Marriage Conference 2018

Pastor Joel Quick

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Genesis 2:22–24 KJV 1900

And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

One of the characteristics of the fully mature, self-actualizing person is that he or she has the ability to enter into long-term, intimate relationships relationships and maintain those relationships for long periods of time.

The choice of a mate, and the quality of your home and family life, determines your success as a human being as much as or more than any other factor. Your relationships are a direct expression of the person you really are. The Law of Correspondence states that your outer world of relationships will correspond exactly to your inner world of thought and feeling. If your inner world is positive and loving, your outer world of relationships will be happy and satisfying.

By the Law of Sowing and Reaping you will reap exactly what you sow, and there is no area in which this is more true than in your relationships. You see it all around you, in all your interactions with others. You get out of your marriage or your romance exactly what you put into it. The more of yourself that you put into a relationship, the more love, satisfaction and joy you will get out of it. Men and women are born incomplete, and need each other to become whole. They are born with complementary complementary qualities and characteristics. Each one needs the other to fulfill his or her human destiny. Happy relationships go hand in hand with peace of mind, long life, health, happiness and abundance. Men and women with poor relationships, or no relationships at all, have more ill health and die younger than men and women who live happily together.

In fact, according to Ronald Adler and Neil Towne in their book Looking Out, Looking In, socially isolated people are two to three times as likely to die prematurely as those with strong social ties. Divorced men die from heart disease, cancer and strokes at double the rate of married men. The rate of all types of cancer is as much as five times higher for divorced men and women, compared to their single counterparts. If for no other reason than your desire to live a long and happy life, you should be very serious about building and maintaining excellent relationships with the most important people in your life.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 285). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

SELF-DISCLOSURE

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 286). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 285). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Self-awareness, in turn, is based on self-disclosure. You only truly understand yourself to the degree to which you can disclose, or share yourself, with at least one other person. Appropriate self-disclosure means that you can tell someone else, whom you trust completely, exactly what you are thinking and feeling, with no fear of disapproval or rejection.

elf-awareness, in turn, is based on self-disclosure. You only truly understand yourself to the degree to which you can disclose, or share yourself, with at least one other person. Appropriate self-disclosure means that you can tell someone else, whom you trust completely, exactly what you are thinking and feeling, with no fear of disapproval or rejection.

Psychotherapy is based on self-disclosure. Psychotherapists are successful to the degree to which they can get the patient to open up to them and tell them exactly what is causing them to be unhappy or ineffective.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 285). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

One psychologist said recently, “If everyone learned to really listen to other people, 75 percent of the psychotherapists in the United States would be out of work by next Wednesday.” To honestly disclose yourself to another person, you need to trust that other person. You need to know that the other person cares for you, and that he or she will not judge you or condemn you for something you have said or done in the past.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 288). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

INTIMACY AND GROWTH GO HAND IN HAND

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 288). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Love is like money: If you have an ample supply, you don’t think about it very much. But if your supply is cut off for any period of time, you think about nothing else.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 289). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

The cruelest punishment inflicted on prisoners is locking them away from all other human beings—putting them in solitary confinement. Depriving a person of human contact, of human interaction, is the worst thing that can be done to him or her.

Your highest aspiration should be to evolve and develop into the kind of person who attracts an ideal loving relationship into your life. This relationship makes it possible for you to enjoy the happiness and joy for which you were created.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 289). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Total commitment requires a heartfelt determination to make the relationship successful. If the two are compatible in their basic values and attitudes and are temperamentally balanced, it is much easier for them to make a lifelong commitment. A total commitment means that neither party ever considers or discusses the possibility of separating, breaking up or divorcing. Making a total commitment requires that you burn your physical and emotional bridges and refuse to consider any other option except making this relationship successful.

W. Scott Peck, in his book The Road Less Traveled, gives a beautiful definition of love. He says, “Love is the total commitment to the full development of the potential of the other.” When you truly love another person, you want that person to fulfill his or her full potential, and to become everything that he or she is capable of becoming. If one or the other has the slightest reluctance or hesitation in creating or supporting every opportunity for his or her mate to grow and develop, what you have might be a relationship, but it is probably not real love.

