The Sequel: Getting to the Next Episode in Your Relationship

Introduction

Opening Story: Mary Karr’s book, The Liar’s Club. IN HER MEMOIR OF A TRULY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY, THE LIARS CLUB, MARY KARR TELLS OF A TEXAS UNCLE WHO REMAINED MARRIED TO HIS WIFE BUT DID NOT SPEAK TO HER FOR 40 YEARS? WHY? THEY GOT INTO A FIGHT OVER HOW MUCH SHE SPENT ON SUGAR. HE WAS SO ANGRY HE TOOK OUT A LUMBER SAW AND SAWED THEIR HOUSE EXACTLY IN HALF. HE NAILED UP PLANKS TO COVER THE RAW SIDES AND MOVED ONE OF THE HALVES BEHIND A COPSE OF SCRUFFY PINE TREES ON THE SAME ACRE OF LAND. THERE THE TWO, HUSBAND AND WIFE, LIVED OUT THE REST OF THEIR DAYS IN SEPARATE HALF HOUSES.

Creating the Need:

IN HER MEMOIR OF A TRULY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY, THE LIARS CLUB, MARY KARR TELLS OF A TEXAS UNCLE WHO REMAINED MARRIED TO HIS WIFE BUT DID NOT SPEAK TO HER FOR 40 YEARS? WHY? THEY GOT INTO A FIGHT OVER HOW MUCH SHE SPENT ON SUGAR. HE WAS SO ANGRY HE TOOK OUT A LUMBER SAW AND SAWED THEIR HOUSE EXACTLY IN HALF. HE NAILED UP PLANKS TO COVER THE RAW SIDES AND MOVED ONE OF THE HALVES BEHIND A COPSE OF SCRUFFY PINE TREES ON THE SAME ACRE OF LAND. THERE THE TWO, HUSBAND AND WIFE, LIVED OUT THE REST OF THEIR DAYS IN SEPARATE HALF HOUSES.

Point: While this story is a bit extreme, we all know what it’s like to experiences fractures and divisions in our relationships with others.

Examples: Siblings not speaking. Adult kids drifting away from parents. Divided from in-laws. Once best friends (used to ride tandem bikes together) and no longer speaking. You were married, and shared everything, and now you’re divorced and don’t speak. Angry. Keep living and you will experience challenges in relationships.

Theological Context: Now why is this? Answer: SIN! . Sin is social. Adam and Eve hide from God and from each other. Second Law of Thermodynamics says the natural state of things, the default, is to degenerate- to get worse and unravel- not to get better. All creation groans. What’s true of creation is true of relationships!

Three realities that govern relationships:

A venture between two very broken and flawed people.

There will be severe challenges and periods of brokenness to relationships.

If you want healthy, rich, deep and meaningful relationships do the hard work of reconciliation.

Salad Dressing Illustration. Left to itself the items separate. If you want them to come together you must intentionally put in some work- shake it like a polaroid picture.

(This morning I want to talk about “The Sequel: Getting to the Next Episode in Your Relationship”. To help us with this, let’s go to the book of Philemon). Reconciliation Requires Three Things: 1. Vertical Reconciliation; 2. Repentance; 3. Humility

I AM GOING TO SPEND TWO WEEKS HERE. THIS FIRST WEEK I WANT TO TELL IT FROM THE VANTAGE POINT OF ONESIMUS, THE ONE WHO HAS INFLICTED THE PAIN, AND CAUSED THE HURT.

Horizontal Reconciliation Requires Vertical Reconciliation-

THE STORY OF PHILEMON. TELL IT. SET THE SCENE. HE PROBABLY STOLE FROM PHILEMON TO FUND HIS TRIP TO ROME. HE STARTED OFF IN COLOSSAE WITH PHILEMON. HE’S VIOLATED HIM. THE PROVIDENCE OF GOD. IN A REMARKABLE TURN OF EVENTS WHICH CAN ONLY BE BLAMED ON GOD, O, STUMBLES INTO PAUL AND GETS SAVED. THIS IS WHAT WE KNOW FROM VERSE 10: MY CHILD. PAUL HERE’S HIS STORY AND THEN GIVES HIM SOME UNEXPECTED NEWS- YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO PHILEMON AND MAKE THIS THING RIGHT. WHY? IT WAS UNTHINKABLE TO PAUL AND THE CHRISTIAN WORLD TO CALL YOURSELF RECONCILED TO GOD, BUT AT ODDS WITH YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER, AND NOT DO ANYTHING TO TRY TO REMEDY IT. TO PAUL AND THE FIRST CENTURY LEADERS THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS HAVING EX’S IN THE EARLY CHURCH.

