One Flesh - The Joys of Marriage

The Joys of Marriage

ever be

Your love is devoted like a ring of solid gold

Like a vow that is tested like a covenant of old

And Your love is enduring through the winter rain

And beyond the horizon with mercy for today

Faithful You have been and faithful you will be

You pledge yourself to me and it's why I sing

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

You Father the orphan

Your kindness makes us whole

And you shoulder our weakness

And your strength becomes our own

Now you're making me like you

Clothing me in white

Bringing beauty from ashes

For You will have Your bride

Free of all her guilt and rid of all her shame

And known by her true name and it's why I sing

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

You will be praised, You will be praised

With angels and saints we sing worthy are You Lord

You will be praised, You will be praised

With angels and saints we sing worthy are You Lord

You will be praised, You will be praised

With angels and saints we sing worthy are You Lord

You will be praised, You will be praised

With angels and saints we sing worthy are You Lord

And it's why I sing

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

Songwriters: Bobby Strand / Christopher Allen Greely / Gab

"Hallelujah (Your Love Is Amazing)"

Your love is amazing

Steady and unchanging

Your love is a mountain

Firm beneath my feet

Your love is a mystery

How You gently lift me

When I am surrounded

Your love carries me

Your love is surprising

I can feel it rising

All the joy that's growing

Deep inside of me

And every time I see you

All your goodness shines through

And I can feel this God song rising up in me

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Your love makes me sing

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Your love makes me sing

Your love is surprising

I can feel it rising

All the joy that's growing

Deep inside of me

And every time I see you

All your goodness shines through

And I can feel this God song rising up in me

Your Love

Is Like a River

Rushing over me

Rushing over me

So strong

like a mountain

Standing over me

You’re standing over me so

Fear won’t get the best of me

I have hope eternally

It’s alright

It’s gonna be alright

Your promises are here to stay

Greater things are on the way

It’s alright

‘Cause I know

Your Love is amazing

Never ending

Unrelenting

I know

Your Love is amazing

No conditions

Nothing missing

I know

Your love is amazing

Your love

Is like a fire

Burning in my soul

Burning in my soul

So Bright

It breaks the darkness

I know you’re in control

You’re always in control

Oh, It’s true

Nobody loves me like you

Loves me like you do

Just you

Nobody loves me like you

Loves me like you

Love

When people think of the purpose of life they might say religious reason, spiritual, or maybe they’ll tell you that there is no point. I think love is the thing that puts magic into our lives, it’s the thing that makes life amazing.

There’s really nothing like it, something that can make you feel so strong but also so vulnerable. You can feel on top of the world or you can feel like someone is literally ripping your heart out, there’s nothing as powerful. It can help you achieve greatness and it can also cause you to lose everything.

That’s what love does, it is something that fills you up. We all believe, especially today’s society, that other things are more important: our independence, our career, friendships, family, having fun. They are all important but not the most important.

Even if you are lucky enough to fall in love with the right person, which I count myself very lucky in the sense that it has happened to me more than once, it can still end. Each time it has been one of the best things in my life, but because they ended they have also been the worst times.

You would think I would grow cynical and close myself off, but I would never do that. I’d rather keep getting destroyed because I know that it is worth it.

For relationships and love to blossom and bloom one has to be open and vulnerable, so I open myself to you. I am yours, you are mine.

. there are many people that can’t do that. they’re trying to shield themselves, trying to protect themselves because they’re not certain. unfortunately or fortunately depending how you look at it, life is uncertain at all times. It can change in a split second.

That doesn’t mean you should close yourself off or go out of your way to protect yourself. Being brave means to keep doing things like it’s your first time, without any cynicism, even if you are scared. You’re going to get destroyed sometimes, but for me that’s always been worth it and it is something I will never change.

Just like anything in life that you love, you should throw yourself in to love with abandon. That’s what makes love beautiful.

​You Can't Impose on God

Today, I want to remind you of something I consider to be important to your well-being: You are no surprise to God. He knew what He was getting when He chose you, just as He knew what He was getting when He chose me.

The Bible says God actually picked us out for Himself as His own! You didn't just randomly show up one day. And God hasn't decided to merely tolerate you.