A wonderful thing about human beings is that we are free emotionally only when we have given up all other options and committed ourselves whole-heartedly to one other person. It is only then that we are capable of developing the high-quality relationship that we need to complete our evolution as human beings.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 292). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

THE BEST FRIEND TEST

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 292). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (pp. 292-293). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (pp. 289-290). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

An excellent way to tell if you are in the right relationship is “the best-friend test.” In the ideal relationship, your mate will be your best friend. There will be no one in the world that you would rather be with, share with, talk to or spend time with than your spouse.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 292). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 293). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

If for any reason you do not feel that your spouse or mate is your best friend, if you do not feel that you would rather be with him or her than anyone else, it is an indication that something is wrong in the relationship.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 293). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

The starting point of a long-term romantic relationship is the feeling that you have met your best friend. One of the indications of this is the amount you laugh together. The amount of laughter in a relationship is a measure of the health of that relationship. When two people are ideally suited, they laugh a lot together, and at the same things. When two people are unsuited for any reason, they won’t find much in common to laugh about. Their senses of humor will be different.

About Me

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 293). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

A partner's knowledge of the another is playfully tested with this game. One person asks the other a question that relates to her: for example, what is my favorite shirt, how do I like my steak cooked or who is my favorite author. If the person being questioned knows the answer, he supplies it, but if he doesn't know the answer, he simply states that he doesn't and his spouse encouragingly informs him. The object of this game is not to get frustrated with one another but to get to know a little more about one another.

The Tone of the Relationship

Give your mate a score on a scale of 1 to 100. Estimate what percentage of the time he or she is positive and optimistic versus what percentage of the time he or she is negative or pessimistic. Then give yourself the same test. You will find that you are the most comfortable with a person who is pretty much as happy, or as unhappy, as you are. That’s why it is said, “Birds of a feather flock together,” and “Misery loves company.”

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (pp. 293-294). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

The primary reason for the success of marriages is that the two partners communicate well with each other. They are on the same wavelength. Each can sense what the other is feeling and thinking. They come to the same conclusions independently. They almost seem to “share a brain.”

he primary reason for the failure of relationships is poor communication. The couple misunderstand each other and continually argue about large and small issues. Each is convinced that he or she is right and the other is wrong. They have a hard time with the idea that both viewpoints might be correct, rightly considered.

The primary reason for the failure of relationships is poor communication. The couple misunderstand each other and continually argue about large and small issues. Each is convinced that he or she is right and the other is wrong. They have a hard time with the idea that both viewpoints might be correct, rightly considered.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 294). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

To build and maintain a high level of quality communications in a relationship, you require both a high quantity and a high quality of unbroken time with each other. Couples need to be alone together. They need to spend long stretches of time talking and listening in order to keep their communication channels clear. Whenever two people get so busy that they stop taking time to talk, you can be sure that there are troubles ahead.

Good communications require both speaking and listening skills, which you can learn. But excellent communications between a man and a woman also require an understanding of the major differences between them.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 294). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (pp. 294-295). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Men and women are different in many ways and they have distinctly different communication styles. Generally, men are direct and women are indirect. Men are more focused on results and completion, or closure, than women. Women are more concerned about relationships and the process of communication than men. This can often lead to fundamental misunderstandings.

Take the case of a man and a woman who have been driving for two or three hours. As they go past a McDonald’s, the woman says, “Honey, are you thirsty?”

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 295). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

The man, without looking around, simply says, “Nope,” and continues driving. She bites her lip and feels hurt at his insensitivity. He is blithely unaware of what she was really asking, and he has no idea that she is now unhappy.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 295). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

In her indirect way, she was saying, “I am thirsty; why don’t we stop and get something to drink?” However, because of the way she phrased it, it went over his head completely. He missed the point.

Blind mines – Take turns blindfolding and guiding each other through an obstacle course in your living room. Scatter random objects over the floor and use verbal cues to help your spouse dodge the mines. Practice listening to and relying on your spouse’s influence to gradually grow more comfortable sharing power in life’s larger decisions.

Another example of this difference in communication styles is shopping. For a man, going shopping is a simple process with an expected result. He goes in, he purchases what he came for, and he leaves. Men in general don’t like shopping; they feel uncomfortable doing it and they want to get it over with as quickly as possible. The ideal shopping trip for a man is dashing in and dashing out, leaving his car running in the parking lot.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 295). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

and he leaves. Men in general don’t like shopping; they feel uncomfortable doing it and they want to get it over with as quickly as possible. The ideal shopping trip for a man is dashing in and dashing out, leaving his car running in the parking lot.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (pp. 295-296). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

For many women, however, shopping is a process, even a recreational activity. A woman does not necessarily even have to buy anything. Shopping is a sensory experience for a woman, and when she is shopping with another person, it becomes a social experience as well. The conversation that takes place is as important as, if not more important than, what she buys. This is something that men have a hard time understanding.

