Dads- We Must Seek Christ!
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The summer after my sophomore year in college, I was a lead counselor at Camp Chetek. One of my jobs was to help train the other counselors for their summer ministry. One day I was helping one of the team leaders, he was holding a team meeting with all of the campers, and as I stood their and listened I began counting on my fingers everything that he was doing “wrong.” After the meeting he came up to me with a big smile on his face eagerly seeking my counsel. Well, I gave it to him. I began to list off all the areas that he needed to improve on. You could see it in his face, after each item I listed off, his smile turn to a slight grin, then to a tight lipped expression, then finally to an blank eyed stare into the abyss. I learned something that day about the balance of encouragement and criticism. Obviously, all I did was criticize with little to no encouragement. And instead of helping him get better at being a team leader, I caused him to be frustrated, I caused him to lose heart.
Colossians 3:21 gives perhaps one of the most solemn warnings to fathers found in the Scriptures.
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
21 Οἱ πατέρες, μὴ ⸀ἐρεθίζετε τὰ τέκνα ὑμῶν,
Fathers, do not embitter your children
ἵνα μὴ ἀθυμῶσιν.
In order that they may not lose heart
Provoke- imperative/command, to cause someone to react in a way that suggests acceptance of a challenge. In Colossians 3 Paul uses it in a negative way and it carries the idea of irritate or embitter.
Fathers, do not irritate or embitter your children,
Why not?
Frankly, I love at times, to irritate my children. I love to tease them relentlessly (all in good fun of course). That is not the idea of irritate or embitterment Paul is talking about. This kind of irritation is not the playful/good natured kind. It is the kind that leads to bitterness in the hearts of our kids- and notice what else it causes.
Lest (that, in order that) they be discouraged- to become disheartened to the extent of losing motivation, be discouraged, lose heart
Fathers, do not embitter your children, Why not? so that they do not lose heart. Men, this is a serious thing. This is a heavy command. This is not something to be taken lightly.
There are two questions that instantly came to my mind as I was reading this text-
How is it possible to irritate or embitter my children in this way- to such an extent that it causes them to loose heart?
How can I avoid do this?
Question #1- How is this possible? To answer this question we need to examine the overall context of Colossians. Paul is battling against a heresy that was creeping into the church. There were some that we claiming that you needed something else other than Christ to become spiritual. There were those who were turning to worshiping angels and to keeping a strict system of rules and regulations in order to become more spiritual. There was a fundamental flaw in their theology however.
Which things have indeed a shew of wisdom in will worship, and humility, and neglecting of the body; not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh.
These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh.
In other words it didn’t work. They weren’t becoming more spiritual. In fact exactly the opposite was happening. They could not stop the indulgence of their flesh. So while they claimed to be elite spiritual Christians, they were in fact indulging in their flesh. I think this is a primary way, men, that we can irritate or embitter our kids. When spiritually immature lives, when we live according to the indulgence of our flesh (especially when we claim to follow Christ), we not only do great damage to our own lives, but we can cause our kids to lose heart, to become discourages, to lose motivation for following Christ.
Refutation: I do not mean to say, dads, that the spiritual success or failure of your kids is squarely on your shoulders. The text does not say, Fathers make sure you children grow up to be super-hero Christians. That is not nor cannot it be our responsibility. To lay that responsibility on any man’s shoulders would crush him. The text says don’t live in such a way that you are a spiritual discouragement to them. Ultimately, that spiritual success of our kids is something only the grace of God can accomplish.
I want you to notice the fundamental flaw of these false teachers of this man made religious system in Colossians.
18 Let no man beguile you of your reward in a voluntary humility and worshipping of angels, intruding into those things which he hath not seen, vainly puffed up by his fleshly mind, 19 And not holding the Head, from which all the body by joints and bands having nourishment ministered, and knit together, increaseth with the increase of God.
Not holding to the head. This was their fundamental flaw, they did not seek Christ! Dads, we must seek Christ.