PROBLEM: BUT WE ARE OKAY WITH IT. SCENARIOS OF HOW WE “HANDLE” BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS: 1. INDIVIDUAL LEAVES THE CHURCH; 2. MULTIPLE SERVICES, SO I’LL GO TO ANOTHER ONE I’M SURE THEY WON’T BE AT; 3. MULTI-SITE, I’LL GO TO ANOTHER LOCATION; 4. CHURCH SPLIT- GREATER NEW EVEN GREATER MOUNT ZION!

ILLUSTRATION OF MAN WHO DIVORCED HIS WIFE AND AS HE’S TELLING ME HIS STORY I ASK HIM ABOUT THE KIDS AND HE REASONS THEY’LL BE GREAT, BECAUSE NOW THEY GET TWO CHRISTMASES!

AT THE END OF THE DAY HOW CAN WE PREACH THE GOOD NEWS BUT BE THE BAD NEWS?

BIBLICAL EXPLANATION: THE BIBLE PRESENTS A WHOLE DIFFERENT PARADIGM FOR RELATIONSHIPS. IN FACT THE BIBLE CAN BE SUMMED UP IN ONE WORD: RECONCILIATION. SIN ENTERS INTO THE WORLD FRACTURING THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MAN AND GOD. THE STORY OF THE OT IS ISRAEL’S REBELLION AND SIN, AND AT THE SAME TIME GOD’S ABSOLUTE REFUSAL TO GIVE UP ON HER. AT GREAT COSTS TO HIMSELF HE PURSUES ISRAEL AND GOES ALL OUT TO RECONCILE HER TO HIMSELF! THINGS REACH THE PINNACLE AT THE CROSS. . GREEK WORD WE GET THE ENGLISH WORD LASSO. LIKE ONE WHO HAS GONE ASTRAY GOD LASSOS US TO HIMSELF. CAN YOU IMAGINE IF GOD HAD GIVEN UP ON PURSUING OR RECONCILIATION, THE WAY WE DO WITH OTHERS? OUR IMPETUS FOR GOING ALL OUT IN RECONCILIATION HORIZONTALLY IS THE VERTICAL ALL OUT RECONCILIATION GOD HAS DONE FOR US IN CHRIST! WE ARE MINISTERS OF RECONCILIATION.

THE MOST POWERFUL WITNESS OF THE CHURCH IS SEEN IN OUR COMMITMENT TO LOVE EACH OTHER PROFOUNDLY EVEN THROUGH OUR SIN AND BROKENNESS AND BE RECONCILED (RELATIONALLY, RACIALLY, ETC)

ILLUSTRATION: WE SEE THIS WITH ROBERT SMITH JR. PROFESSOR WHOSE SON WAS BRUTALLY MURDERED, CUT DOWN IN THE PRIME OF HIS LIFE! ROBERT WOULD VISIT HIS SON’S MURDERER AND LEAD HIM TO CHRIST. AT THE SAME TIME HE DECIDED TO SET UP A SCHOLARSHIP FUND IN THE NAME OF HIS MURDERED SON TO HELP PEOPLE WHO ARE CALLED INTO MINISTRY TO GET AN EDUCATION. WELL, ON ONE OF HIS VISITS WITH HIS SON’S KILLER THE MAN SAYS HE’S CALLED INTO MINISTRY, AND ROBERT IS GOING TO GIVE HIM THE SCHOLARSHIP. THINK ABOUT IT: THIS MAN IS GOING TO GET AN EDUCATION PAID FOR BY THE MAN WHOSE SON HE KILLED. WHAT A WITNESS. DON’T YOU SEE?

APPLICATION: YOU WANT TO BE A REAL WITNESS TO THE WORLD- RECONCILE WITH YOUR SIBLING, THE ONE’S WHO HURT YOU, ETC. DISCLAIMER TO THOSE BEING ABUSED.

RECONCILIATION REQUIRES REPENTANCE-

EXPLANATION: REVISIT THE STORY. MAKE INTERESTING. PAUL DISCOVERS ONESIMUS’ SIN AND TELLS HIN HE MUST GO BACK. LOOK AT VERSE 12…HE MUST LITERALLY TURN FROM ROME TO COLOSSAE. DEFINE REPENTANCE AND SHOW HOW IT’S DIFFERENT FROM CONFESSION. IT’S THE VIOLATOR WHO MUST DO THIS. OFTEN TIMES WHEN WE DO AN AUTOPSY ON THE RELATIONSHIP AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WENT WRONG WE DISCOVER THERE’S TWO ONESIMUS’/MUTUAL COMPLICITY. 50/50? 90/10. AND IF THAT’S GOING TO HEAL THERE MUST BE REPENTANCE.

