Be The Best Dad

Introduction

Today is Father’s Day. History shows that this holiday was began by a young woman named Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, WA. After listening to a Mother’s Day sermon she wanted to honor her father. Originally she tried to have the date for the celebration be his birthday, June 5th, but it was pushed back to June 19, 1910. Miss Dodd wanted to honor he father who had fought in the civil war and raised 6 children after his wife died in childbirth.

Since its inception, Father’s Day has been about honoring Father’s. It has been about thanking and recognizing the contribution made by Father’s to the lives of their children.

This brings up a problem. In our day and age Fatherhood is not well respected. The sexual revolution of the 60’s and 70’s has given rise to large numbers of single mother’s. Children are being raised without Fathers. Added to that is the feminist movement shouting that men are not necessary. In our modern society Father’s are routinely mocked, belittled, and put down. It is almost impossible to watch a family TV show without seeing the dad portrayed as a selfish, lazy, buffoon! What this has led to is the withdrawal of men and fathers. Added to this difficulty is the reality that some fathers have been bad fathers. There has been abuse, violence, and harm.

What we face today is many fathers who are not present, who are disconnected from their families, and who are abusive. Brothers and sisters, that is not Biblical. I believe that many of us father’s have recognized the problems. We want to be engaged, we want to be involved, but we don’t know how. How can we be the men, leaders, and fathers that God has called us to be?

Here at Grace Church we believe in the supremacy of Scripture. We believe that the answer to all of life’s questions can be found right here in this book. If we want to be the best dads we can be, we must learn how within these pages.

Scripture reveals that the best Dad is three things. Men, here is your assignment. It’s only three things.

Before the rest of you go to sleep, know that what we are going to learn applies to all of us.

While I will be speaking primarily to the Father’s, all of us will benefit by putting three truths to practice in our lives.

To be the best Dad, a father must have a vibrant, growing, relationship with Jesus Christ.

That relationship requires time and effort.

When we are close to Jesus, we will be what God has called us to be.

First of all, to be the best dad we must know that…

1. A Father Is A Child vv. 1-3

I want to be very clear with this point. Read it carefully. It does not say that a father is childish. Our culture spends far too much time, money, and energy demeaning fathers. The point is that a father is also a son, he is the child of his parents and the child of God.

How a father treats his own parents teaches his children how to treat him.

A father’s attitude toward God will be directly mirrored in his children.

As we look at this first verse a lesson becomes clear…

a. To receive obedience, give it v. 1

3 questions come to mind in reading this verse.

1 - Are you a child?

Yes, we all are.

2 - Are you obedient?

It becomes important here to explain what is in view.

While a child is living at home and having needs met by parents that child is expected to obey.

Once the child moves out on their own, this expectation ends.

However, for us as children of God, we will never be free from the necessity to obey Him.

Are you “in the Lord” you need to be His child and walking in obedience to Him or this whole parenting thing breaks down.

3 - Are you “in the Lord”?

You need to be His child and walking in obedience to Him or this whole parenting thing breaks down.

This is vital. We cannot expect our children to obey us if we are not obeying God! Hear me very carefully.

It only takes one compromise to communicate to our children that obedience is optional!

Now, if sitting here saying “pastor, I have made that compromise”. Let me tell you what to do. 1st, acknowledge this compromise as sin. Confess it to God, and know His forgiveness. 2nd, no matter the age of your children, sit them down and confess your sinful compromise. Explain that you desire to walk with the Lord. 3rd, stop compromising!

If you are here and you are not in the Lord, deal with that right now. GOSPEL.

If you want your children to obey, you obey God!

As a child, a father must obey.

Show your children how to obey.

Let me broaden the application here. This goes for moms too. Your obedience has just as much impact as a father’s does.

Not a mother or father? That’s ok. Jesus said that if we love Him, we keep His commandments. Our obedience indicates our love for God. Our obedience is something that others see. We cannot have a healthy relationship with Christ if we are disobedient.

There is a second lesson as we read the next two verses…

b. To receive honor, give it vv. 2-3

This is a quotation from . It is part of the Mosaic Law given to the nation of Israel as they are coming out of Egypt. With the Law God is kind of setting their identity as a nation. God wants them to be known as people who honor their parents. It states here in v. 2 that this is the first commandment with a promise. The promise is then stated in v. 3.

The command is to honor your father and mother. There is no time limit on this command.

Honor – τιμάω (timaō) To respect, to show esteem or honor towards.

Honor – τιμάω (timaō)

All of us are children. All of us are called to honor our parents.

This can be hard. We began this morning by noting how messed up our society is when it comes to father’s and mother’s. I am going to give you something very difficult to swallow, ready? This does not tell us to honor them only when we feel they deserve it. This is an imperative command to honor, to respect our parents regardless of their performance.

