WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER?

WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER?

WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER?

How can we fulfill this command to love one another inside the church? What does Scripture say to us about what love should look like?

First, Love People Who Are Not Like You

God expects you to love people who are different from you. Christ’s love was indiscriminate: Though he was perfect and sinless, he chose to befriend sinful people just like us. Think of that contrast: the One who is flawless and perfect in every way associated with sinners and ministered to those who were the most despised in all society.

God expects you to love people who are different from you. Christ’s love was indiscriminate: Though he was perfect and sinless, he chose to befriend sinful people just like us. Think of that contrast: the One who is flawless and perfect in every way associated with sinners and ministered to those who were the most despised in all society.

This kind of non-discriminating love is a theme throughout the New Testament. tells us not to show personal favoritism. And Paul exhorts us in , — “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud; instead, associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation.” Therefore, form relationships with people who don’t look like you, who are not the same age as you, who are in a different stage of life from you, or who have a different personality.

• If you’re young, visit the elderly.

• If you’re elderly, talk to the young.

• If you’re not a child, care for the children.

• If you are a child, play with an adult.

• If you’re not a teenager, help with the youth group.

• If you are a teenager, get to know someone who’s not.

• If you’re an extrovert, slow down and befriend an introvert.

• If you’re an introvert, force yourself to talk to someone—anyone.

• If you’re well-paid in your job, make a friend of someone who isn’t as well off.

• If you’re not so well-paid, learn to love those who are.

• If you’re White, consider whether you’re inviting your Black friends into your life in the same way you do your White friends. Do you have any Black friends?

• If you’re Hispanic, consider whether you’re doing this with your Asian friends. Do you have any Asian friends?

Christian love bears witness to Jesus because it breaks the barriers that normally divide people.

Second, Love Sacrificially

When Jesus died on the cross, He demonstrated a sacrificial, selfless love—a love that was costly. As Christians, we are called to do the same.

The Bible calls us to love sacrificially in different ways and in different relationships. In , for example, we read this remarkable passage:

— Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her

Also, in our relationships with other members of the church, we are to love sacrificially. Paul tells the Galatians to “carry each other’s burdens” (), and in our own church covenant we promise to “bear each other’s burdens and sorrows.”

Also, in our relationships with other members of the church, we are to love sacrificially. Paul tells the Galatians to “carry each other’s burdens” (), and in our own church covenant we promise to “bear each other’s burdens and sorrows.”

Practically this could mean a number of things. It may involve patiently bearing with a brother or sister’s spiritual struggles for a very long time. It may mean providing material help to someone who is in need. Or it may mean giving up a really good Friday night to visit someone who is ill.

This kind of love is not usually convenient; that’s what the word “sacrificial” means. Just as Christ has borne our sorrows, so we are called to love one another—not because Christ is merely an example, but because his love compels us and empowers us to love in a way that the world will not always understand.

Third, Love By Speaking the Truth

Christian love involves constantly speaking the truths of Scripture to each other. We love one another by reminding, encouraging, exhorting, and admonishing one another with God’s word. That’s what Paul tells the Colossians in 3:16: — Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.

All our relationships in the church should be marked by truth-telling. Parents should be teaching their children through family devotions and other activities, and husbands should be washing their wives with the water of the Word. As God’s people teach, encourage, and admonish one another in all their relationships, the whole body matures and deepens in its faith. Thus we are drawn closer together as a congregation, and closer to God as well.

Paul presents a beautiful picture of this in :

— But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into him who is the head—Christ. From him the whole body, fitted and knit together by every supporting ligament, promotes the growth of the body for building up itself in love by the proper working of each individual part.

Of course speaking the truth also means exercising a spiritual care and watchfulness over each other. “Encourage one another daily,” we are told, “as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (). In all our relationships—Care Group, the family, discipling relationships, or even informal friendships—we should be confessing our sins to each other (), asking probing questions, and helping each other fight against sin and press forward in the Christian life.

Of course speaking the truth also means exercising a spiritual care and watchfulness over each other. “Encourage one another daily,” we are told, “as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (). In all our relationships—small groups, the family, discipling relationships, or even informal friendships—we should be confessing our sins to each other (), asking probing questions, and helping each other fight against sin and press forward in the Christian life.

Sometimes this will include gently rebuking each other. Now this is something most of us naturally shy away from because we want to avoid confrontation. But it is the loving thing to do.

• instructs, ... Rebuke your neighbor directly, and you will not incur guilt because of him.

• Similarly in , the Lord sent the prophet Nathan to confront David for his sin and to lead him to repentance.

• James says that (5:19-20) — My brothers and sisters, if any among you strays from the truth, and someone turns him back, let that person know that whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.

Unbelief is a constant and dangerous temptation, and our love for each other is shown in part by helping to fight it off.

How can we show this kind of love? A few suggestions:

• Pay attention to what is happening in others’ lives. Do you know friends who once seemed to be very active in the church and have now drawn back? Give them a call to see what’s going on. Pray for them specifically.

• Be willing to talk about general patterns in a brother or sister’s life that might reduce his usefulness in the Kingdom—patterns such as

Taking a job that would cause particular stress and tension in the family, or

Going on a trip that would put him under great temptation to sin, or

Failing to take advantage of an opportunity to grow spiritually

A genuine love and concern for others will probe into these areas as well as instances of blatant sin.

In short, view every conversation as an opportunity to encourage and edify another member of the church. As Paul says in , — No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.

Fourth, Love by Showing Humility

God expects his people to be humble with each other, just as Christ was humble before the Father. Paul writes about this in :

— Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. Instead he emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the likeness of humanity. And when he had come as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death— even to death on a cross.

So how do we love with humility? Paul tells us in :

So how do we love with humility? Paul tells us in :

— bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.

We love by humbly submitting to each other, considering others better than ourselves, looking out for their interests over our own, bearing patiently with our brothers’ and sisters’ faults, and forgiving them when they wrong us.

We love by humbly submitting to each other, considering others better than ourselves, looking out for their interests over our own, bearing patiently with our brothers’ and sisters’ faults, and forgiving them when they wrong us.

All this, of course, is altogether contrary to our fleshly nature, which naturally gravitates toward pride and self-absorption. Yet still, God calls us to have the same humble mind that was in Jesus Christ.

Fifth, Love the Whole Congregation

Scripture calls us to love the entire congregation, not just certain individuals within it. How can we do that? What can we do that will express love to the entire congregation? Here are four ways:

• First, pray through our church directory faithfully—a page each day, for example. If you don’t know a specific need of someone, you can always pray for them the prayers we find in the New Testament. By doing that faithfully, you’ll develop a concern for every member of the church, not just the ones you know well.

• Second, volunteer for tasks that benefit the whole church. Run the sound room on Sunday morning (I promise Rachel will not complain), or stand at the doors and greet people when they arrive.

• Third, build others up through discipling and teaching, so they in turn can minister to others.

• Fourth, tithe generously. There’s no getting around it. The work of the ministry requires money, and by giving generously to the church, you are showing a very practical kind of love to the entire congregation.

Fellowship: Building a Bond of Unity. (2008). 9Marks Journal, 5(3), 36–39.