Getting Help Along the Way
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INTRODUCTION
NIrV9 In your heart you plan your life. But the Lord decides where your steps will take you.
Sometimes what we think we want to be when we grow up changes. I always thought I would be an Attorney when I was growing up—my Mom said it was because I liked to argue.[Ask these questions]What would you like to be when you grow up? How will you feel if God has a different plan?Having big dreams for your future is a great thing! It keeps us focused on pursuing our dreams. But if God has another dream for you, trust Him it will not only be better, because he knows you better than you can ever know yourself.
22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
INTRODUCTION
I believe… One of the most difficult things in life is to know what you do not know.
One of the most difficult things in life is to know what you don’t know.
What do you think? Do you think that’s true?
We’ve been learning the past few weeks simple formulas for getting from where we are to where we want to be.
We learned: direction not intention determines destination. Getting from point A to point B involves more than hopes and dreams—it involves choosing a path.
We learned life is a series of mid-course corrections. A prudent person sees danger, and does not ignore it and tries to avoid it. But the Simple just keep on going.
We’ve learned that one of the most common mistakes in determining which fork to take on the road is trusting our hearts, because our hearts often lie to us. We learned we need to trust God, not our own understanding.
We’ve learned we need to trust God, not our own understanding.
Today, I want us to learn an essential lesson for success along the path. The lesson has to do with figuring out what you DO NOT know.
How do you do that? HOW do you discover what you DO NOT know to avoid problems you never saw coming?
Fortunately Solomon, the author of Proverbs, gave us some guidance with this as well.
22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
22 Refuse good advice and watch your plans fail; take good counsel and watch them succeed.
So, how can you know what you do not know?
, he wrote:
Plans fail for lack of counsel,
but with many advisers they succeed.
By seeking advice from “advisers!” Specifically, seeking advice from the RIGHT advisers.
So, how can you know what you don’t know? – You seek advice from “advisers.” Specifically, you seek the right advice from the RIGHT advisers.
You might say, “Well that makes perfect sense, so why we don’t we seek advice?”
A careful reading of Wisdom Literature reveals it’s because of ignorance, pride, and laziness!
IGNORANCE is demonstrated when we think we already know what we need to know.
PRIDE is demonstrated when we give the APPEARANCE we know, and really we don’t have a clue.
LAZINESS (slothfulness) is when we think it’s just too much work to figure out who to ask, what the options are, or how to get advice.
When we think it’s just too much work to figure out who to ask, what the options are, or how to get advice.
When we fail to weigh out arguments because it requires too much work and may require us to change our mind
When we do any of these three, we often move forward with our own plans; and, then we fail or we’re less effective than we would have been.
At other times we get counsel, but we get inferior counsel because we take it from the wrong people.
Sometimes we give the appearance of seeking counselors, but we really ask the YES PEOPLE—those are the who tell us what we want to hear! Their counsel is inferior, because they don’t have the integrity to tell the truth!
ILLUSTRATON
When someone comes to me for counsel and argues with my advice, I’m cautious of them in the future. When they come a second time, after not following the guidance the first time, I ask them four questions:
1. Are you seeking my advice or are just wanting me to agree with you?
2. Who else have you asked, and what did they say?
3. You say you really want advice, then are you going to use it, or will just blow me off when I give advice that’s hard?
4. If you weigh out the options and choose your path, will you own it or blame me if you fail?
Why we don’t seek advice from wise counselors?
Normally it’s it’s because...
It’s easier to get advice from our friends.
2. It’s easier to follow the herd.
It’s easier to follow the herd.
It’s easier to copy what our parents did.
Andy Stanley writes:
I am constantly amazed at how resistant people are to take their cues from people who are where they want to be. But I’m even more amazed at how quick the average person is to borrow a page or two from someone who’s never been where they want to be. How about the parents who parent like their parents and wonder why their kids are turning out the same way they did?
And then there are the couples who treat each other the way they saw their moms and dads treat each other and wonder why they are just as unhappy as their parents were. These are people who have a good idea of where they want to be but are content to follow a map used by those who’ve never been there.