Here is another example of this difference in communication styles. Men are oriented toward closure and completion. When a woman begins discussing a problem with him, he will almost immediately respond with what he considers to be a logical solution. He will say, “Why don’t you do this or try that?” He will then go back to reading his newspaper, or turn his attention to something else. He will honestly feel he has been helpful and has properly addressed the issue: her problem. What he does not realize is that the woman is usually not asking for a solution, nor does she want his advice or his recommendations. What she wants is an opportunity to discuss the situation, to process the problem through a dialogue about it with the man in her life. She probably already knows what she is going to do, or not do. What she seeks is an opportunity to communicate, using this particular situation or problem as the basis for the conversation.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 296). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

One of the things that men can do to improve their communications with the women in their lives is simply to refrain from giving advice unless it is clear that this is what she wants. Instead, listen attentively, pause, ask questions, feed back and paraphrase what she is saying to ensure you understand.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 296). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Practice exercise:

ASK HER ABOUT HER DAY

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (pp. 296-297). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

One of the best things a man can do when he comes home at night, or when they get together in the evening, is to ask her about her day.

Most men consider their workday to be the most fascinating experience since the dawn of civilization. However, when a man asks his mate about her day before he volunteers anything about his day, he is often amazed at how much more interesting her day was than his.

The first time a man asks the woman he cares about to tell him about her day, she will probably be shocked, and she may give a brief, dismissive answer. She won’t really believe that he is really interested. She’ll think he’s just being nice. So he must persist. When she says, Well, I went to work and I had lunch with so-and-so and then I came home, he must ask her, like a detective, What did you do this morning? Where did you go for lunch? What did you do after that? What did you do this afternoon? How is everything going with that person at your work? and so on. If he pries a little bit into her day, he will find that it is often as interesting as anything he did.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 297). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Remember, it is not the content of the conversation that is important. It is the process. Expressing a genuine interest in your mate or spouse and then listening carefully to the other person when he or she speaks, deepens understanding and improves communications. It is only in this way that you can keep the relationship alive and growing.

THE KEY QUESTION

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 297). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 296). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

The most important question for you to ask and answer continually to maintain a successful relationship is, “What’s important here?” What’s important is not winning the argument, argument, or being right, but maintaining the quality of the relationship. What’s important is that you continue to love and respect each other and live together in peace and harmony.

When you continually ask, “What’s important here?” you see things more clearly and you will be guided to do and say what is most appropriate. Practice the golden rule of relationships. Ask yourself, regularly, “What would it be like to be married to me?” Or “What would it be like if my mate treated me the way I treat him or her?” If you do to your mate what you would like to see done to you, and if you refrain from doing or saying anything that you would not like your mate to do or say to you, you will be far more aware of the impact of your words and behavior. Awareness is really the key. Life is the study of attention. If you pay attention to the small things in your relationship, the big things will take care of themselves.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 296). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 297). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

PROBLEMS IN RELATIONSHIPS, AND HOW TO SOLVE THEM

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (pp. 297-298). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 298). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

The first major problem in relationships is lack of commitment. This is evident in the “go halfway” relationship or marriage so common today. Instead of full commitment, there is only partial or half commitment. One or the other says, “You go halfway and I’ll go halfway.”

The way to overcome a lack of commitment is to commit yourself completely to the relationship. Get into it with both feet. Never consider the possibility of the relationship failing. If, through no fault of your own, the relationship does not work out, at least it will not be because you were half-hearted about it.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 298). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Another problem in relationships is negative expectations. These occur when you constantly expect the other person to do something to disappoint you.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 298). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

The fact is that your expectations tend to be fulfilled. If you expect good things to happen, you will seldom be disappointed. If you expect your partner to let you down, you will seldom be disappointed in that either. The rule is to always expect the best of your partner. Perhaps the most wonderful words that one person can say to another are, “I love you, and I believe in you.” Always tell him or her that you have complete confidence and faith in his or her ability to do anything that he or she puts his or her mind to.

