Defining our Role in the Family Part 2

Defining our Role in the Family; Part 2

Ephesians 5:22-6:4

There is a plainness and simplicity to the family God created and established. I marvel and am awed at the complexity and conflict of living out my role in the family on a daily basis. Last time together, we established the fact that God has given us the flow chart of how a family should work. Every flow chart defines not just the organizational structure but also identifies the different position and roles of an organization as well as where it is in rank. When teams, corporations, or other complex units operate against established and defined order and roles dysfunction, disorganization and potential disintegration results.

We understand that any organization needs and operates with an organizational flow chart that identifies the positions as well as the chain of command. God’s word provides that chart for the family.

Family works when each person comes to the relationship identifying their role and contributing by fulfill their role so that the corporate purpose of family is achieved. That is how family should work. The problems arise when individuals disregard the established order and step out of the boundaries of their role crossing over into areas clearly identified as belonging to others within the family.

When children run the family instead of parents, there is dysfunction.
When wives usurp the position of the husband in the home, there is dysfunction.
When husbands misuse and abuse their position or don’t assume their proper place within that corporate body, there is dysfunction.

Last week we learned that the man is the head of the family. He is accountable to God for his leadership and its success or failure to realize it’s ordained and established purpose. In order for family to work, each member must be willing to fill the role God has given them to play within the family by submitting to God’s purpose and place for them, as well as by submitting to the others within the unit. This is why Paul writes to the church at Ephesus describing how believers who are filled and controlled by the Holy Spirit look and operate. Note that there are four evidences of the Spirit’s presence within the believer, the family the church, and the church within the community.

First is communication with one another with psalms
Second is communication with the Lord by singing and making melody
Third is thanking God the Father continually for all things.
Fourth, Spirit-controlled believers are to submit to one another.[1]

By submitting to God and to each other, we fulfill our individual and corporate roles to bring Him honor and glory. Paul then goes into identifying and defining the roles for us.

The word used here in verse 21 as well as in 22 is ὑποτάσσω. It means to arrange under, to subordinate; to subject, put in subjection; to subject one’s self, obey; to submit to one’s control; to yield to one’s admonition or advice; to obey, be subject.[2]

Philippians 2:5-8 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: and being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and become obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

Jesus defines for us by example what it means to be in harmony with God and His plan and purpose. Jesus subordinated Himself and placed God’s will before His own. He placed our need, well being and comfort before His own. He saw His role as one of service and sacrifice. He came to serve not be served. Jesus knew what it meant to subordinate His will and purpose to that of the Father. He understood the importance of fulfilling His role through service not domination. He understood as a child His place under that of His earthly parents.

The role of Husband reviewed.

He is to love selflessly and sacrificially as Christ did, I see how often I fall short.
It’s one of those things easy to say and comprehend but tough to put into everyday practice.
Christ loved us to the point of sacrifice and service.
Paul told the church at Philippi to move past self-centered thinking and embrace the mindset of Christ who ministered as a servant even though He was God incarnate.
As men and leaders we need to remember it’s not about position or power but rather about service and impact that we make to improve and encourage our families to be all that God wants them to be.

Looking at the role of a wife.

First we need to understand that it is a gender specific position.

γυνή is the word in the Greek and is always used for a woman. It can be a woman of any age, whether a virgin, or married, or a widow. 2 a wife. 2a of a betrothed woman[3]
We need to understand that there is specificity according to gender. This isn’t to be a man married to a man, nor a woman to a woman. Marriage is between a man and a woman.
This relationship between a man and a woman serve as the foundation for the family.

Second we need to understand that the woman is to subjugate herself.

Ladies, that means it is up to you to fulfill this.
It isn’t the man’s place to force this subjugation. It is the woman’s place.
It is important to realize again, why she is to subordinate herself.

i. To fulfill God’s purpose and plan.

ii. To do all within her power to make family work according to the purpose and plan of God.

Third, we need to underscore again that each is to be placing themselves in a subordinate place of service. We need to submit ourselves to each other. The husband has a place within this thinking of subordination.

