Sunday 29th July AM

Good Morning, my name is Dylan Edwards. I am a member and one of the lay preachers here at Parafield Gardens Uniting Church and I will be delivering this morning’s sermon to you. Today is the final sermon in our series, Rise Above, which has been based on Jacob’s life. We have been exploring how we can rise above our emotions and the predicaments that we find ourselves in in everyday life based on the life of Joseph. Today we are looking at grief. I can tell you that never have I felt so underprepared coming into a sermon – not from a lack of preparation but a lack of life experience. Heavenly Father, You care for all Your people with an everlasting love. You are the God of all comfort Who consoles all. You are the God of all peace who pours His peace into the hearts of His children. Lord we thank You that the sting of death has been broken forever, that the curse of the grave has been destroyed through the death and resurrection of our Saviour, Jesus Christ, for all who trust in the name of the only begotten Son of God. Lord I pray that You would become our strength today as we remember friends and family that we have lost. That you send your Holy Spirit to be among us as we explore this difficult subject of grief and loss. in Jesus name we pray, Amen I would like to open this morning with my closing thoughts: Grief is a problem that we want to solve, a problem that we think we ought to be able to solve but it is really something that we know nothing about solving. Today I will be talking a lot about death and the passing of loved ones and how we deal with it and how Joseph dealt with it. While death is the cause commonly associated with grief, we can experience grief over divorce, separation, estrangement between family members or the loss of anything that we love. It is unlikely that anyone in this room has not been touched by some form of grief. This sermon may affect you this morning. It may bring up some serious emotions in some of us and that is OK. If you feel the need to express those emotions during the service, please do so freely and please don’t feel that you need to leave the room. Grief is an important storm to weather and unfortunately, we can’t always forecast when it is going to hit. Page | 1 When I saw what this morning’s topic, I didn’t think ‘Oh good, grief – I can speak on that’ The thought was more ‘GOOD GRIEF, how will I speak on that?’ This is not something that I should be speaking about – I don’t have the life experience. Why do I always get the difficult sermon topics? I then wondered if could swap with Ross Honey – he will be giving a sermon in couple of weeks on forgiveness, that would be much easier. I then thought no, I must pick up my yolk and complete this sermon, there is something that God needs me to learn from this. And just like that, I had experienced the five stages of grief, shock and denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I think of myself as extremely blessed. Both Sally and my parents are still alive, our kids are healthy and happy there have been no real long-suffering illnesses in our family. We haven’t had to say goodbye to too many family members and certainly not recently. I haven’t had too much cause to grieve which is why I don’t feel qualified to be up here. During the sermon preparation we were discussing various situations regarding our own experiences with grief and I thought back to my Grandfathers passing. I was at work and got a phone call from mum, we are on our way up to Adelaide, I’m sorry but your Grandfather died suddenly last night. I was shocked, but I didn’t really process it. I don’t think I really shed a tear until the funeral service but then the flood gates opened. I still can’t explain it, I was inconsolable for the entire duration of that service. Thinking about it caused tears to well again, that was nearly 15 years ago, and I still haven’t gotten over it. I thought about other family and friends’ funerals that I have been to. It was apparent very quickly that I have not properly processed my grief in any of these situations. I still feel loss, I still feel sad, I still feel angry – mainly angry at myself for not spending more time with these people that I loved so much while I still had a chance. We often say that time heals all wounds – it doesn’t. I still shed tears during the Good Friday service, when the story of Christ’s final hours and crucifixion is told. That was 2000 years ago, I wasn’t around then but it still affects me now – the rift of time has not healed that wound and it is not likely to either and I already know the good news and what the outcome is. It has become customary to wear black at a funeral or when we are grieving to show that we are mourning the loss of our beloved. During the time Joseph was alive, it was common to tear one’s robe in grief, shave your head and put dust or ash on your head and dress in sack cloth. I don’t mind this idea. If you were to come across someone with a dirty shaved head and dressed in hessian it would be apparent that they had just lost someone they loved. As the hair grew back you would understand just how Page | 2 recently they had mourned their loss. The tears and subsequent repairs to their robe would be symbolic of their emotional scars. I don’t do grief exceptionally well. I haven’t had a great deal of experience with loss. I don’t know what I should do, what I should feel or what I should say to people experiencing grief. I can see the raw pain in their face and I can’t imagine how bringing up the obvious is meant