It feels wonderful to go off to work in the morning knowing that the most important person person in your life believes in you completely. And it is wonderful to come home at night to a person who has complete faith in your ability to succeed, no matter what the obstacles. Many of the most successful men and women who have ever lived owe their success to the unshakable positive expectations of their mate.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 300). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

HOW TO PUT THE LOVE BACK IN

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 302). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

One of the most powerful ways to put love back into a relationship is to realize that love is a verb: Love is an action word. “To love” requires that you do the things that a loving person would do if you wish to feel the emotion that a person in love would feel. You may be able to act your way back into loving the person you have fallen out of love with.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 302). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

You learn to love another person by doing loving things with and for that person. Small attentions, little favors, kindnesses, gifts and other things that make the other person happy actually make you love the person more. When you stop doing these little things, you can begin to fall out of love. The emotional ties begin to unwind. The fires begin to die down. The Greek word for this process of rekindling love through action is called Praxis. The Principle of Praxis states that you generate emotions in yourself by doing things consistent with those emotions over and over until they kindle into flames.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 304). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

You can put the love back into your relationship relationship by once more doing the things that you did during courtship. You can start to be more caring, more attentive, more understanding and more sympathetic. As you act the part of a loving spouse, you may find your feelings toward the other person beginning to change for the better. You can act your way back into love.

By thinking loving thoughts about the other and by talking to the other in a loving and courteous way, you can often rekindle the feelings that once brought you together. Look into the other person for the good qualities you once admired. Forgive and forget mistakes that the other person may have made. More than anything, acting your way back into love requires that you really want to stay with this person, that you really want to rebuild and preserve this relationship.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 304). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

LOVE IS AN ACTIVE VERB

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 304). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (pp. 304-305). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

The word love is a verb, an active verb. Love is not just something that you feel; it is something that you do. In fact, because of the Law of Reversibility, whenever you engage in a loving behavior toward someone else, you deepen and intensify your feeling of love toward that person. The action of love and kindness generates the feeling of love and kindness.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 335). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

One of the most beautiful descriptions of love from the Bible is First Corinthians, Chapter Thirteen.

1 Corinthians 13 KJV 1900

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 335). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Many wise and intelligent men have written long explanations of the inner meanings of First Corinthians, Chapter Thirteen, but it is safe to say that what this passage tells us is that when we become totally loving human beings, we will understand all, forgive all, and experience true joy in every part of our lives.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 339). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

THE TESTING TIME

One of the most important times to be loving is when you feel the least like loving. The time to draw on your reserves of patience, kindness and compassion is when you are the most displeased with another person. Obnoxious or unpleasant behavior is usually a cry for help and understanding. It is a way of expressing the frustration of not feeling truly loved and accepted. There is wisdom in the words, “A gentle answer turneth away wrath.”

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 340). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

When you deal with a difficult person in a calm and loving way, you will often see a human miracle. You will often see his or her attitude and behavior change. You will often see a difficult person soften up and see his or her personality brighten. But, most important, when you act in a loving way, you maintain your own personal and emotional integrity. You feel good about yourself. You feel in charge of your inner and outer life.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 340). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

One of the finest pieces of writing on love is “The Golden Gate” by Emmet Fox. Love casts out fear.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 340). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (pp. 340-341). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

It covers a multitude of sins. It is absolutely invincible. There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; No disease that enough love will not heal; No door that enough love will not open; No gulf that enough love will not bridge; No wall that enough love will not throw down; No sin that enough love will not redeem. It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble,

It covers a multitude of sins.

It is absolutely invincible.

There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer;

No disease that enough love will not heal;

No door that enough love will not open;

No gulf that enough love will not bridge;

No wall that enough love will not throw down;

No sin that enough love will not redeem. I

t makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble,

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 342). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

How hopeless the outlook,

How muddled the tangle, how great the mistake.

A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all.

If only you could love enough, you would be the happiest and the most powerful being in the world. If you truly want to be successful and happy in everything you do, in every part of your life, you must learn and practice love.

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (p. 342). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

7 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

Tracy, Brian. Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills that Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (pp. 342-343). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Every marriage erodes without work.

Think about it. When you first met your future husband or wife, you were hyper alert.

Your heart beat faster. Your brain analyzed everything. You thought about your looks, your words, your actions, and how it all might appear to them.

You worked hard to pursue and woo. But then, you married them. Mission accomplished.

In time, the honeymoon ended, and you got comfortable.

You no longer daydream about them all day. You became more careless with your words and actions—and sometimes they hurt.

Life got busy, and you set your relationship on auto-pilot. Inch-by-inch, word-by-word, day-by-day, your marriage eroded.

The bad news is that all marriages have dry seasons; the good news is that it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Most of us just need to go back to what we did when we first fell in love.

