SM08 breaking free (Romans) 102107 part01
Doug Bullock
October 20, 21, 2007
IN n the jungles of India , in logging camps, there are many huge elephants chained to a tiny stake. If you chain a baby elephant to a stake that it absolutely cannot move and keep that poor animal chained to different stakes AND follow with diligent punishment of the elephant every time that he even thinks about pulling against the stake THEN by the time the elephant is full grown at 2 or 3 years old, you will be able to chain him with stake the size of a big toothpick ... for the other 60 or 7o years of the captive elephant's life ... he will not pull up the stake ... in fact, that elephant cannot be trained to pull up the stake.
How does this happen? Elephants never forget. And as a baby elephant grows older, she never forgets the failure of freeing herself from being tied down. She remembers the pain. And so, even when she grows up and finds that she is anchored to a spot again, she would think that its impossible to become free, and not even try to break free! But as they grow bigger and stronger, they are mentally still tied to that stake
The problem is, every human is also affected by some such "elephantal stakes. Emotional and spiritual barriers that keep us from experiencing the life God wants for them to have. What are your stakes?
Today I want to talk about one powerful and prevalent stake. It is shame. Shame keeps us tied to the past, and it prevents us from moving ahead.
Today I want us to read a passage from Romans 7, and then to address the issue of shame.
Doug, this passage does not mention shame. You are right. But it does mention condemnation. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
Shame comes because we feel under condemnation. If in chirst we can live a life without condemnation, then we ought to be able to live without shame. If we can get to the place where we know how to deal with the condemnation we feel, then we can be freed from shame.
Lets read Romans 7:15-8:5- out of the message
Do you feel like you live under a continuous low flying black cloud- that sounds like shame. How do we deal with it?
How do I deal with shame? The first thing do is ask myself the question, Have I sinned?. I don’t mean in a general way, because we have all sinned, but the question is, is sin, causing me to feel shame. Unless I have sinned, I don’t want to feel shame. A lot of people feel shame, but they have done nothing shameful.
Let’s say the answer is yes. Yes-
Identify the sin
Put a chapter or a verse on it. It is very important to be able to clearly identify the sin. Sometimes it is easy. I violate a clear scripture.
Eph 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them It is easy to see when I have done this. I do something boneheaded and they get angry.
Sometimes it is not clear. Romans 12:10 Honor one another above yourselves
You cannot deal with a sin unless you can identify it. You cannot identify a sin unless you can put a chapter and a verse on it..
Take responsibility for it
If I have a sinned, I think it is helpful just to take time and admit it. To let it sink in.
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do
I sin. I did this. I am dealing with shame. But I t did it.
Proclaim forgiveness
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus… 3 For what the law was powerless to do. It was powerless to make me right with God. It was powerless to deal with my condemnation. But god did it. How? …. God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.
The law was powerless to make me right with god, but god did. I am forgiven. For all my sin. By God. Forever. Proclaim it.
Romans 4:5 But people are counted as righteous, not because of their work, but because of their faith in God who forgives sinners. (NLT)
If you stay in shame you are making light of what Christ has done!
Confess it to others, especially those affected by it
James 5:1`6 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other
Make amends as much as possible.
Stealing a blanket from the salvation army
When your shame is caused by sin, this will help you to deal with it
But it is possible we can feel shame and we have done nothing to cause it. The answer to “have I sinned?” is a “no”
NO- there are sometimes when I am unable to identify anything that I have done wrong. Yet I feel shame
I think that there are two situations
1- abuse – very often when people are being abused, physically, emotionally, and sexually they have a sense of strong and powerful shame. Maybe some of you are there. You feel ashamed guilty, dirty. You don’t know what you have done wrong, but you figure you must have done something, or else you would not feel such shame. These feelings are often wrong.
If you were abused as a child physically or sexually, you did not do anything that was deserving of this treatment. Shame about that treatment is totally inappropriate.
Remember, too, that the shame has been carefully implanted in you by the perpetrator.
There are two reasons for this: first, that is how he got his pleasure; by making you feel ashamed. Second, that is how he hoped to keep you from reporting the act to someone who had power over him.
