The Counter-Cultural Response to Fathers
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Happy Father’s Day! We’re talking about dads today.
God in His wisdom designed families to have both a mom and a dad. Each role is important in the maturing of a child. God designed families that way for a purpose, for the good of the child.
But, He also designed families this way for His glory. On Mother’s Day, we discussed how mothers uniquely show the characteristics of God in a way that no one else does. In the same way, Fathers uniquely show the characteristics of God in a way that no one else does.
Unfortunately, in modern times, the role of father has gotten a bad rap.
Ike Awgu wrote an article for Huffington Post several years ago. I was surprised by this article. Normally, Huffington Post is pretty liberal and I don’t agree with their social reporting. But, this article was solid.
“Sunday, June 15th is Father's Day -- the one day of the year when the mainstream media and much of the public pretend to actually value fatherhood and the role of a father in the modern family. For the remaining 364 days, the role of fathers in the family is discounted, downplayed, taken for granted or seen as optional.
Fathers are attacked by a court system that unfairly and disproportionately refuses them custody of their children. Attacked by the media that all too often, and wildly out of proportion to reality, portrays them as bumbling, villainous or incompetent. Most cruelly, they are attacked by a society trying to render their contributions (aside from those financial) irrelevant in the lives of their own children. Their absence in a home is always their fault, never that of anyone else. Their successes are shared, their failures are orphans.
But on Sunday, June 15, none of that matters. It's Fathers Day, after all. Post a Facebook status, compose a tweet, or ignore the day and spend it in silence. Then, for the remaining 364 days of the year, repeat mantras like, "Children don't need fathers, just a father figure."”
He continues the article to describe the importance of fathers in the family, specifically in the maturity and moral purity of daughters. He rips apart everyone who doesn’t think fathers are important.
Penn State University recently released a study on how time with dads is important for teenagers. Everyone is rather surprised at the study results.
More one-on-one time with dad’s the higher a child’s self-esteem (this includes time with dad in high school years)
More time with dad in group settings, the better the social skills of the child
Who would have known that in God’s design dads are important? They are not like an appendix, which obviously we can live without. When dads are not dads, or are absent, children suffer.
Now, if society gives dads a bad rap. If dads buy into this perception and start abdicating their responsibility and role, what picture of God is a dad painting?
This morning, we are going to discuss how a father reflects the character of God and how families can encourage their dads to be dad.
I understand that not everyone has a dad that is in the picture, whether due to death, to divorce, or to abandonment.
I am grateful that God is a father to the fatherless. He is the perfect father who will never leave us or forsake us, and in His wisdom, He can raise up a man in the church to be a father-figure, to show the character of our Heavenly Father.
1A. Fathers reflect the character of God
1A. Fathers reflect the character of God
Just by being a father, striving to do the things a father does, a father will reflect who God is, though that reflection might not be perfect.
But, He also designed families this way for His glory. On Mother’s Day, we discussed how mothers uniquely show the characteristics of God in a way that no one else does. In the same way, Fathers uniquely show the characteristics of God in a way that no one else does.
Unfortunately, in modern times, the role of father has gotten a bad rap.
Study from Penn State:
More time with dad in group settings, the better the social skills of the child
1B. Fathers are protectors
1B. Fathers are protectors
God is the protector of those he calls children. We see this when God is bringing his people out of Egypt. He promises that he will protect them in the future, as he protected them in the past.
Then I said to you, “Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the wilderness. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.”
Deut 1:
and in the wilderness. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.”
God promised to protect them, as a father protects his children.
They will come with weeping;
they will pray as I bring them back.
I will lead them beside streams of water
on a level path where they will not stumble,
because I am Israel’s father,
and Ephraim is my firstborn son.
A father is a protector of his family. God has designed men to uniquely be the protectors, emotionally and physically, of the family.
If one reads through the Old Testament, keeping an eye on the expectations that God has for fathers, you will see the amount of material that is spent on a father being the protector of his daughters and his sons, and the protector of his wife. Don’t take my word for it: search it out yourself.