This is the answer to Question #2- How can I avoid this? Seek Christ. In short, men you need to be a Col. 3:1-17 Christian. Your relationship with Christ needs to be so genuine, so meaningful, so foundational to who you are as Dads, that it is an encouragement to your kids to follow Christ, rather than something that causes them to lose heart.
What does such a relationship with Christ look like?
I. Dads, we must regularly fill our minds and hearts with Christ
I. Dads, we must regularly fill our minds and hearts with Christ
1 If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.
What are we commanded to do?
Seek those things which are above- where Christ is! (Imperative, present, active) Constantly seek above things.
Set your affection / better set your minds on things above -not on things on the earth! (Imperative, present, active) Constantly set you minds on above things.
Fill you souls with Christ. Dads are you on a regular basis flooding your minds and your hearts with Christ?
Do you know who can answer this question with a scary degree of accuracy? Your children. They see you when you get home from work, they see what kind of things you seek after, they see what kind of things fill your mind. They see what you are really passionate about. Do they see Christ?
Why are we commanded to do this?
For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.
Christ is your life. You are dead. The power of your sin nature has been broken, it is no longer your life. Now, your life is hidden with Christ. Your life is Christ, and one day when Christ appears, your true life will begin and you will appear with Him in glory.
Dad’s, do you seek Christ, do you set your minds on Christ, is He your life? This is the kind of relationship we must have if we are going to encourage our kids for Christ, rather than causing them to lose heart. This only comes from a relationship with Christ!
II. Dads, we must put to death our old sinful habits
II. Dads, we must put to death our old sinful habits
5 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: 6 For which things’ sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience: 7 In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them. 8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. 9 Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;
Mortify- put to death
Sexual sins- fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, (that is sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire), and covetousness, which is idolatry.
Sins of anger- anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy (slander), filthy communication (obscene talk) out of your mouth. 9 Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;
Mortify these things, put them to death.
Illustration: Dan Allender
The first day we were there, I didn’t have to teach, so about 8: 00 p.m. I went into the water with a float tube and all my gear. I was so excited! It was dusk and the mountains and water and sunset were beautiful, but I couldn’t help but notice that there were many birds flying around me. I’m really not an outdoorsy-type person, and I don’t know much about ornithology, but still, the presence of these birds surprised me. I guess I thought they would be in bed by then. But they were fully awake, flying very rapidly as they went right over me, up and around me. Suddenly I realized they weren’t birds. They were bats! And I am terrified of bats. I started using my rod as a tool to create what I would call a kind of No-Fly Zone. You know how you always hear that you cannot hit a bat? Well, it’s not true. I hit a bat, and it dropped into the water. When it surfaced, it started toward me, so I whacked it again . . . and again. I kept hitting at it and finally — this is horrifying to admit — I drowned one of God’s creatures. By this time, I was completely panicked. I wanted out of there, but as it happened, a fish that had been created from the foundation of the earth for this very moment came and took my fly! You might think that would be exciting. But I didn’t want to catch a fish; I just wanted out of that water. Up to this point in my life, all I had ever caught were trout. But as I pulled this fish up, it became clear this was no trout. It was a big, ugly, gray fish, and its huge mouth was opened very wide. I was startled. I don’t like to touch fish, but I had to get that big fish off the hook. I had kind of a meltdown. I wanted out of the water so badly that I began swinging the fish. In fact, I swung that fish so hard that eventually I ripped off its lips, which sent it hurtling back into the water. As I got out of the water, I noticed a figure sitting on a chair about fifty feet away, near the end of the dock. As I walked by this man, he reached up, grabbed my arm, and pulled me down close to his face. “Son,” he said, “I’ve been fishing for over fifty years. I want you to know I have never seen the likes of this. I just wanted to thank you.” For the rest of the conference, I did my best to avoid this man.
He mortifies the bat, he mortified the fish on his line, and he mortified his presence in the river.
Men, are we putting to death our old sinful habits.
This is not a try harder sermon. You can’t go home and say from now on I am no longer going to sin. Nor can you, in and of yourself, put to death any sin in your life. It has to come from a relationship with Christ. As Christ grows in your life, He changes everything about you. And it’s not that you have to be perfect in front of your kids- that’s impossible! They are going to see you sin. But they should also see a man who is so passionate about his relationship with Christ, that he progressively becomes more and more like his Savior. And his old sinful habits get put to death.
Dads, we must seek Christ!
III. Dads, we must put on the character of Christ
III. Dads, we must put on the character of Christ
12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; 13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.
We are to put on- we are to clothe ourselves with:
Bowels of mercies (compassionate hearts) kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering (patience). We are to forebear (or bear with) one another, and we are to forgive each other. Above all we are to exhibit the love of Christ in our lives. And the peace of God should rule our hearts, and we should be men of thanksgiving.
Again, humanly speaking this list seems impossible. How am I to actually become all of that? Only Christ can do this. Only as you seek Him, and grow if knowledge of Him, and grow in your love for Him can this be possible. Only a vibrant genuine passionate love for Christ can accomplish this. Men, what is your character like? This cannot be faked. You might be able to fake this at church, but at home in front of your children, they see right through us. Yet this kind of character is possible. God’s grace to greater than our sin, and Christ can change us to become like Him. It doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t mean you will be perfect this side of heaven. But if you passionate seek Christ, He will progressively change you to be more like Himself. And your kids will see that!
IV. Dads, we must dwell richly in the Word
IV. Dads, we must dwell richly in the Word
16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
Dwell- to live in something
In 2 Cor 6.16 God says that he will dwell inside of us. He will live in us.
Men we are to live in the Word. We should be so throughly immersed in the Word that it can be said of us- the Word of God lives inside of him in abundance.
Look at what such living in the Word results in-
Teaching, admonishing (warning), worship through songs, giving thanks in all things.
Dads, would your kids say that the Word of Christ lives in you abundantly? Do they see you passionate about the Word? Do you talk about the Word with them? Do they know you love God’s Word? Do you have times of family worship with them? Dads, we must seek Christ.
Only thought his kind of relationship with are the following verses possible.
18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
Let me illustrate how your relationship with Christ is essential to obeying this command from the autobiography of John G. Paton. Pg. 8, 21, 26.
Dads, we must seek Christ!
We must regularly fill our hearts and minds with Christ
We must, though a vibrant relationship with Christ, put to death our sinful habits
We must, through our vibrant relationship with Christ, put on the character of Christ
We must, allow the word of Christ to abundantly live inside of us.
So that, we do not embitter our children and cause them to lose heart!
Refutations:
There may be some dads sitting here this morning thinking, it’s too late, I’ve blown it, I fear I have already cause my children to lose heart.
I say to you in the words of the apostle Paul, “where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:”
Men we are never going to be perfect, nor is it our responsibility to make sure our kids turn out as spiritual superheros. We all have made a multitude of mistakes. I am thankful that God’s grace is grater than all our sin. And that God through His grace can touch the very hearts of my children- He can and must do a work that I can never do. But, today dads, we can determine to seek after a relationship with Christ, so that we might be an encouragement to our kids.
And I would be remiss if I did not say something to the children sitting here today. We were all children at some point so I am speaking to any here today who are thinking, “I didn’t have a dad like James Paton.” Probably not many of us did. Maybe you had a father who embittered you and caused you to lose heart for Christ. I say to you as well, “where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:” While you might not have a perfect earthly father, you do have a perfect heavenly Father. And He offers you His grace through His Son. And the grace of God is able to overcome all our sin. So much of this message is for you as well- children, you must seek Christ!
Dads, we must be men impacted by God’s grace, we must be men passionately seeking Christ, we must be men who are spiritually encouraging to our children.
Will you seek Christ with me?