Here are some simple things you can do starting today to strengthen your marriage.

1. ENCOURAGE THEM

The Bible commands us to “encourage one another and build each other up” (). It’s not just a suggestion. We need it.

Everyone struggles with self-doubt and insecurity. Whether they admit it or not, your spouse needs encouragement.

So write an encouraging note. Send an encouraging text. Pick something they are good at and let them know how great you think they are.

Men, tell your wife she is beautiful. Women, tell your husband that he is handsome. Let them know that you notice how smart you think they are, how hard they work, how good they are with the kids, etc. The more specific, the better.

Words are powerful. As Proverbs says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver” ().

A little encouragement can change your life.

2. SURPRISE THEM

When was the last time you surprised your spouse?

Let them know you love them and were thinking about them by doing something for them that they aren’t expecting.

Get them flowers, a gift, or a favorite treat just because. Do something extra around the house for them. Plan a secret date. Make a reservation. Buy tickets. Book a room at a hotel and get away for a night.

If your budget is tight, you don’t have to break the bank. The point is to do something unexpected to show your love for them.

And don’t do it with the expectation of anything in return. Do it just to make them happy. That’s reward enough.

3. THANK THEM

This kinda goes along with point #1. But think about all the thankless things they have done over the years.

What do they do every day that you don’t thank them enough for? Pick something and thank them for it.

This is more than a quick, “Thanks.” Look them in the eyes and say something sincere like, “Honey, I just wanted to let you know that I see how hard you work for our family. It means the world to me. I don’t say thank you enough. But thank you for everything you do. We couldn’t do this without you.”

Sometimes a sincere thank you is reward enough for the thankless stuff we do.

Paul wrote to the believers in Philippi, “I thank my God every time I remember you” (). If that’s the example of how thankful we should be to other Christians, how much more should we be thankful for our husband/wife?

4. DELIGHT THEM

What could you do today that would make them smile?

Hard times can suck the joy out of marriage.

I know it’s difficult to smile when the bills pile up, the dishes are dirty, you have a fight, or you get a bad report from the doctor. But James says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds” ().

The strongest marriages still find a way to have joy.

We can find joy in the worst of times because our hope is in Christ, not the present circumstances. All is well, because, in the end, all will be well.

So lighten up. Make it your mission to keep joy in your marriage. Have fun. Laugh. Smile. Crack a joke. Flirt. Goof around. It’s good for both of you.

Proverbs says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones”().

So rejoice in the wife/husband of your youth ().

5. PRAY FOR THEM

If you call yourself a Christian and aren’t praying for your marriage, you aren’t taking it seriously.

The Bible urges us to “pray for one another” (), “pray without ceasing” (1 These 5:17), let our “requests be made known to God” (), “always to pray and not lose heart” (), and more.

So stop right now, and pray for your husband/wife. Pray that God would bless them. Pray specifically for what’s happening in their life. And thank God for them. Pray that God would help you grow in love for one another.

And let them know that you are praying for them. It shouldn’t be some secret. Shoot them a text during the day to tell them you are praying.

One of the best things you can do is ask, “How can I pray for you today?” Then pray for them. Even better, pray with them.

God answers prayer. It’s a powerful way to strengthen your marriage.

6. SERVE THEM

Your marriage isn’t about you.

Your marriage is about God first, your spouse second, your kids—if you have them—third, and yourself last.

You barely made the list.

You need to approach your marriage like Jesus says. He said, “the last will be first, and the first will be last” (), and, “The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted” ().

If it’s all about you, and you try to “win” all the time, you’ll lose.

Mutual service is the bedrock for great marriages. The husband serves his wife, and the wife serves her husband. That’s true love.

And don’t you dare point the finger and say, “I’ll serve them when they finally serve me for once!” That’s missing the point.

You want to be exalted, but you need to be humble. Lead by putting them first.

So find a way to serve them today. Do the dishes. Take out the trash. Put gas in their car. Rub their feet. Watch a show they want to watch.

What can you do today to serve them first?

7. LISTEN TO THEM

How often do you really listen to your husband/wife? I’m not talking about the quick phone calls or conversations while running our the door.

I mean, when was the last time you sat on the couch with them, and did nothing but listen after you ask a question about their honest feelings, greatest desires, biggest frustration, or wildest dreams?

When you were dating, you probably listened to them all the time. But what about now?

I’m terrible at this. When my wife tells me a problem, I rush to put on my hero cape and try to swoop in to fix it.