Obedience to this command from God will require forgiveness that isn’t deserved. It will require a heart that is sensitive to the Lord and to His leading. It will require a willingness to obey Him when it is hard. But when we honor our parents as He has commanded, it will be worth it. How do I know?

READ v. 3

This is one of the very few times that an OT promise made to Israel is taken and given to the NT church. This does not mean that in every situation and circumstance things will go well and you will live long. However, this is a general rule.

The idea is that If we do not honor our parents, things will not go well and we will not live as long. The attitudes and character that is built in obeying and honoring your parents will generally lead to a longer life.

Here is the point I want to make for us today.

If my children see me treat my parents with disrespect, they will treat me the same way.

It is utterly ridiculous to think otherwise. Children will do what they see you do. Actions are caught not taught.

As a child, a father must honor his parents.

And so the challenge for all of us from these first three verses is to…

Be Childish

Obey your parents, obey the Lord, honor your parents.

Secondly, to be the best dad we must understand that…

2. A Father Does Not Provoke v. 4a

READ v. 4

In second half of verse we find the word “but” = contrast. Whatever provoking your children to wrath is, it is the opposite of training and instruction. Therefore, we can conclude that…

We provoke our children when we fail to train and instruct them.

There are lots of places we could take this thought. I want to take it to two very important applications. First…

a. To avoid provoking, don’t be provoked

“Provoke” is exactly what it sounds like.

Provoke – παροργίζω (parorgizō) make angry; provoke to anger.

Provoke – παροργίζω (parorgizō)

Scripture reveals that to a certain extent, anger is a learned behavior. Turn to .

Proverbs 22:24–25 NKJV

Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go, Lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul.

Close contact with an angry person will rub off on you. When our kids see us be angry, they become angry.

While we were on our trip my brother and I were talking about how our kids copy us. One of the ways they can do that is how we talk to other drivers on the road. Even those off hand, not too serious, comments we make impact our children!

Fathers, don’t make your children angry! One of the ways we make them angry is by being angry ourselves.

The more we practice self-control, the more self-control our children will have.

There is a poem that goes like this:

A careful man I want to be — a little fellow follows me. I do not dare to go astray, for fear he’ll go the self-same way. I cannot once escape his eyes. Whatever he sees me do he tries. Like me he says he’s going to be — that little chap who follows me… He knows that I am big and fine — And believes in every word of mine. The base in me he must not see — that little chap who follows me… But after all it’s easier, that brighter road to climb, With little hands behind me — to push me all the time. And I reckon I’m a better man than what I used to be… Because I have this lad at home who thinks the world of me.

Men, your children follow you. This has application for all of us! No matter what our age, there are people who look up to us and follow our lead!

Cannot tell them not to if we do. = Actions speak louder than words.

Cannot tell them not to if we do. = Actions speak louder than words.

A father must not be angry.

When you do lose it, confess it to your kids and ask their forgiveness. For all of us. Apologize when angry.

The second area of application we want to talk about is…

b. To avoid provoking, communicate

This takes us back to a thought we began this point with, We provoke our children when we fail to train and instruct them.

Stated another way,

We provoke our children when we are not clear with direction and expectation.

Let me give you an example. Years ago I worked construction. One day on the job we were given a new piece of equipment that none of us had used before. Our boss gets it out of his truck tells us to use it and drives off. When he gets back we are trying to do what we were told but we weren’t quite sure how. He gets furious and blows up at us. The problem was, he wasn’t clear in his direction or expectation. The result was that all of us were very upset.

The same thing is true with our children. If we tell them to do something but are not clear, it provokes them. If we are not clear on what we are expecting of them, it provokes them.

If we want to avoid provoking our children to wrath, we must communicate clearly.

Turn to .

1 John 5:1–3 NKJV

Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves Him who begot also loves him who is begotten of Him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and keep His commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.

Why are God’s commands not burdensome? I would submit to you that…

God’s commands are not burdensome because they are clear! What do I mean?

We know what will happen if we obey and if we disobey. When we obey there is fellowship, growth, and peace. When we disobey there is separation, backsliding, and contention.

Our children need to know our rules and they need to know the consequences of breaking them. The rules don’t change without notice and neither do the consequences.

A father must communicate.

The first part of v. 4 challenges us to

Be Clear

Be clear about the evils of anger by not being angry. Clear about do’s don’ts and consequences. Again, this applies to all of us. Miscommunication and lack of communication are huge causes of strife! We need to clearly communicate our expectations.

Thirdly…

3. A Father Has A Specific Goal v. 4b

READ v. 4

This verse states the goal of parenting in general and of Fatherhood in particular. We want to raise Christ-like children. We want them to be spiritually mature.

To be successful we must center everything on that objective.