This happens all the time among my friends. The great thing about having friends who share your season of life is that you have so much in common. But the downside to that is they aren’t much farther down the road of life than you are. Friends are great for friendship. They aren’t always great at giving advice.
Another Author (Munson) wrote:
We want to make changes that improve our future, but we often keep making the same decisions, based on the same flawed foundation. We want change, but we are only want those changes that produces a pleasant PRESENT experience!
So, how do we get good advice that enables us to know what we do not know?
Solomon says,
Solomon says,
5 let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance—
Wise people listen to counsel and get wiser. Discerning people listen to guidance and get further along their path.
...let the wise listen and add to their learning,
and let the discerning get guidance ().
Wise people listen to counsel and get wiser. Discerning people listen to guidance and get further along their path.
So, What is the Secret to Getting GOOD COUNSEL?
So, What is the Secret to Getting GOOD COUNSEL?
1. Knowing that you will ALWAYS need good counsel!
No one gets to the place where they no longer need wise counsel. No matter how old you are or what you’ve experienced, you ALWAYS need wise counselors!
The comedian said, “At that point, I became a presidential advisor.” He suggested the president order the pastrami on rye, hold the mayo.
Even presidents need advisors. The first secret to getting good counsel is to be open to it. Wise people listen and add to their learning.
2. The Secret to Getting Good Counsel is: Asking more than one person’s advice.
14 Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.
For lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make victory sure ().
Notice the word Solomon inserts before advisors in this Proverb? “Many” NOT one, but “MANY!”
Here’s something that’s going to sound really obvious to you: most of the really important decisions in your life... seem really important to you. Isn’t that so?
And most important decisions seem to have a sense of urgency to them. They’re so important they dominate our thinking. They’re with us all the time, so we want to make those decisions as quickly as possible.
LOOK at the verse again, Solomon says,
14 Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.
14 Where there is no guidance, a nation falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.
14 Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory.
Perov 11:14
When we have an important decision to make, Solomon says, “Get advice!”
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“Many advisers make victory sure” ().
“Many advisers make victory sure.” When the decision is important, ask more than one person for advice.
3. The Secret to Getting Good Counsel is: Not letting pride keep you from admitting what you don’t know.
10 Arrogant know-it-alls stir up discord, but wise men and women listen to each other’s counsel.
10 Pride only leads to arguing. But those who take advice are wise.
Pride is the number one enemy of good decisions! Successful people are open to the fact that they don’t know everything they need to know and are quick to go to people who do.
Pride may be the number one enemy of good decisions! Successful people are open to the fact that they don’t know everything they need to know and are quick to go to people who do.
Solomon describes this in
15 Fools are headstrong and do what they like; wise people take advice.
when he says: The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.
Examples:
A fool takes a path that seems right, Then a friend comes along and says, “I’m worried about the direction you’re headed.”
-The fool says, “I’ve got it handled , don’t worry about me.”
— The fool says, “I’ve got it handled , don’t worry about me.”
-The wise man says, “What do you see?”
— The wise man says, “What do you see?”
A Father says to his son, “I’m worried about some of the habits you’re developing.”
— The foolish son says, “Leave me alone, Dad.”
- The foolish son says, “Leave me alone, Dad.”
- The wise son says, “Tell me what you’re seeing.”
— The wise son says, “Tell me what you’re seeing.”
A mom comes to her daughter and says, “I think your behavior could get you into trouble someday.”
— The foolish daughter says, “Mom, you are so old-fashioned.”
— The wise daughter says, “Tell me what you’re seeing.”
A supervisor comes to an employee and says, “I know this is none of my business, but can I give you some advice?”
A supervisor comes to an employee and says, “I know this is none of my business, but can I give you some advice?”
— The foolish employee says, “If it’s none of your business.”
— The wise employee says, “I need all the advice and counsel I can get.”
Why do people ignore advice and those who care about them when they are on the wrong path?
They often think they have to decide right now! And they are too proud to listen to other!
The Bible tells the story of a young king named Rehoboam. ()
Background: Rehoboam has just become king, and the people feel like they have been worked far too hard by his predecessor. So before they allow him to be crowned as king, they ask him to lighten up on his demands for their labor.
