Husbands love your Wives

Paul now turns to the husband’s role in the care and maintenance of the Christian home. That role is nothing less than over-whelming: to love their wives as Christ loved his church. If the task of submitting to male headship seems burdensome to wives, the obligation to love as Christ did will seem out of reach to husbands. How are men to do that? The same way Christ loves the church: sacrificially, compassionately, gently, and lovingly. Jesus laid down his life for the church; husbands are called to give themselves unreservedly for their wives and children. John Stott summed it up well when he wrote of Jesus, “His headship expresses care rather than control, responsibility rather than rule.” Healthy, Spirit-led relationships are not concerned with power, with who’s in control. They are concerned with Christlikeness, with honoring him in their relationship with one another.

Paul turned to the husband’s role in the care and maintenance of the Christian home. That role is nothing less than over-whelming: to love their wives as Christ loved his church. If the task of submitting to male headship seems burdensome to wives, the obligation to love as Christ did will seem out of reach to husbands. How are men to do that? The same way Christ loves the church: sacrificially, compassionately, gently, and lovingly. Jesus laid down his life for the church; husbands are called to give themselves unreservedly for their wives and children. John Stott summed it up well when he wrote of Jesus, “His headship expresses care rather than control, responsibility rather than rule.” Healthy, Spirit-led relationships are not concerned with power, with who’s in control. They are concerned with Christlikeness, with honoring him in their relationship with one another.

Barton, B. B., & Comfort, P. W. (1996). Ephesians (p. 115). Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.

BASIC EXEGESIS IN ENGLISH

vs 25

the NLT introduces the verse with the words "for husbands this means" (being filled with the Spirit and submitting to one another means this for husbands)

Paul calls upon husbands to love their wives, and the way that he calls them to do it is by comparing the way that they are to do it, with the way that Christ loved the church ,- through sacrifice. -Christ is said to have loved the church and given himself for her.

In verse 26, it tells us that his sacrificial love had a purpose- it was done in order to accomplish the sanctification of the church and Sanctification takes place through the instrument of the word, and its describes as a washing. In other words, the word applied to the life acts like a bath, washing with water to cleanse. NLT- WASHED BY THE CLEANSING OF GOD'S WORD.

NASB- THE WASHING OF WATER WITH THE WORD.

VS 27 tells us the ultimate goal of sanctification is that the church, having been washed by the word, would be so that he could present her to Himself as a glorious church, a church described as not having spots or stains (hence the washing) or wrinkles or anything like that, but instead of those faults, she would be without blemish and be holy and blameless. (this recalls 1:4, where it tells us that God called us in Christ to be holy and without blemish in his sight, his presence) This is part of the plan of God which achieves the union of heaven and earth.

vs 28 Paul continues the idea of vs 25 in which the husband's love for the wife is compared to Christ's sacrificial love for the church, by saying "in the same way" husbands should love their wives. earlier in vs 23, the head body relationship was mentioned and now he repeats it and adds that the way that they love their wives is to be like how they love and protect their own bodies. He emphasizes that the person who loves his wife is really loving himself.

Here I would say, that happiness can only be found in loving our wives as ourselves. It will not be in finding a newer, younger, thinner, more attractive wife, because the very principles that bring happiness are not being followed if you seek another wife.

husbands should love their wives. earlier in vs 23, the head body relationship was mentioned and now he repeats it and adds that the way that they love their wives is to be like how they love and protect their own bodies. He emphasizes that the person who loves his wife is really loving himself.

vs 29 explains what he just said, by insinuating that no one in their right mind has ever hated his own body, (probably meaning, no one will purposely bring pain and suffering to their own physical body, they try to avoid anything like that by protecting themselves.) but they feed it and nourish it, like a man carefully brings up children, just like Christ also feeds and takes care of the church which is His body.

vs 30 continues the explanation by saying that's how Christ treats us, we are members of His body.

vs 31 Paul here seems to be saying that our union with Christ is patterned after the marriage in man being joined to his wife and becoming one flesh is like Christ and His church. In vs 32 this is called a great mystery, that is the union like marriage between christ and His church.

vs 33 Paul finishes his instructions of submission to husbands and wives with a summary: husbands must love their wives as themselves, and wives are to respect or fear their husbands, reverence them.

