My Story: Choosing to Stay

Focus Scripture

Focus Scripture Slides for Reading

The New Revised Standard Version Elimelech’s Family Goes to Moab

1 In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land, and a certain man of Bethlehem in Judah went to live in the country of Moab, he and his wife and two sons. 2 The name of the man was Elimelech and the name of his wife Naomi,

The New Revised Standard Version Elimelech’s Family Goes to Moab

Elimelech, the husband of Naomi, died,

The New Revised Standard Version Elimelech’s Family Goes to Moab

the husband of Naomi, died, and she was left with her two sons. 4 These took Moabite wives; the name of the one was Orpah and the name of the other Ruth. When they had lived there about ten years, 5 both Mahlon and Chilion also died, so that the woman was left without her two sons and her husband.

The New Revised Standard Version Elimelech’s Family Goes to Moab

1 In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land, and a certain man of Bethlehem in Judah went to live in the country of Moab, he and his wife and two sons. 2 The name of the man was Elimelech and the name of his wife Naomi,

The New Revised Standard Version Naomi and Her Moabite Daughters-in-Law

Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back each of you to your mother’s house. May the LORD deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me. 9 The LORD grant that you may find security, each of you in the house of your husband.”

The New Revised Standard Version Naomi and Her Moabite Daughters-in-Law

10 They said to her, “No, we will return with you to your people.” 11 But Naomi said, “Turn back, my daughters, why will you go with me? Do I still have sons in my womb that they may become your husbands? 12 Turn back, my daughters, go your way, for I am too old to have a husband. Even if I thought there was hope for me, even if I should have a husband tonight and bear sons, 13 would you then wait until they were grown? Would you then refrain from marrying? No, my daughters, it has been far more bitter for me than for you, because the hand of the LORD has turned against me.”

The New Revised Standard Version Naomi and Her Moabite Daughters-in-Law

she said, “See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” 16 But Ruth said,

“Do not press me to leave you

or to turn back from following you!

Where you go, I will go;

where you lodge, I will lodge;

your people shall be my people,

and your God my God.

My Story: Choosing to Stay

One Day You are Going to Tell a Story!

One day, maybe years from now, your are going to tell a story about this season of your life. Will it be a story you are proud of? Maybe this is a season you don’t want to share right now! Maybe someone listening right now is wanting to give up, throw in the towel, leave the problems behind and start over. In light of our scripture today, I would like to suggest to you that maybe that sounds good to you right now but it might not be the best choice or the right choice. In order to tell the story God wants us to tell, sometimes, we have to stay when we would rather leave.

About Staying in Abuse?

About Staying in Abuse?

Now, let me make this very clear because people who are deeply conflicted and in abusive relationship might hear this and think. “The pastor is telling me that God wants me to stay in my abusive marriage or relationship.” Let me be very clear so there is no misunderstanding. I am not saying that at all. If you are in an abusive relationship, not only am I going to say staying probably isn’t the best choice for you but it probably isn’t the best choice for the person abusing you. Even the strongest person can crumble under the weight of abuse. In fact, I have heard it said that it is often the strongest people who often stick it out and stay in abusive relationship because they think eventually things will turn around.

One of the key tenets of Christian marriage is that there isn’t just two people who take vows of marriage. There is a third party involved in every Christian union. That third active party is our Triune God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. If that sounds like a crowded marriage to you, good because it is the responsibility of every member of the body of Christ to attend to and nurture the other members of Christ’s body. We are grafted together by story and we are grafted together through sacrament and covenant.

Yes, it is written in that God hates divorce. And encourages us to honor our marital covenants. But are to obey all of God’s word’s not just the ones that serve our purposes or theological arguments at the moment. Jesus taught us how to fulfill all the laws saying the two greatest commands given to us “is to love the Lord, your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind and to love your neighbor as yourself.” Which means when we treat anyone with hatred, disrespect or seeking revenge, you are guilty of sin. It doesn’t matter if you are married or not treating others with with cruelty and/or violence such that physical or spiritual injury occurs or terror due to emotional or economic threat for the sole purpose of gaining or maintaining power or having control over someone and making them submit to our will. We are not only NOT LOVING our neighbor (our enemies) we are also NOT LOVING God. We also do violence to the living breathing spirit of God which resides within in the creature of God’s creation. We do violence against God’s image in the world.

To those children who might be be thinking the pastor just gave me an argument to rebel against my parents. I would remind you that you have been commanded by God’s word to honor, respect and serve your parents in both word and dead just as a slave serves their masters. (, , , )

If we claim a Christian identity, our standards should be higher than our local government standards not equal to it or lower. So if you are being abused or you are abusing someone, do the good, right and Christian thing. Reach out for help and if a you are Christian believer and they look to you for help, hold them accountable for getting that help. That is the loving thing to do for both the abuser and the abused. That is the true and holy God image that we are called to mirror to the world as Christians.

My Story: Choosing to Stay Slide

My Story: Choosing to Stay

I have a story that I am still writing in my own life. A story which was excruciating and required standing still in the midst of great suffering . Up until three years ago, I couldn’t even speak about it to anyone because it was so raw and painful. In fact, I didn’t think I would ever really know love, joy or peace ever again in my life. It is about my relationship with the church, God’s people. It is a story about my relationship with my God and what felt like abandonment, betrayal at a time that I needed to know God’s presence more than any other time in my life. I have shared parts of this story with people, but only with those whom I have felt safe enough to be vulnerable over the last three years. However, I feel that God wants me to share part of this story with you today. So bear with me, it is not a easy story to tell nor do I believe God is finished writing it.

Many years ago, God called me to start leading home church and build a church family that would be a spiritual home to my children and whoever God ushered over our the threshold of our home. I had recently “Stopped” working a full time job and I had also taken up the practice of praying the prayer of Jabez after reading a book by Bruce Wilkerson about this prayer. The prayer can be found in where it is written :

Prayer of Jabez Slide

Jabez was honored more than his brothers; and his mother named him Jabez, saying, “Because I bore him in pain.” Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from hurt and harm! And God granted what he asked.

I had never been very bold in my faith life but I had been feeling a crushing weight to make some changes in recent months because my children were being raised by strangers while my husband and I both held down jobs which demanded 40-60 hours or more of our week. Leaving half of our income on the table and no foreseeable way to pay our bills has a way of drawing boldness out of the most timid of spirits. I was making a lot of changes and each change led to another.

First, I had stopped working for a paycheck. Second, we were broke so I had to be creative in making the money stretch so I took up a hobby of scrapbooking. In order to pay for hobby, I started selling scrapbook supplies and when that didn’t fill my empty hours. I started going to Women’s Bible studies and actually started learning the faith I had been raised in for the first time. Then, I went on a spiritual retreat at the invitation of a friend and came back on fire for God. Gary had gone on the retreat before me so by this time we are both burning bushes filled with God’s fire. I started praying the Jabez prayer and a few weeks later I felt called to attend a conference where I heard God speaking to me directly. I came home healed of some false idols and a heart ready to love on families and be an agent of healing for them.

Gary and I started home based study groups at a time when small groups were relatively unheard of because other churches weren’t doing them much yet. A year or two later, we heard the call to go plant a new church in a new place. We bought land, sold our house, moved into an apartment and built a new house designed to hold worship. All the while, God drew people around us to help us and then later others came along side us to work alongside us believing they were also called to plant that church.

Today it is a growing, thriving new church community. We felt so blessed. We felt so loved by God that we sometimes felt our hearts might burst because of the abundance God had given us. God had answered my Jabez prayer blessing us and expanded our territory. We were so joyful, that we couldn’t help but tell everyone about how God had used us to do something we would have never imagined on our own. However, it wouldn’t last. People became jealous and started to tell us not to tell the story as if our story had to be silenced. They would shame us and over time these people starting turning peoples hearts against us because they wanted to become greater even if it meant tearing us down. Thus began my season of Job.

This is the part of the story I usually don’t tell and couldn’t tell for many years. I had been developing a prophetic voice not the kind that goes up and speaks to others but rather hearing and speaking things that were vailed but clearly heard. I could tell others what I was seeing and hearing but I couldn’t interpret these things fully. Someone would be praying for me, and the spirit would tell me what they were asking for and give me scriptures to answer their prayer. No, they didn’t tell me they were praying before hand. I would tell them that I sensed they were praying for me and they would confirm it. One day, I was feeling particularly restless, I was meeting with my pastor and I will never forget it. He asked me if something was wrong. I look at him as said this, “I can’t shake this feeling that I am about to enter a Job period.”

Job Illustration Slide

A whole book is dedicated to Job’s story. It is probably the oldest book of the Bible. It tells about a wealthy man named Job who has a large family, extensive flocks who loves God and is blameless and upright always careful to avoid doing evil. God boasts to Satan about Job’s goodness but Satan argues that Job is only good because God has blessed him abundantly. If God will allow Satan to torment and test Job, Satan hopes to prove his theory correct. God relents and Satan seeks to destroy Job. In one day, Job loses all his wealth, his livestock, servants and children are to invaders and natural disasters.

whole book is dedicated to his story. It is probably the oldest book of the Bible. It tells about a wealthy man named Job who has a large family, extensive flocks who loves God and is blameless and upright always careful to avoid doing evil. God boasts to Satan about Job’s goodness but the Adversary argues that Job is only good because God has blessed him abundantly. If God will allow Satan to torment Job and test God’s bold claim, Satan hopes to prove his theory correct. God relents and in one day, Job learns that all his wealth, his livestock, servants and children are killed by invaders and natural disasters. Job shaves his head and mourns but continues to bless God. The advesary afflicts him with skin sores and Job’s wife encourages him to curse God, give up and die. Job refuses and struggles to accept his circumstances as his friends try to convince him that he must have sinned or offended God. One even tells Job he probably deserves greater punishment that he has received. With friends like that, who needs enemies? Job calls them “worthless physicians” who “whitewash with lies”. Offended, his friends argued his loss of prosperity is evidence of his wickedness and God’s judgement. Hurt, worn down and impatient with the suffering and absence of encouragement. Job wants to confront God and plead his case but continues to pursue god’s wisdom and stays commited to God.

