Handle With Care (Eph 6:4)

Handle With Care (Ephesians 6:4) Men, are you ready to be awesome? Are you ready to make phenomenal plans and accomplish massive things? Are you ready to take the world by storm? Are you ready to scale the highest cliffs and do battle with the giants? (Let me ask a real question.) Do you want to do something that matters? Honor the Lord by being a loving husband and tender father, consistently. Are you ready to sacrificially love your bride day after day, and faithfully lead your parenting partnership to nurture your children with discipline and instruction in the Lord? [With that to prime you for the text, let me also lead up to where we are…] Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called—rescued from sin and adopted as sons of God through faith in Christ, to be His holy and blameless workmanship, recreated to work as an indispensable part of a church family that is growing into Christian maturity. To that end now put off the old self and put on the new. Walk in love, walk as children of light, and walk wisely in the Lord’s will by being filled with the Spirit. (In the context then of Spirit-filled living through joyful submission in household relationships, Paul delves into the roles and responsibilities of reciprocal parties in these relationships, not just the submitting side. After wives v. 22 and husbands v. 25, Paul comes to kids and parents.) – This single sentence by the Apostle Paul answers the question, “What does Spirit-controlled parenting look like?” Read Passage to explain and apply: [& PRAY] Spirit-filled parenting exercises self-control to not provoke our children, but to nurture them through discipline and instruction. I. Who you are in Christ shapes how you parent. A. Although it isn’t the particular emphasis of this parenting sentence, there is a critical truth assumed in the context. – In the earlier summary I connected some of those dots. (Paul is describing the practical outworking in household relationships of yielding to the Spirit’s control in your life because you have a clear understanding that the Christ who saves you is the One who sustains you.) 1. Paul is addressing Christian parents who apply the truth of the gospel to their own lives for salvation and growth in Christ.  Without being recreated in Christ and developing a growing intimacy with him, you won’t be able to nurture your kids in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. – I always say the hardest part of parenting is disciplining myself. I know that what kind of husband and father I am depends on what kind of man I am in relationship to God. 2. (Let me ask you) Do you parent like a sinner saved by grace, who has been adopted as a child of God by no merit of your own? Do you parent by the power of the Holy Spirit because you are powerless to change rebellious hearts? Do you parent from the pages of God’s word because that is where we find the wisdom and will of God? Do you parent to the praise of God because you understand that his glory is the goal of all things? B. (Speaking of goals) What is the goal of Christian parenting? Our goal is to stir our children to respond appropriately to God, which they must do of their own volition. Our goal is to honor God in faithfully shepherding our children’s hearts by bringing them face to face with His character and His will through His revelation of himself in the gospel of Jesus Christ. [Much to my own disappointment, I don’t always remember this and behave accordingly.] But we desire for them to know and obey the Lord. It’s that simple and that complex. II. As a Christian parent, be filled with the Spirit to exercise self-control in order not to provoke your children but to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. A. The text more specifically says “Fathers,” though that masculine form pluralized can mean parents. (Just as the NT will sometimes say “brothers” when it plausibly is referencing both brothers and sisters in Christ.) But a different word is used for parents in verse one, so this could also be Paul placing accountability on Fathers as leaders of their household, while the same instruction in the sentence undoubtedly applies to both parenting partners. B. As believers, we must “exercise self-control in all things” (1 Cor. 9:25), not the least of which is parenting. - I’m telling you, a primary buzzword in our house is self-control. If our home were the twitter-sphere, we’d likely #selfcontrol some 20 times a day.  When their cuteness won’t sustain you, what does? The word of Christ dwelling in your richly (Col. 3:16)—here called filling of the Spirit. C. In our text, Paul gives a command negatively, then positively. First, don’t provoke them to anger. – We would never deny that our children do in fact make their own choices; therefore, they choose to disobey, rebel, or become angry. But precisely because they are their own unique little people, Paul’s instruction is that we need to handle them with care. 1. Imagine living at a time where, as William Barclay describes, “A Roman father had absolute power over his family. He could sell them as slaves, he could make them work in his fields even in chains, he could take the law into his own hands, for the law was in his own hands, and punish as he liked, he could even inflict the death penalty on his child.” – Contrast that (and really a stark contrast it is to the norm of that day) with what Paul describes here as a restraint of paternal authority, rather than an overbearing exercise of it. 2. Fathers (and mothers understood as well)… Parents, do not provoke your children. The practical implications of this concept (and the next) are so numerous that we do ourselves a disservice not to consider them carefully. – Here’s a list, not exhaustive, but as many as have come to my mind, of ways that parents might provoke their children to anger (to disobedience & rebellion): [they’ll become discouraged (lose heart), Col. 3:21] a. Abuse – verbal, physical, or sexual. We wish this would go without saying, but our battle against the flesh rages on, until the return of Christ. So we must stay as far away from the fence as possible. – There in no place in Christian parenting for insults and sarcasm, for punishing children in anger or even handling them roughly. b. Neglect – Honestly, in every context that I’ve ever heard this discussed, neglect is considered abuse.  To not love them and treasure them as a gift from God is a sin. (Psalm 127:3-5) c. No clear boundaries and instruction – How would you like to be asked to compete in an athletic event with no careful instruction of the guidelines, what your supposed to do and how to get better at it, and no training?  It happens so often, and yet is so ludicrous, for parents who don’t instruct their kids to be frustrated when they don’t follow some norm or expectation or guideline. d. Unreasonable demands and restrictions. Perfectionism. – Failing to give your kids room to be kids. Expecting them to act like adults, particularly so they don’t make you look bad. Does it sound godly to place demands on your kids and discipline them based on what embarrasses and frustrates you and your felt need to control them? (God loves us and puts demands on us and even disciplines us according to our highest good based on his character.) e. Inconsistency – This quite possibly might be the most harmful thing that parents are frequently at high risk of doing to our kids. – Imagine a dog whose ‘best friend’ is training him with an invisible fence but fails to turn it on every other day.  