Now, what lessons can we gather from this passage and apply them to our lives today?

1)Christ gave himself for us. His example is that of sacrificial love SEE ;

The word for love here is Agape-

to love (Christian) v. — to have a strong affection and love for a person and their good and it is to be understood in light of God’s moral character; it is especially characterized by a willing forfeiture of rights or privileges in another person’s behalf.

This sacrificial love was what moved Christ to empty himself and come to this earth SEE

Jesus becomes the standard of love and the incarnation and death become the model of the kind of love that men are to have for their wives.

2)His love was purposeful- there was a goal in mind- to sanctify us, to cause us to be holy. He wants to present us to himself as a glorious beautiful holy bride, described as having no unwanted spots/stains, wrinkles or anything like that but holy and without blemishes- the idea is that his sacrifice leads toward our being free from guilt, conceived as being free from physical spots or stains. This was God's great purpose in choosing us in Christ before the foundation of the world. SEE

3) His method of accomplishing this is through washing us. The washing accomplishes the removal of the spots and stains and wrinkles and any such thing. This washing comes by means of the word.

NLT- WASHED BY THE CLEANSING OF GOD'S WORD.

NASB- THE WASHING OF WATER WITH THE WORD.

The key idea in this part of the passage is that the way that Christ loved me, is the way that I should love my wife. Having been loved sacrificially should cause me to love my wife sacrificially. Having been loved and treated in such a way as to bring about my highest good should motivate me to love my wife in order to bring about her greatest Good.

SDA BC

The response of the husband to the wife’s submission is not to give a command, but to love. That immediately makes a partnership out of what otherwise would be a dictatorship. A true husband never utters rude commands. His love will find expression in a variety of ways. It will be given in words of understanding and affection. The husband will properly provide for the wife’s temporal support (); he will do everything possible to assure her happiness (); he will give her every honor ().

What can sacrificial love look like?

giving up personal pleasures and comforts to obtain his wife’s happiness AND meet HER NEEDS

This might mean for some, (like me) giving up a quiet relaxing Sunday to be with my wife at the shops, or maybe coming home tired from work and fixing a leaky faucet, or mowing the lawn or some other task around the house that our wives desperately want done.

Kent Hughes:

Sacrificial love dies to self and serves the one it loves in unsung domestic heroism.

Hughes, R. K. (1990). Ephesians: the mystery of the body of Christ (p. 191). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books.

"Sacrificial love causes us to pray for our wives like Christ prayed for us."

Again Kent Hughes:

We should be praying for their spiritual life, obligations, pressures, friendships, and dreams daily and passionately, for that is how Christ prays for us!

Sacrificial love cares for the wife in the Sexual relation, and seeks to protect and promote her health. It dies to self and does not indulge in sexual lust and low passion.

EGW 2T 472

They do not see that God requires them to control their married lives from any excesses. But very few feel it to be a religious duty to govern their passions. They have united themselves in marriage to the object of their choice, and therefore reason that marriage sanctifies the indulgence of the baser passions. Even men and women professing godliness give loose rein to their lustful passions, and have no thought that God holds them accountable for the expenditure of vital energy, which weakens their hold on life and enervates the entire system.

The marriage covenant covers sins of the darkest hue. Men and women professing godliness debase their own bodies through the indulgence of the corrupt passions, and thus lower themselves beneath the brute creation. They abuse the powers which God has given them to be preserved in sanctification and honor. Health and life are sacrificed upon the altar of base passion. The higher, nobler powers are brought into subjection to the animal propensities. Those who thus sin are not acquainted with the result of their course. Could all see the amount of suffering which they bring upon themselves by their own sinful indulgence, they would be alarmed, and some, at least, would shun the course of sin which brings such dreaded wages. So miserable an existence is entailed upon a large class that death would to them be preferable to life; and many do die prematurely, their lives sacrificed in the inglorious work of excessive indulgence of the animal passions. Yet because they are married they think they commit no sin.

Men and women, you will one day learn what is lust and the result of its gratification. Passion of just as base a quality may be found in the marriage relation as outside of it.

Testimonies for the Church. (1855). (Vol. 2, pp. 472–473). Pacific Press Publishing Association.

