Father's Day: 5 T's for your Toolbox

-The Floor is full of disconnected parts that cannot be put together because you don’t have the right tools, so eventually you do the best you can with the tools you have instead of going to the manufacture and getting them to mail the tools that you need to finish.

-First day you look at your firstborn there is joy, tears, adoration, and for me great fear(I did not know what to do)

-Then comes the realization that God has just given you a gift that needs to be cared for

-It is not just you anymore every decision that you make will either affect your family negatively or positively (and yet he still calls you to make decision as the leader of your home)

-We live in an age of information overload; it can become difficult to discern wise council from worldly wisdom.

-Some things sound harmless and well meaning, but are fundamentally worldly.

-To those scared, overwhelmed Fathers I have a Father’s Gift for you.

-To those scared, overwhelmed Parents, God has a Word for you.

-There are not many scriptures in the Bible about Parenting; I think this is strategic; God did not want us hinder by trying to follow a 24 step program.

-He has given us clear concise principles to follow

The Bible must be our primary source material that drives our philosophy of Parenting (Not experience(how you were raised), science, or advice)

I. Teach

Deuteronomy 6:1–7 NASB95

1 “Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the judgments which the Lord your God has commanded me to teach you, that you might do them in the land where you are going over to possess it, 2 so that you and your son and your grandson might fear the Lord your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged. 3 “O Israel, you should listen and be careful to do it, that it may be well with you and that you may multiply greatly, just as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey. 4 “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! 5 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. 7 “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

- Moses says in verse one that God commanded me to teach these to the Fathers/Mothers of the Children of Israel, he doesn’t start off with teaching on the grace of God, the love of God, or the forgiveness but he starts off teaching the Children of Israel to fear God. He also says in verse 2 that you must fear God, and then teach your son, and then teach your grandson.

-(v.1) “Now this is the commandment, the statues and the judgements which the Lord your God has commanded me to teach you” Moses is about to tell the people what the Lord has instructed him to teach the people.

1. You shall teach your children to fear God v. 2

-(v.2-3) Fear-Then he gives the reason for his sermon:

a. Fear-So that you and your son and your grandson might fear the Lord your God

What does he mean by this word “Fear”? Reverence or Awe!! We are to teach our children that there is a being that sits high a looks low. There is being that is non-contigent, that their is a being that is the rightful heir and owner of the whole cosmos, and that we are to revere, respect, and worship him.

a. Definition of “Fear”-This fear is not a terrifying fear, but a deep respect and understanding that God is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and there are no other like him, and he is worthy of your worship and Honor.

b. Legacy- “so that you and your son and grandson” This phrase tell us the heart of God. God is interested in his truth being passed down from generation to generation.

c. Our Good- “and that your days may be prolonged” Moses wants the people to know that when you do things the Lord’s way you will fulfill all the purposes that he has for. You will live a fulfilled life. Your life will not be filled with regret.

-(v.4) Doctrine- “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is One!” In the midst of teaching our children to fear the Lord we must begin to teach our children the essential attributes of God: I this text the first attribute is the “The Lord our God is One” why was this important??? It was important because all the countries of the ancient world were “Polytheistic” meaning the worship of many Gods. Let’s not forget that he is talking to the children of Israel who have left Eygpt, and are now seeking to take over Canaan. Both the Eygptians and the Canaanites were polytheistic. Essentially we are to teach our children the Yahweh is different from all other false gods. He is the true and living God, and there are not others.

-(v.5) Love-We are to teach our children to love the Lord their God with all their heart soul mind and strength, which is a choice, not a feeling. Your children will love to love what you love. If they see you loving the Lord and giving him first place they will do the same thing.

How often are we supposed to teach these things to our children?

-(v.7) “Diligently” repeat

When should we do it?

-(v.7) “when you sit in your house” “when you walk by the way” “when you lie down” and “when you rise up” Meaning the Jesus should be a daily part of the morning discussion, the dinner time discussion, the late night discussion. This involves both:

a. formal discussion(honest admission Have you ever lead your family in a family worship time) If you haven’t there is still time to start.

b. Informal discussion

Listen to the wisiest person assesment of the most important lesson he learned after all of his foolishness.