to help. So, I often say nothing. The following story is proof of why. I have a friend, they had purchased a block of land that was only 6 meters wide (that is a garage and a front door in width) and they were trying to get the most out of the challenging property size. They were talking through some expensive design options at work one day, when I chimed in with “wow, how are you affording all of this? Do you have a massive inheritance that you just have to spend on this house?” By the way, never say this, it was meant as a throw away comment, I didn’t think that I was anywhere near the mark, but they replied, “Well sort of, my mum passed away when I was 7 and my father has terminal cancel. He has given us our inheritance before he dies as he wants to know that we will be set up before he goes.” I couldn’t have felt worse. Fortunately, it didn’t really phase them, and we developed quite a strong bond over the last 18 months of their father’s life. They have taught me a great deal about acceptance, coping with grief and adversity during that time. On a Friday afternoon, we were talking about our plans for the Father’s Day weekend. My father lives interstate and I was lucky enough to be seeing him that year on Father’s Day. My friend was not able to be with their father that year as they had a cold and couldn’t risk seeing him with his weakened immune system from the cancer and the treatment. They only got one more Father’s Day together after that. Terminal illness would have to be the most difficult ways to experience grief, watching your loved one slowly get sicker and sicker, knowing that they will never get better – it is probably not great for the person dying either. Eventually you both are finally able to accept the outcome. They pass on and while you thought you were done with grief, a new season of grief starts all over again. If we think about our own situations, do we manage our grief well? Or do we manage our grief poorly? Grief is a problem that we think we need to solve but we don’t know how to. Page | 3 It is not uncommon for us men, although not exclusively, to attempt to get over it quickly and not process the grief. We try to remain stoic, to hold in our emotions and be that pillar of strength for others to lean on. For others, we may hold on to promises to the departed too tightly – I will never remarry you were the only one for me, I will always remain faithful to you. While that platitude may seem to help at the time, it won’t serve in the long run. If I were to die, I would want Sally to remarry – surely, she has suffered long enough being my husband and her and the kids deserve a chance at being happy. We might honour their memories unrealistically – have you ever been told that you can’t sit in that chair at the table or the arm chair in the lounge room, that is my husband’s chair, the husband that died years earlier. For parents that have lost a child, it is not uncommon for their bedroom to be left almost as a shrine to their memory. While it is important to move on when we are ready, moving on doesn’t mean denigrating their memory either, but we shouldn’t need a shrine to remember them either. It is common for us to get angry in grief, angry at ourselves for squandering the opportunities we could have spent with people that have passed. Others get angry with each other, rationalising the loss by blaming others, including God. Why would God let this happen? Couldn’t God have prevented it? I will come back to this at the end of the service. Let us see how Joseph manages his grief. We are at the end of our series on Joseph and most of us are quite familiar with his story so far. Before we look at this morning’s passage I just want to revisit the promise that God made to Jacob in a vision on his way to be reunited with his son. Most of us will be familiar that God had renamed Jacob as Israel, for those that are not familiar, the names are used interchangeably in the scripture today. Genesis 46 1-4 1So Israel set out with all that was his, and when he reached Beersheba, he offered sacrifices to the God of his father Isaac. 2 And God spoke to Israel in a vision at night and said, “Jacob! Jacob!” “Here I am,” he replied. Page | 4 3 “I am God, the God of your father,” he said. “Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make you into a great nation there. 4 I will go down to Egypt with you, and I will surely bring you back again. And Joseph’s own hand will close your eyes.” Reassurances are nice aren’t they and they don’t get any better than God telling you in a vision, don’t be afraid, go to Egypt, I will make you a great nation, I will bring you home to the promised land and your much-loved son will be with you when you die. Jacob and his family continue to Egypt where they lived through the remainder of the famine and for another 12 years. Jacob’s time arrives and in a previous chapter, Jacob has already made Joseph swear that he will return him to his people in the promised land. We pick up the story in Genesis 49: 29-33 and 50: 1-6. 29 Then he gave them these instructions: “I am about to be gathered to my people. Bury me with my fathers in the cave in the field of Ephron the Hittite, 30 the cave in the field of Machpelah (Mack Pell Ah), near Mamre (Mam Ree) in Canaan (Cain Naan), which Abraham bought along with the field as a burial place from Ephron the Hittite. 31 There Abraham and his wife Sarah were buried, there Isaac and his wife Rebekah were buried, and there I buried Leah. 32 The field and the cave in it were bought from the Hittites.