No matter what the perp said to you, it was wrong. Nothing he said was true; everything he said was a lie to serve himself. It made him feel good and it made him feel safe. As long as the shame persists, it is giving him power. If you reject the shame, you are taking a major step in fighting back. If you reject the shame, you will make him feel bad, and you will make him feel unsafe. If you reject the shame, you will be taking power away from him, and empowering yourself.
Talking about abuse is never easy. But if you talk to an expert, the expert will know that there is no guilt on your head, and no shame either. The expert will know how deeply you have been wounded, and will know how completely unfair the situation was to you. The expert will admire you for having survived, and for having the courage to step forward and talk about it.
There is a second situation where I feel shame and you have not sinned. It occurs when someone tells you that you have not done enough
Some time ago a woman coming to church approached me. “I cannot come anymore. Why not? I can’t do all that you are asking me to do, I cannot do enough, and I leave each week feeling bad.”
This is never our intent, but I can see how it could happen.
Get in a small group
Read your devotionals
Go to el Salvador
Participate in the coat drive
Attend woman bible study
Come to the place course
Come to church on time
1st service- shame into coming forward
“I have not seen you around in a while”
If you take everything I say, as a personal word from god, then you will feel all kinds of shame.
There are other kinds of shame
Mom shame- kids don’t act well
Women shame- do not have the body they want
Men shame- do not have the job you want
It is a lie- you are being held by a false stake
I have to fight this shame as well, because I can very easily feel, that I did not do enough
Did I pray enough?
Did I call that person who has not been to church?- (mdeal with my shame, brings shame to you?)
Did I lead well enough?
Did I study enough?
These are not abstract questions, but they are very real questions that come to my mind whenever the wheels fall off of some bodies life. I say did we “do enough”.
You know what I discover? The enough bucket is never full.
The law condemns. Romans 7:11 sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death.
Even the teachings of Jesus can condemn. Matt 22:37- “love the lord your god with all of you heart mind soul and strenght”
Love your neighbor as yourself.”
So I must say. This shame is false.
Sometimes you need help
Third thing to say is I don’t know
Sit with a person and say – a have a lot of shame over this or that. Did I do something wrong here?
You have no idea how helpful it is to have someone say “you did nothing wrong”
Doug, a number of times you have said we “Need help” Where do we get it?
Best answer I know is celebrate recovery.
People-
Process
It took me 15 years to get growth I could have gotten in 1 year at celebrate.
Meets on Thursday nights
After determining if sin has caused this shame there is a second thing to do
What do you notice in these verses?
Look at Romans 7:15,18,19,22
Yes there is a struggle
The struggle is often lost
But I want to do good.
2 Affirm my desire to walk with God
The spirit of god is in me and I want to do good
Best way you can affirm this is with your self talk
The most shame producing word is “should”
When you talk to yourself in that way it drives in shame because the implication is that you don’t want to. But you do. You delight in god’s law. Because the spirit of god is in you- you can say “I want to”.
I want to read bible, serve, go to church.
Then you can say “I want to do it all, but I can’t”
Jon bohm- knew a person who wanted to commit suicide because he lived in so much shame due to the shoulds.
When I hear myself say “I should”, I correct, myself- I want to. I have new identity- inchrist.
What if I don’t want to?
Go to church
Benefits- hear word, praise god, and see friends. Kids are kinder, get them away from computer, Plus I am the pastor, and I don’t want to get fired.
Sometimes I decide I want to do certain things, simply because I want to avoid the consequences of not doing them
What if say “We have been running all weekend, we need time as a family”. I don’t want to come. Don’t come.
Some of you come from a background where shame was a big part of the motivation. You come ot church toavoid shame. Stay home for a week and see if you want to come or not.
Pull up the stake
When I call you up and say “where you been?”- I don’t want to come
The highest motivation is desire, not duty
Change coats
3- Learn to relay upon His Spirit
Romans 8:3
And so he condemned sin in sinful man,d 4 in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit. [1]
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d Or in the flesh
[1]The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984 (electronic ed.) (Ro 8:3-4). Grand Rapids: Zondervan.