Job shaves his head and mourns but still continues to bless God. So, Satan afflicts him with skin sores and Job’s wife encourages him to curse God, give up and die. Job refuses and continues to struggles and accept his circumstances. Meanwhile, even his friends try to convince him that he must have sinned or offended God. One even tells Job he probably deserves greater punishment that he has received. I ask you, with friends like that, who needs enemies?

Job describes them as“worthless physicians” who “whitewash with lies”. Offended, his friends argued his loss of prosperity is evidence of his wickedness and God’s judgement. Hurt, worn down and impatient with the suffering and absence of encouragement. Job wants to CONFRONT God and plead his case but chooses to pursue god’s wisdom and STAY commited to God.

Job’s story is my story. No, my livestock and children survived. But, I had to leave that church because of people many who I had open my home to, loved on, treated as if they were my own flesh and blood. Made it very clear that I was no longer welcome, judged me condemned me for things that made absolutely no sense at all. My health had already been suffering but the shock and trauma on top of my weakened state left me with symptoms of depression and PTSD.

Not only was it hard to step outside of my house but I never thought I would ever be able to attend a church or have a relationship with anyone ever again. We felt cut off from our entire history and the life we had lived, every friend, we had know. Our marriage started to crumble and there were many days, my husband would leave the house in fear that he would return and find that I had taken my own life.

I tell you this because some of you might think, she can’t know anything about my struggles or my suffering. That is not true. I know first hand how it feels to want to cut your body, not because you want to hurt yourself but because you need to feel something other than numb. I know what it is like to feel cursed by God and yet not know why. I know what it feels like to beg that God would snuff out our life just because that seems to be the only way to make the suffering come to an end. I know how hard it can be have every ounce of your heart, mind and soul want to run and leave but where ever you go the horror will follow you. I also know from that experience that sometimes the right thing to do is stay. When there seems to be no hope and the home which was at one time a place of love and blessing is stolen and replaced with memories of pain, loss, grief, abuse and abandonment. I know. I think that must have been what Job felt. Maybe, you feel or know it too.

Job Scripture Slide

As, I look back it seems almost comical as God shut every door to me but one. He pointed me towards seminary school as if saying you can heal as long as you keep loving me and following me. At the lowest point in my life, he hemmed me in and sent me to fulfill His plan. A plan I didn’t want.

God works in mysterious ways to accomplish God’s will. It has been a hard journey. It is a journey that is still being written but I am still being blessed and my territories are still expanding. As I stand before you today, God has even starting to heal some of those broken relationships and uses other people to engage dark places for me through this call to be your pastor. The funny thing is, I know I wouldn’t be standing here today if I hadn’t first chosen to Stay.

Ruth Scripture Slide

Our focus scripture today comes from . Naomi and her two daughter in laws were reduced to being just almost beggars but lower than slaves by the death Naomi’s husband and sons. Her two daughter’s had a chance for a better life if they went back to their family. One does but Ruth chooses to stay with Naomi even when the logical thing to do was to go back home and remarry. It was a costly decision which puts her in physical danger as a beggar. Boaz hears of here decision and protects her and even makes sure she has food. Eventually, Ruth marries Boaz restoring her status and wealth but more than that. Her choice to stay with Naomi saying “Don’t urge me to leave or turn back from you. Where you go, I will go. Where you stay, I will stay.” Seem to have been prophetic, because she was grafted into the line of Isreal by marrying Boaz. A girl, who had no promise of a future, made a single faithful decision and now she is one of two women who had books of the Bible named after her. Her name can be found in Jesus’ bloodline as an ancestor.

One decision to stay, when it might seem easier to go changed the course of her life. It changed the story God would use her to write. She wasn’t hoping God would bless her. She just stayed because she believed it was right. God blessed her because she did the right thing when she could have chosen the good thing. God is blessing me too for staying but that story is still being written.

What does God want you to want? We will have to make some decisions in this life. All of us will come to a crossroad or an obstacle sooner or later and we will wonder, “Should I stay when it might be easier to walk away?”

Before you choose, ask yourself. What does God want you to want? And in light of God’s desire for you, where does God want you to stay the course so that you can live out the story God wants you to tell.

Put up on your

Galatians Scripture Slide

In preparation for that day, remember what is written in

“ Do not grow weary in doing good. For the proper time, you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.”

and post it next to where it is written..

Hebrews Scripture Slide

“ looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.” (NRSV)

looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.

and remember your story is still being written. We need to acknowledge that there are times to walk away. There will be times when we need to let a chapter end but sometimes, the best decision might be to stay the course when it would be easier to go or walk away.