(Help)

Ecclesiastes 12:9–13 NASB95

9 In addition to being a wise man, the Preacher also taught the people knowledge; and he pondered, searched out and arranged many proverbs. 10 The Preacher sought to find delightful words and to write words of truth correctly. 11 The words of wise men are like goads, and masters of these collections are like well-driven nails; they are given by one Shepherd. 12 But beyond this, my son, be warned: the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body. 13 The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person.

ecc 12:

Proverbs 1:7 NASB95

7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.

b. Teaching your kids to fear God is manifested by them giving their life to the Lord…..Your children need to know that the most important and critical decision they make in life is not: who are you going to marry, where you are going to college, what you should major in, or where you should buy your first house. The most important decision is Salvation. Your child needs to understand that their life will be a totally failure if they leave the earth without having a relationship with Christ.

Transition Statement-After we teach our children we must move from theory to practice

b. We ought to teach our children to obey the statues of God. Not our own statues but God’s. Your statues are not near as important as God’s statues.

3. You shall teach your Children the truths of the faith v. 4

a. The Lord our God, the Lord is one-This statement formulates the foundation of Christianity. The nations that Yahweh was separating Israel from were all Polytheistic (meaning they worshiped many Gods)….God was letting Israel know that there is but one God, and I am he. Teach your children to defend what they believe not just accept it.

B. Frequency-v.7 “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down”

1. This involves regular devotion (weekly)

2. This also means that God should be the predominant subject in your house. There is nothing wrong with sports, or the latest music, or current events, or school work, but the subject matter that matters the most is Christ.

-After we teach our children we must move from theory to practice

II. Train

Proverbs 22:6 NASB95

6 Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

—(v.6) Training (initiate) your children in the ways of God; what displeases him and what pleases him. Also allowing your children to feel the brunt of what Ungodly choices lead to, as well as Godly ones.

-Training (initiate) your children in the ways of God; what displeases him and what pleases him. Also allowing your children to feel the brunt of what Ungodly choices lead to, as well as Godly ones.

-Definition “Train”-to teach a skill or type of behavior through regular practice and instruction.

-Explain this nature of proverbs.

1. We should be challenging our children on a daily basis with responsibility training, and when they fail they should be given loving accountability, and when they do well they should be encourage.

2. We should also allow our children enough freedom to experience the world, so that they can learn how to flesh Christianity out in their environment (before they leave you).

-(v.6) “Even when he is old he will not depart from it” Well trained children have the tendency to return to the invaluable lesson taught to them by diligent parents. This does not guarantee your children will not fall, struggle, or commit horrible sins. What this suggests is that usually, most likely, children who have been trained in the word “come home”

Illustration-My Mother keep a prayer Journal in our big Family Size Bible with prayers, and dates that those prayers were answered. Some of those prayers are still not answered. I keep a prayer journal and I have watch many of those prayers answered

Four Prayer Request Started in 2009- Improve as a Speaker, Full-Time Pastorate, Finish School, and Lose 120 lbs

Transition Statement-In the midst of teaching, training there will be sometimes where you need to:

III. Touch

Prov 22:15 “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him”

Proverbs 22:15 NASB95

15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

-Three theories about the nature of children at birth

1. Born neutral- Children’s behavior is dictated by what was done, or not done to them by their caretakers. (Any personal problem a child is facing can be traced back to something their caretaker did to them)

2. Born Good- Children are born with a spark of divinity. The only evil is when an individual does not walk in his divinity. “The greatest love of all is in inside of you” Whitney Houston

3. Born Evil- Children are born with a natural propensity to do wrong it is a part of their nature (corrupted)

-(v.15) Foolishness- “to congeal, or thicken; to become stupid” one who lacks the wisdom which comes with the knowledge of God, someone who in his pride is wise in his own eyes but acts contrary to the will of God and thus does (intentionally or not) what is evil.

one who lacks the wisdom which comes with the knowledge of God, someone who in his pride is wise in his own eyes but acts contrary to the will of God and thus does (intentionally or not) what is evil.

Allen C. Myers, The Eerdmans Bible Dictionary (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1987), 390.

-In our generation “we call these folks hard headed” The Bible is less politically correct. It calls them foolish!!

-(v.15) “Foolishness is bound” that word bound means-tied together or conspired. This first three words tells us the problem with those little cute children the make funny noises, and bring love and joy to the your family. Their little innocent heart is BFF with Foolishness. They are tied together at the hip. A child left to themself without any loving discipline and structure will become a monster.