You can't bother God because He picked you...you can't impose on Him! He's not rolling His eyes when you have a problem. Instead, He'll always remind you how far you have come, how well you are doing, how precious you are in His sight, and how much He loves you.

God already knew your weaknesses, every flaw you would have, every time you would fail, and He still said "I want you." declares He foreordained you to be adopted as His own. God is your daddy! With Him on your side, things are bound to work out all right in the end.

Prayer Starter: God, Your love amazes me. As my Father, You chose me before the world was ever created. No matter how flawed I may be, I know that You still want me. Thank You for Your goodness!

The Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary, Volume 6 One Flesh

One flesh. Male and female are complementary, making together, as it were, one perfect being. Any serious contemplation of this thought would prohibit the frivolous manner in which many marriages are contracted, sometimes with the deliberate intention of divorce if they should not work out. God intended that marriage should be a lifelong association, and any society that treats lightly the institution has within it the seeds of its own destruction. The family is too fundamental a unit of society to be tampered with. Christ also desires His union with His people to be everlasting (John 10:28, 29).

God created Eve from Adam, rather than from the the soil, because He was trying to make clear one important fact. Make and female are complementary, making together as it were one perfect being. Any serious contemplation of this thought would prohibit the frivolous manner in which many marriages are contracted, sometimes with the deliberate intention of divorce if they should not work. God intended that marriage should be a lifelong association, and any society that treads lightly the institution has within it the seeds of its own destruction. The family is too fundamental a unit of society to be tampered with. Christ also desires His union with his people to be everlasting.

Reasons Marriage Fail.

Communicaiton

1. Getting in for the wrong reasons.

Marrying for money — we’ve all heard that that is a ticket to a quick divorce, but what about when you marry because it’s what you think you should do?

I’ve met many divorced women who say the problems that made them leave were there right from the beginning but “everyone expected us to live happily ever after” or “we had already spent so much money on the wedding” or “we had just built our dream home.” So, remember, until you say “I do,” you always have the choice to say “I don’t!”

2. Lack of individual identity.

A codependent relationship is not healthy. When you don’t have your own interests or the opportunity to express yourself outside of coupledom, you become “couple dumb.”

If you are not comfortable doing things without your partner, or you don’t know what kind of music, movies, or food you used to like, you are likely in deep and you probably feel like you are drowning and don’t know why.

3. Becoming lost in the roles.

Just as many couples “forget” their single friends and single ways when they get married, when you add children into the mix, most parents soon neglect or completely forget that they are a couple.

As children grow and need less attention, many husbands and wives find that they have grown apart and they can’t remember why they ever got married in the first place because they no longer have anything in common.

4. Not having a shared vision of success.

“Everything changed when we got married!” He drives you crazy because you’re a saver and he’s a spender. Your idea of a weekend getaway is a cozy cottage in the woods; your partner wants to the hit the town and catch a game. He thinks it’s your job to cook and clean, but you disagree.

Why didn’t he mention these things before? Maybe you should have asked. Chances are that he hasn’t changed — your expectations did. Is it possible to survive major differences in philosophy? It is possible, but many do not.

5. The intimacy disappears.

Somewhere in a marriage there is a subtle change in the intimacy department. One person has an off day, there is a misunderstanding or someone doesn’t feel well. Then there’s the idea that he isn’t as romantic or she isn’t as sexual.

Whoever is the one with the subtle change can trigger a downward spiral in the intimacy department. Men generally need sexual receptivity to feel romantic and women generally need romance to be sexual receptive. As long as both people are getting what they need, they willingly provide what the other person wants. However, when there is a lessening on either’s part, that can trigger a pulling back in the other. If gone unnoticed and unchecked, before the couple realizes, they are seriously intimately estranged and wonder what happened. This can lead to divorce as couples begin to feel unloved and unappreciated.

6. Unmet expectations.

Somewhere written into a human’s genetic code lie the instruction that when a person isn’t happy, he or she is supposed to force his/her significant to make the changes required to make the unhappy person happy again. This usually takes the form of complaining, blaming, criticizing, nagging, threatening, punishing and/or bribing.

When one or both people in the marriage are attempting to coerce each other into doing things they don’t want to do for their partner’s happiness, it is a recipe for disaster. When you are unhappy in a relationship, it’s okay to ask for the change you want. But, if your partner doesn’t oblige you, then you become responsible for your own happiness.