Sacrificial love will be demonstrated in faithfulness to our wives

It is a faithful love. For the sake of this love, a man leaves father and mother and is joined to his wife. They become one flesh. He is as united to her as the members of the body are united to each other, and would no more think of separating from her than of tearing his own body apart. Here indeed was an ideal in an age when men and women changed partners with as little thought as they changed clothes.

Barclay, W. (2002). The Letters to the Galatians and Ephesians (p. 201). Louisville, KY; London: Westminster John Knox Press.

One of the most impressive parts of a wedding service is when the bride and groom exchange their vows, agreeing to love each other “until death do us part.” Is that kind of vow still to be taken seriously in today’s culture? Does God expects us to honor our vows to each other. Promises are not made to be broken; they are made to be kept—even when it is inconvenient to us.

Robertson McQuilkin made such a vow to his wife Muriel. The circumstances of life had been very good to the McQuilkin’s. After a fruitful time as a missionary to Japan, McQuilkin accepted a call to become president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary. Under his leadership, the school grew and became very successful. At the pinnacle of success, McQuilkin resigned at the age of 57. He stepped down to care for Muriel who had contracted Alzheimer’s—an incurable disease. Much of the Christian world was in shock. How could this man who could do so much for so many quit his job, leave his ministry? Unmoved by pleas to reconsider his decision, McQuilkin stated that he had promised to care for his wife in sickness and in health … “until death do us part.” It was integrity that moved McQuilkin to pledge his love to his wife when they were first married. It was that same integrity that caused him to remain committed to those vows.

Robertson McQuilkin made such a vow to his wife Muriel. The circumstances of life had been very good to the McQuilkin’s. After a fruitful time as a missionary to Japan, McQuilkin accepted a call to become president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary. Under his leadership, the school grew and became very successful. At the pinnacle of success, McQuilkin resigned at the age of 57. He stepped down to care for Muriel who had contracted Alzheimer’s—an incurable disease. Much of the Christian world was in shock. How could this man who could do so much for so many quit his job, leave his ministry? Unmoved by pleas to reconsider his decision, McQuilkin stated that he had promised to care for his wife in sickness and in health … “until death do us part.” It was integrity that moved McQuilkin to pledge his love to his wife when they were first married. It was that same integrity that caused him to remain committed to those vows.

Barclay, W. (2002). The Letters to the Galatians and Ephesians (p. 201). Louisville, KY; London: Westminster John Knox Press.Robertson McQuilkin made such a vow to his wife Muriel. The circumstances of life had been very good to the McQuilkin’s. After a fruitful time as a missionary to Japan, McQuilkin accepted a call to become president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary. Under his leadership, the school grew and became very successful. At the pinnacle of success, McQuilkin resigned at the age of 57. He stepped down to care for Muriel who had contracted Alzheimer’s—an incurable disease. Much of the Christian world was in shock. How could this man who could do so much for so many quit his job, leave his ministry? Unmoved by pleas to reconsider his decision, McQuilkin stated that he had promised to care for his wife in sickness and in health … “until death do us part.” It was integrity that moved McQuilkin to pledge his love to his wife when they were first married. It was that same integrity that caused him to remain committed to those vows.

I ask the question: How committed are you? Commitment is seen in anyone who does not allow circumstances to frustrate and annul a promise that has been made to others or to God. Believers should stand as dynamic examples of what commitment is all about.

Leadership Ministries Worldwide. (2003). Practical Illustrations: 1 Thessalonians, 2 Thessalonians, 1 Timothy, 2 Timothy, Titus, Philemon (p. 24). Chattanooga, TN: Leadership Ministries Worldwide.

SANCTIFYING LOVE

Washing by the WORD

The Husband's duty to his wife is also that of Priest/minister.

Section 9—Father—The House-Band Page 212

The father is in one sense the priest of the household, laying upon the altar of God the morning and evening sacrifice.

Section 9—Father—The House-Band Page 212

Morning and evening the father, as priest of the household, should confess to God the sins committed by himself and his children through the day.

White, E. G. (1952). The Adventist Home (p. 212). Review and Herald Publishing Association.

He should lead out in family devotions. He should pray with his wife, study the word with his wife, lead out in the home as a priest in order to forward the sanctification of the wife. The study of the word should have a very important part in the family. Husbands should encourage the wife, by his example to study the word for herself.