-(v.15) “Foolishness is tangled up in the heart of a youth the rod of discipline will drive it away from him” ESV

Listen to what the Moses says about little children:

(help)

Genesis 8:21 NASB95

21 The Lord smelled the soothing aroma; and the Lord said to Himself, “I will never again curse the ground on account of man, for the intent of man’s heart is evil from his youth; and I will never again destroy every living thing, as I have done.

“And the Lord smelled a soothing aroma. Then the Lord said in his heart, I will never again curse the ground for man’s sake, although the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; nor will I again destroy every living thing as I have done”

David says “ Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me.”

-Analogy about parenting a child with a corrupted nature (you are either water or wind)

“Rod”-Offshoot, branch, scepter

1. Scepter, King

2. Staff, Sheppard

3. Branch, Father

-The literal rod of correction will help to drive out Foolishness (Folly) from the heart of the Child.

1. There is an alternate interpretation that Psychologist, and liberal Theologians try to press on this scripture, they say the Rod is not a branch, but it is symbolic of authority. This is being pressed by those who think that children should not be disciplined by spanking.

prov 13:24 (Help)

Proverbs 23:13–14 NASB95

13 Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. 14 You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol.

Proverbs 13:24 NASB95

24 He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

proverbs 23:

-(v.13-14) In this text it is important

-(v.24) This is very strong language in this text. When we spoil our kids and or refuse to lovingly confront them and discipline it is a sign of “hate” for them. True love is measured by a willingness to confront them and hold them accountable for their behaviour.

Proverbs 19:18 NASB95

18 Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death.

-(v.18) This scripture tells us that there is a window of time with our children which “whippings” are effective. Solomon is saying at some point you won’t be able to handle them.

"We [Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith] don't do punishment," the celeb said in response to when he punished Jaden last.

"The way that we deal with our kids is, they are responsible for their lives. Our concept is, as young as possible, give them as much control over their lives as possible and the concept of punishment, our experience has been—it has a little too much of a negative quality.

"So when they do things—and you know, Jaden, he's done things—you can do anything you want as long as you can explain to me why that was the right thing to do for your life."Will Smith

Illustrate

📷

American civilization has undergone tremendous social shifting in the last fifty years in virtually every facet of its culture. This transformation is evident, for example, in the area of the family and parental discipline. From the beginning of this nation, most Americans have believed in the value of corporal punishment. This discipline has included spanking the child using a variety of instruments, including a “switch,” paddle, razor strap, yardstick, belt, or hand. The last generation to have experienced this approach to parenting on a wide scale was the World War II generation. Due to the adverse influence of social liberals and alleged “specialists” in human behavior and child psychology, the thinking of many Americans has now been transformed to the extent that corporal punishment has come to be viewed as “child abuse”—even by the judiciary.

Make no mistake: genuine child abuse is taking place every day in America. Some parents are burning, torturing, and even killing their children. However, the abuse of a good thing is no argument against its legitimate and judicious use. Extreme behavior often elicits an extreme reaction. We must not “throw out the baby with the bathwater.” Regardless of the superficial appeal of the arguments that are marshaled against spanking, those who recognize that the Bible is the inspired Word of God are more concerned with biblical insight regarding the matter. Does the Bible advocate or sanction the spanking of children? David Miller Phd

Application- Ms Happy-Hebrews 12:11 “Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it”

1. You should never excuse nor look over disobedience in your children all acts of rebellion should be dealt with....Ladies don’t let your children disrespect their father. And that starts with you not disrespecting them!!

2. Corporeal punishment should be a tool in your parenting toolbox; not the only one.

IV. Take care of

1 Timothy 5:8 NASB95

8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

- “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

-(v.8) This scripture makes a tremendous statement. It says if a man does not take care of his own(children & wife) he has denied the faith. WOW!!!! Did you hear that? I know “supposed godly men” who have abandon their families and started new ones that are still preaching and leading churches. What does this text say? A man’s salvation is measured by his commitment to his family.

- A man is responsible for taking care of his family (financially). When a man refuses to work or when he has a job, but refuses to care for his family he should be treated as an unbeliever.

Now how could Paul make this Statement???

