certainly reinforced by how Jesus treated women from the Samaritan woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, and his relationship to Mary Magdalene.

men and women have been given different roles and authority

In our culture, equality is an easy pill to swallow. The idea that God does not see men or women as more or less important is ideal for us. In fact, it's exactly what we find women fighting for today: to be seen as equal in importance and personhood to men. Which most of us feel is a positive thing. However, while the Bible is clear that men and women are of equal importance, it is also clear that there are distinct roles for both a man and a woman. This is the part that if not understood carefully, can be controversial. Because I am saying simply that the roles given to us by God are equal, yet different. This observation is clear in the scripture as well.

In reading in its entirety, it’s obvious to see that Paul isn’t commanding men and women to do the same things. His lists for men and women are different.

Another good illustration for this is in Genesis with Adam and Eve. Adam was created (2:7), Adam was then in charge of tending to the garden (2:15), and he was then in charge of naming the animals (2:20). It was then that God became aware of Adam’s solitude (2:20). Thus, Eve was created to be a helper for Adam (2:21-23). Adam being the leader of the pair, Eve being his helper.

Another interesting point to make here ladies is that the word “helper” used in is not a demeaning term at all. In fact, the same Hebrew word is used to describe God in .

But I am afflicted and needy; Hasten to me, O God! You are my help and my deliverer; O Lord, do not delay.

But it is clear to see here the difference in roles and authorities when it came to Adam and Eve.

And this gets even more clear when we put this into the context of The Fall. When Eve sinned in , and Adam and Eve hid themselves, it was God who spoke to Adam first and demanded answers from him. Why? Because even though Eve technically sinned first, God looked to Adam as the leader of his wife.

our gender roles point to God

When we think about Eve eating the fruit, we tend to only think that Eve sinned first. However, if we understand the roles given to Adam and Eve by God, we start to understand that Eve’s sin was a result of Adam not leading Eve. Adam is arguably more at fault for not seeking the highest good for Eve. This is what becomes of men failing to lead.

So now we have a situation in which our culture today is all too familiar with: men failing to lead their wives in the way God commands. Thus, wives failing to submit to their husbands in the way God commands. Now, more than ever, the wife is taking the role as the leader of the household because the husband of the household is a “yes dear” sort of guy. Husbands failing to lead their families has caused wives to step up and lead which has caused all of us to be in roles backwards of God’s commands. It has totally shifted a culture.

Now, this is certainly not true for every household. Many people in this room have an experience in which your father was the leader who sought your mother’s highest good. For some, your father was the leader, yet he did not seek the highest good for your mother. Still other people in the room come from a single parent home, in which the single father or single mother took on both roles. And I know there are people in the room that have experience with the mother leading the home, and the father just following. Kind of passive, not really there, not real emotionally involved.

I have done a lot of research for this sermon and have asked a lot of women their take on this passage. And what I found from women was incredibly interesting. Women are extremely happy and satisfied to follow a man who leads them well. This is revolutionary for us men. Groundbreaking discovery. If we want our wives to submit to us, all we have to do is lead them well. If we want our wives to submit to us, we have to seek their highest good. I have unlocked to age old secret to women.

But it’s actually significant, because a lot of us have grown up in an entire culture of women leading the home and men being apathetic. And what I found was even when women lead, most are dissatisfied in leading. Women want their husband to lead. Women don’t really want to lead, but if men aren’t going to lead them well, they will. Women desire a man to love them the way Christ loved the church, leading them and seeking their highest good.

Let’s bounce around scripture and look at some practical examples. First, Job chapter 1 prefaces the story of Job. And It tells us here:

This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil. Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, "Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." This was Job's regular custom.

Men are we leading our families spiritually? Are we leading our wives and children to church, or do our wives and children know and see that we would rather be doing something else right now? Are we praying for our family regularly? Are we leading our family in prayer? Are we leading our wives in prayer?