In 1818, Ignaz Phillip Semmelweis was born into a world of dying women. The finest hospitals lost one out of six young dying mothers to the scourge of “childbed fever.”

A doctor’s daily routine began in the dissecting room where he performed autopsies. From there he made his way to the hospital to examine expectant mothers without ever pausing to wash his hands. Dr. Semmelweis was the first man in history to associate such examinations with the resultant infection and death. His own practice was to wash with a chlorine solution, and after eleven years and the delivery of 8,537 babies, he lost only 184 mothers—about one in fifty.

He spent the vigor of his life lecturing and debating with his colleagues. Once he argued, “Puerperal fever is caused by decomposed material conveyed to a wound … I have shown how it can be prevented. I have proved all that I have said. But while we talk, talk, talk, gentlemen, women are dying. I am not asking anything world shaking. I am asking you only to wash … For God’s sake, wash your hands.”

But virtually no one believed him. Doctors and midwives had been delivering babies for thousands of years without washing, and no outspoken Hungarian was going to change them now! Semmelweis died insane at the age of 47, his wash basins discarded, his colleagues laughing in his face, and the death rattle of a thousand women ringing in his ears.

“Wash me!” was the anguished prayer of King David. “Wash!” was the message of John the Baptist. “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me,” said the towel-draped Jesus to Peter. Without our being washed clean, we all die from the contamination of sin. For God’s sake, wash!”

Leadership Ministries Worldwide. (2003). Practical Illustrations: 1 Peter, 2 Peter, 1 John, 2 John, 3 John, Jude (pp. 68–69). Chattanooga, TN: Leadership Ministries Worldwide.

3 pictures

the hebrew bride:

It is the bride’s wedding day, the day of her dreams. She rises with the dawn in anticipation. The hours speed by. Her women friends join her for her ritual, nuptial bathing. The cleansing bath completed, she is clothed in her embroidered linen wedding dress and wedding sandals. She waits breathlessly, without spot or wrinkle, for her bridegroom.

Hughes, R. K. (1990). Ephesians: the mystery of the body of Christ (p. 192). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books.

2) the prophetic picture: SEE and , ,

3)Then there is the earthly marital picture. It is of a woman who throughout her life has grown to be ever more like Christ. Her salvation and sanctification are solely due to the work of Christ. Nevertheless, a prominent instrument in her progressive sanctification has been her loving husband. He has been a humble partner in developing her beauty. How did this come about? He was a man in whom the Word of God richly dwelled (). As God’s Word and Spirit filled him, he lived out the ethics of the Kingdom. As her loving head, he served her and prayed for her and adored her with unconditional love. The tide of his authenticity encouraged her onward and upward in her beauty of soul. All was and is of Christ the Bridegroom — but the sanctifying love of the husband was an effective instrument in Christ’s hands.

Hughes, R. K. (1990). Ephesians: the mystery of the body of Christ (p. 192). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books.

LOVE YOUR WIVES AS YOUR SELVES

“Lead on Softly”—Many a husband and father might learn a helpful lesson from the carefulness of the faithful shepherd. Jacob, when urged to undertake a rapid and difficult journey, made answer:

“The children are tender, and the flocks and herds with young are with me: and if men should overdrive them one day, all the flock will die.” “I will lead on softly, according as the cattle that goeth before me and the children be able to endure.”

In life’s toilsome way let the husband and father “lead on softly,” as the companion of his journey is able to endure. Amidst the world’s eager rush for wealth and power, let him learn to stay his steps, to comfort and support the one who is called to walk by his side.…

Let the husband aid his wife by his sympathy and unfailing affection. If he wishes to keep her fresh and gladsome, so that she will be as sunshine in the home, let him help her bear her burdens. His kindness and loving courtesy will be to her a precious encouragement, and the happiness he imparts will bring joy and peace to his own heart.…

If the mother is deprived of the care and comforts she should have, if she is allowed to exhaust her strength through overwork or through anxiety and gloom, her children will be robbed of the vital-force and of the mental elasticity and cheerful buoyancy they should inherit. Far better will it be to make the mother’s life bright and cheerful, to shield her from want, wearing labor, and depressing care, and let the children inherit good constitutions, so that they may battle their way through life with their own energetic strength.

White, E. G. (1952). The Adventist Home (pp. 218–219). Review and Herald Publishing Association.