Rather than provoking our children to wrath we have two other responsibilities. First…

a. To have mature children, train them

The idea of bringing a child up is to nurture, rear, to care for a child until they become adults. Here is something our culture desperately needs to understand.

Children only become adults when they are intentionally taught to be. What does say (S)?

Proverbs 22:6 NKJV

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Train up a child in the way they should go.

What is the way they should go?

The way of godliness.

There are two passages that speak of walking worthy of the Lord. We are going to look briefly at them both.

; .

;

Ephesians 4:1–3 NKJV

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Colossians 1:9–12 NKJV

For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light.

I believe that all of us have a desire to see our children walking worthy of the Lord. John said he had no greater joy than to hear that his children walked in truth.

A worthy walk requires training.

You don’t just decide to run a marathon without training!

Several years ago two of my brothers and I ran what’s called a Spartan race. It is 9 miles and has over 20 obstacles. We trained for that!

Training at ALERT for graduation? DNC?

In the military you have basic training that everyone goes through. However, training doesn’t end after basic! It just becomes more specialized. The point is that everything in life requires training. Adulthood is no different.

However, You can’t train someone to do something you have no knowledge of.

Let me sum up the worthy walk described in the two passages we just looked at.

In - A worthy walk is humble, gentle, patient, loving, and peacemaking.

In - A worthy walk knows and applies God’s Word, pleases God, bear fruit, has an intimate relationship with God, is strong in His might, patient, enduring, and thankful.

Do these describe us?

We cannot train our children to walk worthy of the Lord if we are not doing so ourselves! For those who are not parents. This is what you are called to be as a child of God! A healthy relationship with Christ is going to produce these things.

If you are going to train someone to go the way they should, you have to know what way that is!

We have a responsibility to train our children. Our final responsibility is this…

b. To have mature children, instruct them

Admonition – νουθεσία (nouthesia) instruction; admonition. Cautionary advice about something.

Admonition – νουθεσία (nouthesia)

We must instruct our children. This verse is very specific. Instruct them, in “the Lord”. Secular education is important. However,

Giving our kids proper schooling while neglecting Spiritual education is disobedient to God.

If we are not bringing them up in the training and instruction of the Lord, we are not bringing them up at all! This is the job of parents, not the local church. The local church can and should be a part of this instruction, but the parents are the ones who will be held accountable by God.

Bringing our children up in the training and instruction of the Lord does not mean sheltering them to the point that they are socially awkward. Our children need to be educated about our world, but that education needs to be from a Biblical perspective. It needs to give them a Biblical worldview.

We cannot raise our children in a bubble and expect them to be able to face the world.

So what are we supposed to do? Turn to .

Psalm 127 NKJV

A Song of Ascents. Of Solomon. Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, To sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows; For so He gives His beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

We are going to focus primarily on verse 4. But let me just give a quick overview of the rest of the Psalm.

v. 1 - If God is not the center of your life, family, and home, it will fall apart.

v. 2 - Do your part and trust God to do His. Ultimately, He provides our needs.

v. 3 - Children are a gift from God! They are His reward!

v. 4 - Children are a warrior’s arrows, more on that in a second.

v. 5 - Quivers come in different sizes. It is your attitude about the arrows that is important. The one who has carefully shaped his arrows will successfully fight the enemy.

Let’s go back to verse 4.

1 - The man is a warrior. He would have been very careful about his arrows. He would either make them himself, or know the person who did very well. Too many today have no idea who is shaping their arrows! Not only that, we don’t know what is being used to shape them! A warrior knows his arrows. Do you know yours?

2 - Children are our arrows. This means that we have a finite number of arrows. Shape them carefully, and purposefully.

Arrows are designed to be shot at the enemy. You have to know the enemy, know the target. The fact that this man is a warrior using arrows and has an enemy lets us know that he is in a war! Beloved, we are at war! Do we know our enemy?

Are we preparing our arrows for war? We have some arrows here. Are you allowing your parents to shape you?

Spiritual arrows are shaped by the Word of God.

This leads us to our final challenge

Be Centered

Be Centered

What are you building your life around? Work? Family? Entertainment? Social media?

If the Lord is not the center, the house falls, the city is taken, and the arrows fail to hit the mark.

Make God the center of your life

Conclusion

3 challenges.

Be Childish, Be Clear, Be Centered

Obey and honor as a child!

Don’t be angry. Communicate and you will not provoke your children.

Train and instruct withe goal of godly maturity.

If we are to be who God has called us to be, if we are to walk worthy of our calling; we must spend the time and make the effort to have a vibrant, growing, relationship with Jesus Christ.

When He is at the center of our lives, we will be what He has called us to be.

Ephesians 6:1–10 NKJV

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ; not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. And you, masters, do the same things to them, giving up threatening, knowing that your own Master also is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him. Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.