Toxic Relationships

When we’ve been called to love as God loves us, what are we to do with those who are “toxic” in our lives?

People in our lives can be spiritually beneficial helping us to grow in Christ or they can be harmful, hindering our growth.

The right people will encourage and equip us, the wrong are distractive and even destructive.

1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

Don’t be misled: Toxic relationships will pull you down more often than not.

XTREME Verse

2 Timothy 2:16–17 ESV

But avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness, and their talk will spread like gangrene. Among them are Hymenaeus and Philetus,

Common Toxic Characteristics:

The Controller

These people are overbearing, demanding, perhaps even abusive. They will use fear and guilt to manipulate.

The Tempter

These are the people who push you and I into compromising our values. It could be a boy or girlfriend pushing to have sex outside of marriage, or a fellow employee who is stealing etc… you get the idea.

The Negative

These people tend to be complainers, worriers and whiners. They are judgmental and critical of themselves and others. Nothing is ever good enough or so it seems. (OT Story of Nation of Israel complaining about the wilderness vs slavery in Egypt. ()

We all know people like this, negative people tend to allow their circumstances, real or perceived, to define them instead of God. When God defines us not even the worst of circumstances can rob us of our joy. When we allow God to tell our story the bad can be worked into good.

Illustration: Airline Mask: Secure your’s before you help with others.

Here is the reality if you don’t see your value you won’t see value in others.

Grab your mask!

Deal with your toxicity.

Confess.

We first need to admit that at times we can be toxic in our relationships.

Confess to God, grab your mask, breath in the breath of God that gives life.

Confess to someone else, so that they can empower and equip you.

Ask.

Ask for forgiveness.

Ask for help.

Repent.

Choose joy and be positive. Choose to find the good in all things and in everyone. (The Negative)

Choose to love God through obedience (The Tempters)

Choose to allow others to live, to succeed, to fail…choose to give up control of people and things and even events. (We can’t control everything and no one, other than ourselves.)

Enjoy.

Enjoy the life God has given us in Christ.

Enjoy His forgiveness, enjoy his Grace, his mercy and his blessings. When we enjoy the gift God has given us we will be less toxic.

Dealing with Toxic People

Set boundaries.

Boundaries keep the good in and the bad out.

Jesus had boundaries....didn’t heal everyone etc..

Don’t be a doormat.

You are not going to allow people to treat you this way....talk to you like that....be careful that we make a distinction between constructive criticism and and destructive help.

Don’t talk about others.

Walk away from husband and wife bashing and all other gossip.

Gossip is any type of language that isn’t building others up.

Both your hearers and those you are talking about.

Turn the other cheek.

Pray for those who persecute you.

Repay evil with Good

1 Peter 3:9 NIV84

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

FORGIVE!!

Cut ties with them.

Titus 3:10 NIV84

Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him.

2 Timothy 3:5 NIV84

having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.

Ephesians 5:7–9 NIV84

Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)

Very, very, very rarely will you do this. Extreme cases where this needs to happen. Things like physical and emotional and sexual abuse. When we cut ties, we do so with the hope of restoring the relationship on some level. People can change.

What I don’t want you to hear is, divorce is an option, it really shouldn’t be unless all things have been exhausted. Most marriage that are toxic are toxic because of both parties and even in the case of infidelity, marriages can heal and be restored.

Don’t divorce your family either.....