Most children yearn for a father who protects.
A father is a protector.
2B. Fathers are providers
2B. Fathers are providers
yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.
God provides what his children need. The famous passage is found in the Sermon on the Mount.
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
God promises to provide what we need, if we are his children. All we need to do is pursue a relationship with him.
In Sunday School, we have seen God’s amazing provision for the Israelites. He miraculously provides food in the desert. But, in the story where he provides manna and quail, we see that He is a true dad: he doesn’t always give what we want but he does give us what we need.
A Father is the provider of his family, as a reflection of God. A father which does not do this is shirking his responsibility, as Paul so caustically states:
Give the people these instructions, so that no one may be open to blame.
Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Ouch!
Fathers are to be protectors. Fathers are to be providers
3B. Father are teachers
3B. Father are teachers
We have this Word of God, the Bible, because God did not want to remain mysterious. He wanted us to know who He is and how we can have a relationship with him. He teaches us through his Word. He has revealed himself to us.
He has done this as a father. Jesus is praying to his father in Matthew, and he says:
At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.
The New International Version Chapter 11
25 At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. 26 Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.
The Father reveals truth to his children. He has the responsibility to do this. God the father reveals truth to his children. He doesn’t want to remain in the dark. We has human fathers reveal truth to our children.
The most important truth we have to reveal is who God is and what it means to have a personal relationship with him.
In , Moses tells children to go ask their fathers about who God is and what he has done. Paul agrees with this.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Fathers are protectors, providers, and teachers
4B. Fathers are discipliners
4B. Fathers are discipliners
Hand in hand with teaching is disciplining. God, the Father, is the one who disciplines his children.
Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.
And, again,
Deut 8
And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”
God doesn’t leave us the way we are. He wants us to grow to reflect his character. His discipline is not abuse. It is a loving action that hurts and makes us remember what is right and what is wrong.
Fathers are expected to discipline their children, as God disciplines us; that is: out of love, to protect their children and to mold their children to be more like Christ.
Oh, that I could spend more time on each of these, but I have to keep moving.
Fathers are protectors, providers, teachers, discipliners.
5B. Fathers are lovers
5B. Fathers are lovers
“Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.
God the Father loves his creation. He loves his children, and there is nothing that we can do to change that love.
Israel is the special people of God. They have done so much against God, turning their back on him, breaking his commandments, worshiping false gods, etc. But, throughout it all, God has not stopped loving them.
Fathers are lovers
Fathers are lovers
Is not Ephraim my dear son,
the child in whom I delight?
Though I often speak against him,
I still remember him.
Therefore my heart yearns for him;
I have great compassion for him,”
declares the Lord.
This loves makes him look down with compassion on all he calls his own. The Psalmist writes about this:
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
Fathers are protectors
Fathers are protectors
As I said, there is nothing that we can do or anyone can do to remove us from God’s love.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Rom 8
Fathers, your actions paint a picture of God. Who do your children think God is by what you do?
A father should be the lover of his family. His children should know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are loved by their dad. And nothing that they do should cause that love to diminish or to be wiped away.
Fathers are protectors, providers, teachers, discipliners, lovers.
6B. Fathers are blessers
6B. Fathers are blessers
God blesses those who are his own. A blessing is when one gives something good, many times it is physical, or material, like an inheritance, but other times it is emotional, a promise of better things in store.
and in the wilderness. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.”
Think of the Old Testament patriarchs. They would gather their sons and bless them as sons, praying for their future and their spiritual integrity, calling them to maturity and godliness.
This is what God does for us.
They will come with weeping;
they will pray as I bring them back.
I will lead them beside streams of water
on a level path where they will not stumble,
because I am Israel’s father,
and Ephraim is my firstborn son.
“Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.
9
He is giving us an inheritance of eternal life: His perfect kingdom. But, in that, he is calling us to maturity, to a relationship with Him that will change us spiritually.
Fathers get to do this with their children, passing a legacy on to them. Hopefully, calling them to maturity and godliness, praying for their future and spiritual integrity.
