A Fathers Day Lesson

Father’s Day

Lessons: From a Famous Father

2

33 And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!

Introduction

Miles of distance and centuries of time separate us from King David. He was a king and we are commoners.

Still, despite the distance and the differences we can learn much about being fathers in this present day by looking at this father of long ago.

We have all made mistakes; what can we learn from David’s parenting?

Proverbs 28:13 KJV 1900

13 He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.

Hebrews 12:10–11 KJV 1900

10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. 11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

This message is not going to be about our culture and the diminishing role of father. The feminization of boys and the results that follow.

The pornography epidemic that has proliferated men and boys ....

Those could all be spoken

Todays message is about avoiding regrets and overcoming them.

According to a resent secular survey and blog post three biggest regrets fathers have are:

Choosing Time At Work/Leisure Over Time With Children.

Ephesians 5:16 KJV 1900

16 Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

This one falls into the category of “I’ve made this mistake too many times to count.” Repeatedly over the years, I’ve chosen nights, mornings, and weekends over more time with my kids.

This one falls into the category of “I’ve made this mistake too many times to count.” Repeatedly over the years, I’ve chosen nights, mornings, and weekends over more time with my kids. The project at work takes priority too often. There are even more times when I’ve chosen to be home, but get caught up in the tyranny of the urgent. In the process, I choose email, phone calls, or texts from work over time with my family.

WCBC - time away from family; only to have the very people that i helped leave the church; but the family remains.

The project at work takes priority too often. There are even more times when I’ve chosen to be home, but get caught up in the tyranny of the urgent. In the process, I choose email, phone calls, or texts from work over time with my family.

Hobbies , sports, etc.....

Time is so precious .....

Solution: Create cleaner lines between work life and home life. The Hurtful Things I’ve Said.

Can I buy an hour of your time.

2. The Hurtful Things I’ve Said.

Hurtful Sayings/and Public Embarrassment

Proverbs 21:23 KJV 1900

23 Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue Keepeth his soul from troubles.

Be quick to hear slow to speak!

When I was a new dad, someone told me to not tell my kids that they’re brats or that they’re annoying. Rather, they said, tell them they’re acting like brats or that their behavior is annoying. I followed this counsel for years and have said things like, “you’re acting like a pain” instead of telling them that they are a pain. But, I have learned that in their brains, there is no difference. All they hear is that their dad disapproves.

What language is used in your home. It will be remembered for a life time.

When I was a new dad, someone told me to not tell my kids that they’re brats or that they’re annoying.

Hurtful Words are hard to overcome.

James 1:26 KJV 1900

26 If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.

The Harsh Tone/Public Embarrassment

3. The harsh tone of my voice.

The Harsh Tone/Public Embarrassment

Proverbs 15:1 KJV 1900

1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: But grievous words stir up anger.

Tone can be defined as your overall posture and attitude towards another person. I’ve told my kids not to yell or scream at each other. With a raised voice I’ve scolded them for talking back to my wife or me. Sometimes my words might be appropriate, but my tone is not. In the process, my children can be afraid of their dad.

Tone can be defined as your overall posture and attitude towards another person.

I’ve told my kids not to yell or scream at each other. With a raised voice I’ve scolded them for talking back to my wife or me. Sometimes my words might be appropriate, but my tone is not. In the process, my children can be afraid of their dad.

Remember the proverb – A harsh word stirs up anger, but a gentle answer turns away wrath.

Tweet Quote

Comparing my Kids or my Parenting to other Kids and Parents.

2 Corinthians 10:12 KJV 1900

12 For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

Comparison is a game you and I will never win.

Comparison is a game you and I will never win. Whether we compare our kids to other kids or the way we parent to the ways others parent, we can’t compete. When we do, we either become prideful or insecure. Along the same lines, I’ve regretted comparing my kids to each other. I get frustrated when one does better than the other in academics, athletics, or behavior.

Whether we compare our kids to other kids or the way we parent to the ways others parent, we can’t compete.

When we do, we either become prideful or insecure. Along the same lines, I’ve regretted comparing my kids to each other.