[p]” 33 When Jacob had finished giving instructions to his sons, he drew his feet up into the bed, breathed his last and was gathered to his people. 50 Joseph threw himself on his father and wept over him and kissed him. 2 Then Joseph directed the physicians in his service to embalm his father Israel. So the physicians embalmed him, 3 taking a full forty days, for that was the time required for embalming. And the Egyptians mourned for him seventy days. 4 When the days of mourning had passed, Joseph said to Pharaoh’s court, “If I have found favour in your eyes, speak to Pharaoh for me. Tell him, 5 ‘My father made me swear an oath and said, “I am about to die; bury me in the tomb I dug for myself in the land of Canaan.” Now let me go up and bury my father; then I will return.’” 6 Pharaoh said, “Go up and bury your father, as he made you swear to do.” Page | 5 There is no mention of God in this passage, but it is important to realise that the promise that God made to Jacob in his vision has been fulfilled. Joseph was there when Jacob died, and he will be returned to the promised land. Joseph commenced his grieving, there was no pretence that this did not happen, Joseph did not hide his emotions because of the position of authority that he had. He openly acknowledged his father’s passing with an outpouring of emotion and grief, demonstrating just how much he loved his father and how much his father had meant to him. He then directed that his father be embalmed, possibly in preparation for the long journey home. This process certainly wasn’t customary for the Hebrews and the bible only references Jacob and Joseph as being embalmed. While Jesus was prepared for burial he wasn’t embalmed in the Egyptian sense. It is not just mourning by the close family, but the passage suggests the community. There is an extended time of community mourning for Jacob, which is quite extraordinary as he had only lived among the Egyptians for 17 years. The duration of the mourning given to Jacob is 70 days, a time of mourning reserved for royalty, there is only 2 more days of mourning for a Pharaoh at 72 days. I find this remarkable, I could understand the Egyptians extended grief for Joseph himself but for this time of mourning to be given to his father, shows just how much respect the Egyptians must have had for Joseph, to extend their grief to his father, whom they barely knew. Our modern society attempts to get the process of mourning over with quickly. It is usually about a week from death to burial and a couple of days after that we are back at work – pretending that everything is OK, that we are OK. We usually are not. Jewish tradition would observe sitting for Shiva for 7 days after the burial as Joseph does in Genesis 50: 10 10 When they reached the threshing floor of Atad (At Add), near the Jordan, they lamented loudly and bitterly; and there Joseph observed a seven-day period of mourning for his father. This is after the 70 days of mourning in Egypt, after the journey back to Canaan. There had been significant time pass since Jacob had breathed his last and still there was an out pouring of grief when they returned to their promised land and properly buried their father. Page | 6 It is not significantly detailed, but Joseph mourns well. He shows his emotions, he prepares his father for the journey home, Even though Joseph would have had direct access to the Pharaoh, he seeks permission from the Pharaoh’s court to bury his father in his home land. Several commentaries suggest that mourners, dressed in sack cloth and unshaven were not permitted to enter the royal Pharaoh’s presence and maybe this is why Joseph appealed to the court and not directly to Pharaoh. It is only a theory but what is important is that the Pharaoh allows Joseph to fulfil not only his own promise to Jacob but also to fulfil God’s promise to Jacob. While there are plenty of examples of grief in the bible, what would Jesus do? How would Jesus handle grief? There are only a few passages in the bible that specifically mention Jesus’ grief. After the disciples share the news about the death of John the Baptist, Jesus’ friend in: Matthew 14: 13 13a When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Jesus needed some time alone, time to process his grief and undoubtably, time to pray. There is also the story of the death and raising of Lazarus in John 11: 33-35 When Jesus saw her weeping, that is Mary that was known to Jesus, Lazarus’ sister and the same Mary who poured perfume on Jesus’ feet and dried them with her hair. 33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. 35 Jesus wept. We need to recognise the storm and acknowledge that it is OK to grieve. The Son of God grieved, why shouldn’t we? We should, but how do we grieve well? Of all the useless platitudes that I have offered people in their times of grief or held onto myself, one that resonates the most with me, is: “Losing a loved one is like losing a limb, you learn to adjust but you will never be the same.” Just like the torn robe, it can be repaired but it will never be the garment that it once was. That is not to say that we should bear the huge emotional scars of loss every day. Remembering our loved ones does not have to be sad, we should remember the great times that we had, celebrate in the life that was and have faith that the end is just the beginning. Page | 7 I often wonder what my legacy might look like, what I will be remembered for. I try to be a good father, husband, friend, colleague, Christian but unfortunately fall very short of the mark in all of these