-He could because he knew that the Spirit of God who indwells true believers would not let man permanently abandon his family, and or refuse to financially care for any children that are his.

Note: This scripture is not talking about someone who is willing to work and is actively looking. This man needs our prayers

-being a Father is more than just putting bread on the table:

a. it is watching over the home

b. it is cooking when needs be

c. it is picking up/dropping off children

d. it is taking care of the emotional needs of your wife and children

e. it is sitting up with sick children, running to the pharmacy late at night to get medicine

f. it is going to the store to get your daughters personal products.

-It is sacrificing all your needs for the needs of the family.

Application

1. Fathers we should be an example to our Children of what it means to toil for the necessities of life.

2. As the man of the house you should be the one to live without so that the family can thrive, and make it through those tough times

V. Tenderize

Ephesians 6:4 NASB95

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

ephesians 6:4

-John MacArthur says “In the pagan world of Paul’s day, and even in many Jewish households, most fathers ruled their families with rigid and domineering authority. The desires and welfare of wives, and children were seldom considered. The Apostle makes clear that a Christian Fathers authority over his children does not allow for unreasonable demands and structures that might drive his children to anger, despair, and resent.

-(v.4) “Do not provoke” This v.4 starts off with an imperative(command) “Do not provoke your children to anger” This means do not point towards or agitate your children towards anger. There are several things that Father’s do that point their children towards anger.

John MacArthur says “In the pagan world of Paul’s day, and even in many Jewish households, most fathers ruled their families with rigid and domineering authority. The desires and welfare of wives, and children were seldom considered. The Apostle makes clear that a Christian Fathers authority over his children does not allow for unreasonable demands and structures that might drive his children to anger, despair, and resent.”

What is John Saying???

-Let your children be children. There should be a proper balance between correction and encouragement. If you home is all correction/discipline your children will believe that they can never please you and they will get frustrated. if your home is all encouragement your children will be raised to believe that they can do no wrong and they will not be able to adjust to failure, and accountability in their lives.

1. 3 Primary causes of Anger in your children

a. Hypocrisy-When your children see you doing things you tell them not too, it will provoke them to anger

Matthew 23:27–29 NASB95

27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. 28 “So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. 29 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you build the tombs of the prophets and adorn the monuments of the righteous,

matt 23:27-

b. Favoritism-Picking one child over the other based on gender, physical traits, talent, or personality.

b. Favoritism- “But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him.”

Genesis 37:4 NASB95

4 His brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers; and so they hated him and could not speak to him on friendly terms.

“But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him.”

-Jacobs favoritism towards Joseph caused the other brother’s to hate him. The real problem started with Jacob though. His favoritism of Joseph caused problems with the brothers.

c. Time- “Do not overwork to be rich; because of your own understanding cease!

c. Time

Proverbs 23:4 NASB95

4 Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, Cease from your consideration of it.

“Do not overwork to be rich; because of your own understanding cease!

-(v.4) This scriptures tells us to balance our time, and stop chasing success. Your family needs your presence more than they need your money.

Illustration

The Girls talking about the memories with Me and Carmen and their grandparents.

-In this message I have focused primarily on the father…..

Application

-In this message I have focused on giving some tools to the father

-What is the wife’s role in this matter???

-It is to support the Father as he leads the family.

-Father’s if you have been absent and leaving your wife to do everything get home and make an impact.

-Father’s if you have been a poor example to your children go home and apologize to them and implement these principles.

-Mother’s if you have been cutting your husband legs from underneath him go home and apologize and the two of you join forces as “One” in the work of raising the children.

-If your Children are gone, and you have grandchildren, these 5 principles can still be implemented with your children and grandchildren

-Remember “Says that you should teach your son, and then your son son’s.

-Parents your work as a parent will not be completed until you breathe your last breath.

-Raising children can break your heart, lead to exhaustion, leave you up at night, and cause you to have gray hair, but it is also the primary way that God’s influence is spread throughout the World. For he said in the first chapter of Genesis be fruitful and multiply. Know that raising children is part of God’s grand Narrative(Story). You are part of something bigger than yourself.

-But I am convinced that if you would implement these 5T’s. Teach, Train, Touch, Take care of, Tenderize when raising your children they will not be a curse to you, but a magnificent blessing.

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