Family, Ordained by God

Introduction

Paul has been telling us that believers should live lives that are different. That is true of every area of our life. No place is that seen more than in the family.

It is sad that the statistics for families of believes is not much different than for non-believers. So how should we be different?

Well, in our passage today Paul is going to tell us how wives, husbands, children, and parents should interact.

Paul begins by talking to wives. If you have your Bibles turn with me to Ephesians chapter 5, and we’ll begin reading at verse 22.

Ephesians 5:22–24 NIV84

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives

Paul says that wives are to submit to their husbands. The word “submit” has been misused through the years so this morning I want us to look and see what it actually means.

The word “submit” is a military term which means to voluntarily place yourself under the command of another.

The wife is told to submit “as to the Lord.” This does not mean for her to submit like she submits to the Lord Jesus, but rather her submission to her husband is actually an expression of her submission to the Lord.

The idea of submission does not imply a second class citizen, or any kind of inequality. Rather it implies a sense of order. Submission is natural in the realm of order.

She also ends up submitting to someone who is obviously imperfect and sometimes not even right.

Next Paul turns to husbands. Now there is something that I find interesting. He devotes three verses to women. Just three—verses 22, 23, and 24.

But to husbands he devotes 9 verses. Three times more than he does to the wives.

Husbands

Ephesians 5:25–33 NIV84

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:25-

In Paul’s world, the idea of the wife submitting would have been easily accepted. However, in that day, the husband had NO responsibility to the wife. Perhaps that is why he devoted more verses to the husband’s situation.

The first thing Paul tells the husband is that he is to love his wife unconditionally. The word used here is “agapao.”

Because Paul uses the word “agapao” means more than loving her sexually (eros) and more than just familial love (philia).

Because Paul uses the word “agapao” means more than loving her sexually (eros) and more than just familial (philia).

Since Paul uses agapao it makes sense that Paul would encourage husbands to love his wife “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” It mean husbands are to unconditionally love their wives with a sacrificial love—a protecting love. A love that protects the other person at all costs.

In fact, husbands are to love their wives like they would their own body— “no one ever heated his own body, but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church. . .”

Finally, Paul reinforces the husband’s love by reminding the Husband of the fact that God ordained marriage, therefore it is God who gets to describe how marriage should look— “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

Paul takes a minute and addresses the offspring of the husband and wife—children.

Children

Ephesians 6:1–3 NIV84

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Ephesians 6:1-

First they are told to obey. It really is a simple word, and it means to do what one is told.

Obedience comes because Paul says it is “right.”

Next, children are told to “Honor your father and mother.” Here Paul quotes the 5th commandment, reminding children that they are to bring obey with the proper attitude.

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Because Paul uses the word “agapao” means more than loving her sexually (eros) and more than just familial (philia). It mean

In general those children who obey and honor will end up living a long life.

Finally we come to fathers (parents).

Parents

Ephesians

Ephesians 6:4 NIV84

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Fathers is probably translated better as “Parents.”

When it says, “do not exasperate your children. . .” could be translated “do not provoke your children to anger.”

Instead, parents are to lead their children in the training, discipline, and instruction of the Lord.

So Parents need to focus on helping their children learn and live for the Lord Jesus in such a way that our children want to follow our lead.

So What?

Families of believers should be different from families in the world. The way husband and wives deal with each other ought to be vastly different.

The way parents deal with their children should be different.

And the main difference that we should see should be the love of Jesus in us and through us!