areas. When my time comes, I want to be buried under the shade of a tree on a hill overlooking the ocean where I will never be disturbed. Not in some cemetery where 100 years from now my bones will be dug up to make way for someone else. I want my funeral to be a spectacle of colour and fun, I don’t want to see black, I don’t want to see tears – I want to be remembered by the fun we shared, the good times. We should always try to remember the good in people’s lives. How else do we grieve well? Forgiveness is a very important part of grieving well, sometimes, we need to forgive those that have passed but we need to forgive ourselves too. I need to forgive myself for not spending more time with my grandparents, I need to forgive myself for the words that I last spoke to my friend. Tragically too many lives are taken from us at the care or careless hands of another – it is a little more difficult, but we need to forgive them too. On Christmas night, 2016, nine-year-old Josiah Sisson and his family were out looking at Christmas lights in the South Brisbane suburb of Springwood when he was in an accident caused by a drink driver. He died 2 days later in hospital from his injuries. His father, Pastor Karl Sisson, attended a prayer service the following night. At this prayer service, the driver responsible for the loss of his child was also invited and attended. The Pastor in an unbelievable act, met, embraced and offered his families forgiveness to the man responsible for the death of their young child. They had not even had the funeral service for their son, the driver had not yet been formally charged and yet the family was offering him forgiveness, truly practicing what he preached. This is grieving well. We need to be thankful. Too often we are not thankful of the time that we did have with our loved ones and almost always we don’t make the most of the time that we have together in this life. While it is a little gloomy Anne Frank put it: 'Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.' Don’t have the regret. It is not always easy, especially with loved ones that have already passed, but while you can, celebrate the life you have now, and celebrate the life that you did have with your loved ones. Be thankful of the time you did have together. Finally, and most importantly, to grieve well, we need to turn to God for comfort. Like the robe, we can mend the emotional scars as we best see fit but it is only through God will we be made whole again. After Jacob is buried, Joseph’s brothers become worried that he will exact his revenge on them for selling him into slavery. Joseph’s response, is a response of love, of compassion and forgiveness: Genesis 50: 19-20 Page | 8 19 But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. It was asked earlier; Why would God let this happen? God always has a plan, often we don’t choose to see it or can’t accept it, but His plan is there. If you haven’t already, have a read of the ‘The Shack’ by William Young, if reading is not your thing it has been made into a particularly good movie too. There is a bit of open interpretation of theology and the Trinity that you may not agree on, but it certainly covers coming to terms with grief from a horrible loss and how turning to God can comfort that grief. It deals with forgiveness, blame and ultimately how a family is reunited after the grief has passed. It deals with the question, why would God let this happen and shows that good can come from great sadness. In the book and movie, God, (or Papa as he is known) says to Mack, the main character: “When all you see is your pain, you lose sight of me." Or from Psalm 55: 22 22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. As a closing song, we are going to be singing the adaptation from Kristene DiMarco of the original Hymn, It is Well, created by Horatio Spafford. Spafford was an Elder in the Presbyterian church who lost much of his real estate wealth in the Chicago fires, his four young daughters in a shipwreck and another son to scarlet fever. Through all his adversity, he wrote the original Hymn, It is Well, this is the opening verse: When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul. Both versions of the Hymn are particularly beautiful and remind us that when turn to God, no matter what the adversity, it is well with our soul. We will sing: through it all, my eyes are on you, through it all, it is well. When we are going through these tough periods, we must turn our eyes towards God and know it is well with our soul. Page | 9 <<< Post Sermon >>> We are part of a supportive community here at Parafield Gardens Uniting Church and I know that I have been well supported through difficult times in the past. While it may not always seem like it, it is important that we realise that there is a support network here for all of us. Just like the Egyptians and Pharaoh were there for Joseph and his extended family. If you are not ready to ask God for help or if you are struggling with how to ask God for help with your grief. Turn to the person next to you. Chances are they have been through something like this before and may able to share an embrace or a memory with you. They might hold your hand, they might pray for you or even better, pray with you. So how is your soul? Is it well? Are your eyes towards God? Grief is a problem that we want to solve, a problem that we think we ought to be able to solve but it is really something that we know nothing about solving. We need to turn our eyes towards God for comfort and to be made whole again. Page | 10