Confessions of A Failed Father

2 Samuel 18:31–33 ESV

31 And behold, the Cushite came, and the Cushite said, “Good news for my lord the king! For the Lord has delivered you this day from the hand of all who rose up against you.” 32 The king said to the Cushite, “Is it well with the young man Absalom?” And the Cushite answered, “May the enemies of my lord the king and all who rise up against you for evil be like that young man.” 33 And the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And as he went, he said, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

2 sam 18

TITLE: CONFESSIONS OF AN ABSENT FATHER

Science suggest that we learn better from failures rather than from getting it right.

The say Thomas Edison spent 5mo and over 9,000 experiments before he figured out how to make a battery…and he would fail many more times before improving upon that design.

No one likes to think that they’ve failed…that feeling of defeat, of seeing what seems to be wasted efforts, and in some cases letting people you care about down.

This morning, rather that asking you to think about a time in your life, and near miss of success, a place where your faith was challenged to continue moving forward,.....I’d like to sit at the table with one of God’s favorites (King David) as he wished he had a do over.

In our focal text, David has just been told that his son is dead.

If you started reading the biblical narrative from this point forward and never read the back story, one might conclude that this was the voice of a loving and present parent. EXPOUND…how many people know that everybody that weeps at the funeral is not weeping from a place of love…some weep out of regret....

Deuteronomy 5:9 ESV

9 You shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,

Many have read this and considered it to mean that the father does something that impacts the children and grandchildren, but there should be equal consideration given to the idea of the father’s doing nothing having impact on the children and children’s children, and their children.

(BACKGROUND)

ILLUSTRATION #1 / SUMMARY OF STORY LEADING UP TO THE DEATH OF ABSALOM.

David wasn’t present at the most important times of his children’s lives.... Don’t get me wrong....he was physically present but emotionally & cognitively, he was MIA

ILLUSTRATION #2

10,000 Sermon Illustrations Most Frightened Man in America

Most Frightened Man in America

Thomas J. Watson, Sr., died six weeks after naming his son as the new head of IBM, the company the elder Watson had led for more than forty years. The junior Watson said his promotion made him “the most frightened man in America.” But he took the helm and led IBM into the computer era and ten-fold corporate growth. His success was made possible, he said later, by his dad’s confidence in and acceptance of him during his college years, when he was more interested in flying airplanes than in studying or applying himself.

Today in the Word, February 7, 1997, p. 14

I believe David’s absenteeism started at home with his father....The bible doesn’t say much about his relationship with his father Jesse but during one of the most significant moments for that family (The prophet Samuel coming to Jesses house because the Lord told Samuel the 1st King of Israel would come from that house, Jessee (David’s dad) never even considered David as a candidate!!!!!

We’re left to wonder if Jesse’s lack of confidence broke something in David that would play out in his failures?

So what does the text tell us about what is important in being an effective parent?

He Failed To Say Anything

Sometimes we stay silent to not lose favor/popular with our kids.

We fear losing their respect or having them cut off the communication line.

He Failed to Do Anything

There is a story of the Priest Eli who knew his sons were dishonoring God in the sacrifices, but failed to take action...

1 Samuel 2:29 ESV

29 Why then do you scorn my sacrifices and my offerings that I commanded for my dwelling, and honor your sons above me by fattening yourselves on the choicest parts of every offering of my people Israel?’

1 sam 2

Here, we see David commit the same sin of inaction/omission.

When David understood what had taken place with the rape of his daughter by her step brother (one of David’s other sons), the bible doesn’t record him doing anything to rectify the crime.

From this inaction, Absolom (David’s other son and brother to Tamar) takes matters into his own hands and orchestrates the death of the other brother Amnon who committed the rape.

James 4:17 ESV

17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

He Failed to Stay Down

King David would move on from this place to take the throne, but his troubles would continue.

Its after this point early in his reign as King that we find him on the rooftop looking across the way to another roof top where Bathsheba is bathing.

That gaze leads to adultury, fornication, murder and deceipt by King David.

FCF: Its at this point of failure when the enemy does his best convincing and often recruits your own voice to put you down.... EXPOUND can’t believe you did this again....was your confession for real or did you get caught up in the moment....did you make the right decision?....

Psalm 51:1–6 ESV

1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! 3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. 5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. 6 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

Joel 2:25 ESV

25 I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you.

1 John 1:9 ESV

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Matthew 6:14–15 ESV

14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

10,000 Sermon Illustrations Quotes

“More than virtually any other factor, a biological father’s presence in the family will determine a child’s success and happiness.”—U. S. News and World Report

• “Committed fatherhood would do more to restore a normal childhood to every child, and dramatically reduce our nation’s most costly social problems, than all of the pending legislation in America combined.”—National Fatherhood Initiative

• “The plague of fatherlessness is a painful inheritance of poverty and illness that is passed down from one generation to the next.”—University of Texas Sociologists

• “The most urgent domestic challenge facing the United States at the close of the 20th century is the re-creation of fatherhood as a social role for men.”—David Blankenhorn, Institute for American Values.

• “Some 46% of families with children headed by single mothers live below the poverty line, compared to 8% of those with two parents...Studies show that only 43% of state prisons inmates grew up with both parents and that a missing father is a better predictor of criminal activity than race or poverty...Social scientists have made similar links between a father’s absence and his child’s likelihood of being a dropout, jobless, a drug addict, a suicide victim, mentally ill, and a target of child abuse.”—U. S. News & World Report

• “A good father does these basic things: provides for his family, protects his family, and gives spiritual and moral guidance.”—David Blankenhorn

Community Impact Bulletin, July 7, 1995