She often has to stop me and say, “Brandon, I don’t need you to fix it. I just need you to listen.”

It makes no sense to me. But men and women are different. The more I listen, the stronger our marriage has grown.

The Bible says, “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (). But we often do it backward. We are quick to speak, quick to become angry, and slow to listen.

Your marriages may improve too if you shut your mouth and open your ears.

The Bible says, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” ().

Cherishing your spouse. Successful marriages are made of two people who intentionally keep an account of the things they value about each other. When you cherish one another, you recognize that each spouse is created in God's image and is, therefore, of infinite worth and value. You remember what you value about your marriage, keep reminders of good memories and celebrate milestones together.

Creating a marriage vision is vital to seeing the future of your marriage and your family.

 Where do you want your marriage to be in 1 year? ________________________________________________________________

 Where do you want your marriage to be in 5 years? _________________________________________________________________

 Where do you want your marriage to be in 10 years? _________________________________________________________________

 Where do you want your marriage to be in 20 years?

________________________________________________________________

The Commitment Agreement By reading and signing the agreement below

 I acknowledge my marriage is not a 50/50 commitment, but a 100/100 commitment.

 I acknowledge I have responsibilities in my marriage.

 I acknowledge I am an active participant in my marriage.

 I acknowledge I am not perfect and my spouse is not perfect, but we will seek to complete each other.

 I acknowledge my mistakes in the past and from this point forward will see to resolve or make reconciliation for my past mistakes.

 I acknowledge my relationship with my spouse influences my relationship with my/our children.

 I acknowledge the health of my marriage influences many other parts of my life (work, children, friends, television, radio, books, etc.).

 I acknowledge I can have the best marriage possible with work, sacrifice, communication, servant hood and love.

________________________________________ __________________

(Signed) (Date)

My Marriage Expectations

List your marriage expectations:

 _________________________________________________________________

📷

Honoring Marriage

Likewise, when you face busy times or difficult seasons with your spouse, it's important to remember your favorite things about your marriage.

The apostle Paul gave a similar directive when he wrote, "Let marriage be held in honor among all" (). But what does it mean to honor marriage?

The word honor means to highly value something — to appreciate, cherish and recognize it as a priceless treasure. says, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." This verse suggests that honor is primarily a matter of the heart. So in marriage, it involves recognizing the beauty and worth of your relationship with your spouse and thendoing something to put that recognition and appreciation into action. It's about dedication, heart and soul, to building strong foundational qualities into your marriage relationship.

Lay the foundation

Here’s a list of 5 traits that are considered fundamental to every thriving marriage. These traits bear a special relevance to the subject of honoring your relationship with your mate. Consider the following:

Nourishing your marriage is about discovering your mate's "love language" and learning to speak it. These actions will involve shoring up your spouse's strengths, supplementing his or her weaknesses and "encouraging one another daily" (, NIV).

Maintaining a lifelong commitment — a full and earnest investment of your whole heart — flows out of what you treasure. You invest in whatever it is that you esteem. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word wholehearted as "marked by complete earnest commitment." Complete. Earnest. Wholehearted commitment begins when you recognize the incredible value of your relationship.

Spending enjoyable time together. Thriving couples are intentional about making time for each other. It's crucial that you schedule regular date nights and outings, develop meaningful traditions and family rituals, and know how to maintain a healthy balance between togetherness and independence.

Being community minded. It takes a village to sustain a marriage. It’s vital to regularly connect with like-minded couples who are committed to your relationship. To have a thriving marriage, you need to realize your need for other people as well as their need for you, stay engaged with nurturing communities of all kinds and make a special point of maintaining an active involvement in the local church.

Recognize your favorite things

Once you've built these foundational characteristics into the groundwork of your marriage, you can get down to the practical task of honoring your marriage on an everyday basis. Get together with your spouse and make a list of what you value about your relationship — your "favorite things." See how many you can come up with. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Having fun and laughing together

Loving someone with all my heart

Being liked and loved

Enjoying the combined effect of the synergy between us — we are able to do so much more together than we could do alone

Sharing affection for each other

Pursuing God together

Being real and authentic

Raising our children together

Being challenged to become a better person

Making memories together

Sharing inside jokes

Pursuing dreams

Having someone to celebrate with

Sharing the deepest levels of intimacy and connection — sex

Knowing someone deeply and being deeply known by another

Serving together

Being with my best friend

Having a helpmate to share life's responsibilities

Feeling safe and secure

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