Later in , after all of his livestock, fortune, and even children have been taken away from him:

His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not adversity? In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

Are we leading our families spiritually even when it’s difficult? Are we leading our wives to Christ even in adversity? Are we leading our families to Christ even when we don’t get recognized or feel appreciated for it? Are we seeking the highest good for our wives?

Young men, remember :

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Young men, are we looking in the right places to find women worthy of dating? Are we praying for our future wives? Are we being young men of God worthy of a good woman, or will we meet a Godly woman and she will not be interested in you because you come with too much baggage?

I do not know everyone’s experience in this, so I won’t pretend that I do. I do not know what kind of household you grew up in, I do not know what your marriage is like now. But if you feel convicted this morning by The Spirit and this passage: married men, it is not too late to become a husband like Christ was to the church. Single men, it is not too early to become a husband like Christ was to the church. Because if we do this, men, ladies are not just yielding to the authority of a man, they are yielding to the authority of a man who is seeking their highest good. And this is exactly what God has intended.

Now on the surface, this passage seems demeaning to women. However, there is an incredibly significant importance on how and why Paul writes this, specifically how he compares this relationship, between a husband and wife, to Christ and the church. For example, "Wives, be subject to your husbands" is directly compared to "as to the Lord". Secondly, "for the husband is the head of the wife" is directly related to "as Christ also is the head of the church". And lastly, "so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything" is directly correlated to "as the church is subject to Christ." These things must be taken together, because if we read this passage without any comparison to Christ and the church, than yes, it sounds extremely belittling to women. "Wives, be subject to your husband. For the husband is the head of the wife, so also the wives ought to be subject to their husbands in everything."

However, this passage becomes powerful and extremely meaningful to women when we take subjecting ourselves to our husbands, hand in hand with the church subjecting itself to Christ. Because if you see subjecting yourself to your husband in the same light as the church subjecting itself to Christ, then you can understand it in it's beauty. We as Friendship Church do not have a problem subjecting ourselves to the authority of Christ. We are not so prideful to think, "why should we subject ourselves to God? He should subject Himself to us." We don't think this way. We never say that because we as the church do not view subjecting ourselves to Christ as a negative thing. True churches are quick and happy to do it. Subjecting ourselves to Christ is encouraged and accepted. This is why Paul puts these comparisons in here. To communicate that subjecting to husbands is a good and beautiful thing, just as churches subjecting themselves to Christ is a good and beautiful thing.

Submission does not mean inferiority. It means that a wife recognizes that her husband is the head of the home and responds to him accordingly without taking over that authority for herself. So often in our culture we associate submission to inferiority, the Bible does not do that.

Now, for the men starting at verse 25: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

Men, like women in verses 22 through 24, are given responsibility. To love your wives just as Christ loved the church. The Greek word used here for love is "agapao" which means seeking the highest good for another person. So we are not simply commanded to love our wives, but to seek the highest good for her. Men hear as well, “submissiveness does not mean inferiority.” Now, ladies can see that submissiveness does not mean inferiority because a man's duty is to seek the highest good for you. And this is where our culture has got this very wrong. Men have used and viewed submissiveness to control and manipulate women. This is not Biblical submissiveness. The Bible commands men to seek the highest good for your wife, control and manipulation is not the highest good for your wife. We can see that men do not get off so easy, and ladies are certainly not ignored. This is the same sacrificial love that Christ presented on the cross.

Likewise we are to love our wives in every manner in which Christ loved the church since Paul compared loving our wives to Christ loving the church. Paul gives some examples here of what that entails. Giving yourself up for her, sanctifying her, presenting her holy and blameless. He goes on to say that just as Christ loves the church because we are members of His body, so to must we love our wives like our own body.

While women are called to submissiveness to a husband, men are called to submissiveness to Christlike love and Christlike care for our wives. We see now that this submissiveness is a two way street. Equal in importance, but different in command.