ZACCHAEUS ILLUSTRATION: HIS SIN. JESUS VISITS. GOSPEL INVADES. HIS RESPONSE: I’M GOING TO RESTORE FOUR FOLD THOSE I’VE WRONGED. REPENTANCE. JESUS SAYS TODAY SALVATION HAS ENTERED YOUR HOUSE.

POINT: IF WE ARE CONTENT TO LIVE IN BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS, WE DON’T HAVE ANY JUSTIFICATION TO SAY WE ARE IN RIGHT RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. EXAMPLE OF LEAVE YOUR GIFT AT THE ALTAR. GOD IS SAYING WE ARE NOT OKAY. ANTI AMERICAN.

EXAMPLE OF LEAVE YOUR GIFT AT THE ALTAR. GOD IS SAYING WE ARE NOT OKAY. ANTI AMERICAN.

RECONCILIATION REQUIRES HUMILITY

EXPLANATION: SO PAUL TELLS ONESIMUS TO GO BACK. HE CAN’T BE EXCITED ABOUT THIS. THINK ABOUT IT, IN GOING BACK HE NOT ONLY MUST BE HUMBLE ENOUGH TO ADMIT HIS WRONG, BUT HE IS ALSO EXTREMELY VULNERABLE. WHAT WILL PHILEMON DO? WILL HE TREAT HIM BADLY. SEE RECONCILIATION REQUIRES HUMILITY.

ILLUSTRATION: SUMMER OF 1986 TWO SHIPS COLLIDED OFF THE COAST OF RUSSIA IN THE BLACK SEA. HUNDREDS DIED. INVESTIGATORS DISCOVERED THAT THE ACCIDENT WAS NOT DUE TO TECHNOLOGY MALFUNCTION, OR ENGINE FAILURE OR INCLEMENT WEATHER. BUT THEY DISCOVERED THAT BOTH CAPTAINS SAW EACH OTHER COMING, DEMANDED THE OTHER MOVE, BUT IN GREAT PRIDE NEITHER DECIDED TO BUDGE. IN THE END HUNDREDS DIED. PRIDE DESTROYED LIVES. THEIR REFUSAL TO BUDGE, TO GIVE AN INCH COST LIVES. AND WHAT’S TRUE OF THESE TWO SHIPS, IS TRUE OF RELATIONSHIPS. PRIDE KILLS. OUR REFUSAL TO BUDGE, AND TO BE VULNERABLE DESTROYS.

CHALLENGE: WE HAVE A PHENOMENAL OPPORTUNITY TO DISPLAY TO THE WORLD THE AROMA AND POWER OF CHRIST, IN WHAT’S THE MOST DIVISIVE TIMES OF OUR LIVES. BUT TO DO THIS WE ONESIMUS’ MUST BE HUMBLE AND VULNERABLE TO ONE ANOTHER.

ILLUSTRATION: SCRATCH AND SNIFF. USED TO DO THIS GROWING UP. STICKERS AND SCRATCH LONG ENOUGH YOU SMELL GREAT AROMAS LIKE PIZZA. BUT YOU COULDN’T SCRATCH A LITTLE AND STOP, YOU HAD TO STICK WITH IT. POINT: RELATIONSHIPS DONE RIGHT ARE LIKE THAT. THERE’S HARD ABRASIVE MOMENTS, BUT IF WE WORK THROUGH THE CONFLICT REDEMPTIVELY THE FRAGRANCE OF CHRIST WAFTS OUT TO THE WORLD AND IT’S A STRONG TESTIMONY. OUR PROBLEM IS THE LEAST LITTLE SCRATCHING AND WE’RE OUT. DON’T QUIT.

HUMILITY IS ESSENTIAL FOR RECONCILIATION AND VIBRANT RELATIONSHIPS: “FORGIVENESS IS THE FRAGRANCE THE VIOLET SHEDS ON THE HEEL THAT HAS CRUSHED IT”- MARK TWAIN. THINK ABOUT THAT.

GOSPEL CONCLUSION:

MORE GOING ON IN THIS TEXT THAN YOU KNOW. IT SHOWS US THE GOSPEL:

PHILEMON IS GOD WHOSE BEEN VIOLATED.

ONESIMUS IS US THE VIOLATORS WHOSE SIN HAS WOUNDED GOD.

PAUL IS CHRIST THE ONE WHO IS DOING THE WORK OF RECONCILIATION.

POINT: ALL OF US HERE ARE ONESIMUS. OUR REFUSAL TO SEE THAT WILL LEAD TO ARROGANCE AND BLIND AND KEEP US FROM BEING RECONCILED TO OTHERS WHEN HURT. BUT WHEN WE SEE OURSELVES AS BEING ONESIMUS, THAT WORKS IN US AN INCREDIBLE HUMILITY PUSHING US TO REPENT AND BE HUMBLE WHILE DOING THE WORK OF RECONCILIATION WITH OTHERS.