PARENTING TO GOD'S GLORY

INTRODUCTION

Ephesians 6:1–3 ESV

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Ephesians 6:1–4 ESV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

300 Quotations for Preachers from the Puritans Children Learn Regardless: Instruct Them in Holiness

If you neglect to instruct [children] in the way of holiness, will the devil neglect to instruct them in the way of wickedness? No; if you will not teach them to pray, he will to curse, swear, and lie. If ground be uncultivated, weeds will spring.

JOHN FLAVEL

300 Quotations for Preachers from the Puritans The Mercy of Praying Parents

What a mercy was it to us to have parents that prayed for us before they had us, as well as in our infancy when we could not pray for ourselves!

JOHN FLAVEL

Proverbs gives us some initial challenges in this regard:

Proverbs 3:11–12 ESV

11 My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, 12 for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

Proverbs 19:18 ESV

18 Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.

Proverbs 22:15 ESV

15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Proverbs 29:17 ESV

17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.

FOCUS: What are the characteristics of parenting to the glory of God?

WHAT NOT TO DO AS A PARENT (4)

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger...” (Imperative)

1. Over-protection.

You want to really frustrate your child, fence him in, don't trust them, don't give them enough opportunity to develop their own independence so they can find out who they are. You want to really frustrate them, don't let them take any risks and you'll create an angry mood, especially when they compare themselves with what other children are allowed to do. They need to be themselves, they're people, there are persons there. They need to express themselves little by little by little they need to learn to face life on their own. Give them that rope, let them do that. They'll learn and they'll learn the best way they learn, by hitting the wall now and then. But if you over-protect them you'll exasperate them and an exasperated child is an angry child and an angry child isn't going to have a loving relationship with his parents.

2. Favoritism

Favor one child over the other. That is very frustrating. Don't ever compare your children. You want to see the tragedy of that, read again the story of Jacob and Esau. Don't compare your children with each other. Each is unique. Each is a gift from God. Each to be loved and be loved because they are special.

3. Pushing achievement.

Push them in the area of achievement. Just keep pushing and pushing and pushing until they never have a sense of having accomplished anything. Nothing is ever enough. If they get C's, you demand B's. They get B's, you demand A's. You demand A's, you demand all A's and they can't satisfy you. Some parents literally crush their children with pressure, school, sports, academic achievement, music, whatever it is. The child gets very very bitter.

4. Over- indulgence

Give them everything they want and you know what, if they don't get the next thing they want, they get angry. Have you noticed that? Have you noticed at Christmas when they get way more than they can possibly get that when some other kid picks up one thing that they've got out of a dozen they get angry? That will just move on in to adulthood. Over-indulgence leads to anger when they don't get what they want. And then when they grow up and they get in an environment where they work and they're paid by somebody else and it's not mom and dad anymore and you've got to earn what you get and they don't get what they want, they get so angry they'll hurt to get it, even kill to get it, steal to get it.

5. Discouragement

Just remind them all the time they'll never amount to anything. Just remind them all the time that they're not any good, they're useless, they're in the way. Don't give them any rewards. Don't give them any approval. Don't do any nice things for them. Don't honor them. You'll destroy their initiative. You'll destroy their incentive. You'll destroy their motivation.

6. Fail to sacrifice for them

Leave them all the time. Make them fend for themselves. Make them fix their own meals, make them clean their own room, make them buy their own stuff, make them take care of their own deals, get their own transportation. Don't take them places because you can't be bothered. Don't let them get in your way because you've got to do your stuff. Have them become slaves around the house to do all your work. Make no sacrifice for them and they'll resent you.

7. Fail to let them grow up

Have you ever been at a table where some kid spilled milk and you thought the parents had just seen the holocaust? Such an unbelievable over-reaction. Or when some little kid gives a stupid idea and you say..."Boy, that's a stupid idea." Now wait a minute, let them share some of their ridiculous ideas and not be condemned. Don't expect perfection, just progress.

8. Neglect

The story of Absalom is probably the story of neglect, as sad as any I know of. I remember a pastor...a youth pastor friend of mine overheard his little boy in the back yard talking to the friend next door. The friend next door said, "I'm going to the park with my dad." And this youth pastor's little boy said to his friend, "Oh, my dad doesn't have time to go to the park with me he's too busy with other people's children." Just shattered him, changed the framework of his life. I tell people all the time, you know, I've had a deal with my two sons, both my boys went through school playing baseball and the simple deal was I go to your games, you come to my sermons. That's the way it goes. I'll be a part of your life, you be a part of my life. It's not that complicated. Don't neglect them. I believe it's the greatest sin today, just neglect your kids, just leave them alone. That's a throw away child. Be involved in their lives.

9. Cruelty

Physical cruelty ought to be obvious, bitter words might not be as obvious. Your tongue is so much sharper than a child's that you can use ridicule, sarcasm, you can slice them up with your tongue because of your superior vocabulary. Just like you can beat them up because of your superior strength. Do you realize that we say things to our kids that we wouldn't say to another human being on the face of the earth, except our wives or our spouse? We would never say the things we say to our children, probably not even those things to our spouse. That should not be. That should not be. A wife who refuses to submit to her husband in love as to Christ will destroy the whole authority submission principle in the child's life, a husband who refuses to love his wife as Christ loved the church will destroy the authority submission principle in the child's life. The family just needs to be what God says it to be, husband loves wife, wife submits to husband in love, those two love each other, those two raise the children in the things of Christ. They don't provoke them to anger. And in the end the child is the blessing, the joy, the comfort, the consolation that God intended.

WHAT TO DO AS A PARENT (4)

…but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Bring them up: Imperative. Means to nourish

Means to nourish

Discipline: teach them how to walk with God

παιδεύωa; παιδείαa, ας f: to provide instruction, with the intent of forming proper habits of behavior

Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament based on Semantic Domains 33.226 παιδεύω; παιδεία, ας

παιδεύωa; παιδείαa, ας f: to provide instruction, with the intent of forming proper habits of behavior

Instruction: show them when they are not walking with God

Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament based on Semantic Domains 33.231 νουθετέω; νουθεσία, ας

νουθετέωa; νουθεσίαa, ας f: to provide instruction as to correct behavior and belief

CONCLUSION:

1000 Illustrations for Preaching & Teaching Three Rules

In his autobiography, A Time to Heal, Gerald R. Ford said his parents had three rules: “Tell the truth, work hard, and come to dinner on time—and woe unto any of us who violated those rules.”