That doesn’t mean that he looses his position as head, or his authority.
Jesus didn’t. He was still God, still the Creator.
Men who understand their role and fulfill show themselves to be at peach with God and themselves. Those who have to assert their authority and power are those who are unsure of their place and role.
The same is true of women who assert themselves by usurping authority in the home.
Either way, the function of family is brought into disarray. Disharmony and dysfunction are the result.
Paul identifies with clarity the roles in this passage as well as in 1 Corinthians 7.

i. This passage deals with the marital relationship between husband and wives as it relates to intimacy between the couple.

ii. In so doing, we find that the mindset however, of putting the needs of the other first.

iii. This means that we are to meet the emotional needs as well as the physical needs.

iv. It is inclusive as well to the spiritual needs being met by husbands assuming their proper role.

The Role of the Couple Eph. 5:33

It would be good here to remind us that in God’s math, one plus one equals one. Unity in heart and mind is the goal. Unity with God and in Christ as well as unity of heart and home is the goal if we are to fulfill our purpose.

Remember that God said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. So He created woman as the one to come along side and be a help to him. The woman completes the man, just as the man completes the woman. Neither can do without the other when it comes to being the family. In family, the man and the woman become one. Neither loses their individual identity but now is rather defined as a symbiotic relationship characterized and defined by mutual admiration, respect and reciprocated love

1. Love: the word here is the word agapan. Love is a multifaceted word to try to define. In the Greek language, three words were used to describe these differences. All are translated love.

erán. This is the passionate love that desires the other for itself. The god Eros compels all but is compelled by none.. What is sought in érōs is intoxication or ecstasy.
phileín. This signifies solicitous love, e.g., of the gods, or of friends. It embraces all humanity and entails obligation.
agapán. This term has neither the magic of erán nor the warmth of phileín. It has first the weak sense “to be satisfied,” “to receive,” “to greet,” “to honor,” or, more inwardly, “to seek after.” It can carry an element of sympathy, but also denotes “to prefer,” especially with reference to the gods. Here is a love that makes distinctions, choosing its objects freely. Hence it is especially the love of a higher for a lower. It is active, not self-seeking love.[4]

d. Husbands are to love their wives as they love themselves.

i. Ephesians 5:22-25

i. 1 Peter 3:5-7

2. Reverence: φοβέομαι, to put to flight by terrifying (to scare away). 1a to put to flight, to flee. 1b to fear, be afraid. 1b1 to be struck with fear, to be seized with alarm. 1b1a of those startled by strange sights or occurrences. 1b1b of those struck with amazement. 1b2 to fear, be afraid of one. 1b3 to fear (i.e. hesitate) to do something (for fear of harm). 1c to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience. [5]

Numbers 30:7-14 #. 1 Timothy 2:13-14

3. Note that these are not conditional obligations, but covenant obligations. Husbands are to love their wives unconditionally. Wives are to respect their husbands and his position as head unconditionally.

Conclusion

Note that the role of husband and wife is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. The family is imitating the roles of the relationship between the Father and the Son as well as between the Son as Husband to His wife (the church). The result is a unity where each is fulfilled and defined in relationship to the other, operating in unity and proficiency for the honor and glory of God. In so doing, the honor and glory of God affects us effectively so that we live out our purpose and find peace.

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[1]Walvoord, J. F., Zuck, R. B., & Dallas Theological Seminary. (1983-c1985). The Bible knowledge commentary : An exposition of the scriptures. Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

[2]Strong, J. (1996). The exhaustive concordance of the Bible : Showing every word of the test of the common English version of the canonical books, and every occurence of each word in regular order. (electronic ed.) (G5293). Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship.

[3]Strong, J. (1996). The exhaustive concordance of the Bible : Showing every word of the test of the common English version of the canonical books, and every occurence of each word in regular order. (electronic ed.) (G1135). Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship.

[4]Kittel, G., Friedrich, G., & Bromiley, G. W. (1995, c1985). Theological dictionary of the New Testament. Translation of: Theologisches Worterbuch zum Neuen Testament. (Page 7). Grand Rapids, Mich.: W.B. Eerdmans.

[5]Strong, J. (1996). The exhaustive concordance of the Bible : Showing every word of the test of the common English version of the canonical books, and every occurence of each word in regular order. (electronic ed.) (G5399). Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship.