Healing A Hurting Relationship_v2
Matthew 18:15-17
15Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
16But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
17And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
There are no relationships that are free of conflict; when we are in a relationship that is in crisis, something must be done to correct it; it will not correct itself.
Illustration – 2 soldiers during World War II
I. I LOVE YOU
A. v. 15 – thy brother – step 1 in healing a hurting relationship is to remember who both of you are in the relationship; not strangers but brothers who are bound together in love towards Christ and in love towards one another
B. The verb “trespass” indicates not a life of sin, but a single act. It basically means to miss the mark. You set the mark for your brother but somehow he misses it. He does not measure up to your expectations.
C.
II. I WILL NOT JUDGE YOU
A. This does not mean, however, that we have the right to pry into the lives of others in order to find a reason to correct them. Our Lord gave us clear command not to judge others in Matthew 7:1, 2, “Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” No one has the right to be a self–appointed judge of others. The commandment, “Judge not,” is in the present indicative entailing continuity of action.’
III. I WILL NOT HARBOR ANGER AGAINST THEE
B. Christ teaches in Matthew 18:15 that if you are offended because your brother fails to meet your standard in something particular, you should go to him. This only involves something personal as indicated by the phrase “against thee.” It does not say that you should take up the cause if it is against someone else. It must be something which affects you and you alone.
C. Your brother may be totally unconscious of the thing he has done to disappoint you. If you refuse to see him about it, you may continue to harbor feelings against him, which would be harmful to you.
IV. I WILL NOT EXPLOIT THEE
A. Let it be a private matter. Instead of telling others, go and reprove him. The verb élegxon is the aorist imperative active of elégchō, “to rebuke, reprove.” This indicates a once and for all action. It implies that the brother is in the wrong for whatever he did against his brother.
V. I WILL HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS
B. The purpose of going to him is to win him. If you do not make him aware of the problem, he will continue sinning to his own detriment. The approach of the injured is redemptive “ … if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.”
C. The meaning of the verb “hear” (akoúō) is “to heed or obey” which proves that the injurious person needs to amend his way.
IV. I WILL SEEK MORE THAN 1 ONE CHANCE TO RECONCILE
A. If the offending person does not heed the reproof of the injured person, he must be given a second opportunity to “shape up” in the presence of other witnesses (Matt. 18:16).
B. If this reproof is also rejected it should be brought before the church or the governing body of the church (Matt. 18:17).
C. The church is then given authority to deal with such a person as if he were a heathen, and no more a brother. Others must know that he is no longer part of the church and that he has been properly disciplined.
VI. I WILL EXPECT YOU TO EXPRESS THE SAME LOVE FOR ME
1. I love you
2. I will not judge you
3. I will not harbor anger against you
4. I will not exploit you
5. I will not hold you accountable for your actions
6. I will seek every opportunity to reconcile w/ you
7. I will expect you to express the same love for me
1 John 4:7
7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is borna of God, and knoweth God.
1 John 4:21
21 And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.
John 13:34
34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
John 15:12
12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
1 John 3:23
23 And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.
Ephesians 5:2
2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
Matthew 22:37-39
37 † Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.