5 Rehoboam replied, “Come back in three days for my answer.” So the people went away. 6 Then King Rehoboam discussed the matter with the older men who had counseled his father, Solomon. “What is your advice?” he asked. “How should I answer these people?” 7 The older counselors replied, “If you are good to these people and do your best to please them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your loyal subjects.” 8 But Rehoboam rejected the advice of the older men and instead asked the opinion of the young men who had grown up with him and were now his advisers. 9 “What is your advice?” he asked them. “How should I answer these people who want me to lighten the burdens imposed by my father?” 10 The young men replied, “This is what you should tell those complainers who want a lighter burden: ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist! 11 Yes, my father laid heavy burdens on you, but I’m going to make them even heavier! My father beat you with whips, but I will beat you with scorpions!’ ” 12 Three days later Jeroboam and all the people returned to hear Rehoboam’s decision, just as the king had ordered. 13 But Rehoboam spoke harshly to them, for he rejected the advice of the older counselors 14 and followed the counsel of his younger advisers. He told the people, “My father laid heavy burdens on you, but I’m going to make them even heavier! My father beat you with whips, but I will beat you with scorpions!” 15 So the king paid no attention to the people. This turn of events was the will of God, for it fulfilled the Lord’s message to Jeroboam son of Nebat through the prophet Ahijah from Shiloh. 16 When all Israel realized that the king had refused to listen to them, they responded, “Down with the dynasty of David! We have no interest in the son of Jesse. Back to your homes, O Israel! Look out for your own house, O David!” So all the people of Israel returned home. 17 But Rehoboam continued to rule over the Israelites who lived in the towns of Judah. 18 King Rehoboam sent Adoniram, who was in charge of forced labor, to restore order, but the people of Israel stoned him to death. When this news reached King Rehoboam, he quickly jumped into his chariot and fled to Jerusalem. 19 And to this day the northern tribes of Israel have refused to be ruled by a descendant of David.
2 CHron 10
5 Rehoboam answered, “Come back to me in three days.” So the people went away.
6 Then King Rehoboam consulted the elders who had served his father Solomon during his lifetime. “How would you advise me to answer these people?” he asked.
7 They replied, “If you will be kind to these people and please them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants.”
8 But Rehoboam rejected the advice the elders gave him and consulted the young men who had grown up with him and were serving him. 9 He asked them, “What is your advice? How should we answer these people who say to me, ‘Lighten the yoke your father put on us’?”
10 The young men who had grown up with him replied, “Tell the people who have said to you, ‘Your father put a heavy yoke on us, but make our yoke lighter’-tell them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist. 11 My father laid on you a heavy yoke; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.’ “
12 Three days later Jeroboam and all the people returned to Rehoboam, as the king had said, “Come back to me in three days.” 13 The king answered them harshly. Rejecting the advice of the elders, 14 he followed the advice of the young men and said, “My father made your yoke heavy; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.” 15 So the king did not listen to the people, for this turn of events was from God, to fulfill the word the LORD had spoken to Jeroboam son of Nebat through Ahijah the Shilonite.
16 When all Israel saw that the king refused to listen to them, they answered the king: “What share do we have in David, what part in Jesse’s son? To your tents, O Israel! Look after your own house, O David!” So all the Israelites went home. 17 But as for the Israelites who were living in the towns of Judah, Rehoboam still ruled over them.
17 But as for the Israelites who were living in the towns of Judah, Rehoboam still ruled over them.
So all the Israelites went home. 17 But as for the Israelites who were living in the towns of Judah, Rehoboam still ruled over them.
18 King Rehoboam sent out Adoniram, who was in charge of forced labor, but the Israelites stoned him to death. King Rehoboam, however, managed to get into his chariot and escape to Jerusalem. 19 So Israel has been in rebellion against the house of David to this day.
After hearing their request, Rehoboam made three very smart decisions.
(1) He asked for time to decide what to do. He was wise enough to know that this was not a time for a rushed decision.
(2) He sought advice in making the decision. He chose to listen before he decided.
(3) He listened to many counselors, not just one, and not even just one group.
HOWEVER, Rehoboam still had a major problem; and it started with himself! He was NOT interested in actual advice! He wanted the same thing most people want who seek advice! HE WANTED CONFIRMATION OF HIS OWN OPINION!