7. Finances.

It’s not usually the lack of finances that causes the divorce, but the lack of compatibility in the financial arena.

Opposites can attract but when two people are opposites in the financial department, divorce often ensues. Imagine the conflict if one is a saver and one is a spender. One is focused on the future while the other believes in living for today. One has no problem buying on credit, while the other believes in saving up for what one wants.

Over time, this conflict can reach such heights that divorce seems to be the only logical conclusion.

8. Being out of touch... literally.

I’m talking about physical contact. Of course, sex is great, but you also need to supplement it with little hello and goodbye kisses, impromptu hugs and simply holding hands. Couples who don’t maintain an intimate connection through both sexual and non-sexual actions are destined to become virtual strangers.

9. Different priorities and interests.

Having shared interests and exploring them together is essential for a successful marriage. Of course, having “me time” is important as well, but unless you can find common passions and look for ways to experience them together, you’ll inevitably grow farther and farther apart.

Becoming One

try this. Ask anyone if they can name the number one reason marriages fail. They will probably tell you it is either because they argue too much, have lousy sex, money problems, infidelity, in-law problems, you know, the usual suspects.

But I believe they are all wrong.

After close to 40 years of marriage counseling, I believe that marital failure between two relatively intact people is due to what I call a "failure to wed.”

Yes, sure you had a wedding (I hope you had a great time at yours, I sure did at mine!) but did you have a WE-dding in which you actually became a couple, a “we” instead of just two people sharing living quarters?

You probably have noticed that the title of this blog is “The Two Shall Become as One.” I chose that title because I believe it taps the very essence of a healthy marriage: Two separate and uniquely different people come together to form a whole whose essence is greater than the sum of its parts and not two individuals who are constantly “hijacking the we” by trying to make their partner become more like them.

Take the case of Milo and Tara. Milo is a stay at home guy who likes to read about nature and watch the “do it yourself” channel. Tara is more extroverted, likes to try new things, get out of the house more and meet new people. Tara gets angry at Milo because he “never wants to do anything” and Milo feels that Tara is always nagging him to do things he doesn’t want to do, “like a pitbull, always nipping at my heals.”

Yes, they could compromise but I believe that is overrated and is not very satisfying to most couples. I prefer solutions that both parties can get excited about. While there are other solutions to this problem which I will discuss in future blogs, the one I like the best is what I call “creating a WE.” Creating a WE is doing something that is brand new for the couple, something they have never done before and contains elements of things that both of them would like to do.

Creating a WE is a highly creative act which begins with discussions about possible things that both like and would like to begin to do as a couple. There is no right or wrong during these talks and no one is to be criticized for a “wrong idea.” Just talking about it and trying to come up with some ideas creates a "WE" so it is a success right from the beginning.

Here is how Tara and Milo created their WE. Your procedure might be different. They agreed to create their WE while they had their morning coffee in their sunroom at the start of each day. Realizing that this may take some time, they gave themselves a month.

During this time, they came up with numerous ideas, some were too expensive, or duds when they tried them out. Eventually, they came up with several such as weekly trips to Barnes and Noble where he could browse the history and DIY books and she could look at travel destinations over a cup of coffee.

But the one I liked the best? You'll never guess in a million years!

They decided to raise honey bees. How uniquely creative! But it was perfect: He loved reading about the various types of bees and then building the hives and she was able to set up a small store to sell honey where she could meet new people and make new friends. They both loved traveling around to other beekeepers to exchange ideas and see other hives. But most of all they loved to talk to each other; yup, about the bees.

I know beekeeping is probably not for you, but heck, we live in America and there are a gazillion other things you can do together. Take up a sport together, work for a charitable cause, make wine or beer, take a class together, plan for a vacation home someday, and so on and so on. I did an internet search and found over 200 things couples can do within five minutes.

So put the WE back in your wedding. The opportunities are endless.

Become one in the following areas

Touch

Finances

Communicaiton

Sex

Similar priorities and Interest.

Reasons marriage fail by Divorce lawyers

Lack of Conneciton

2. MOney

Infidelity

Legal threats.