This flaw usually comes from our own moods, stress, etc. For the highest good of our children, we must pursue loving consistency even when it is tough & inconvenient. f. Confusing immaturity and inexperience with disobedience and rebellion. – Sometimes requires discernment (good judgment) on the part of a parent. g. Humiliating them in public – Does this encourage anyone to respond appropriately? h. Spoiling and favoritism – The first enables them to pursue foolishness. (There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. Prov. 14:12) The second contradicts the character of God (For God shows no partiality. Rom. 2:11), breaks the spirit of the one not favored, and may create lifelong egotism in the other. i. Overprotectiveness. j. Suppressing their personality. k. Being selfish and lazy, barking orders. – “do this, bring me this” l. Not being around or available. (fathers particularly) m. Breaking promises. n. Never saying you’re sorry and admitting you’re wrong. o. General hypocrisy. – Telling them one thing while you live differently. p. Always correcting and never praising. – Catch them doing what’s right to thank them and encourage them in it. q. Not listening. – This could go with being unreasonable, unwilling to listen to them speak to explain themselves. BTW, this usually ends up providing the BEST opportunity for instruction. r. Dealing with the behavior and not the heart. – Your kid may not know that this provokes them to anger and rebellion, but it does. (Prov. 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.) D. Secondly, and now positively, nurture them with discipline and instruction. – This is parenting. Procreating is not parenting. Nurturing kids with discipline and instruction is parenting. 1. Just briefly, “bring them up” is the word for nourish and nurture. I love that because it describes tenderness and care. Men need to be reminded of this. Usually though, when a guy wraps his own baby in his seemingly gigantic arms and hands, his tough exterior melts right into the gooey center of his heart. Surely this comes from the heart of God as we are his image-bearers. Men, let’s nurture our kids from the tender heart connection we feel for our child because they belong to us. a. Children are little people. They need us to tenderly provide for and educate them in the security of our love. b. Men, there’s no excuse for vacating your responsibility in this. Here is plain instruction from the Lord through the Apostle Paul, even and particularly for a child’s spiritual instruction. – By God’s grace only, this does not seem to be a primary problem in our church family, but you may know someone who needs to be prompted in this direction. Be his helper. (Bc it is a severe problem in our culture, even among Christian men.) 2. The next two points of emphases are the words paideia and nouthesia, which in our translation this morning rightly connote “training with discipline” and “verbal instruction with warning,” respectively.  To put into practice, this takes time and thought, something we often fail to give to parenting in our busy schedules. – Also, I believe each of these includes both negative reinforcement as well as positive. a. Discipline or training certainly includes correctional punishment for crossing the line. It’s goal is to redirect the heart, mind, and behavior of the one straying. – It’s biblically mandated and demonstrated by God. God sets for us an example as he, out of love, disciplines and verbally chastises (according to Heb. 12:6).  This includes (but is not limited to) spanking. Actually, spanking is biblical when done appropriately. (Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Prov. 13:24) In fact, practically speaking, and I’ve thought through this carefully, I think it is an abuse preventative. When you spank carefully, deliberately, and consistently with your little ones, you have a clear and careful system for only inflicting physical pain on your kids for discipline in a very specific setting. – Speaking of this kind of discipline Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones wrote, “The opposite of wrong discipline is not the absence of discipline, but right discipline[….] The opposite of no discipline at all is not cruelty, it is balanced discipline, it is controlled discipline.” b. Training also includes practiced repetition of doing the right thing. – Steph Curry’s muscle memory to make shots from everywhere. How does your kid potty train? How does she learn to share or speak kindly? Training. Paul describes this type of training to Timothy in his first letter in chapter 4. Just like physical training, it’s even more important to “train yourself for godliness.” You show ‘em how it’s done. c. Similarly, verbal warnings for correction are in order for disobedient children. Even for things done in ignorance, we warn, though probably with a different tone. d. Verbal instruction is the consistent explanation and application of God’s word to the situations of their lives. This should come in the form of family devotions (which happens as regularly as you can possibly make it happen), and especially in the frequent teachable moments as you live life with them as Jesus with his disciples. 3. And all this discipline and instruction is to be “of the Lord.” He’s the backing for your Christian parental authority. He’s the power that enables you to do it rightly. And He’s the content and goal of nurturing our children. (He’s the ingredients, the cook, and the cake-eater.) 4. Finally, as with God, your most powerful instructional tool is your example. (5:1-2) – This is not only true for parenting, it is true in all areas of the Christian life. E. Application today has been quite plain for parents. But what about the rest of us? 1. Past this phase? Disciple and pray for younger families. Be an understanding mentor. 2. Grandparents – Support and assist. Don’t nag, and don’t undo what’s being accomplished by intense effort and time. 3. Not yet covered in kids? – Pay close attention to those parenting whom you respect in the Lord. 4. Can’t or don’t intend to be a parent? Focus on God as your perfect parent, Christ as the perfect example-setting big brother, and the Holy Spirit as the power of God’s love at work in you. [Prayer] Lord, we confess our many failures in parenting because of our love of self more than our love for you and others. We admit that our failings are not few and far between, but are ever before our eyes. We ask your forgiveness, knowing that you offer it freely and grant us peace and courage to pick up the pieces and pursue you rightly once again. God help us to parent, and to follow and lead in love in whatever our situation, because of who you are at work in us. And keep teaching us to give you the glory for it. Amen. [Benediction] As you go from here today, rest in the knowledge that the Lord, if you belong to him, will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you as only a perfect Father can.