He wanted confirmation of his own opinion.
He ignored those who were older and wiser!
He ignored the the fact these same men had advised his father who was the wisest and richest king of his day.
He ignored those what had the traveled the right path, and took the advice of those who had never been there!
Rehoboam’s entire life is the history of a foolish leader who ignores good counsel! His pride kept him from listening to sound counsel—he thought NO ONE knew more than him!
BE WARNED: When you meet someone who knows it all—you have met a fool! DON’T listen to them!
4. The Secret to Getting Good Counsel? Taking counsel from those who have been where you want to go!
Your life and mine are on paths. Paths that either lead us toward where we want to go or away from where we want to go.
The secret to getting good counsel is first knowing that you need it, then seeking it from multiple reliable sources, and truly listening to those sources to learn what you didn’t even know you didn’t know, and most importantly, taking counsel from the right people. From people we respect, who have arrived where we want to go with their character and reputations intact.
There is a real difference between the right road and the easy road. The easy road is the ignorant road that the Simple travel! The Simple do not seek counsel, and ignore the counsel they’re offered.
The wise man and wise woman seek counsel from wise people, listen to it, heed it, and walk a path that leads to where they want to go.
Parents, imagine what we could learn, and what heartaches we could save our children if we counseled with successful seasoned parents?
Students, imagine how much better you will enter the work force if you linked with someone older, someone you admire and asked them their advice on things like how to study, how to approach homework, which classes to take, and what college or graduate school to attend?
Employees, imagine the steps you could save if you sought advice from people of character and success in your field and asked for guidance once in a while.
It’s really NOT that hard!
ILLUSTRATION
Several years ago I got some advice from an older Pastor: Paul Rutledge.
Paul was a great pastor and I highly respected hime. When I left Hawaii headed for Yuma Proving Ground, he told me to be open to the doors the Lord would open and listen to older co-laborers in ministry. He told me I was young and needed guidance, but God would provide the right people when I needed them.
Shortly after arriving at Yuma, the phone rang and it was Walker Goad. A rough, blunt, former Command Sergeant Major. A WWII Vet and one of the original Rangers, who fought in three wars.
Paul’s advice made me say, “Yes!” To Walker’s offer to become his Associate and learn everything I could for him. Walker’s council over the two years I served as his Associate, stripped away false pride and gave me a foundation to build on. Both Paul and Walker’s investment in my life have carried me to this day!
James Zeltner provided advice to young pastors who listened to him, tell of his victories and mistakes in ministry. I owe James because his advice kept me form making serious ministry mistakes and gave me the courage to stand up for what is right.
I owe LeRoy French, 20 years older than me, because his council provided guidance through a difficult pastorate.
And I owe Herbert Barnett, 40 years older than me, who gave me good council when becoming an Army Chaplain!
Some of us wonder why our plans fail so often?
Honestly, our plans often fail because we sabotage them with our own pride and arrogance that thinks we know it all. Many of our plans fail because they’re not the best plans. They’re conceived in the vacuum of our own minds, void of counselors who could point out the problems.
God’s Word says,
22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed ().
What will you do with this advice today?
Keep going it alone? Or will you seek the council of those who walked the path before you?
My Counsel to you:
Come back next week. Solomon has just a few more lessons to teach us.
2. Read the book of Proverbs. Make a commitment today to finish the book in the next three weeks, then reread it each month.
Ask God to show you the counselors He has for you.
3. Ask God to show you the counselors He has for you.
4. Seek advice from someone who is where you want to be.
5. Follow Jesus! He’s the ONLY One who walked the path perfectly!
Seek advice from someone who is where you want to be.
Follow Jesus! He’s the ONLY One who ever walked the path perfectly!
Closing
Closing
Have you ever noticed while Jesus was on the earth, the phrase he used more often than any other was “Follow me.”
That’s a directional statement, isn’t it? “Follow me.”
Walk behind me. Walk the path I’m walking. “Come to me,” he says, “all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. For the yoke I will place upon you on the road we will walk together is easy, and the burden I will give you will seem light. For I am gentle and humble of heart, and as you follow me, you will find rest for your souls.”