Through Ephesians -10b- Promises; PROMISES
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 ‘‘Honor your father and mother” — which is the first commandment with a promise — 3 ‘‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1-4 (NIV)
I. Children, Honor your Parents.
A. Obey them.
1. Obey has its roots in “listen.”
a. Even adults need to listen to their parents. - take seriously, comply when feasible.
b. However, adults must act as adults -- they make up their own minds. If their parents ask them to do something wrong, or continue to dominate their adult children, they need to say “no.”
c. Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. Prov. 23:22 (NIV)
B. Honor them with your Mouths
1. Honoring our fathers and mothers begins by speaking well of them - even when we have the opportunity to join in on parent-bashing.
2. We defend our parents to those who judge them without understanding them as we do.
3. It should not surprise us that our parents are imperfect.
C. Honor them with your Lives
1. We honor our parents best by living well.
The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. Prov.23:24 (NIV)
2. God shows something of Himself through good parents. We honor God by honoring those He gave to raise us.
II. Fathers don’t Exasperate your kids.
A. Before discipline: Self-discipline
1. It is ludicrous to think we can discipline our children when we can’t discipline ourselves.
a. When we strike out because they make us mad - we exhibit a lack of self-discipline.
(1) This exasperates our kids. They never know when we’ll be gracious or short-tempered.
(2) Fathers, we are incredibly more powerful, physically than young children. We must learn to discipline our strength, lest we simply teach by example that might makes right.
b. When we discipline because they break the rules - we discipline them the way God disciplines us.
c. Don’t just tell a child what not to do - tell him what to do:
(1) Don’t run -> walk please
(2) Don’t spill the milk -> use 2 hands
(3) Don’t lie -> be honest
(4) Don’t hit -> ask for help in dealing with conflict, if you need it.
2. We shouldn’t be surprised that after telling children to honor their parents Paul should move on to tell parents to act honorably.
a. Fathers don’t exasperate your children by making them live up to a standard you don’t live up to.
B. Children are our Trust, not possession.
1. We owe it to our kids to treat them well because they are ours only in trust. They are really God’s children.
2. In the Roman system, fathers had the right, even to execute the death penalty on their children. Paul says, no to that. Treat you children as if they are on loan to you from God.
III. Bring them up in the Lord
A. Discipline = Training
1. Discipline is not punishment.
a. There is a time and place for punishment, and part of discipline can be punishment.
b. Discipline is training. Doing wrong has consequences. Manners are important. Cheaters never prosper. Lying breaks trust. Playing in the street is dangerous.
2. Discipline is about making and following reasonable rules of conduct.
a. Children who grow up without them are lost and sometimes become criminals.
3. Fathers, it’s very important for us to be involved in the rule setting and the rule enforcing.
B. Instruction = Teaching
1. If training is action oriented, teaching/ instruction is foundation oriented.
2. Read the Bible together.
3. Don’t just make the rules, as they become old enough help them understand the value of the rules.
C. Help them name Jesus as Lord
1. No agenda is more important than this one.
2. But we can’t make them followers (You can lead a horse to water...)
3. We help them by training and instruction. This gives them the framework in which to decide for themselves.
The Bottom Line:
God’s heart’s desire is that we Honor our fathers and act Honorably toward our children.