Fathers are protectors, providers, teachers, discipliners, lovers, and blessers.
The Lord said to Moses and Aaron in Egypt, “This month is to be for you the first month, the first month of your year. Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb for his family, one for each household. If any household is too small for a whole lamb, they must share one with their nearest neighbor, having taken into account the number of people there are. You are to determine the amount of lamb needed in accordance with what each person will eat. The animals you choose must be year-old males without defect, and you may take them from the sheep or the goats. Take care of them until the fourteenth day of the month, when all the members of the community of Israel must slaughter them at twilight. Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs. That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast. Do not eat the meat raw or boiled in water, but roast it over a fire—with the head, legs and internal organs. Do not leave any of it till morning; if some is left till morning, you must burn it. This is how you are to eat it: with your cloak tucked into your belt, your sandals on your feet and your staff in your hand. Eat it in haste; it is the Lord’s Passover.
“On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn of both people and animals, and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the Lord. The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are, and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt.
“This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the Lord—a lasting ordinance.
Fathers, our actions paint a picture of God. Who do our children think God is by what we do?
Now, none of us who are dads meet the perfection of God. The task can seem daunting to show God through our actions. I am grateful for the grace of God through Christ. If we have believed in Christ, placing our faith in Him for eternity, we are forgiven for our failings, for our lack of fatherhood, and we are encouraged to change: to grow to reflect God to our children, whether they are in our lives still or not.
Fathers are worthy of respect
Fathers are worthy of respect
“A son honors his father, and a slave his master. If I am a father, where is the honor due me? If I am a master, where is the respect due me?” says the Lord Almighty.
“It is you priests who show contempt for my name.
“But you ask, ‘How have we shown contempt for your name?’
Fathers reflect the character of God.
Fathers are providers
Fathers are providers
yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Fathers, your actions paint a picture of God. Who do your children think God is by what you do?
2A. Fathers should be encouraged by wives and children
2A. Fathers should be encouraged by wives and children
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Being a father is a good deed. But being a father is hard. Most fathers get discouraged in their task of being a dad. Sometimes they don’t know how to be a dad. Sometimes, they don’t want to be one. Encouragement is in order, no matter the case, as the author of Hebrews tells us. We are to encourage one another, spurring one another toward good deeds.
How can family members encourage fathers?
1B. Children can encourage fathers
1B. Children can encourage fathers
In my use of the word “children”, I am referring to anyone who has a parent, no matter the age. “Children” is a relational term, not a age or maturity term.
If one has a father, one has the ability to encourage him. What does the Bible say about this?
1C. Children can honor their fathers
1C. Children can honor their fathers
No dad is perfect. All dads have failings. In spite of the failings, children should find ways to honor their fathers, to respect them.
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
How can a child honor their fathers?
How can a child honor their fathers?
Listen to them. It’s interesting that honoring your parents is the first commandment with a promise. There is a sense that the blessing of God is toward those who honor their parents. But, there is also the truth: if you don’t honor your parents, you won’t listen to them and you will make a lot of mistakes. Listen to your dad.
Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction
and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
Proverbs is one big father’s pleading to his children, trying to teach them a wise way to live. When a child actually listens to his father, without arguments or fighting, or eye rolling, and then obeys him. Boy, that is encouraging.
Pursue wisdom
Pay attention to them
Obey them
My son, if your heart is wise,
then my heart will be glad indeed;
my inmost being will rejoice
when your lips speak what is right.
Proverbs 23
When a child actually seeks wisdom on their own and grows in maturity. Boy, a father is encouraged. This is building on the legacy of a father.
Do what is right to them, for them and by them, regardless of the kind of person they are. The Golden Rule: do to others what you would like them to do to you, applies to father/children relationships. Children have this nasty gene in them, called sin nature, that makes them want to do things against their dad.
Love them, even when they don’t measure up to your expectations, and tell them that you love them, a lot! Write notes to them. They might not be the mushiest person in the world. But, having a kid take the time to show love can mean the world to a dad, no matter the age of the child or the age of the dad.