Lets look at David's cry

It’s last on the list, but highest in importance. In fact, this one sums up every other regret. When I make poor choices, say hurtful things, or speak in a harsh tone, I’m stooping to their level. All of my regrets come down to matching their reactions instead of acting like their father. When they yell, scream, or slam a door, I can yell, scream, or slam a door. Every time I stoop to their emotional level or maturity, I regret my decisions.

Solution: Act like a 44-year-old, not a 4-year-old.

Yes, I’ve made many mistakes and have many regrets as a dad. Fortunately, I don’t let my mistakes define me and neither should you. I hope you can learn from my regrets as you parent your kids, and I hope you can celebrate many wins along the way.

I. Here Is a Cry of Grief – our children can grieve us!

2 Samuel 18:33 KJV 1900

33 And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!

(KJV 1900) A foolish son is a grief to his father, And bitterness to her that bare him.

(KJV 1900) A foolish son is a grief to his father, And bitterness to her that bare him.

Grief- extreme irritation - mother and father crying and grieving!

Illustration – stay up late , worrying will not go away

Background - Absalom — father of peace; i.e., “peaceful” David’s son (; comp. ).

He was noted for his personal beauty and for the extra-ordinary profusion of the hair of his head (,).

regrets:

No discipline

No Time

Caring more his position as King than his son

car

The first public act of his life was the blood-revenge he executed against Amnon, David’s eldest son, who had basely wronged Absalom’s sister Tamar.

Alarmed for the consequences of the act, Absalom fled to his grandfather at Geshur, and there abode for three years (; ).[1]

He returned - By many arts he gained the peoples affection; and after his return from Geshur (; marg., R.V.) he went up to Hebron, the old capital of Judah, along with a great body of the people, and there proclaimed himself king.

The revolt was so successful that David found it necessary to quit Jerusalem and flee to Mahanaim, beyond Jordan; where upon Absalom returned to Jerusalem and took possession of the throne without opposition.[2]

Later - Absalom’s death stunned David, who had given explicit orders to keep Absalom from harm.

David moaned: “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom,

A. Absalom was a handsome and gifted son. So much potential

B. David loved him dearly, even though Absalom had committed serious sins.

You are still my son…..

20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. 21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. 22 But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: 23 And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.

D. David loved him dearly even though Absalom had tried to take the throne from his father.

E. A father’s love is never conditioned on the child’s conduct.

A fathers Grief – the worst is regrets of what could have been!

· If I had – been more faithful to church

· Allowed my son to see me serving

· Shared my prayers and answered with Him

· Treated His mother right

· Forgiven Him

II. Here Is a Cry of Failure –

2 Samuel 19:4 KJV 1900

4 But the king covered his face, and the king cried with a loud voice, O my son Absalom, O Absalom, my son, my son!

2 sam 19.

Even in Success we can think we fail

Even in Success we can think we fail

3 Therefore now, O Lord, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live.

Elijah

4 But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.

A. David had been immensely successful in most of the things he had done.

1. He had been successful as a musician.

2. He had been successful as a soldier.

3. He had been successful as an administrator.

4. He had been successful as a politician.

B. David failed as a father and that outweighed all his successes.

26 For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

Illustration – death of Josh Bruno – 1st thing regrets

In fact, David would gladly have given up his other successes if he could have traded them for success as a father.

Many today give up success as a father and trade it for success in business or a profession.

Fathers must accept some responsibility for the character of their children. They have a responsibility to set a Biblical Example

The apple does not fall far from the tree!

Scorn the pastor or church don’t expect children to walk with God

Church attendance lacking - dnt expect children to be faithful

What parents do in moderation - children do in excess

Fathers must not accept full responsibility for the character of their children.

Illustration – Esther Riddell

Some fathers are carrying a load of guilt they do not need to carry.

III. It Is a Cry of Futility - David could not die for his son.

2 Samuel 18:33 KJV 1900

33 And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!

You can’t change the past! Stop it will destroy you…..

You can’t change the past! Stop it will destroy you…..

13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

But we can change the present:

Pray for - Come to their selves

18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, 19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.

Be waiting and ready

20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.

Accept His forgiveness’

21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.

Enjoy the Moment

22 But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: 23 And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.

What Am I asking you to know – regrets and grief are inevitable!

What Am I asking you to do pray for forgivness….

[2] Easton, M. G. (1893). Easton’s Bible dictionary. New York: Harper & Brothers.