Pray for them. We are to pray for all who are in authority. Fathers are not an exception. Ask your father how you can pray for him and then pray daily for that. Also, pray that he would be a faithful dad. We all need the help of God.
2C. Children can pray for their fathers
2C. Children can pray for their fathers
I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people—
Paul goes on to single out those in authority, like kings. But, fathers are in authority, as well. They should be prayed for. They need boldness, strength, the ability to reflect the character of God. They need wisdom, endurance, steadfastness against temptation. All these things Paul requested prayer for himself.
Children can pray for their fathers. Set an alarm on your phone at a specific time every day to remind you to pray for your father. If you don’t know what to pray for, ask him. If he doesn’t tell you, pray generally for him that he would have the strength and wisdom to be a godly dad. On another day, ask him again.
3C. Children can live for Christ
3C. Children can live for Christ
By finding ways to respect and honor them, in spite of their failings
3C. Children can pursue wisdom
3C. Children can pursue wisdom
My son, if your heart is wise,
then my heart will be glad indeed;
my inmost being will rejoice
when your lips speak what is right.
Prov 23:
3C. Children can pursue righteousness
3C. Children can pursue righteousness
The father of a righteous child has great joy;
a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him.
Prov
The only way anyone can be righteous is if they have been saved by Jesus Christ. His righteousness is placed on us. As we live for Him, he molds and shapes us to be like him.
If you have never trusted in Christ for your salvation, I encourage you to do it today. Your father would consider this the greatest Father’s Day gift in the world.
If you have trusted in Christ, live for him. Your godly life will bring your father joy.
2B. Wives can encourage fathers
2B. Wives can encourage fathers
Wives, it’s your turn now. You have an opportunity to show your own fathers encouragement, but you have a responsibility to encourage your husbands in their fatherhood.
1C. Wives can respect their husbands
1C. Wives can respect their husbands
Again, no husband or father is perfect, but wives are called to respect their husbands in spite of their failings.
Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Col 3
Submission and respect go hand in hand. The parallel passage in refers to both respect and submission.
How can wives respect their husbands?
Realize the heavy burden that fathers have for the family
Fathers have the responsibility to reflect Christ to their families, to act toward their wives and children as Christ acts toward the Church. Sometimes this weight seems too much for a man to carry.
A father is responsible to direct his family and will answer to God for the decisions he makes and for the spiritual direction he gives.
This is a heavy burden.
Be grace-filled with what you say and do.
Realizing the heavy burden that a father carries, what what you say, both to him and to others. Respect has a lot to do with words. What words are you saying? Are they words of respect and understanding, or are they words of disrespect? Are you building up your husband to your friends, or are you tearing him down? Does your husband know that you are thankful for what he does, and do your friends know that you are thankful for what he does?
Don’t be the behind the scenes real boss of the marriage.
I appreciate the honesty of one of my friends. She said that being respectful is harder than it sounds.
2C. Wives can pray for their husbands
2C. Wives can pray for their husbands
No matter the spiritual state of your husband, he needs prayer. As a wife, you know your husband better than anyone else knows him. You know his struggles, his needs. You know his joys and his sorrows. You need to be regularly praying for him.
1 Tim
I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people—
I encourage you wives, as well, to set an alarm to pray for your husband. He has deep spiritual needs that need petitioning for. He has everyday problems and decisions that need praying for. He has sin issues and temptations that need interceding. But, he also has some great qualities, by the grace of God, the you can thank God for.
petitions: requests to God based on a sense of deep spiritual need
There is an interesting phenomenon. The more a wife truly prays for her husband and thanks God for him, the more a wife can truly respect her husband.
prayer: conversation with God about something, general term
This Father’s Day, may we rejoice in the God who is the perfect father, and may we encourage the fathers in our midst as they seek to imitate him.
Intercessory request: Christ’s prayer for the believers to God, seeking God’s grace for the individual
Thanksgiving: showing gratitude
